We were ready.
Ross was positioned to the right of the stage. Adam was to the left. Matty was up the front in the middle and George was up the back behind his drum kit. Brittany and I were angled to face the left behind Matty and next to George. Brittany was wearing a black mini skirt and a black crop top, as well as black six-inch heels. I spotted Tyler in the front row, with a The 1975 shirt on and denim high waisted shorts. She screamed with the rest of the fans, grinning at me. She winked at George.
Matty had his hands resting on the mic and was looking down. All the guys were ready, smiling. I looked over at Brittany and saw her taking a deep breath. I smiled at her, she'd actually been pleasant tonight. She'd said hi to me, smiled, even said good luck before the show. I started to think she'd changed.
The fans were screaming, getting excited. I grinned. I saw a few girls were staring at Brittany and I, some smiling and some glaring. I heard a few yelling "Who's the girl?"
"Hello, we're The 1975," Matty said, smiling out at the crowd.
"We love you Matty!" They screamed.
"You might have noticed that we have two new additions to our band?" Matty said.
"Who's the girls, who's the girls," they chanted.
"This is Billie and Brittany, say hello," he said. We waved at the fans and they screamed.
"Okay, well, we're going to play some songs for you now. Are you ready?" He asked them, grinning.
The fans screamed, it was deafening. I loved it.
Then we started to sing.
We did Head.Cars.Bending first, then carried in with the whole set.
It was hard work, but it was the best work I'd ever done in my entire life. I got to do what I loved, with the best people in the world. It was enough to make me cry. I was so happy, the happiest I'd been in years. I loved this so much. I couldn't afford to lose it.
I'd noticed Brittany kept winking and smiling at a particular guy. He was a guy from the security department. He was buff, with tanned skin, and he was tall. He looked like the perfect Ken for Brittany.
About half way through the set Matty was singing Woman and the rest of us went off stage. It was just him, up on stage, with his hair up in a ponytail and his leather jacket discarded on the floor next to him. He had a smoke in his hand as he strummed the guitar in front of him.
I really needed to go to the toilet, so I found my way to the ladies' and opened the door. In front of me was Brittany pressed up against the bathroom wall, with the security guy. Her legs were wrapped around his waist and he was feeling her up. Her crop top was discarded on the bathroom sink, leaving her in only her bra. Her lipstick was smeared all over the guys cheeks and neck. he was undoing his belt...
I gasped and closed the door quickly, rushing back to the stage where Matty was still singing. Adam was sitting on a black stool off to the side of the stage and when he saw me coming out of the bathroom he asked "Hey, Billie, is Brit in there? Haven't seen her anywhere since we went off." He said. I went to say something but stopped myself. "Umm. N-no. She's not in there. Haven't seen her either. S-Sorry." I said. I won't ruin this gig. I'll tell him after, I thought. At least then he'll be able to finish the gig.
I bit my lip as Matty turned around and smiled at me as he finished the song. He came off stage for a quick second to finish his smoke and re-tune his guitar before we started to sing Girls.
I ignored the looks every ten seconds from Brittany. After Girls Brittany grabbed my arm, despite my protests, and whisper-yelled to me "Please, please, please. Do not tell Adam. Please, Billie." She pleaded. I shook my head. "You know Brittany, tonight, for a second, I thought you were actually nice. I thought you were being pleasant. But you ruined any chance in this band now that you've cheated on Adam. Nice knowing you" I said, shaking out of her grasp and going back to my mic for the last few songs.
Once we finished the whole set, the boys went down to meet and take pictures with a few fans. After five minutes, they started to scream: "We want to meet the girls!" Brittany and I laughed nervously and went down to the fans. Some wanted pictures and a few wanted my autograph. I was shocked. They liked me. One fan shouted "Are you and Matty dating?" Matty laughed and mumbled "Not yet". I blushed.
After the quick meet and greet, the guys packed up their insruments and we hung out backstage for a bit. I decided to pull Adam to the side and tell him, not tell everyone at once. Tyler was here too. She was still in her The 1975 shirt, and she suited it. "I think we should make you our official band merch model." Goerge said, pulling her onto his lap. I smiled weakly. I felt sick. I didn't want to have to adam that his girlfriend had cheated on him. But if I didn't no one else would. Brittany certainly wouldn't. She'd see both guys and probably a third within a month. I don't understand how people could be like that. If I commit to someone, I invest everything into it. I give them my heart. I couldn't deal with seeing two people at once, or having someone see me and another girl. It'd be too much.
I think Matty noticed I was looking freaked out, because he grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the small room where the other guys were out into a small hallway.
"You're not okay. What's happened?" He asked, putting his hands on my shoulders.
"I don't know if I should tell him or not." I said absentmindedly. Matty looked at me, unsure and confused. I was somewhere else. I was freaking out, and my body couldn't deal with it. It was too much. But I fought through it. I will not break down, I thought. I will not break down, I will not break down, I will not break down.
"Brittany cheated on Adam." I blurted out, just as a laughing Adam stumbled out of the room with his arm slung around Brittany. He heard me. His face darkened. His posture straightened.
"What?" he asked, taking his arm off Brittany.
"Adam. It's not true, she's ly-" Brittany started, holding up her hands defensively.
"No, Brittany, you're the liar. Get out. I don't want to see you again." Adam said, stepping away from her and coming closer to Matty and I.
"But...how will I get home? Youy drove me here." She said. She cheated on him and all she cared about was getting home? "Maybe your fuck-buddy can give you a ride. Oh wait - he already did." Adam said angrily.
Brittany's eyes welled up but she refused to let the tears fall. She stalked away, out of the venue. I exhaled. "You alright, Bill?" Adam asked. I nodded. "You alright?" I asked. He nodded, squeezing my hand and walking back into the room. Matty was stood beside me, refusing to let go of my hand. "Are you okay Billie?" He asked. I nodded and gulped. He smiled and held me close to him. I was enveloped in his arms, I never wanted to leave. I almost said that I really really liked him. Told him my real feelings. But I stopped myself. I couldn't. Wouldn't. Shouldn't. I just didn't know.
After we packed up all of the stuff, everyone went their separate ways. I had to go back to Matty's to get my car. Matty drove me to his place, and then I said goodbye. He had been asking me to stay over at his place for the night the whole drive. "C'mon, Billie. Please. This house is lonely." He pouted. I sighed. "I don't have anything to wear," I said. "I'll give you pyjamas and you can go home tomorrow. Please?" He begged. I smiled. "But I have to go-" I started. "No, you don't. You're staying here." He said, picking me up and carrying me to his front door. I grinned and smacked his arm. "Matty, no. I have to go. Come on. I'll stay another hour." I said.
"Or two," Matty said, grinning.
I sighed and let him drag me inside. "Tea, love?" he asked. I smiled and nodded gratefully. He made our usual tea, like he did every day. I liked our routine.
Once he made our tea, and came back into the loungeroom, we got comfy on his couch with a million blankets and started to just talk.
"So what happened back there?" he asked. I took a deep breath.
"I have anxiety, it happens all the time. Don't worry. I'm alright." I said, resting a hand on his arm. He shook head. "It's not alright. I'm here for you, all the time, you know that right?" he asked. I nodded. "No, I mean it. Whether it's three in the morning or one in the afternoon. Just come over, or call me." He said, taking my hand. I gut butterflies. I appreciated it. He really cared about me. He really understood that when I needed him, he'd be there. I appreciated it. No one had ever done something like this for me. Tyler was there, but Matty was here, right in front of me, tell me that he was only a phone call away. I started crying. I broke down into sobs.
"Oh, no, Billie, Don't cry." He said, taking me into his arms. He rubbed my back soothingly and didn't let go of me until I stopped crying. I was choking for breath.
"It's just...no one's ever been there for me like you have, and I've only known you like three weeks. I really appreciate what you just said, Matty. I really do. Thank you." I said, burying my head in the crook of his neck. He smiled. "It's alright." He said.
I straightened up after I'd calmed down. "So, what are your demons?" I asked. "I've told you mine, now you have to share yours." I finished. Matty took a breath, looking down at a blanket and fiddling with a loose string.
"I never think I'm good enough. For anything, anyone. Especially for you." He said, looking up at me. I smiled sadly.
"You're more than enough for me. I always think you're too good for me and that you'll end up with some model." I said. Matty laughed and shook his head.
"I take it all out on myself." He said."All the anger, the hate. I can't deal with it sometimes." He said, shaking his head.
"What do you mean?" I asked. I hoped he didn't mean what I thought he was talking about.
He lifted his sleeve and there they were, thin, small scars, all over his arm. I didn't know how I missed them before. I was always so fixated on his face.
"Matty," I breathed, horrified.
"I know. Before you say anything, I haven't done it in a while. The last time was a couple days ago." He said.
"That's a while? What triggered it?" I asked. He bit his lip and pulled at the strings of the fraying blanket.
"It's nothing," he said, without looking up. I was on the verge of tears. He hurt himself, and I had been here to stop him, but I hadn't seen the scars? How could I miss them?
"Matty, tell me. If you're here for me, at any time, I'm here for you," I said, it was my turn to hug him now. He sobbed, quietly, silently, almost. It was just a single sharp exhale, really, but then he was crying. "Matty, Matty, look at me," I said. He looked up, the tears had stopped as soon as they'd started. "Matty, tell me. I'm here, right here, right in front of you, for you." I said, taking his hand.
"It was the day of your first rehearsal. When you said you didn't like anyone in the band, to Brittany. I overheard you. It broke me. I ran out to the creek and just sat there, not quite crying. You came out after me and I felt better, then after I drove you home, I went home and I started thinking. I started thinking about how no one would ever like me, as much as I liked them. I started thinking I wasn't good enough. I believed it, and...I did it." He said, gesturing to the scars. I put a hand over my mouth, horrified. "Matty," I breathed. "Matty. Y-you cut because of m-me?" I stuttered.
"No, not because of you, because of me. But I'm stopping. I've stopped. I've sworn to not do it anymore, no matter what." He said, smiling weakly. I still hadn't gotten over the fact that I had been the cause of all his pain.
"Billie. I'm here, don't leave me now," He said, knowing I was getting lost in my own thoughts.
"Promise me, that if you ever, ever, even think about cutting again, you'll call me, okay?" I asked. Matty nodded, taking me in his arms again. "Matty, I'm right here." I said, just as he said "Billie, I'm right here." We smiled, laughed quietly and hugged tighter.
"Stay here tonight?" He asked, looking down. I nodded without hesitation.
We both couldn't be alone tonight.
"So, you cut because I said I didn't like you?" I asked. Matty nodded. "Why?" I asked.
"Because I like you, Billie. I really like you. And I want to spend all my time with you." He said. "I know that probably sounds creepy and weird, but I don't care. I can't bottle it up anymore. I like you, Billie, like-like you." He said. I blinked back tears. "I like you too," I whispered. And then Matty was lifting my chin up. And he pulled me closer to him. And he kissed me. He kissed me. I got butterflies and cue the fireworks. Our mouths moved in sync, perfectly. It was the best kiss I'd ever had in my life, because it was so honest, so real. After we kissed, we just sat there, contemplating what to say to each other. I was sitting, almost but not quite laying, next to him on his couch, my head on his chest. He was fiddling with my hair with one hand, the other around my waist. "I don't know what I'm supposed to say now, but just to reiterate I really like you Billie." He said as he smiled.
I smiled, closing my eyes, sleep tugging me under. "Goodnight," He said, kissing my forehead.
Guys. I was like seriously close to crying. Agh. So Matty and Billie are sort-of-but-not-quite togther, Brittany's a bitch, Adam is single, and the band is in need of another backup singer. Hmmm... So what's happening next? *rubs hands together madly and cackles* You'll have to wait and see... xx - Anna ♥