Returning to Chicago had a weird effect on Angie. It was like she'd never left and everything that had happened in Arizona was nothing but a bad dream. She wished it were, but the dirt and ash under her fingernails said otherwise. Even if she'd washed off most of the grime, it felt like it would never come off, not entirely.
She had blood on her hands.
But the pain, the realization that her childhood had gone down in flames, it was all muted as she returned to her new life. Time held meaning again and she realized she'd been missing for a week. How, she wasn't sure. As much as she tried, she couldn't explain where the days had gone, what she'd been doing for so long. It felt like a day, maybe two at most to her, even with all the crying and passing out. No wonder Philip had been so worried about her.
Now it was time for a heavy dose of reality. Her stomach tightened at the thought of reaching home, seeing Tom again. He'd be mad, so mad at her for disappearing, but she still couldn't remember where she'd left he phone.
It would be okay. He'd scream and rage at her, but then they'd make up and he'd love and comfort her because he was awesome like that. He'd understand. He had to.
As long as he hears you out.
Yes, that would be an issue. But she had to have faith. At this point, she had no choice. And yet, the closer she got to the apartment, the more it hurt. Getting out of the cab was a pain. The ride up in the elevator was torture. When she reached the door, her hand shook so badly, she could hardly fit the key in the lock.
She pushed the door open. The apartment was silent. For a second, she lingered in the threshold, but the familiarity lessened her fear. It smelled like Tom, like them, it was warm and welcoming. So she stepped in and closed the door, hear hearing strained for sounds of movement. As she dropped her backpack on the couch, she froze. Her phone was right there on the coffee table, and yet she was sure she hadn't left it home.
"Tom?" she called, even if she was sure he wasn't there. But the presence of her phone meant he knew she wasn't ignoring him, knew she didn't have it.
Her chest swelled with hope as she turned it on. It was charged, too, cared for.
Texts. She had so many texts. And out of all of them, one stood out.
I told you what would happen if you did this again. I wasn't even worth thirty seconds. We're done.
She stared at it, then stared some more. There was no way this was happening. Before that text, he'd just asked her if she wanted take out. Tears filled her eyes when she'd been sure she didn't have any left. Yet there they were, crawling down her cheeks as her mind failed to compute what her heart had already understood.
Trying to find some hidden meaning, she focused on her phone again. She had a voice message, so she decided to focus on that instead. To her shock, it was from Tom. A slightly slurring and obviously drunk Tom who was somewhere really loud. But his words... His words gave her hope, even if his drunken conclusion was that they'd broken up.
She had to call him and then figure out just what the hell had happened while she'd been gone.
Having no idea why her hand was shaking, he dialed his number. It rang once, twice, three times, then...
"Angie?" His tone was rightfully full of disbelief.
"Hi," she whispered. "I'm home."
Pause. Such a long painful pause.
"We need to talk." Which was the understatement of the century.
More nervewrecking pause. "Stay there. I'm coming over." And he just hung up on her.
At least he's talking to you. He didn't scream.
He sounded so much like a robot it was frightening. But worrying wouldn't help, so she sat on the couch and started browsing the press to see what had blown up so badly. Apparently, everything. News upon news about how they were responsible for Snitch Gravel's attacks and for the constant fear in which the city lived. Even their past adventures were now suspicious as people wondered just what the hell Snitch Gravel wanted from them. Angie wanted to know that too, but they haven't gotten much clarification past grudge at Freider.
No wonder Tom had sounded so desperate and crushed. It must have been on the night this happened. And she hadn't been there for him, wrapped up as she was in her own painful reality. And it wasn't just Tom. Everyone must have been shook up about this, especially Sam. Poor, poor Sam who kept having horrible things happen to him.
A burning need to talk to Kay and Jessie filled her, but she didn't dare call until she spoke to Tom. He could be in any minute. And like a given, the door opened and there he was.
She stood from the couch and took only a few steps before she faltered. He wasn't moving towards her, wasn't even stepping inside. He had his sunglasses on.
It was that little detail that shocked her beyond anything else in his appearance, so much that it took her a while to notice the stiffness in his posture. The sunglasses had been gone for so long, she couldn't even tell if he was looking at her or not.
"You don't look injured," he finally said, his voice as blank as his expression.
"I'm not," was all she could say in return.
He finally stepped in and closed the door behind him. Still no yelling, no anger so she could breathe again.
"I'm so glad to be home. It's been--" She stopped abruptly when he raised his hand. "What?"
"I don't want to hear it. It doesn't matter anymore."
"Um, what?" Because she had no idea if that was prelude for hugs and kisses or him deepening the trench between them.
"You don't have to justify yourself to me anymore. You know where I stand."
In the stupidest place possible, apparently, where there were no hugs and kisses.
"Tom, I don't want to break up with you."
He shook his head. "Too late for that."
For a moment, she was stunned, then anger flared in her chest, thinning out the air in the room and making her vision tunnel. "You do not break up with me over text having no idea what's going on!"
"I guess not." He seemed less than impressed by her outburst. "That's why I'm doing it face to face and I don't care what's going on."
This made no sense. No fucking sense. "Tom, you can't just do this after all we've been through."
He just shrugged and she wanted to punch him in the face. "Looks like I can. And if I can, then I should, because we're just wasting each other's time. Each other's lives. "
It was so absurd it was hard to believe. Maybe he was pulling some sort of elaborate prank or something, because that did not just come out of his mouth.
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
He winced the tiniest bit, but she caught it. It was the only sign of real feeling he'd shown since stepping inside what used to be their home. But now he acted as if they were nothing. Had always been nothing.
"Four years!" She knew she shouldn't be yelling, but maybe that way the information would sink into his head. "We've been together for four years. We've faced death together. We were happy!"
He wouldn't even give her that. He just stood like a statue, no trace of sentiment on his face. No regret, no pain, no disgust. That was why he had his sunglasses on. Because if he didn't, his eyes would betray him.
"Take those stupid sunglasses off."
"You're out of that circle of trust."
The words hurt more than she thought possible. And just like that, she went from denial, to anger, to bargaining.
"Please," she whispered. "You can't think this is a good idea. You can't think that this is justified."
"It is. And not just because of you--"
Anger flaierd again, bringing her one step back. "Don't feed me that it's not you it's me crap!"
"Oh no." For the first time there was a trace of sarcasm in his voice. "Because it is you. And it's me too. I'm not breaking up with you because you left without telling me. I'm breaking up with you because you left without telling me and I couldn't handle it."
The words pierced her to the core and everything around her seemed to be falling apart. "You can learn to handle it. And I promise I'll do my best to not disappear on you again."
"Too late for that."
Every word was like a shovel of earth thrown on top of her. "Please..."
"For fuck's sake, stop begging," he snapped. "I'll always be a control freak and unreasonably jealous and you'll always be a lone ranger. That's who we are. We made our bed and now we have to sleep in it. It was nice while it lasted, but now--"
"Nice? What we had was nice to you?"
Another shrug which had her grinding her teeth together.
"It's over, Angie," he said. "And if you can't see that, I feel sorry for you." He turned around and opened the door.
He couldn't go. He couldn't leave her like this, alone and broken. She needed him.
"Tom, please, I love you." Tears filled her voice, but she didn't care.
He faltered for only a second. "You shouldn't. We're both better off without each other." And just like that, he slammed the door behind him.
Angie just stared. This was nothing but a bad dream and she was still somewhere in Arizona passed out from the pain and exhaustion. Tom, her Tom, didn't just outright dump her and walked out like nothing happened.
For a moment, all stood in precarious balance. Then, it crashed. The new pain smothered the old, and yet the thought of her dead family kept rising to the forefront.
He'd dumped her while she was in mourning for her family.
He didn't know. If he knew, he'd never do something like that. All she had to do was tell him. But he hadn't wanted to hear anything, and if she were honest, she didn't want him to come back out of pity, out of guilt. She wanted him to come back because he loved her and couldn't live without her.
Then she'd tell him. And he'd feel like crap and apologize and promise to stop being a control freak and jealous and this time he'd actually mean it and all would be well.
"All will be well," she whispered to herself.
But it would take time, time she couldn't spend alone for fear of drowning. Normally, she would need her mom in a moment like this, but that was a possibility mo longer available to her.
So she did the next best thing. Her hand shaking even worse than before, she took her phone out and dialed the person she trusted most at the moment. The one person who had her back and would bring her solace both for her family and her breakup.
It kept ringing, so many times it felt hopeless, but her best friend had never disappointed her, so she answered.
"Kay," Angie whispered into the phone. "I need you."
There was no hesitation from her side. "I'm coming over."
♠️
The moment he was out of the apartment, he could finally breathe. But no amount of air was enough to stifle the flames inside him.
He managed only a few steps before he had to lean his forearm against the wall and steady himself on his feet. He pressed his forehead against his arms, taking slow, steady breaths.
Tom was sure he'd done the right thing. They couldn't go on, not after what he'd done, and when he blamed her for it on some subconscious level. But seeing her again, the weariness in her eyes, how thin and weak she looked... Not holding her then was the hardest thing he'd ever done.
You don't ever deserve to hold her.
He felt like throwing up all over again. How could he ever confused anyone for her? Drunk as he was, it was impossible. He was never drinking again. Because he didn't deserve to have the pain numbed.
"Why did you have to go?" he mumbled, very aware he could go ask her just that. But the answer wouldn't make him feel better. Just a lot worse.
He wasn't sure he could take worse. All he knew was that he'd failed. It was like he was back in the orphanage, punching holes in the walls, wondering why Angie had broken him.
Now it was obvious, yet the feeling was the same. Maybe they really weren't meant to be. Maybe they were really better off without each other.
Even if he was wrong, he had to believe it. There was no other way to get over this.
"This is it," he whispered. "You did it. Now all you have to do is survive. Life goes on."
Angie would move on. She'd finish crying, get over him and start dating someone else. They'd get married and she'd have a family.
The thought made him one to punch the faceless stranger into dust, but he knew he'd have to live with it. He'd lost all right to her when he'd touched someone else.
"She's strong. She'll be fine."
Fine without him. Soon to forget him. And he'd be nothing but an ex, maybe her first love. Definitely not her last and definitely not the one.
But he deserved it.
And with that thought, he pushed himself off the wall and could finally walk away from the place he'd been happiest in his life.
Happiness was over.
♠️♠️♠️
It is now official. Angie and Tom had broken up. That last scene was not meant to be there, but I felt the need to tack it on.
Do you feel it was ugly? And should Tom have told her what he did? Anyway, this put the finely wheel in motion so stay tuned 😅
Hoping for the next part of the chapter soon since I already have it planned out. Then it gets a little muddy, but I'll figure it out.
Also, for those who would like to get to know me better and chat about the story and the series, I have discord anyone is free to join. (Discord is a free app that lets you have a channel with multiple discussion topics and stuff)
https://discord.gg/K3UF3z
Vote and comment for support and of course to fuel the goat. 🐐