Pregnant. My entire world around me begins to cave in. It's almost like being drunk. The bathroom stall tilts and everything gets super fuzzy. Sitting down, I put my head in between my legs and try to breathe.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
I can hear the rhythm of my heartbeat in my ears. A third baby. What the fuck. Acen just turned one! I don't want another kid. Especially by Tye. I mean, yeah sure I like him. But not enough to want to be with him forever. Nonetheless have a child with him. This guy is crazy, and honestly, I want to leave more than anything. I just haven't been able to find a way to leave. This wouldn't even be a problem right now if he would have just let me take my birth control. In the middle of a panic attack, I attempt to pull myself together that way I can go back to work. Count backwards from ten. That's what my old therapist taught me anyways.
Ten...Nine...Eight....Seven....Six....Five....Four... Whoa. Okay. Everything is a little better now. This is probably the worst feeling in the world. I always told myself I'd be done after Acen. I never wanted to be a two babydaddy bitch. That's so ghetto. Plus, once you hit two of them, you're the problem right? Walking back to my desk, I sit down and begin making my calls and just trying to get my day over with. The entire time at work, all I can think about is the fact I'm really pregnant. Jesus, again? Why the fuck am I so fertile. After work, I do my daily routine and pick the boys' up from daycare and head home. Pulling into the apartments, I can see Tye sitting on the front porch smoking a cigarette, as always. That's all he ever does. Doesn't work, doesn't clean, and doesn't do anything.
After I get the kids' out of the car, I walk up to Tye and ask him if we can talk. He turns to me very uninterested and goes, "Everything cool?" Blowing smoke towards my face, he just stands there. His green eyes squinted, like he's trying to figure out if it's good news or bad news. Without saying anything I toss the pregnancy test at him. Tye has cat-like reflexes, so he catches it with one hand. Glancing down, he stares at the test for a good two minutes. He slowly looks up at me and there are tears in his eyes. Smiling the biggest smile I've ever seen him smile, he stands up and hugs me hard. "Oh my god, I'm gonna be a daddy!" My body is stiff. This was not the reaction I was expecting. I am not excited. It dawns on me that this is what he was planning to do the entire time. Get me pregnant and trap me. I fucking hate this guy. I really have never felt so much dislike for someone in my life.
Tye runs over to Leon and Acen and starts telling them how they're going to be big brothers again. Leon is not amused by any means. "No thanks." Acen just stares at him like he's crazy. Trust me boys', I feel the same exact way. My entire family is going to be so disappointed. Pissed. My mom already doesn't really like Tye because she feels like he's using me. "What man sits at home all day while his woman works? A fucking bum, Liz!" I slowly shuffle to the bedroom to just lay in bed. All I can feel is depression. I don't want another baby. I'm definitely not ready. What do I do? I can faintly hear Tye on the phone with his mom, telling her she's going to be a grandma. All of his family lives in Florida conveniently enough. Stressed out, I throw my head into the pillow and fall asleep.
TWO MONTHS LATER
I'm twelve weeks pregnant now. When I told my mom, she lost her shit. The disappointment was clear on her face. I will never forget sitting at the dinner table, eating hamburgers, and finally telling her. Taking a bite of my hamburger, I look up and say quietly, "Mom, we have something to tell you." She looked up very quickly, and narrowed her eyes. Her piercing gray eyes are barely noticeable with how squinted they are. "If you're going to tell me I'm going to be a grandma again, don't fucking say it?" Tye glances over at me. He isn't scared of my mom or anything, but he knows how much her opinion means to me. Smiling sheepishly, I tuck a strand of hair behind my ears. "It's different this time, mom. Tye is really excited and things are going to go good. We promise."
"How? He doesn't even have a fucking job." The vein in her forehead is pulsing. As much as I hate to admit it, she's right. It's everything that I've been worried about these past couple of weeks. My mom is really pissed off. Tye's eyes are bulging out of his head. I know he wants to tell her to shut the fuck up. Or probably put his hands on her, because that's the kind of shit Tye likes to do. The things he does to me that nobody knows about. But he doesn't say anything at all. He just pushes his chair back from the table and walks outside. I watch him light a cigarette and sit down on the swing, shaking his head. His straight blond hair falling into his eyes. Sighing to her, I say, "Really Mom? He's trying. We've known for about a month and a half now. He's been looking for a job and things are going to change. I promise."
"I'll believe it when I see it," and she walks away, taking a bite of her hamburger. After the incident with Brooke, my mom hasn't really liked Tye. Not that I blame her at all. If she knew any of the things he did to me at home, she would be pissed. Tye doesn't let me wear shorts outside or when his friends or over. In fact, if his friends are over, I have to stay in the room. When I stayed after all of that, she told me I was an idiot. It doesn't help that he takes me to work half the time, and just drives around in my car all day. Who the fuck knows what he's actually doing because it's been six months and he still doesn't have a job. He always says that they don't have his specific shift he wants or that whatever staffing agency he goes to doesn't have openings. That's funny, it's almost the holiday season. All warehouses are hiring right now. Tye is just lazy. He doesn't want to work. He wants to become some big rapper even though his music fucking sucks. I don't get it. Over all, my mom would be right. Tye wouldn't change. In fact, shit gets way worse than I would have ever imagined.
When we finally get home, I get the kids' into bed and walk onto the patio to smoke a cigarette. Taking a huge drag, I look up at the sky. It's the pretty orange-blue color that the ending of summer brings. It's September now. Finally getting a moment to sit outside and relax is nice. I don't get this much. Usually, I would drink, but since being pregnant I can't. I'm constantly stressed and walking on eggshells around Tye so I don't piss him off. He really scares me.
SLAM
Hearing the screen door slam open, I see Tye barreling through. "What the fuck is this, Liz? Why the fuck have you been looking Darrin up on Facebook?" Turning my head to reply, I only get partially a word out, "Wha..." He snatches me by the small skin on the back of my arm before I can respond. Tye tosses me into the house so none of the neighbors can see the things he's about to do. Facing him, he grabs my cheeks with one hand and squeezes my face together.
"Why. The. Fuck. Have. You. Been. Looking. DARRIN UP ON FACEBOOK, BITCH."
Tye utters the first couple words through gritted teeth. His face is tomato red and he's shaking. Spit is gathering at the corner of his mouth too. What the fuck is wrong with him? He looks like a rabid dog. Now, I'm terrified. I can't even begin to think straight.
"Tye, the kids'. Stop screaming."
SMACK
He smacks my head into the wall behind me. Everything in the room is spinning now, and the little stars are back. "ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION!" Tye is standing over me, fuming with anger. "I..I..I.. I wanted to see if he had been posting the kids. I've always looked at his page from time to time." I can barely get the sentence out. I'm shaking, holding the back of my head, and now I'm crying. What the fuck. I'm 12 weeks pregnant. What is he doing? He's completely level with me now, to where our faces are right next to each other. Through gritted teeth he replies, "You have me so fucked up, you dumb ass bitch. That probably isnt even my baby is it? Probably that dumb ass dudes." He pokes at my belly hard when he says that and grabs me by the back of my neck. Tye grabs ahold of my tank top straps and lifts me into the air. I'm so high up in the air that I could touch the ceiling. Just by my tank top straps. His big fingers are digging into my shoulders holding me into place on the wall. Tye's eyes have that dead look again. Completely black.
"Ow, you're hurting me Tye. Put me down." Without hesitation, he just drops me. He lets completely go and I tumble to the ground. Hard and fast. The impact hurts. When I dropped, I landed on my right ankle and I can feel it roll. I'm pissed at this point. Livid. I'm fucking pregnant and this is what he does to me? Over Facebook? He really doesn't give a fuck about my kids, his unborn child, or me. Scowling, I stand up and rub under my arms. There are fingermarks burned into my skin already. Ouch. Feels like a sunburn. "You're a fucking lunatic and we are leaving. I'm so fucking done with you." Tye scoffs and replies, "That's fine bitch, get your kids and get the fuck out. Watch your back too. I'm going to make sure I get someone to beat your ass. Fucking skank." My head snaps up. Laughing, I say, "Okay, you do that. But just wait until my brother finds out what you did to me and that his nephews were here. He's going to kill you.
There wasn't even a second before Tye is standing directly in front of me. Looming. His shadow towers over me, and I look up to him. I laugh in his face. "Oh what? Did that bother you? Poor little Tye worried now? Such a little bitch when it comes to another man, but you can beat up on me all the time. You fucking punk."
Something must have snapped in his brain because he takes the blanket that's wrapped around my waist, and wraps it around my neck. He starts pulling the ends and lifts me in the air, by my neck, with the blanket. My feet are dangling off of the ground now. I can't breathe. Panicking, I start clawing at the blanket. Oh my god, I'm going to die. Kicking my feet, scratching my own face as I'm trying to get a small gasp of air, I try to scream. Tye puts his face really close to mine and tilts his head. His hair swoops slightly into his now completely black eyes. "So. You're gonna threaten my life, bitch? You're gonna have someone kill me? Hmm?" Tightening his grip on the blanket, he slams me into the closet I'm leaning against. My head rocks off of the door. Pain shoots through the back of my head, and I can feel the warm liquid trickle down the back of my neck. I try to scream and obviously nothing comes out. Finally, I let the darkness take over. When I finally come to, I'm lying on the ground in front of the closet. The blanket is lying behind me. Tye is nowhere to be found, though. The first thought that pops into my head is that I need to get the kids' and get the fuck out of here. NOW. Running in to the boys' bedroom, I start getting them ready.
"Come on boys, get up. We're going to grandmas. Let's go now Leon and Acen. GET UP." I'm panicking at this point. Sweating and feeling a little woozy still, I get the kids their shoes on, and run with them in each of my arms. Once I get them into the car, I realize I'm forgetting something. Of course, my fucking purse. Now I have to walk back into this fucking house where this psycho is. When I get into our bedroom, I see Tye lying on the bed, sobbing. He's crying so hard he's shaking and there's snot all over his face. He looks fucking disgusting. How did I ever find myself so attracted to someone who is so gross? This guy has fucking lost it. Shaking my head at him, I grab my purse and leave.
The drive to my mom's house was grueling. My head was throbbing and my mind was racing. At this point, I don't even think I like Tye, none the less love him. Everything about him makes me absolutely sick. Why am I going through all of this? Haven't I been through enough with Darrin? What the hell man. I'm at a total loss as to what to do anymore. There will never be another instance where Tye and I are dating again. That guy is a fucking psychopath and needs more mental help than life can give him. When I pull into my mom's driveway, it's probably about ten at night. I see the light in the living room on, so I know she's up. Oh god, I hope I don't have a bunch of bruises and marks on me. She'll lose it. When I kill the engine to my car, I see the front door pop open.
My mom has her usual Hurley sweatshirt and pants on and her hair in a ponytail. "Hey, Lizzy. Everything okay? It's sort of late on a work night babe."
"Yeah mom, I'm fine. We're just going to stay the night here tonight. Tye and I got into a pretty bad fight and I don't know if I want to be with him anymore." I try to get it out as quickly as possible so maybe she won't ask any questions. She starts walking towards my car to help get the kids out of their seats. It's so dark outside, I didn't think she would see anything on my face. "What the fuck is wrong with your face, Elizabeth," she hisses through her teeth. My mom's eyes are narrowed and I can see the start of tears at the corner of her eyes. "Nothing mom." I brush her off. Quickly getting the kids' inside, I walk away. My mom isn't going to let this go that fast though. As I cross the threshold, she grabs my shoulders and twists me around. Wincing, I grab my shoulders. "Oh my god ELIZABETH. Did he do this to you?" She's semi-screaming now and Taylor, my stepdad, comes running down the stairs to see what all the commotion is about. My stepdad has salt and pepper brown hair, brown eyes, and he isn't much taller than my mom. They've been together for like 15 years at this point, so he's practically like my dad. When he sees me, the shock is written all over his face. Snatching my arms away from my mom and squeezing past Taylor, I walk upstairs to the bathroom. When I get to the mirror, my reflection shocks me. Oh my god. She's right. I look like a train wreck. My usual light gray eyes are blood-shot. The sides of my neck have what looks like rug burn from the blanket. The marks are wide and long like little finger prints. The back of my head has a pretty nasty gash on it and the blood is dried up on the back of my neck all the way down to my collar bone. Lastly, the finger prints on my shoulders. I'm so disgusted in myself. Before I can even stop myself, I start silently crying. Not the shoulder rocking, gasping tears. The silent, hurt ones. This is fucking awful. Faintly from downstairs I can hear my mom calling someone.
"911, what's your emergency?"
Oh fuck.