When I came out of my sleep, I was still on Lex's lap. The sun had set, and the deck was illuminated by a few low-burning candles and light pouring from the open door. Carlisle was slouched in a chair across the table, half a cigarette hanging from his mouth.
I blinked sleepily, and wiped a hand across my eyes. Lex looked down at me, and smiled. The dark smell of liquor and smoke washed over me. It was familiar, comforting.
"You're awake." Lex said.
"How long was I sleeping for?" I looked around. The boat was quiet, most of the lights off.
"About an hour." Lex dropped the butt of a hand rolled cigarette into a glass dish on the table. His long fingers made the movement look elegant, practiced.
"You should have woken me." I yawned, leaning backwards against his shoulder.
"You needed the sleep." Lex said, brushing my hair from my shoulder, and pressing a kiss to the bare skin. Carlisle watched the whole exchange with a bemused glint in his eyes, lazily tapping ash into the dish. He winked when he caught me looking at him. I should have been embarrassed, but I was too worn out to care.
"She looks flushed." Carlisle said, leaning forwards in his chair.
Lex pressed a hand to my forehead, and to my neck. "She is warm." He said. "How do you feel? Do you feel sick?" He asked me. A line had appeared between his brows.
"I feel fine, just sleepy." I stifled another yawn.
Lex exchanged a look with Carlisle. Carlisle stood, and he too felt my brow. His palm was calloused, the skin rough from years of work. The thick gold band on his middle finger made me shiver.
"I'll get Sokol." Carlisle said.
"I'll get him. You bring her to my room."
Carlisle held out a hand to my. I stumbled as I stood, limbs stiff from being in one position for so long. Without flinching, Carlisle swept me up. I caught the jealous glint in Lex's eyes seconds before we turned away.
"He's so in love with you." Carlisle murmured, as we crossed into the dim hallway. "It's almost tangible, like you can feel it in the air whenever the two of you are together."
"There's the philosophy degree." I said, laughing. I put my feet down as Carlisle bent to open Lex's door. The bed was hastily made, the way I had left it. The single lamp spread a pool of yellow across the ceiling. I sat on the edge of the bed, swinging my feet, waiting.
"I should warn you, Sokol can be a bit...old fashioned." Carlisle warned me, leaning against the wall.
It wasn't long before I heard voices approaching the room; Lex's, and an unfamiliar lower tone. Lex came through the door first, followed closely by the same guard who had summoned me to Lex's office all those days ago. His eyes were as cool as they had been then, regarding me shrewdly.
"Ruth, this is Sokol. He was a doctor, before..." Lex trailed off, and Sokol gave a sharp laugh.
"Before I decided being a hired gun was more rewarding." His accent was coarse and carried a Russian lilt.
Sokol knelt in front of me. Without warning, he felt the sides of my throat, fingertips probing along to my collarbone. With one finger, he turned my head from side to side, examining me under the light. "She's very pale, very feverish." He said. "And her pulse is racing."
"Is she sick?" Lex took a half-step towards me.
"Has she been coughing?" He asked Lex. "Sore throat? Abdominal pain?"
Lex shook his head. I couldn't help but wonder why he was asking Lex, and not me. Carlisle raised an eyebrow at me as I looked at him in confusion.
"Not that I know of." Lex said. "She hasn't been sleeping well, though."
"It's probably just exhaustion, then. It happens sometimes, to young girls. Try to keep her quiet for a few days. I'll give you some sedatives for her, if she gets too excitable. How old is she?"
"Eighteen." Lex said.
"Nineteen." I corrected him. My birthday had passed while I was in the hospital.
Lex shifted, folding his arms. He was irritated, his shoulders tightening.
"I don't think I need sedatives." I told Sokol. For the first time, he looked me in the eye.
"You leave that decision to Lex." He patted my knee firmly, and stood. "They make make her dizzy, so keep her nearby if you decide to use them." He handed Lex a bottle from the bag he was carrying.
"It's not codeine, is it?" Lex asked. "She had hallucinations last time she took it."
Sokol shook his head. "It's not codeine." He didn't offer any further information. With a nod, he left the room, and Carlisle followed, closing the door behind him.
"I don't need to be sedated." I told Lex.
"I think it's a good idea, just for a while." He fished a pill from the container, and set it in my palm. It was round and yellow, nondescript. "I'll get you water."
I briefly considered hiding the pill while he was in the bathroom. The last thing I wanted was to spend more time in a haze I couldn't break out of. The memories of the dreamworld the coma had trapped me in were too close for comfort. The liquid colours, the horrible timelines that repeated over and over, they all danced just beyond my hand.
"Here." Lex sat next to me, a glass of water in hand.
"I don't want to." I whispered.
"Ruth." Lex's voice had dangerously soft.
I bit my lip and looked at him through my lashes. The room was deathly still. With shaky hands, I placed the pill in my mouth. It was salty, and horribly bitter, and it seemed to coat my whole mouth. Lex brought the glass to my lips, and I took it from him, swallowing hard. The taste dissipated, leaving an acrid, almost alcoholic flavour on the back of my tongue.
"Open your mouth." Lex said.
I complied slowly, showing that I had swallowed the pill, and not hidden it in my mouth. "I took it."
"Good girl." He whispered, tapping my cheek with one knuckle. "You'll feel better in the morning." Lex moved so he was sitting with his back against the pale headboard, and held out his arms. I crawled to him, and laid my head on his lap. Gently, he began combing his hands through my hair.
"How come Sokol only talked to you?" I asked.
Lex laughed, a low rumble. "It's what he's used to. Most of the time, it's the man who hired him making the decisions."
"You made the decisions for me, too." I said mildly. Lex's hands stopped.
"Look at me." He said. I sat up, and he took my chin in his hand, keeping my eyes glued to his. "I'm doing what's best for you, baby. You have to trust that I know how to take care of you."
"I know." I whispered. "I do."
He let me go. "When were you going to tell me your birthday had passed?"
I shrugged. "I thought you knew." In all honesty, it hadn't crossed my mind until Sokol had brought it up. So much had happened that my birthday seemed irrelevant, unimportant. I yawned again, covering my mouth. Chemical slowness was seeping into my blood, and with it came the fear.
"Lay down." Lex said, pulling the coverlet back.
"Promise you'll wake me." I was on the edge of hysteria. "You have to promise."
"I promise." Lex's eyes searched mine in confusion. "Are you alright?"
"I don't want to get stuck again." I couldn't bring myself to tell him how afraid I was to be falling asleep against my will. How much I worried that I would open my eyes and be back in that place, stuck again. I had only been able to resurface once before, and that had been when Benji had held my hand. I wasn't sure I could do it again.
"You haven't told me what happened in your coma. Why you were so terrified the other night. I've seen you after your nightmares, and that— that was different."
I rolled onto my back, looking up at the smooth ceiling. I rubbed circles onto my left arm, where the bruise from the IV hadn't quite faded. There was no good way to tell the stories. I still wasn't sure which were real and which were dreams.
"I— " I faltered. "I don't know how to tell you."
"Try from the beginning." Lex's voice sounded warped.
Whether it was the drugs lowering my inhibitions, or the relief of finally being able to get it out in the open, I don't know. As soon as the first words came from my mouth, they all followed.
"It was like I lived a hundred different lives, a hundred times. I died over and over. Sometimes I knew they were dreams, and I could force myself to wake up; and then I'd just wake up in another dream." My voice broke. "I watched you die. Benji, too. Sometimes I can't remember the difference between the dreams and real life."
Lex was silent for a long time. He had my hand clasped in his. I hadn't noticed him taking it. He stared straight ahead, with a hundred-mile gaze.
"Lex?" I finally prodded.
He startled, and squeezed my hand. "You said you didn't want to get stuck." It wasn't a question, but he had that look in his eyes he got when he was trying to understand something.
"When I knew they were dreams, sometimes I tried to wake myself up." It had only ever worked the once, when I had enough strength to shove through the layers my brain had imposed on me. Benji's hand had been the catalyst. I didn't tell him about how when I tried, the walls would melt, trapping me in a swirl of sounds and colours. I knew now that those had been the sounds of the nurses trying to revive me, the beeps and distorted voices coming from the real world. Then, though, it had seemed like something concocted to hurt me.
Lex lay down, and I curled up next to him, using his arm as a pillow. I was on the edge of unconsciousness now.
"I promise I'll wake you." He said. "I won't let you get stuck."
"Tell me something. Did I really get drunk at one of your parties?" I remembered it vaguely, but the memory didn't feel solid.
"You did." Lex's chest rumbled with a laugh. "With two of my biggest enemies, no less. You were a little hellion for a while there. Escaping my office at work, hiding around corners..."
I laughed. "I was not!"
"You were. A sweet hellion, but still. You made me work for every moment of peace."
I snuggled in closer, my hair silky under my cheek. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."
A/N: hello did u miss me cause i missed u!!!
i'm going to start some chapters with pictures from now on!!
here is a nice soft chapter before stuff starts going down hehehehe
kisses!!!!!