requested: nah
song: summertime sadness by lana del rey (swipe left on the photo for the song!)
scenario: rosé relishes in the past, in the last summer with him.
pairing: chanyeol x rosé
genre: angst, very tiny amount of fluff
au: normal life au
word count: 1,381 words
status: unedited
a/n: bold is past memories
italics is lyrics
ik i'm like kinda dead so 🤡 i'm very sorry about that, but i can't promise any updates so- anyways i hope you enjoy this angst and stream how you like that 😌 stay safe y'all!!
and thank you for 72k reads!!! i really didn't think it'd get this many reads (cause who wants to read my shitty writing) but i hope you guys know that i love and appreciate each and every one of you who have read this book ❤️
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kiss me hard before you go
summertime sadness
i just wanted you to know
that, baby, you're the best
the last kiss chanyeol and i shared was bittersweet. it was after our last night together, wrapped in the sheets and our limbs. i remember the way he panted near my ears, his deep moans and groans music to my ears. but he left soon after, and even though he didn't say why, i knew why.
"chanyeol, you're the best man i could've ever asked for. i'll miss you."
i got my red dress on tonight
dancin' in the dark in the pale moonlight
done my hair up real big, beauty queen style
high heels off, i'm feelin' alive
dancing without him doesn't feel the same. i wore that red dress he loved so much with my hair up in that ridiculous style he adored so much. the sound of the music didn't comfort me, but neither did the silence. the only light that was visible was the pale moonlight as i took off my heels in the darkness of my garden, swaying to nothing.
i swear i felt him there.
oh, my god, i feel it in the air
telephone wires above are sizzlin' like a snare
honey, i'm on fire, i feel it everywhere
nothin' scares me anymore
one, two, three, four
this particular summer was hot but it was also my first summer without him. the sound of the waves lapping at the beach shore and the sound of kids playing both in the water and on the bright sand filling my ears like a wrongly strummed instrument.
it doesn't feel right.
like always, the wires in the air are always sizzling but why am i surprised? the heat from the blazing sun didn't help the fact that i felt so hot already but i couldn't bring myself to get in the water. fear wasn't a word i knew anymore, as he showed me what it was like to be fearless.
now, i've got nothing to fear without him.
i'm feelin' electric tonight
cruisin' down the road goin' bout 99
got my bad baby by my heavenly side
i know if i go, i'll die happy tonight
i don't know what got into me to take the car and drive around. the empty road allowed me to drive freely and fast, and i could care less if a cop pulled me over. i felt the same adrenaline i feel when i was with him, and maybe it's just me, but i know he was there, in the seat next to mine.
while i'm a pretty decent driver, i don't mind if i die tonight. be it speeding and not being able to turn fast enough or crashing into another person, i don't mind. i know he'll be there waiting for me.
kiss me hard before you go
summertime sadness
i just wanted you to know
that baby, you're the best
i miss you, park chanyeol. so fucking much.
"baby," he cooed in my ears, stroking my hair. "wake up."
"no." i whined, snuggling deeper into his bare chest. "you're so warm."
"sweets," he purred in my ear. "we have to go meet up with the girls and the guys."
"oh shit, you're right." i groaned, stretching. he gave me a shit-eating grin and i rolled my eyes in response, rolling out of bed. i was clad in his oversized sweater and a random pair of panties, but i had to dress decently for this meet up.
i could feel his stare on me, so i playfully wiggled my ass for him before giggling and running to the bathroom with my towel and clothes in my arms.
"forgetting something?" he knocked on the door and i poked my head out, seeing him hold out my lacy underwear. i inwardly shrieked, seeing the smug smirk on his face.
"give it back!" i tried to snatch my undies but he held it up, teasing me.
"i'll give it back, but on one condition." that shit-eating grin on his face reappeared. "you let me join you in the shower."
"fine." i huffed, opening the door wider to allow him in.
"knew it," he sang, walking off with my panties still in his hands to take his clothes. i glared at him but did whatever i had to do in the bathroom before completely stripping and stepping into the hot shower.
i'll always let him in, i smiled to myself once he got in. but i like to play this game.
think i'll miss you forever
like the stars miss the sun in the mornin' sky
later's better than never
even if you're gone, i'm gonna drive, drive, drive
dressed in his favourite black dress with a pair of the black heels he gave me, i made my way to his casket. caressing his cold, pale cheek tenderly, i allowed my tears to finally slip. no sounds left my mouth but my eyes told a different story, clearly one of sorrow.
"i'll miss you forever," i murmured, kissing his cold lips one last time. "i love you, channie, please don't ever forget that."
i left the letter i wrote for him in his arms, taking a step back into the sea of black. i stared emptily at his white casket, his mother and sister standing next to me with the familiar tear-stained cheeks and heartbroken faces.
no words were exchanged as we took our seats in the front, listening to the speeches of his relatives. first his parents, then his sister, and finally me.
"i've known chanyeol for forever, and i couldn't imagine a life without him. i still can't, but i'm going to have to try. i miss him, so much. i miss him beyond words can describe, and i wish that i had just a little more time but i guess that'd be a bit greedy." i clutched the crumpled paper in my hand tighter as the tears cascaded down my face.
"but isn't that everyone's wish though? to have just a little more time with the deceased. he was the light of my life, my best friend, my soulmate, my anchor and my shoulder to cry on. but most of all, he was park chanyeol. the same man who lit up the worlds of those he met no matter where he went, his happiness was contagious. dear park chanyeol, i love you and i miss you. rest well in heaven, love." i looked up at the sky and gave a short, bittersweet smile before going back down to my seat.
"hey, promise you'll never leave me?" he stuck out his pinky, his adorable dimples appearing in his cheeks.
"promise, channie." my six year-old self stuck out my pinky and curled it around his, a babyish smile resting on my chubby cheeks.
"we'll be together forever!"
i sobbed in my car, the tears flowing endlessly. i kept trying to wipe them away, but they kept coming back, like some sort of bad dream. i want to go home but i can't, because everything here reminds me of him. i hate this. i hate this so much.
taking the sleeves of my — his — sweater, i harshly wiped away the tears before starting the car. where i was going, i didn't know. wherever my blank mind could take me, i guess.
disobeying the speed limits was what i've been good at lately. my voice is too hoarse to sing, my body too tired to dance. he was my everything. my energy, my will to live. because of him, i can do so many things i probably wouldn't've done.
the car dates was what i adored the most when we were on dates. the wind in our faces and our hair wildly flying around, the smile on our faces contagious.
"this is so fun!" i shouted into the air, chanyeol's laugh following soon after.
"right?!" he shouted back.
"we should go on dates like these more often!"
"i'll take you on as many car dates as you want, angel."
"kiss me hard before you go
summertime sadness
i just wanted you to know
that baby, you're the best."
that was the last time she ever sang.
after all, caskets don't sing.