Through their eyes.
Antti's POV.
I lay there in my bed, I looked at the door and wished she'd come in wearing those heels and the red lip gloss. Who was I kidding? That'd never happen and I shouldn't even be thinking like that, she's my employer's girlfriend. Seb is also my friend, I shouldn't keep having those thoughts about her and I shouldn't want her like I do. That video and the photos, I was going to have to delete them, if Chloe or Seb found out I'd got them then I'd be fired for sure. The sound of my door being opened broke my train of thought, I lifted my upper body and leaned on my elbows to see Chloe's figure standing in the doorway, I heard her sniff a little, was she upset?
"Chloe? You ok?" I asked as I reached to the nightstand to turn the bedside lamp on. The room lit up in a soft glow, I couldn't believe my eyes as I looked at her standing there in just a lacy black bra and a tiny pair of black panties. Holy fuck, I felt as though she'd been sent to me from heaven. My heart skipped a beat and my cock started to harden just by looking at her. I just couldn't stop my body's response to her no matter how wrong I knew it was.
"I miss him." Her voice shook, my heart dropped. Sebastian, it would always be Sebastian for her.
"You will see Seb this evening." I said as I sat up, trying to offer some words of comfort but also to try and hide my growing erection. I knew she was still drunk and as I looked at her I wondered if she even realised that she was standing in my bedroom doorway in her underwear. Suddenly she stepped inside and closed the door behind her. She walked over to my bed and I got my first look at her lean body, god she looked amazing. Her skin glowed, illuminated by the light and looked as though she would feel silky soft beneath my fingers, her long hair framed her face and fell down to rest on her full breasts in that black bra and her waist created a beautiful curve to her hips that then flowed onwards to her long legs.
"I don't want to be on my own right now." She looked into my eyes as she said it and I held her gaze, trying to read the expression on her face, those words, to me, could take things in two different directions. She lifted the duvet, got into bed beside me and immediately shifted closer to me while I still held her gaze, still trying to figure out what was going through her mind. She turned to face me and gently put her hand on to my chest, she was so close to me now that I could feel the heat radiating from her body. She gave me a gentle push back and made me lay down, she was now hovering over me, her face was tantalisingly just inches from mine. All the feelings I had for her that I constantly kept pushed back came surging forward, from the very first moment I'd met her, to the moment I comforted her after Seb's accident during testing in Barcelona and the moment I'd found her dancing so beautifully in his gym in Italy and taken her through some of his exercises, her reaction to my touch that day had felt like a punch to my stomach. Those feelings that I had to constantly bury whenever I saw her with Seb or saw the post sex glow he always gave her and seeing him care for her when she was sick in Shanghai. I'd give anything to experience what it felt like to be with her, what it felt like to be in Seb's shoes, even if it was only for a moment. I just wished that she was mine, I felt anger towards Seb for hurting her like he had, even though it just a silly mistake on his part. Amongst all those feelings that I had inside me, I also had a feeling of self-loathing and jealousy. Jealousy that coursed through me every single day because she belonged to him and self-loathing because I let myself fall for my friend's girlfriend and let myself think of her in ways I simply shouldn't.
"Antti." My name fell from her lips, even being whispered it sounded good, it sounded hot. Her fingertips slid down my chest and I closed my eyes, I wanted to savour this feeling and commit it to my memory forever. I shifted a little as I lay there, she'd got me so hard already and she'd barely touched me. The only thing I could hear in the room was the sound of her breathing. Ragged, uneven breaths that suggested she was wanting me as much as I wanted her. Her small touch on my chest had ignited a fire within me and hot desire ran through every vein in my body, my skin felt hyper aware and eager for her touch. "Open your eyes Antti." She murmured. I did as she asked and opened my eyes, she moved and climbed on top of me, straddling me, she started to lower herself down towards me. I licked my lips in anticipation of her pretty mouth joining with mine. I could smell the alcohol she'd consumed, reminding me she was still intoxicated. She brushed her lips over mine teasingly before finally, lightly kissing me. It was a brief kiss, a brief moment in time. Suddenly she tensed up, regret flashed across her beautiful face, she flew off of me as though I'd burnt her and I sat up to see her looking at me, her face full of shame. "I'm sorry." She muttered. "Oh my god I'm so sorry." She put her hand over her mouth in shock.
"Its ok." I rubbed her arm, she looked at me, panicking. "Relax, it's ok, it's fine, you've been drinking yet you knew to stop before things got out of control." She nodded her head in response and got out of the bed, glancing down at her near naked figure.
"I should.....get clothes on." She mumbled and dashed to the door, shutting it with a bang behind her as she left my room. I lay back, letting out a breath, I was feeling a mixture of shame and regret, I'd let her kiss me. I felt like the biggest arsehole in the world, I'd betrayed my friend. I'd betrayed Seb. He'd never forgive me if he found out. I'd lose my job and Seb could make sure I'd never work in F1 again if he wanted to. Listening to the sound of Chloe crying in the room next door, I'd say that she felt worse than me.
~*~
Things between us on Saturday had felt strained all day, Chloe had done her best to avoid me by going out for a long run, which was unusual for her, and then going straight up to her room when she got back. I was keen to talk to her, I needed to know how she felt about what had happened, I wanted to know how she was feeling physically (I had heard her throwing up in the bathroom at 7am) and I wanted to try and smooth over the awkwardness between us as I knew Seb would pick up on it quickly. I had to wait until I was driving us to the airport to catch our evening flight to Italy before I finally got my chance to talk to her and that was only because there was nowhere she could go to avoid me. She refused to talk about what had happened early this morning, saying she couldn't really remember much about it and didn't want to be reminded, she put my car stereo on and played music loudly instead while insisting that she felt fine despite her looking tired and pale with shadows under her eyes. She slept beside me for the entire two hour flight and when she awoke she seemed happier, talking away to me as though nothing had ever happened. It made me feel uneasy, I knew she was trying to push it to the back of her mind and that this was probably her way of dealing with it but I also knew that behind the facade she was putting on it would be gnawing away at her. After landing at Bologna airport and collecting our cases we walked into the arrivals hall. We looked for Seb as we walked, he'd called Chloe this morning to see how her hangover was and said he'd pick us up.
"Seb!" I heard her call his name and she dropped her bag and left her case standing along with me as she rushed over to him. She threw her arms around him making him stagger backwards, he looked surprised and then thrilled as he wrapped his arms around her, lifting her up as held her tightly. I picked up her bag and then pulled her case along with mine towards them, knowing that her reaction to seeing him was probably down to the guilt she was feeling, that we were both feeling.
"Hi Antti." He smiled as he looked me while she had her face buried against his shoulder.
"Hi Seb, she's missed you." I nodded my head towards her. There in front of me were two people who loved each other and belonged together and I had possibly contributed towards destroying their fragile relationship in one stupid, selfish moment.
Chloe's POV.
"Seb!" I saw him standing there, waiting for us, my emotions and my guilt got the better of me and I dropped my bag to rush over to him. He staggered backwards as I threw my arms around him, I'd missed him so much, I felt him wrap his arms around me and he lifted me up as held me tightly. What the fuck was I thinking kissing his trainer?! The truth was, I wasn't thinking.
"Hi Antti." I heard his voice as he spoke to Antti while I buried my face against his shoulder, I inhaled his scent, he smelt gorgeous and at the same time comforting.
"Hi Seb, she's missed you." Antti said from behind me, I'd almost forgotten I'd left him with my bag and case.
"Hello Chloe, you ok?" He pulled away and seemed to be examining me, keeping his hands on my shoulders. I noticed that, at long last, his moustache had gone. He looked stunning.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I smiled and stepped back from him. "It's so good to see you and to see that moustache has finally gone." I stuck my tongue out at him and he grinned back at me. I noticed Antti with my bag and case. "Sorry Antti, let me take those back from you." I took them from him and together we walked outside to Seb's Maserati Levante, he opened the boot and Antti loaded the cases in while I got into the car. Once we were all in Seb started the car and we left the terminal behind us. I glanced at Seb before we left the lit up area of the car park, I'd kind of got used to the moustache and now I had to get used to him not having it. I wondered when he'd want to talk about my night out or if he'd wait until the morning as it was 10pm now and I felt tired, even after sleeping on the flight here.
"Had you smoked cannabis before?" He changed lanes, glancing in his mirrors.
"No Seb, I hadn't." I replied, unsure of his tone.
"Then why do it last night?" He glanced at me, I stayed silent, I wasn't sure how to reply. To say I was drunk sounded feeble, I wasn't proud of myself. "Steef text me last night, in case you wondered how I knew." He added, had he had Steef watching me all night?
"I needed the time out for me, I needed to let off some steam. I went out, got drunk and yes I got tempted. I'm sorry." I looked down at my lap, I felt ashamed. And to think he only knew half of my sorry tale.
"Its just so unlike you, especially after what you've been through with....." He stopped himself, remembering that Antti was behind us.
"Stephen." I said, earning myself a look from him. "You can say his name."
"I really hate saying his fucking name." He muttered, I could see that what I'd told him back in Australia was still fresh in his mind.
"I'm sorry, it was stupid of me to do it, it won't happen again. I didn't smoke alot, if that's any consolation."
"I know I can't stop you from going out but please remember that you have a job working for me, if you got recognised and this gets back to Mattia.....how the fuck do I explain my PA being seen smoking that stuff? I can't be seen to be associated with drugs of any kind. They'd make me fire you Chloe and I don't want to lose you professionally as well as....." He stopped and took breath. I felt like shit, I'd got pissed and done something really stupid without even giving him second thought. And to me, that wasn't even the worst thing I'd done.
"I'm sorry Seb." I looked at him before turning to look out of the window into the darkness.
"Please, just don't put yourself in that position again, don't put me in a position where I'd have to let you go. It'd break my fucking heart to not see you again." He put his hand on my thigh and I let him keep it there, I suddenly wanted that small touch from him. The atmosphere in the car felt strained and for me, we hadn't even got to the worst part. My guilt was eating away at me, I knew I would lose him totally and that Hannah would be ready and willing to pick up the pieces.
~*~
I got up early the next morning, I'd barely slept and there was no point in me laying there any longer. I went down to the kitchen and made myself a coffee from the Nespresso machine. I could hear Seb's voice in the lounge, he sounded happy and he laughed as he chatted away in his native language. I knew he'd be on a Skype call to his girls, today was Easter Sunday and although he'd much rather be spending the day with them, Skype was the next best thing. I carried my coffee into the lounge, Seb looked up at me from his seat in the armchair, a frown crossed his face for a second, I must look as rough as I feel. I sat down, holding my mug with both hands as though my life depended on it's contents. As I listened to his voice and to those of his little girls my stomach began to twist with anxiety as I started to think about what I was going to say to him. My coffee was looking less and less appealing. I sat there staring into the distance, looking at nothing in particular, lost in my thoughts.
"Are you ok? Did you even sleep last night? You look exhausted." His words brought me out of my awful thoughts, I hadn't even realised he finished his call and had moved to sit next to me. I put my mug down on the table in front of me, I'd totally lost the taste for my coffee now. I took a deep breath.
"There's something I have to tell you." I murmured, I was feeling sick with nerves now.
"Ok, go on." He replied, I watched as he switched his mobile to silent as if he knew that what I was going to say wouldn't be good. I swallowed and took another deep breath.
"I kissed Antti."
Sebastian's POV.
The next morning I got up just after 8am, I felt tired, I'd laid awake for ages overnight thinking about Chloe, her behaviour worried me at times, I didn't want a PR disaster to deal with if she'd been photographed smoking cannabis. She seemed to go off the rails so easily, I laid the blame thoroughly on Stephen for that. I headed down to the kitchen and poured myself a large glass of orange juice, I took it into the lounge and fired up the lap top ready to make a Skype call to Mia and Leonie. Today was Easter Sunday, one of those days that reminded me how much I missed them and how much I was missing out on by being away from them for so long. As I sat down in a comfy armchair I opened Skype and quickly selected Hannah's name. Within seconds she answered and two smiling little faces greeted me, they instantly made me feel better and made me smile.
"Hallo meine schönen Mädchen." (Hello my beautiful girls.) They lit up my screen but not as much as they lit up my life.
~*~
I'd been on my call for nearly half an hour when Chloe came walking in, I looked up at her as she walked past before sitting on the sofa. She looked utterly exhausted, worse than she'd looked at the airport last night. After another ten minutes I said my goodbyes to my girls, she'd been just sitting there, not taking a single sip from her mug and staring into the distance. She was obviously deep in thought. "Are you ok? Did you even sleep last night? You look exhausted." I moved to sit next to her. She suddenly realised I was next to her, almost jumping in surprise and put the mug down on the table in front of me.
"There's something I have to tell you." She murmured.
"Ok, go on." I switched my mobile phone to silent, I had a feeling I wasn't going to like what was about to come out of her mouth.
"I kissed Antti." The words fell from her lips, her face and tone was full of remorse.
"Oh Chloe." I leant my elbows on my knees and put my head in my hands and let out a massive sigh, this was the last thing I expected to hear. I shook my head. This hurt, alot. My heart ached and I felt as though the air had been sucked out of me.
"I was drunk, all I could think of was you kissing Hannah and it hit me how much I really fucking miss you and I didn't want to be on my own, I needed someone, anyone. And now I've fucked it all up with one stupid fucking kiss." She started to babble. "I went into his room, I just wanted him to hold me so I got into his bed, I don't even like him in that way, I don't know what I was thinking, I wasn't thinking. I kissed him but I just wanted you. I needed you. Please don't blame him for any of this." She stopped as I lifted my head to look at her. She looked back at me, waiting for my reaction. My mind was whirling as I let it sink in. I swallowed, pushing down the anger that was threatening to come out, I wanted to yell at her, shake her and ask her what the fuck she was thinking and ask her why him? But I knew the answer, he was there for her and I hadn't been. I'd kissed Hannah and broken our relationship. I stood up, I needed to get away from her, I needed to be alone to sort this out in my head.
"I need some time on my own." I looked down at her, she looked panicked.
"Seb, please, it meant nothing, it's all my fault." She stood up also, taking hold of my arm.
"I need to think." I removed myself from her grip and went to leave the room.
"Ready for a run?" Antti appeared in the doorway, he looked at me and then at her. His face said it all, he knew she'd told me.
"Yeah, I'll just get ready." I left the room, leaving two very worried people behind me.
~*~
I came to a stop outside my large house, I stood for a moment listening to the calming sound of the wind gently rustling the leaves on the branches. I noticed Antti's car had gone. After listening to Chloe plead with me to go easy on him I'd then had to listen to him grovel for half of our run, I'd exploded with anger at him letting him know exactly how I felt, calling him a treacherous piece of shit and that I'd noticed his growing affection for Chloe, I'd said how I knew that he was waiting for his chance with her, how he was desperate to get into her knickers as soon as my back was turned and that as long I was around I'd make sure he never got another opportunity. I'd shoved him up against the wall of someone's property, I'd been so close to punching him, I'd given him a final warning, if he so much as laid a finger on her or even fucking breathed on her, he was gone. I then told him that he was to fly home to Finland, straight after the race in Baku and that I didnt want to see him until we all arrived in Barcelona for the following GP. I'd stayed out for an extra thirty minutes after Antti had gone back to the house, I'd needed to calm down. He'd told me exactly what had happened and that she'd kissed him, like she said, they'd both known it was wrong and they were both full of remorse, Chloe even more so. As she was technically single right now and I'd kissed Hannah whilst I was with Chloe, what right did that give me to lay into her about kissing Antti? I couldn't blame her for what she'd done, whether it was to get back at me or not. She'd been drunk, she hadn't quite known what she was doing. It had meant nothing. I couldn't be angry with her but I'd been fucking fuming with my PT, he'd been perfectly sober. I guess you could say we'd both fucked up now. I walked into the house to find her sitting in the lounge.
"Get something on your feet, we're going for a walk." She looked up from her phone as she heard my words. She got up quickly and left the room, returning a couple of minutes later with her trainers on. She stood in front of me wearing black leggings with a pink t-shirt over her sports bra, she was looking skinny, she was seriously going to have to do something about her weight and put some back on. She followed me out of the door and we walked for about ten minutes in silence while I thought about what I was going to say to her. We left the quiet road and headed a short distance over a grass field into a wooded area, the sun was warm and the shade offered by the trees was welcoming. "I want you to know that I'm not angry with you." I looked at her as we walked through the grass, she'd removed her hair tie, letting her hair hang down her back, it gleamed where the sun was hitting it through the trees and made me want to run my fingers through it like I often did when we kissed or made love. That thought made my stomach flip and I began to want her all over again.
"You were angry with Antti though." She replied.
"Yes I was, you were drunk, he was not." I was choosing my words carefully, I didn't want to push her further away from me than she already was.
"You're sending him home after Baku, is that wise? What about your training?"
"I thought it best that he has some time away and I can train on my own, or maybe you could train with me? I want to spend some time alone with you." I stopped and looked up at the trees for a second. "I don't want to talk about Antti, I want to talk about us." We began to walk again. "I'm not angry with you over what happened. I know you're still hurting over me kissing Hannah and that maybe you wanted to get back at me and I know you needed me and I just wasn't there for you."
"That's not your fault." She shot back. "You've been here in Italy."
"I fucked up when I kissed Hannah, I broke your heart....." I began but she cut me off.
"I didn't do what I did just to get back at you, my heads been so messed up." We stopped and she turned to face me. "I'm struggling because I can still see you kissing her, because of your daughters she'll always be in your life, and she's connected to you in a way that I'll never be, I'm jealous of her Seb and I did it because I miss you so much and I just wanted someone at that moment, not to get back at you but just to have a connection to someone. I just went into his room and....... I didn't think....he could have been anyone."
"And that makes all this my fault. I'm getting to know how you react to being hurt and being unhappy and I'm sorry I haven't been able to make you feel better." I stepped closer to her, I was desperate to hold her again like I had last night at the airport. "Please don't be jealous of Hannah, I love you, not her and that's a connection to me that she'll never have. I'd love for you to have that connection to me that a child would give you and I know you maybe wouldn't want that right now, but in the future. Whatever you want, I know I'll want that too. What I'm trying to say is that I don't blame you for doing what you did, I get it."
"You'd do that for me?"
"Yes, I'd do anything for you." I nodded my head, I would literally do anything for this woman, I wanted to give her the world because she was my world.
"So you forgive me?" She asked, her green eyes looked into mine, I swear they matched the colour of the trees around us. I noticed she had few freckles as the breeze blew a few strands of her hair across her beautiful face.
"There's nothing to forgive, I just want to continue to work on regaining your trust and your love." I reached out and touched her face. "I miss you so much liebe." I felt a rush of love as she leaned her head into my hand, an automatic response of hers to my touch and one of the things I was missing so much by not being with her.
"I don't deserve you." She pulled me into her arms and I got to hold her like I wanted and needed to. It felt so good, I didn't want to let go.
"Ich liebe dich." I spoke softly to her, she didn't reply but I wasn't expecting her to. She gave me a gentle squeeze in response. We stood for a few minutes and I closed my eyes, letting the sounds of the breeze and the birds fill my ears as I kissed the top of her head. I was not there yet, but I felt that I was on my way to getting my girl back.