The quaint restaurant pleases me. People watching isn't normally my thing, but today it is. A Friday noon rush, many elders sit in solitude. I've always wanted to sit with one, but I'm afraid they're actually mean.
They look cute on the outside, but the inside, they're vicious, not all are. Maybe they want to be alone, hence, why they are. They'd probably say something between the lines of, "Get out of that seat you son of a bitch. I didn't come here to be pestered.."
Then again, who knows, you can make a friend that way. Older people are extremely wise; I've learned over the years. I love listening to their tales about how they grew up. How love was different back then, school, their jobs, clothes, food, everything is new to me, but old to them. Just like our way of living today is old for us, but new for them.
My eyes land on a specific young boy, probably seventeen years old. Hopefully not a worry in the world. Surprisingly not on his phone, he fidgets with the paper from his straw, folding it until it's an inch thick. Bouncing his heel up and down, anxious about something, I'm not sure what.
After he's done playing with the straw paper, he dumps all the sugar packets out of their container. Reorganizing each packet neatly, I could wonder what this kids deal is, but I don't really care. He could just be impatiently waiting for his date to arrive. If that's the case, the asswipe should've picked her up.
It's daunting to think how every single person here has a story. One in which why they are here today. Some are hungry, maybe some are like me, where they just need to get out of the house. To rid their thoughts and just be consumed by smiling faces.
The young boy pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Nibbling on his finger nail, I can tell he's anxious. I get up, not taking my eyes off of him. The seat opposite is open, so, I sit. He jumps, caught his attention, his eyes scan me, lost. "Hello, I'm Sydney."
I extend my hand, he removes his from his mouth and wipes the dirty hand on his pants. I want to gag, but I suck it up. Axel has put me through worse situations when it comes to germs. He returns my hand shake, a ghost of a smile on his face.
"Arthur Romen..." Up close, freckles scatter across his face. Jet black hair combs his sideburns, thin eyebrows raise at me. A Led Zeppelin shirt strapped against his chest, I suppress the urge to vomit. Bracelets wrap around his wrists, this kid is such a kid.
"Sorry to disturb you...Arthur. You just look frantic, and a little too young to be out of school." Worry creases his features, he raises his hands to cup his ears. Eyes pinch shut, I'm beginning to feel a little frightened myself.
Maybe interfering wasn't such a good idea, but if Axel ever needed help, I'd like it if someone at least offered. This boy looks shook. "Oh god, is it that noticeable?" I nervously nod my head yes. "This is my first attempt at skipping school, ever. A girl in my class told me to meet her here after the third bell. I've been waiting here for twenty minutes, I don't think she's going to show."
I know what that feels like. Thinking the boy you fell in love with will storm through that hospital door, ready to hold your hand. To, console you, words of encouragement as we were supposed to take on the world together. Then I realized, you can't expect anything from anyone, because if you do, you'll always be disappointed.
"So...she couldn't just wait to hang out with you after school?" From the looks of Arthur, he doesn't look like a typical bad boy. In fact, he's the exact opposite. Converse shoes, dark wash skinny jeans, he seems like a decent kid. "Tell me about her."
"Who? Clare?" No. Bill Clinton's left nut. Yes! Clare! I vigorously nod my head yes, with an, are you dumb look on my face. He props a hand under his chin, all the weight from his head, held up from his elbow. "Wow. Well, she's a summer breeze, warm and beautiful. Everyone wants to be around her. I imagine her auburn curls being soft as they bounce on her skin. Those pink cheeks stick out from her lovely pale exterior. That peach colored lipgloss she wears, gosh would I love to just take a taste. Her arched skinny eyebrows, flawless. Gorgeous light green, sweet little eyes, that accept everyone. But when she smiles, damn, when that girl smiles, that's really when she looks like summertime. Such a pretty girl."
Wowzers. I really wish I had a teenage daughter right now! He's such a sweetheart who deserves the best. This is how men should treat women, how he admires her is adorable and admirable in itself. I literally want to cry. I hope Axel will grow up to be similar to Arthur. "Arthur, that's the nicest thing I've ever heard. Just eliminate the swearing, kind of unattractive." I whisper the second part. "She doesn't sound like the type of girl to curse."
I'm only fibbing about the unattractive part. I love it when Jason curses, god it's so rough, and honest. Mmh that man drives me mad. "Oh no, was it too much? Sometimes I go a little overboard." Brown eyes become saucers, he's freaking out.
"No! It was perfect. So how long have you been dating?" He grabs the back of his neck and laughs. Shaking his head frantically, I'm left confused. "What?"
"Are you nuts?! Dating?! She can't even remember who I am half the time. Only when she needs my homework, that's why I'm here now actually. She copies my homework, and I'm okay with that, because I get to watch her elegance." Oh hell no. Fuck that. This young man does not deserve to be used. No one deserves to be used.
"Are you nuts?!" I ask mimicking him with his preferred question. "You're willing letting her use you? That's bullshit!"
"No cursing remember? That's unattractive." He mocks me.
"I'm a fucking adult. I can curse anytime I damn well please. Now, seriously Arthur, you are worth so much more than this. I know I don't know you, but you are friendly, smart, cute, don't let a girl walk all over you. There are tons of pretty girls out there."
"Friendly, smart that's something I've never heard before." He says with strict sarcasm. "Cute? Are you hitting on me Ms. Jones? I think that's illegal, but I'll let it slide...this time." I roll my eyes at him, that's not what I meant. "I'm tired of those adjectives. I want to be mysterious, different, alluring, you know?"
That makes me laugh. He crinkles his nose and raises an eyebrow. "Are you a girl? Of course I know what you mean, because that's exactly what every girl wants to be, how they want to feel about themselves. Listen, don't change for another person, ever. Change for yourself. Don't be someone else's image, because a great girl out there, could be looking just for you."
He swallows my words and digests them, hopefully he won't just shit them out. I hope he absorbs the nutrients and uses them for the better. "Maybe you're right. I don't want to give up video games, reading, that sort of thing. I can always acquire new hobbies, but I want to be me." There we go! I smile wide. I've gotten through to him! "So...why are you here...by yourself?"
I thought we could just avoid this conversation. I hate talking about my problems, that's why I keep everything to myself. To let everything be released into the world is detrimental. No one keeps secrets, they rip yours to shreds, using them against you. "Just hungry, you know?" I look to the side to avoid eye contact.
He laughs this time. "Are you a boy? Of course I know what you mean, because that's exactly how every boy feels." I throw my head back and laugh. This kid is something else.
"Well, Arthur, I'm glad we could be relatable. This was fun, I should probably let you alone now, after all my pestering questions." I go to scoot my chair away from the table when he speaks up.
"Wait, I know I'm just a kid or whatever, but sometimes youthful advice can be useful advice." He wouldn't know anything about how to terminate the opportunity of Axel living with his dad.
He doesn't know about Jason thinking I've cheated on him, or how to prove him wrong. I hope he doesn't know what it feels like to be betrayed.
"That's sweet, but my problems swim deeper than just a pool. They swim in the fucking ocean, and unless your Neptune, I don't think you or anyone else can help."
"It's a guy isn't it?" He catches my attention. Is it written all over my face? Or is it just a typical problem for most people?
I sigh into the calm atmosphere. "Yea, but I don't think you'd know anything about that." He picks his hands up and puts himself on display.
"Uhh hello! I'm a guy, I think I'd know everything about that." I can't believe I'm about to tell a young kid about my overdramatic problems.
"Fine. My boyfriend thinks I've cheated on him with a guy who is actually trying to help me win a custody battle over my son with my ex boyfriend from high school who doesn't give a shit about either of us who may I add is having yet another kid with my best friend from said high school." An exaggerated breath leaves me. That was a lot to get out, but it feels so much better. I wish I could just scream that at Jason.
He braces himself on the table, astonished. "Pretty sure that was a big run on sentence. Okay, maybe I don't have any advice to help you with that. But, I can tell you, if you don't go after him and at least try to make it all right, you'll forever regret it. Just be the bigger person and force him to listen."
It's my turn to swallow his words. It's not like I haven't thought of that before, it's not totally ludicrous. But pictures in our head won't always match up to reality. "You know what, you're absolutely right, I'll tell him. Whatever happens will just have to happen. I can't keep losing him."
"So what does lover boy look like anyway?" I smile and just think of his image. It only arouses me, the thought of him. I can't even put into words how fucking beautiful Jason is. I'll just show him a picture. I pull out my phone and pick one of my favorites, the only picture I have. Jason just woke up after I was tied in his arms all night.
He had no idea I snatched the photo, until his eyes popped open and heard the click. He tackled me on the bed and kissed me hard as punishment, but it was more of a reward. He shouldn't be mad anyway, he looks like a model. I edited it to black and white, so gorgeous.
The sleepy fucked face still there. Seductive and agile, shirtless, but you can only see from his collar bone up. Bone structures sharp, lashes long, eyes a deep gray, hair mussed thick, I love his plump lips. God he is mine, or was. Mmph, I want to cry.
Being selfish, I look at the photo for a long moment, then I show Arthur. He gapes at the photo, gawking, jaw dropping, just as Jason is. "You're boyfriend is Jason Foreman?! You have to go after him!"
Snapped back into nature, I totally forgot Jason was Jason Foreman. I shouldn't have just done that. Dammit. I forgot he was a serious ball player. I grab the photo out of his hands, not caring how rude the action was.
"Keep it down! You goon. If you have been watching the news, he's with-."
"Joy Ashwood." He finishes for me, reminding me that I'm not worth it all over again. "Total bombshell, man is she hot. What's he doing with you?" Before he can suck the words back in, it's already too late.
He cups his mouth, noticing the affect he had on me. I don't know what Jason is doing with me. We are so different, he is hard and strong, I'm soft and weak. Beautiful and full, I'm ugly and empty. I scoot my chair back from the table again.
"It was nice meeting you Arthur. Thank you for the pep talk. I better go now." Before he can utter another noise, I leave. Crawling through the crowd it feels like, I storm out the double doors of the restaurant. Bumping into a girl on accident along the way.
"I'm so sorry miss." Looking up, she wears a blistering blue skirt, a pink top that suffocates her cleavage. Red hair squares her face, green eyes, and a peachy lipped muzzle, this is summertime.
"Watch where you're going you old bat!" She screeches as she adjusts her skirt and shirt, strapping her purse over her shoulder again.
This girl is not summertime, she is winter, a cold winter where everyone would want to hide inside, so they can't feel the effects of her raft. I'd want to cover her up with artificial heat, just to drown the cold hearted bitchness she vibes off.
"Do your own damn homework, you needy little tool. Arthur deserves so much better than that and you know it." I brush past her and get in my dinged up Tesla. Driving off, trying to get away from this place as quick as possible, but I can't escape, I've realized that many years ago.
I'm driving, but I have no idea where I'm going. My thoughts are eating away at my brain, I can't decipher between reality and my imagination, everything is blurred together.
Not wanting to crash, I pull over on the side of the road. Hands plaster on the steering wheel, my head sinks down under. Stepping out of the vehicle, I act like I'm looking at my tires, to clear my head.
Walking around the car, I don't plan to look stranded. Sometimes I wish I smoked, in need of a stress reliever. I find myself sitting on the hood of the car, watching the clouds rotate. The corn fields will soon be cropped, as they dry out, from lively green, to a brownish yellow.
Axel won't be coming home this afternoon. He's riding the bus home with Tanner, staying the weekend at his house. God, I'm going to miss him. I can't wait until Monday. A car drives by honking, uh people can be annoying some times...well, maybe most of the time.
As I'm about to get back in and just drive no where, a black Mercedes catches my eye. John. He slows to a stop behind the parked rental. The car turns off, taking his time to get out. Smoke rolls out the window. Smooth vanilla and cigars, John's scent.
"Ms. Jones, what a coincidence. Are you okay ma'am?" I force myself to meet him halfway. Only the reminder of Jason putting me further into oblivion.
"Yea I'm okay, thanks." For a second I forgot he was asking about the car trouble. But I'm not having any problems with the car. I pretended he was asking about Jason. If I'm okay that he's not here. That I'm okay he despises me and wants nothing to do with me.
"Well Jason was sending me your way to collect the vehicle. It needs to be returned on Sunday. If you could drive it to the dealership, I'll follow, and drop you home." There it is. The reality, sinking into my pores. We are over. When he sends John to do his work, that means he wants absolutely nothing to do with me.
The least he could do is break up with me in person. "Okay, sure."
The ride is silent, but comfortable. I roll my window down without permission. Though the silence is soothing, I'm quietly suffering. I need to feel something, anything, even if it's just the wind in my hair. "How's he doing?" I have to know. I don't care if he gives me one word, as long as it's true.
He stares out at the road, driving the speed limit. Hands on the wheel at two o'clock, he is perfect, safe. The normalcy feeling comes back, that I can trust him. "He's hanging in." Is all I get. Not pressing on, I let the problem slide away.
"Please John. Instead of taking me home, take me to him. Please." The breath he exhales says it all. There's no chance. No chance I'll see him today. No chance he'll listen, or let me explain. There's no chance he'll forgive me. "Just, just forget it. Thank you anyway." We continue the drive in silence.
John only follows orders. He wasn't ordered to bring Sydney back with him. Poor girl. Will he break the rules? Find out soon! Thank you for reading!