“Sacrifice is a part of life. It’s supposed to be. It’s not something to regret. It’s something to aspire to.” – Mitch Albom.
•••
The ragged state of the wall, pretty much mirrored Tari’s heart.
Most of the paint had peeled off, and its dried scarps hung to the wall like curly ribbons. There were writings of uneven size and varying handwriting, scrawled on the wall and tiny slurps of red fluid that he knew wasn’t paint. Probably blood, he thought. He wondered which unfortunate soul, had been involved in the brutal business that resulted in their blood being splattered on the wall and the notion made his throat bob in fright. He could only hope that his cellmate who had been asleep for most of the time, that he had arrived yesterday wasn’t a sadist or barbarian of some sort. Although, now that he paid more attention to the body across him, lying on its back with its face to the ceiling perched on the low mattress—he couldn’t help but wonder if it was alive and wasn’t just a corpse. The only reason why he wasn’t so sure was that it wasn’t reeking of any odd scent.
How did I get here?
His hands raked through his hair in dismay, sobriety haven already swallowed his entirety. The entire situation still felt surreal. It had been like a nightmare, that he thought he’d snap out of, but now that he had been locked up for the past fifteen hours—he knew it was every bit as real, as the previous nightmare of his project being raged to the ground by fire. It had happened so fast. Twenty four hours ago he was an elated man, bursting to the seams with joy after the completion of his most strenuous and capital project, with the prospect of igniting a new flame in a relationship that meant the world to him—but everything had gone sideways in only a couple of hours. It was truly like they said. The rate of reaction of tragedy, was thrice that of a jubilee one.
He still couldn’t believe he was here. Clad in prison uniform wear, behind bars with another convicted man like him, labeled with a number and not his actual name and also restricted from the outside world. The only thing keeping him from breaking down was the hope that Tiolu was going to awake soon and recuperate rapidly, leaving no reason for him to be punished anymore. But what if she didn’t? What if she had suffered life threatening injuries and couldn’t find her way back to the land of the living anymore. What did that mean for him?
Tari shook his head, vehemently to shake off the thought. There was no room to harbor thoughts of such glum nature in his head. They didn’t make things better, only worse. Even if his fate was going to result in a bleak ending, he wasn’t going to spend the remaining time of uncertainty wallowing in despondence. But still, there wasn’t much he could do in his surroundings. It wasn’t like he was in an amusement park.
But did he regret his decision? That he didn’t. But that automatically didn’t put him a good mood. If he had gotten a chance to relive the events of the past twenty four hours, he’d pretty much make the same decisions he did before and end up behind bars once again. Because as much as prison was without appeal, it came with a choice that wasn’t negotiable. Him or Lani? He had made the choice in a heartbeat, and wasn’t going to turn back on it. Right at that moment that she confessed to him in the car, he had known that if it came to offering his soul in exchange to save hers—it was the right call to make. It was the sort of thing people did for love, make sacrifices. No matter how costly, no matter how grave the consequences. It was love’s iconic definition.
And now he thought about her. How astounded she’d have been at that moment, when he had offered himself as the sacrificial lamb? When he had lifted her cross from her shoulders and ended her torment. When he had made her sorrow, her tribulation – his. She definitely wasn’t taking it well. She’d probably thought he was crazy and way out of his mind and would be seeking out measures to free him from his covenant. But he had planned for such contingency. Nothing and no one could save him now. Except the person that put him here.
Dayo Tijani.
He didn’t hate the man. He had done what any reasonable, agonized man would have done and taking into consideration the fact that Dayo hadn’t gone into a rage or fit of some sort, that didn’t result in launching an attack on him – he figured he was more than honorable in fact. Because Tari couldn’t imagine the type of thing he’d do to the man that’d dare endanger the life of Lani? He didn’t know exactly how he would react, but he knew his action would most likely make him end up in prison like he was currently.
And then his thoughts drifted to Sky—Ose, Adeola, the rest of his colleagues and the nature of their reception of the news. Most of the time, they all had it out for themselves and never really cared much for each other—but he was pretty sure that the lot of them felt broken and sorry for him. Not to the point that it’d make them take a day off to honor his memory, but to the point that they would spend a couple of minutes over lunch, discussing on the possibilities of his fate changing course from a catastrophic one. The administration in general was probably on its toes, doing its utmost best to dissolve all relationships with him and minimize the damage, that he had inflicted on the firm as a whole as a result of his failure.
Mom.
He felt a pang of guilt as he finally thought about his mother. She had visited him in the morning, breaking into a sob when their eyes locked over the glass panel separating them. They hadn’t been able to talk much, before they had whisked him away off course, leaving her to drown in her own pool of tears. It was now he felt bad and miserable than ever, that he hadn’t been the best of sons. He had provided her with every materialistic thing she craved for, but he hadn’t spent ample time to appreciate her position in his life and it wasn’t until he realized that the time might be too late for that—that he regretted it.
“Visitor?” He had been immersed in his thoughts, that he didn’t realize his cellmate had awoken from his slumber and was now staring at him wide eyed. The man didn’t look terrifying or imposing in the slightest bit. If anything, he looked warm and welcoming. He was probably in his late fifties and he had grey scanty hair on his bald hair, with an almost invisible receding hairline. He was lacking a lot in fat and skin, as his body looked like a skeleton simply draped with skin and not flesh. His face was mostly crinkled, but he looked bright and Tari could tell he was an handsome man, in his younger days.
“I’m not a visitor,” Tari said, fighting the urge to scowl because the man looked pleasant. “They don’t dump visitors in the cell and clothe them in the same uniform, that all prisoners are wearing.”
“This isn’t your home, is it?” The man’s back was rested on the wall—his legs spread apart, out wide and his hands clasped. He looked at ease and comfort and it was then Tari knew he had spent a lot of time in prison. “I’m guessing somewhere you have family and friends that care for you, which is of course your home and even if you don’t have, you indeed have a cozy apartment you call home. If that is so, prison is a place you’re visiting for a long time. Or are you going to see it as home?”
Tari looked at him harder, as if there was a chance that he could have missed something in his earlier assessment. The man was indeed peculiar like he looked.
“No it’s not home, so I guess I’m a visitor then.” Tari agreed. “A visitor who doesn’t have a say over this visit.”
“You did have a say over this visit.” He replied. “I mean, you did something that made you end up here. Whether you deserved this or not is a debate for another day. It’s either that or you’re just someone the police picked on the road randomly for appearing like a criminal and looking at you? I don’t think so. So, I know that’s not it.”
“You sound like you’ve been doing this for a long time,” Tari for some reason didn’t want to talk about himself and his situation. For some reason, it made it more real in a way that he wasn’t ready to embrace yet. “Do you get moved from cell to cell to meet new people, or is there some sort of rotational system I don’t know of that they do here.”
“You know, trying to dodge my question isn’t going to make this less real than it is,” His cellmate said. “If anything, it’d make it more real because you’re running away from that realization and it’s always going to be at the back of your head unaddressed. Might as well get it over with.”
Tari frowned, sitting up. “Are you a therapist? Is that it? Or are you a preacher now and this is some new prison ploy to dress up experts as cellmates, so they could come off as having more empathy? Or are you a preacher? If you are one, save it. I believe Christ exists and that he is real and that I should give my life to him and all that. I didn’t exactly kill someone to end up here.”
The old man only chuckled and shook his head gently, angling his right leg up so it rose and his hands rested on his knee. “You’re quite presumptuous for someone who just got here. If anyone should be trying to place the identities of people without having spent ample time with them before, it should be someone who has spent a long time in prison. I’m not a therapist, neither a preacher. I’m just a human who made a mistake like you did.”
“What mistake?”
“That’s not how it works,” The man shook his head. “We’re not exactly pals and we have absolutely no reason to trust each other. So why don’t you go first?”
“Why should I be the one to go first?”
“You’re the one who is curious about my story and you sort of asked first.” When the man saw that he wasn’t ready to budge, he continued. “Fine, fine I’d talk first. But you should know that you can’t pull a fast one on me and decide not to talk about your story later on. Even if you’re incredibly lucky, you’re still not leaving this place anytime soon until next week or something. The station has a policy that every prisoner, must spend at least a week here before being released.”
His chest tightened at the thought, but just like every worry that had surfaced since his arrest, he discarded it and refused to give it priority and time to bother him.
“I don’t have a story, I came here on my own.” The man finally said, the wide, bothering smile still on his face that Tari began to wonder if it had a sinister motive.
“What do you mean you came here on your own?” He asked.
“I’m sort of a cast away, I failed at everything in life.” One would think his voice would dip and sound sober, but it was pretty much in its lively mood. “My story was like that of the guy who set up the KFC, but without the breakthrough at the end. Got married, she divorced me several years later because I couldn’t keep a stable job and I kept on drinking and my personal debt was swallowing us all up. Luckily, we hadn’t given birth to any kids so it didn’t have any effect on anyone us asides us.
“After that my life has been mostly uneventful. I kept going from one manual labor work to the other, losing it as a result of incompetence and loss of purpose. Drinking, sleeping around for pleasure – never really taking life seriously. When it got to the age that I couldn’t keep up anymore and I had nothing in the way of family and cash, and I was tired of moving from one unconstructed building to the other and one bridge to another also, I finally decided to barge in here and pick a fight with a policeman. I figured being here was pretty much outside anyway. I was right. While we might not be in luxurious surroundings, there is a roof over my head and we are given food every day. I couldn’t ask for anymore.”
Wow. Tari tried to mask his astonishment but failed woefully at it. He wasn’t exactly sure of the right way to respond either. Here was a man that narrated a life filled with so much sorrow and failure, as if he were simply walking him through the process of grilling chicken. One couldn’t exactly offer sympathy to a man who didn’t feel sorry.
“So your story?” He persisted. “I’m guessing it’s nothing interesting or fascinating judging by your appearance. You don’t look like a hardened criminal or the sorts. I know they say that they don’t look it but from your look alone? I can almost tell that you are nothing but plain innocent in what you’re facing, making it boring and pitiful.”
The man before him had quite the character. Clearing his throat, Tari realized there was truly no need in hoarding his story. It wasn’t like this man here could ever get out of where he was. He had no one who could bail him out and he pretty much saw the place as home.
“It’s a long story but involves me taking up the position for a friend,” Tari said, in a similar sitting position with the man on his own bed, only that he was staring at the toes of both of his feet dangling in front of him and wasn’t hunched up on the bed. “And also involves a big mistake that cost a lot. I’d rather be here than watch the friend suffer.”
“And the way you’ve been saying friend all day, without clarifying if the person in question is a he or she, I’m guessing it’s definitely a she.” The man was intuitive no doubt, but in an annoying way that made Tari feel bad for wanting to slam his head into the wall. “The woman problem. It’ s quite typical. I’m sure there are a lot of men like you who have landed in prison because of a woman. Molesting or attempting to seduce a woman that is related to a magnate? Having sex with a minor? Kidnapping and money demanding, and all that. It’s nothing new. Don’t feel shy to state your category.”
“None of the above,” Tari grunted, angling his knees up also and hugging them closely to himself. “It’s just very complicated but I’m not regretting. I won’t lie and say that I’m not afraid of what is going to happen here soon? I mean they just keep us for the rest life until we die, right? Worse case scenario and best case? We’re getting out of here. I mean I’m getting out, not like you’re interested in that or I’m trying to mock you.”
The elderly man, yawned in an exhausted tone that said a lot about him getting weary of the direction their conversation was going.
“You’re being so secretive, that I’m beginning to wonder the reason why you’re here is probably because police stopped you on the road, asked for your name and particulars and you refused to show them, saying that its yours, private and complicated.”
Tari almost laughed at this and finally surrendered. “It’s just like you said, I fell in love that’s all. It’s pretty silly, our story and all – and honestly I don’t even know how she is taking this news but given the fact that no one but my mom has visited yet, she has probably moved on like I hope she would.”
“So what was the problem? Betrayal? Disappointment? I’d say infidelity but you’re looking quite good. I don’t think you were cheated on, although that’d be plausible and it could end up in you doing something that can make you land here, but your profile says that you aren’t ready for this. Now I just realized betrayal and disappointment is still pretty much the same and synonyms of infidelity. Except it’s not that and you were a big, successful man in your trade and she is this woman that came along and ruined everything for you. It’d make sense.”
“For someone who didn’t do a lot of living, you sure do know a lot for someone who has spend the past couple of weeks in prison.”
“Curiosity, my friend got the better of me…” His cellmate was saying, when the shadow of an approaching jailer got conjured on the floor. He frowned, wondering if it could be his mom again back with another strategy in her ‘I’d move heaven and earth’ measures to free him from his current captivity.
“Hey, you.” The stern voice bellowed to them both, and sure enough he was the one being addressed. “You have a visitor.” The tall, sturdy jailer was already inserting a key into the keyhole.. “Come on outside now. You should know that your time started the moment I opened up this door, so if you like you can walk all sluggishly to the reception room. It’s your decision.”
Prison might not exactly been like he had envisioned. For example, the cells weren’t built in a long, hallway rather it was in different columns, twisting into adjoining corridors and arcs and various segments. His cellmate wasn’t the stereotypical bully like Hollywood had roused his paranoia to be wary of, but the jailers were pretty much the only people that weren’t quite far off his mark of assumptions. They looked and acted like they would be anywhere in the world, doing literally anything else than their current jobs.
When he arrived at the receptive lounge, the realization of the person across the room brought relief and anxiety to his state of being simultaneously. It was Lani undoubtedly, in a silk shift gown and black flats. When their gazes locked, he saw the fatigue in her face, further emphasized by her disheveled curls and swollen eyes. Had she been crying? Despite her distressed state, her lips stretched into a longing smile—as she instantly sunk into the seat lodged into the glass panel stand, erected to demarcate prisoners from visitors flanked by officiating officers.
He did the same, and drew out the telephone wedged into the cradle on the low end desk—not breaking eye contact with her as he did so.
“Hey,” He said.
“Hey,” She replied. A brief silence ensued before she continued with. “How are you doing?”
“As good as I can in a prison,” He wailed, regretting it instantly after realizing the fact that it wasn’t best to look miserable. She probably felt guilty that he was here in her place. He didn’t need to compound that for her. “I mean no one has beaten me up yet. All they did was lock me up in a cell that isn’t so bad to the eye really. How about you?”
“Is that even a question? How do you think I’m fairing?” Her voice broke, as he began to see the beginnings of an ocean welling up in her eyelids. “Why the hell did you do that, Tari? That was absolutely outrageous and uncalled for? Why did you do it? I should be the one there and you know it! You shouldn’t have done that. You don’t owe me anything!”
He was prepared for this. “I’m not doing this because I think you owe me anything or something. I just—it’s not like I’m enjoying myself here too or I want to be here. It’s just like the way it was back then when we were working and the cupboard almost crashed down on you. It’s better me than you, Lani.”
“Well, smart ass. Unlike that time, this action isn’t exactly something you can return from!” She shot back, her voice turning cold. When a tear escaped her eyelid, she batted at it the moment it came down. “And this isn’t the type of stuff you just offer yourself up for sacrifice, okay? This is something that can destroy you—who am I kidding? This has destroyed you, already Tari. If you don’t know the entire country has gone ablaze with the news and everyone is talking about the heartless architect, who didn’t do his job well in building the house and as a result of that almost got Dayo Tijani and his fiancée killed. How the hell do you expect to return from that!”
“Lani—”
“Even if somehow, you’re miraculously released and the public decides to spare your life, your life would never remain the same again.” The tears were streaming down her cheeks in a strong wave now. “Sky is trying its best to do away with you and move on, so you don’t damage them further. And which other architectural firm would want to employ you after this disaster? What are you going to do when you get out of here! You’ve ruined your life for nothing!”
“I didn’t do this for nothing!” He snapped, unable to keep his calm.
“Then why did you do it!” She bellowed into the phone, hiccups seeping into her voice. “Why did you throw away your life and everything you’ve worked for in the past few years just because of me!”
“It’s because I love you!” It wasn’t until the tear grazed his cheek, that he realized he was crying also. The rest followed in a swift motion. “I couldn’t just stand back and watch this happen to you or worse, when there was something I could have done about it. I’d admit that at that moment I hadn’t done a lot of thinking about the future, but even now that you’ve brought these things to the table, I don’t regret my decisions in any way. I’d do it again, anything to keep you out of here and make sure that you still have a life.”
The declaration of his love for her didn’t faze her in the way he’d have predicted. Her jaw didn’t drop neither did her eyes widen. Her weeping only intensified, and demanded twice the effort to wipe them away and keep a cool composure.
“You’re crazy, Tari. You’re going to come to your senses later on and regret this—” Lani started, wiping multiple stray tears with the back of her hand.
“Crazy for you, yes I am. Pretty much but regretting this? I don’t think so. I want you to move on and forget about me, Lani.”
“Huh?” She looked up at him, reddened eyes and all brimming with tears.
“You heard me right. You’re still relatively young and you have your life ahead of you. I can’t stay here forever. At some point, I’d be released so you don’t have to bother about anything being on your conscience. Just move on with your life and forget about me. I’m doing this for you. If you don’t want to accept my love, then accept it as a form of me atoning for my sins of the past and inflicting pain on you.”
“No, I told you that I’ve forgiven you and that it’s all in the past!”
“Nothing is really in the past. The past affects the present, it creates the present. The past is the present. And if there is anything we’ve learnt as science students back in secondary school in physics class, is that we can’t affect time or change anything from happening. We’re two dimensional in comparison with time that’s three dimensional. We’re just the edges of the pages of a notebook. The only difference we can make is a tiny dot. This wouldn’t be significant in any way. Time would still have its way.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” She banged her hands hard into the desk, enraged at him. “Tari, I want you out of here. You can’t do this to me!”
“It means that this is fate and we can’t do anything to stop it. Silly us, getting together after ten years and acting careful and all – thinking what happened before wouldn’t repeat itself. We’re cursed, Lani. The universe has cursed us. The only way we can break free of this curse, is to let each other go and find our bearings someplace else. It would never work out between us. It would always be this same cycle of disaster, repeating itself endlessly—”
“Stop speaking in parables!” She yelled, her voice shattering the pristine silence in the room and drawing the attention of the jailers. “You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to call Dayo and tell him that you’re just being crazy. I’d tell him the truth and then he would release you and put me behind bars instead. The fucking way it’s supposed to be and not you here, and then I’d be the one telling you to move on with your life and that you should forget about me.”
“Lani—”
“Oh, you didn’t exactly see that one coming, did you? In your elaborate sacrificial ploy, you didn’t think that I could go against you? You thought that I’d accept this crazy gesture in good faith, smile and dance kumbaya and then thank you profusely for taking on the burdens and punishments of my own sins? I don’t think so. That’s not happening, because I’m going to rectify it as soon as possible. The moment I step out of this place I’m going to—”
“You shouldn’t waste your time, Lani.” He shook his head, his hand running through the thickness and rigidity of his uncombed, unkempt hair. It was then he wondered how horrid he looked to her? Like that was a matter of significance of the moment. “Dayo has visited me earlier today and I told him that you may try and do just that.”
“What?” This time, her jaw did fall open and the tears dripping down her cheeks, sank to the desk. “Tari, what did you do?”
“I told him that we were in a romantic relationship. He had no reason to doubt, thanks to Tiolu’s intuitiveness the first time we met. I also went on to tell him that you might go ahead to do that kind of a thing like trying to sacrifice yourself for me, so I told him not to listen if you reached out to him. He agreed after seeing the logic in that.”
She reclined in her chair, gaping at him in unbelief. She was mute for the next few seconds and she had also stopped swabbing the tears away from her face.
“You can’t do this, Tari. I’m going to call someone who is going to call him and—”
“Unless you want to point a gun to my head and make me tell him what you want to hear, then that’s not going to happen. So you should start taking me serious, when I tell you that you should move on with your life—”
“This is just what happened in Ibadan all over again. You making decisions for me and not giving me the right to choose what I want! How dare you! I get to choose what happens with my life, not you! You’re not my dad or my brother, or any family member who could feel entitled to make the type of decision you’re making now!”
“You can cry all you want, Lani. It won’t change the fact that I’m going to be the other one at the side of the glass and you’d be the free, liberated one. So if I were you, I’d really stop shouting and leave here right now.”
She sniffled, covering her cheeks with her palms with her gaze still locked with his. “I hate you! Tari! I hate you for doing this again! I hate you for betraying my trust—”
“If it’s going to keep you out of prison, that’s fine with me and well hate me all you want but I still love you, anyway.”
That silenced her and she went into another bout of sobbing. Just when he thought her crying had reached critical level, it broke the boundaries once again and worsened. Before she could say anything, the two jailers positioned by his sides were already wrenching him up to his feet. He succumbed without struggle and Lani’s head snapped up with this development.
“Visiting time is over, Ma’am.” One of the men informed her. “He is not due again until next week.”
Lani darted to her feet, shaking her head and sending drops of tears splattering about. “No, don’t take him—”
“Could I stop her from visiting in the future, though? I don’t want to see her face again.” Tari said—as the image of her face faded away gradually. In the distance though, he heard a loud shriek of agony pierce the air and he swallowed hard. He had no idea that she’d be that devastated. Her guilt was quite massive, but he hoped for his sake and hers also, that she get over him quickly and move on with her life.
*****
Holding on to the metal railing tightly, he hoisted himself into the hair and hauled over it like a projected basketball. Landing on the ground with ease, he inhaled the fresh air satisfactorily as he made his way past several students and staffers pacing to and fro in the admin block. It was a vast area of space, structured into a square consisting of four bungalows of offices that faced each other and offered a barricade of space in its center.
It was a week after the end of semester dinner night—and vacation was only a couple of days away, a period of the year he didn’t necessarily look forward to because of the hardship he returned to that was home. Now, he found himself looking forward to getting himself off the dreadful campus and to a place that didn’t remind him of an imposing possibility of him spending an extra year.
An extra year.
No, he just couldn’t let it go without a fight. Lani had insisted over the week, that they take no decision and simply pray and hope, that God would intervene in their matter to rescue them but she didn’t understand. She wasn’t the one being sponsored by multiple relatives who saw her as a burden. She wasn’t the one who had retired parents, that could barely get by day to day expenses. She wasn’t the one that got by school expenditures, by improvising inordinately and excessively to the point that it was frowned upon.
Did she really expect him to fold his arms and do nothing though? He wasn’t a very religious person, but he knew that God only embossed the work of people—not grant them gifts when they had done little to nothing at all. He wasn’t going to stay idle and watch his life implode, when he could do something about it.
“Tari?” His blood turned cold, as a familiar voice called out from behind. He gritted his teeth, as he spun around to face his problem. He hadn’t anticipated this in anyway. Matter of fact, he had planned to keep the detail of his mission as hidden as possible but of course a matter of such grave indictment, couldn’t stay in the dark forever. She was going to be brought into the loop at some point. Might as well be now.
“What are you doing here?” Lani was wearing a black chiffon blouse on black faded jeans and flip-flops and her braids cascaded down to her shoulders in no organized fashion. He couldn’t help himself from admiring her features despite the gravity of the moment. “Was it the administrative office of student affairs I saw you coming from?”
His voice ceased, but he coughed violently to break its stiffness. They were in a secluded corner, beside one out of four bungalows of the brown brick padded walls of the offices. He was only a few inches close from escaping before he got accosted. There was no wriggling out of this one now.
“Yeah, I went to see them.” He swallowed, unable to meet her gaze. Before his lack of confidence to keep his eyes on hers had been borne out of an overwhelming feeling, but now it was affiliated with remorse.
“Why?” She closed the gap between them, searching for his gaze to find out what exactly he had done but he knew by her next statement that she knew an inkling of it. “Oh, God Tari. Please don’t tell me you went to report the man to the admin people.” She didn’t sound as horrified as he’d expect. In fact, she sounded a bit amused. “It’s not going to work! We don’t have any cogent evidence to back up the claim that we submitted a project and for some reason or the other he refused to give us any mark on it. I’m sure they didn’t even listen to any word you were saying back there.”
“Oh, well they did.” He lifted his chin, but kept his eyes in a constant motion around her face and body. “They did listen because we have concrete evidence.”
“Really?” Was that relief in her eyes? “Wow, w—what did you tell them? I don’t understand. You never said anything on Friday…” Her voice trailed off, coming to the realization of the news he was about to break to her. “Don’t tell me you told those people there that he asked me to sleep with him. Oh God Tari, please tell me that the next string of words that is going to come out of your mouth isn’t going to confirm that. Please!”
“I’m sorry, Lani there was nothing I could—”
“How dare you!” A tear slipped from her right eye. He still fully couldn’t understand her despair. “For Christ sake, I told you not to tell anyone about this and you promised. You freaking promised me! Why did you do this! What did I do to deserve this? Oh God, oh God. What am I going to do now?” She buried her face in her hands and began to wander away.
“Lani, I just didn’t have any choice.” He swallowed. “I told you that I can’t afford to stay another year in school and—”
“You promised me,” Her face had run amok with tears already and he found it strange that she didn’t seem to care that they were in a populated area. “Apparently promises mean nothing to you. How could I have been so stupid! I trusted you!”
“I’m sorry, but when I was making that promise I didn’t know that there was the possibility that I could stay another year in school, because a lecturer failed me as a result of you declining his request of sleeping with you!”
“Oh, so it’s my fault!” Her hands were flying over the place, and he took a step backward in caution to ensure one didn’t end up flying into his face. “It’s my fault, that he sought me out and asked me to sleep with him?”
“No, it’s not your fault but it’s not mine either. Can’t you see? This thing, your issue with him has nothing to do with me. I’m just your partner on this project and yet I have to suffer for it! My family has to suffer for it—”
“You’re so self absorbed and selfish!” She shook her head, her disorganized braids covering most of her tear dampened cheeks. “Did it occur to you that this plan of yours could backfire and hurt me badly! For Christ sake, that man made me promise that I tell no one at all and right now you just fucking went to report him to the administration! Do you know what that means—”
“It means that, unlike you I’m trying to come up with a solution to solve this problem—”
“It means that you just started a war for me, that I’m not ready for and that I’d definitely lose—”
“Oh, please you don’t even know about this. They’re going to investigate and call a hearing with him present. There is a chance that we could come out of this and also bring an end to his madness and ruthlessness. After that, you’d have me to thank. Matter of fact, you should start considering the possibility that we could win and get our deserved marks at the end of the day.”
She kept on shaking her head, as if everything would change if she shook it hard enough. “For someone who acts so much like an adult, you’re very naïve like a kid. Do you think this is the first time this sort of thing is happening? Do you think I’m the first girl that he would make an advance on? And do you think that some time ago, another person as silly as you didn’t try to go up against him and didn’t suffer for it? Answer is they definitely did because he is still here and not gone. So the reason why you think that you can defeat an established lecturer like him in the first place, is totally beyond me!”
Her words sunk in but he refused to let them register. It was simple paranoia. These things weren’t as difficult as people labeled them to be. Besides, what was he supposed to do anyway? Retreat and surrender? That wasn’t a choice even if the chances of him winning were as slim as a copper wire. He still had to try.
“I’m sorry, Lani but I just can’t sit down and watch—”
“And now you’ve just brought me into this hell that I completely had no say over! You just made a decision for me, for my life without telling me. Even if you were going to stab me in the back—”
“I didn’t stab you in the back, I did what I had to do—”
“Even if you were going to stab me in the back, decency calls for you to notify me at first or tell me!” She moved closer to him, her appearance like that of the fantasy character – Medusa, with her long braids falling over her face like black snakes. “Tell me, you weren’t going to tell me about this, were you? After doing something as despicable as this, you weren’t even going to tell me! You were just going to keep me in the dark until God knows what happens. I bet if there was a way you could do it, you’d make sure that I don’t know you’re the one behind all these.”
He bit his lower lip. “I understand, why you’re angry. I truly—”
“No, don’t patronize me.” Her voice echoed, and it was then he realized they had an audience who was enjoying the drama. They probably thought it had something to do with a romantic relationship breakdown or the sorts. “He warned me and told me not to tell anyone or else he’d make me miserable. He’s going to make me miserable, Tari and it’s all your fault—”
“We don’t know yet if we could beat this. Maybe you should try being optimistic—”
She scoffed, jerking her head backward. “Did you just say optimistic?! Oh, God just how naïve are you exactly? I know three year olds that wouldn’t believe they could come out of this unscathed. You’re just so—you’re so selfish!”
“Yeah, put the blame on me. It’s all my fault. I’m not a victim of your shenanigans here. I’m being inhumane by trying to get myself out of this position.”
“What do you mean, my shenanigans?”
“Blame me all you want, but you know it and I know it and everyone else knows it!” He finally raised his voice at her. “This is entirely your fault. If you weren’t so popular and everywhere, this wouldn’t have happened. If you were a regular kid like me, or a regular girl like Kabirat; tell me would the man know of you to the point that he’d ask to sleep with you? I mean, you’re not in any of his classes. And he doesn’t even know everyone in his class. But yet, it was you he asked for sex. It was you, he reached out to and called to his office. You out of several thousands of girls on this campus? What are the chances, Lani? Don’t tell me it’s a coincidence.”
Her mouth parted. “So, this is my fault?”
“If anyone should be assuming blame, it shouldn’t be you because you brought about this entire thing. And if anyone should understand why I did what I did, it should be you because I’m a victim just as much as you are, but of your own problem. You should understand.”
To his surprise, she nodded and began to wipe away her tears. Finally she understood, he heaved a sigh of relief. She had finally seen reason with him and realized that it wasn’t his fault and he did what he had to do. Desperate time called for desperate measures.
“You’re right, it’s not your fault. It’s my fault.” It was just like he inferred. She understood. “It ‘s my fault for trusting you. Thinking that you were my friend and even more, that could be selfless and think about me other than yourself and not be so selfish with your decisions.”
“Lani—” He advanced closer.
“Don’t touch me, if you don’t like public humiliation because I’m very tempted to hit you over the face.” She had stopped crying but she sounded more hurt than ever. “I can’t believe, you’d do this to me, Tari. You didn’t even stop to think about the repercussion of your actions on me because you don’t care about me. You don’t care about anyone but yourself—”
“You still don’t understand—”
“And I get it, I really do. You never lived with your parents, and you were tossed from one family house to the other. From the care of one relative to the other, so that had forced you into full survival instincts. The type of mindset that doesn’t think about anything else asides itself. It’s survival. Nothing else matters. Anything could be sacrificed. Be it friendship, trust or even love…”
Love?
“None of this could mean anything to you,” She sniffled, her hands balled into fists by her side. “So once again, it’s not your fault really. Anyone who went through the type of past you had to contend with would probably come out the same. It’s my fault for letting you in, letting my guards down and offering that we should be friends—”
“Lani,” He moved closer again.
“Don’t think I’m kidding when I say I might slap you. It’s not your fault, Tari. I was the one who decided to let you into my life. Heck, you wanted us to be nothing but professionals at first but I insisted that we become friends. To the point that I went on to get feelings for you and—oh God, I can’t deal with this. I—just…” She trailed off abruptly, and walked away – careening through the crowd aggressively and disappearing away from his sight.
The crowd that formed started to disperse gradually, with lingering, curious look thrown his way but he couldn’t be bothered about that. If anything, he was bothered about the fact that there was a possibility that Lani could be right. He didn’t want to dwell on it, because the thought that it could be real and become more glaring gradually as he ruminated on it. But what could he do to rectify it anyway? It was too late to reverse or nullify his actions. And he wouldn’t do so if the chance was available anyway. It was then he came to accept the truth that Lani was right in her earlier accusatory assumption.
He truly cared for no one else, asides himself.
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This came late. Sorry guys. Power problems, so couldn’t upload this. One day, I might decide to just upload all the remaining chapters at once.
Anyhoo, don’t think you know what happened in the past yet. The games have only begun. Tap that star and drop a comment. Stick around till next week. Bye for now.