Chapter 20-7 +7-7
The Longest Night Cubed
"You're some father," I barked at Dad, swinging him by the elbow and into the cluttered broom closet.
I closed the door behind him and he turnd on the single bulb.
I grabbed a broom and pointed it at him. "What kind of dark magic and evil spells do you know, and have cast on Price, dad?"
He rolled his eyes and grabbed the mopped, striking it agaisnt my broom, like they were swords. He pressed on it, and I slid back a bit. "I have no idea what you are talking about, Jer," he said. "I'm your father and you will remove this broom out of my face before I tell your mother."
"Mother?" I spat. I spay twice. THRICE at the word. "That's how much you care about my mother."
Dad's eyes narrowed. "This has gone on for long enough," he barked at me. "You want Price's hand? Fight me for it."
I asdfghjkl-ed. "What makes you think I want Price's hand, hmm?" I asked, queried, demanded. "Maybe I just believe in the sanctity of marriage, or maybe I don't agree with underage relationships or maybe I just don't like the idea that my best friend in the whole wide world and my Dad are butt buddies!"
"You love him, you oaf!" he shouted. He pressed his mop sword against mine. I fought it and managed to push him off, swinging my broom sword and it clashed into his.
"I am not gay, Dad!" I shouted. "I think I'd know if I was gay."
"Really?" he asked. "You didn't know you were lactose intolerant until you were six."
"Hives are a naturally occuring thing in nature," I said.
"For bees," he answered, flabergasted, smeckledorfed (which isn't even a word, but I bet some poeple would agree with him).
"I am not in love with Price Bigg," I said. "I just find him to be a nice, caring, beautiful individual with the perfect hair and eyes...and like, the cutest laugh and the most generous smile......and like, fuck, when he cheers me on at the pool when I'm swimming, I just feel like I can do anything and GOD DAMNIT okay so what if I'm in love with him?" I SHOUTED. "There! I said it! I'm in love with him. Happy?"
"NO." he said. "You raised your broom sword to your own father. You want Price's hand, you're gonna have to battle me for it."
The door opened at that moment and Micah stuck his head in. "I'm not sure if you guys realize this, but you're not in some secret bunker - why are you holding a broom and a mop, don't answer that - and also loud as fuck."
"Watch your tongue, Micah," Mom said, also poking her head in. "I don't know what god damn world war either of you started and if it's so serious that the broom and mop swords had to be brought out, but Jeremy, it's time to cut the cake, so if you'd come out so we could sing happy birthday to you, I'd appreciate it."
"Yes, mom. Faithful wife."
"Ugh," Dad, well, ughed. "Let's just get this night over with."
I gasped. "This is how you treat your son?" I dropped my broom sword. "The night of your first born child was born and you want to get it over with? Would Jospeh say that to Jesus?"
"Jesus Christ, Jer get over yourself," Micah snorted.
Mom opened the door wide and Dad slinked out, tail tucked in his ass crack no doubt. "He's afraid of me," I told Mom and Micah.
"You're weird," Mom said.
I coughed. "Shall we?"
I lead the both of them back to the front of the room, where the crowd had assembled around a pink and white pound cake that was as high as about 70% of the party goers. "Where's Price?" I asked.
Micah shrugged. "Probably disovering that Mario is gay."
I blinked. "Say what?"
Micah rolled his eyes. "Blow out your candles, you fruitcake."
"No," I huffed. I looked at Dad, who stood a few inchews away with Mom standing next to him. He was shaking his head 'no'. Mom looked confused. She wouldn't be in second.
The cake was in the center and the crowd had circled me. Micah leaned in. "Dude, what ever you're thinking of doing, don't do it."
"When have my plans ever gone wrong?" I asked him.
He gave me a look. LIke I somehow grew a second head. And it looked like Judge Judy.
"Whatever," I said. "Go get Price and the others."
He shrugged. "Whatever it is that you're going to do, it's going to blow up in your face. Like Hiroshima-blow up."
"I doubt that," I said. Not that this all wasn't majorly uncoolio, but it's something that needed to be done. And done publically.
So, I stood up from the cake, dipped my index finger in it. Some of the crowd gasped. I applied the icing to my cheek, like war paint.
Dad rolled his eyes and Mom's were twitching.
I looked up and saw everyone on the railing. Price was staring down with his eyes wider than the Hudson. His hands clutched the staircase, Joy above him and Rory beneath him. I could tell that both of their eyes were screaming for me to not to do whatever I was going to do.
But death to them. This felt right.
I pointed at Price.
"That boy is mine," I said.
The room went quiet.
"Holy shit," Mom said. She stepped forward. "You're coming out right here, right now?" She felt her pockets. "Wait," she held up a finger, "I need to get the video camera or my phone," she said, sprinting out of the room.
"If you want him, you're going to have to go through me. He's mine and no one else's." I looked at Rory and frowned. "Sorry, dude, but I need him."
He held up his hands. "He's yours, man," he said, laughing.
Price's eyes were wide. Joy's eyes were wide. Tina's eyes were wide. But that must have somehing to do with Mario coming out wrapped in a sheet with her brother(????) next to him.
Wait. What?
"Okay," Dad said, "everyone go out to the back yard for the fireworks display."
It took a while for them to move, but after about five minutes, the room cleared except for Dad, Mom (who came running back with her phone in her hands), Micah, Rory, Joy, a half-naked Mario, Tina red headed brother (also not clothed), a reddish Tina, a very confused Price and an ultra-confused Jeremy.
"Okay, okay," I said. "Explain to me what's going on?"
"Tina's brother and Mario are butt buddies," Micah said. "Tina was covering for them. She actually has a boyfriend who lives upstate."
"How do you know all of that?" Tina asked.
Micah shrugged. "Sources."
I turned to Dad. "So, are you going to tell mom that you're sleeping with Price?"
Mom snorted. "Say what?"
Dad rolled his eyes. "He thinks Price and I are having an affair; the same way he thinks Rory and Price were actually dating."
"Oh, baby," Mom laughed, camera pointing in my face. "The grandkids are going to love this video."
"Wait." I looked at Rory, who was smirking, and then at Price who's eyes looked everywhere but me. "You guys weren't dating?"
"I hate his guts," Rory chuckled. "Well, I hate it a little less now, but I still hate most of his guts."
"Why?" I asked. Rory opened his mouth to speak, but I stopped him. "Not you, Rory." I walked over to the end of the staircase. Rory moved lef, so Price was in full view. "PB?"
His cheek twitched. But he looked. "J?" he mumbled, soft.
"Why?" I asked. "Why pretend to like Rory?"
He sighed. He scratched the back of his head. "Well, it's either a) I just like messing with you, b) I actually do like Rory and the hate/love thing, c) None of this is real and I'm going to wake up any second or d)Jesus. I love you, okay?" Mom squealed. "I'm in love with you and I have been for years now."
My mouth hung. Jesus. Hebert. Christ. Price. "I love you too, stupid," I laughed. I ran up the stairs, nearly tripping and falling to my death. But Price caught me before I could fall. Yes, that was a pun.
I grabbed him by his waist and we hovered in front of each other. "I love you Price Bigg. There's no comma in between those words. Brief pausing isn't in my vocab right now."
He smiled. The only thing missing was cute ass braces, then his nerdy cuteness would be complete. "I Love you too, Jeremy Smalle."
Then I bent down and gripped by his ass, hoisting him up so he was eye level.
And I kissed him.
And kissed him.
And then I breathed. and Laughed.
Then I kissed him again.
"I'm gonna assume the answer was d," I said.
He laughed. "It sure is."
Epilogue comes later tonight.