Shawn still refuses to tell me where we're going. Even as we're in the car, driving on the interstate after having eaten breakfast and checked out of the hotel, he still won't tell me who we're seeing. All I get is that we're going to a concert. But it's two in the afternoon, and not to be rude, but I doubt we need to wait in line hours before just to get in like I had to when I was a broke teenager.
I'm not frustrated at all.
I don't particularly like surprises, but I suppose since he's cute and this is a one-time thing, I can deal with it.
I think the fact that I finally got the finalized script for the movie is also helping me settle down. It was a little comical how it actually got in my hands. Shawn and I were in the middle of getting dressed when my phone rang with a call from Sidney. He told me Andrew had something for me because it was originally mailed to Sidney, but obviously Sidney isn't with me right now. Andrew handed me the package when we were having breakfast. I felt like I was a spy. And it also felt surreal to even hold the script in my hands.
And now, there's something insanely lovely about reading through a script with Shawn's hand holding mine.
I grin down at the page, looking up to tell Shawn what I'd just read, only to find he's already smiling. "What?"
"You squeeze my hand when you get excited," he confesses, a little sheepishly, probably embarrassed to have even noticed it. "Sorry, it's cute. What happened?"
I squeeze his hand again to tease him, but then I begin gushing about Margaret. Or Peg. A recurring theme in the story is how she adamantly demands to be called Peg, so as not to be confused with the Princess. But she was a bit of a trailblazer, despite growing up during the war, and in a town that was the target of any and every bomb you can think of.
I stop mid-sentence, my eyes catching the sight of the Rose Bowl Stadium that has a poster for Taylor Swift's reputation Stadium Tour on the outside. My eyes widen almost in slow motion, drifting to Shawn's to see his extremely cheeky grin splitting his face.
"Surprise?" He laughs nervously.
"We're...Wait a minute," I let out a laugh of my own, moving the script off my lap and onto the seat beside me. "We're...We're going there?"
He nods.
"To see Taylor Swift?"
He nods again, this time kissing the back of my hand. "I told you I'd take you to see her someday."
"No..."
"No?"
"No way!" I practically tackle him in a hug as best as I can sitting in the back of this car, hearing Andrew laughing from the front seat. "I didn't think someday would be this soon." I knew she was on tour, obviously, but I had...I had no idea. This wasn't even a hopeful thought in my brain.
"Well, someday is today," he replies, and the excitement in me reaches an all-time high as we ease over to exit the interstate.
+++
I stuff the script in my bag that I carry with me into the stadium. The stadium that I'm about to meet Taylor Swift in.
I don't know how I'm actually walking. I think I'm floating. I think Shawn is actually holding me up.
That's not happening. But he is rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand to try and calm me down.
"Is she even like...real?"
Shawn laughs loudly, causing me to shove his shoulder. "Yes, honey, she's real. I promise." He pauses. "Are you okay?"
"Are you okay? How can you be so calm?"
"Because I've toured with her," he replies.
"Ooh, I'm Shawn Mendes and I've toured with Taylor Swift!"
"I do not sound like that!"
"You're right, you don't," I sigh, latching onto his arm like a koala again. "I'm freaking out."
"Yeah you are."
"Don't make fun of me, Mendes."
"I'm not," he leans over, pressing a kiss to my temple. "It'll be okay." He pauses to shift, letting go of my hand so he can wrap an arm around my shoulders. "She's gonna love you."
"See, you say that—"
"No, she will."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because I love you."
I freeze then. If I wasn't freaked out before, his words made it worse. Slowly, I turn my head to look at him, blinking. He smiles, so I smile back, but I can't actually register what I'm doing.
Was he just saying that to make me feel better? Was that a knee-jerk, she's-freaking-out, say-something-quick reaction? Or was that...real?
I don't have time to find an answer to those questions because we are being guided through a door by some security, presumably to the backstage area where Taylor is.
I'm sweating. I'm genuinely, actually sweating.
Shawn moves his arm to just hold my hand since it's more comfortable while we're walking down the hallway. The walk seems to last forever even though I know it has to only last a few minutes, but eventually we are standing outside a door that Taylor Swift is on the other side of.
I think I might pass out. Right here. Just fall over into Shawn and have him catch me. I know he would, so I wouldn't have to worry about hitting my head on anything, though it'd probably freak him out more than anything.
Taylor's security opens the door, allowing us to go inside. Shawn practically has to drag me because I am stumbling, not even sure I'm real. Forget wondering if Taylor's real, I'd like to know if I'm alive right now. Am I?
I must be, because as soon as Taylor emerges from behind the curtain and spots me, she rushes to hug me first.
I know I must be stiff because Shawn chuckles, and explains, "She's freaking out right now."
Taylor pushes back from the hug, rubbing my arms. "Why are you freaking out, baby?"
"Oh my God," is all I can say, covering my mouth with my hands. "I'm ridiculous. I've met so many people, but I was outside asking him if you were real."
She laughs, and it's sweet and melodic, exactly like what you'd expect from her. "I was so glad he told me he could come so I could meet you!"
"You wanted to meet me?"
She nods seriously. "I had to meet the girl who got ahold of his big heart," she gives him a teasing look.
"That would be her," Shawn smiles softly, rubbing circles in my back.
"Wait, can I give you an actual hug now?"
"Of course!" She envelops me in her arms, and this time I have enough of my senses back to wrap my arms around her. I try not to hug her for too long, but when she starts swaying and holding me tighter, it's extremely hard to let go of it.
Once we finish our hug, she turns to finally give Shawn a hug. "I'm so glad you could come. The crowd is going to flip out tonight."
"I'm ready," he chuckles. "This is a complete surprise?"
She nods. "I'm not telling anyone. So we can take pictures, but let's not post them until after."
"You got it," I nod. "I'll try not to take too many pictures."
"Take as many as your heart desires," she grins. "Do you guys want anything to eat or drink?"
I'm not exactly hungry, but I'm also still pretty freaked out by this whole thing. "Just some water is fine," I smile.
She raises her eyebrows. "You sure? I have wine."
I gasp, giving her a look, even though wine does sound good right now. "It's too early!"
"It's never too early for wine," she replies, entirely serious, but comes back from her fridge with two bottles of water. "Come sit! We still have an hour before they come hunt us down for soundcheck."
+++
I'm sitting on Taylor Swift's couch. Under a blanket with Taylor Swift. Backstage with Taylor Swift.
I'm dreaming. I must be.
"Did he really need to go tune his guitar?"
"Probably," she shrugs. "I just wanted a moment to hang out with you."
"You can't say things like that!" I squeal, covering my face. "I'm so red just from sitting here."
"It's adorable," she laughs. "And I'm gonna make it worse, but I want to hear all the stories you've got about Shawn."
"Like what?"
"Okay, where did you guys meet?"
That question is always the hardest to answer. And something about sitting here with her – maybe it's just because she's a person I greatly look up to, I don't know, but I feel like I can confide in her. Like I can tell her the truth about Shawn and I's relationship, just to get an outside eye looking in that isn't my best friend who wants Shawn to be my Happily Ever After. Someone who knows what they're talking about and isn't clouded by their friendship with me.
Taylor seems like she's the kind of person who could give me real advice, not just for this situation but for myself. I love Kate, and talking to her does help, but I need someone else.
"Do you remember when I told you 'Dancing With Our Hands Tied' is my favorite song of yours right now?"
She looks startled by my question because it doesn't at all answer her own, but she nods, waiting for me to continue.
"Okay, well I think it's because the lyrics – I relate to them the most right now. Because that fear you sing about...that fear is really real for me right now." I pause, realizing I'm not making an ounce of sense. "This—Shawn and I met because—" I stop myself again, letting out a shaky chuckle. She's looking at me sincerely, silently encouraging me to say what I need to. "We started as a publicity stunt," I pause to let out a better laugh. "I think I first introduced myself to his manager as a Professional Publicity Stunt because these...these fake relationships are my job. They've been my life for four years."
She narrows her eyes. "So...you two aren't together?"
"No, we are – I don't know."
"Because," she breathes, shifting on the couch to touch my arm gently, gaining my full attention. "I've seen and been in relationships for publicity. And what I saw you two walked in here was not fake at all."
"That's the thing," I let out another shaky chuckle, feeling the stupid, frustrated tears welling in my eyes. "It doesn't feel fake."
"It looks real."
I nod. "That's how it feels."
"Then why are you crying, baby?"
I shake my head, letting more tears fall down. "I don't even know." I wipe at my face, shaking my head again. I'm being ridiculous. "This started as a job. And now I'm in way over my head. I didn't plan for this to happen, you know? I didn't plan to fall in—to fall for him like this."
She squeezes my hand, offering a reassuring smile. "I know. You never plan to. I didn't plan it, either."
I give her a confused look.
She sandwiches my hand between hers, rubbing her fingers over my knuckles. "When I felt myself starting to fall for Joe, I immediately called him and told him we had to break up."
I sniffle, widening my eyes. "What?"
"I did," she nods. "I told him it wasn't going to work and that it would be unfair to him because of the lifestyle I have. And do you know what he told me?"
"What?"
"No," she chuckles. "He just said no. He said we would figure it out and we would work through it. But he wouldn't let me break up with him." She pauses, leaning closer to emphasize her point. "And we did. We have. So think about that when you hear that song."
I nod. "Okay."
"But can I tell you something?"
"Of course you can," I chuckle.
"Just from the look on your faces when you came in here, it's real. And I don't think there's anything in this world that could stop it."
I break out into a grin as she does, clearly proud of herself for her pun with her own lyrics.
"Thank you," I smile. "Really."
"Come here," she pulls me into another hug, rubbing my back. "You're gonna be okay. You'll figure things out."
I bury my face in her shoulder. "Thank you."
"Of course," she whispers. "Now, we need to talk about something else before – too late."
I don't understand what she means until I turn around, and Shawn's smile immediately falls into a frown when he sees my tear stained cheeks.
"What's wrong?" He slides onto the couch next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I lean into him, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
"I'm okay. We were just talking about some girl stuff."
"I leave you with my girlfriend for ten minutes and you've made her cry," he teases, but I hear the worry lacing itself around his words.
Taylor accepts it fully, grimacing. "I'm so sorry. I have that effect on people."
"You do," he laughs, turning around. "I passed Joe coming in here. He should be coming– There he is."
"You're back!" Taylor cheers.
"I'm back," he chuckles, seeing my face and furrowing his eyebrows.
But it's okay, because I have the same expression. "Hi?"
"I know you," he smiles. "What are you doing here?" He asks as he walks over and slides onto the couch behind Taylor.
Taylor watches on in amazed confusion as I explain, "Shawn is my boyfriend and he surprised me with this today." I pause, looking to Taylor because I realize now we haven't talked about this. "I'm playing Margaret in the new Andrew Moore film."
She gasps in excitement. "You're an actress!"
"A wannabe one, yeah."
"Stop that," Shawn scolds lightly, poking me in the ribs.
"It's a small world," Joe nods. "Have you gotten your script?"
"I did this morning, yeah. Have you?"
"Yesterday," he nods, giving me a look. "It's extraordinary."
"No spoilers!" I hold up my hand. "I'm barely halfway."
He holds his hands up in defense. "I'll say nothing."
"Good," I smile.
"This is so weird," Taylor chuckles. "Our worlds are colliding."
"They are," Shawn smiles, grabbing my hand. "Oh, and I'm supposed to tell you we need to be at soundcheck."
"Right now?"
"Yeah," he laughs.
"Shawn!" She screams, standing up from the couch. "You were always late on tour."
"Not true!" He defends. "Time worked differently for me."
"Oh, bullshit!" I give him a look. "We are always late and it's your fault."
His mouth hangs open while Taylor and Joe laugh, amused by my comment, but Shawn shakes his head. "We'll discuss this later."
Taylor smiles at us. "You're welcome to come watch or you can stay in here if you're comfy."
"I'm comfy," I admit. "And I really should do some more reading."
"Okay," she nods, turning to head to the door with Joe.
Shawn stands to leave, keeping his hand in mine as he looks down at me. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," I nod, meaning that for the first time the past few days. "I promise."
"Okay," he gives me a look like he doesn't want to leave me here, but shakes it away. He leans down to press a kiss to my lips. "We'll be back."
"I know," I chuckle. "Go have fun. I'll be right here."
"Okay," he presses a final kiss to my forehead before leaving with Taylor and Joe.