I was late to school. Not my fault.
My dad had gotten a call first thing in the morning and what was supposed to be a quick minute on his laptop was more like an hour.
I caught the last twenty minutes of my first period. My arrival disrupted the entire class, all eyes on me as I clumsily made my way to the table on the opposite side of the room. I accidentally hit a kids desk, trying to navigate the narrow aisle ways, muttering out a "sorry " as I finally passed. Needless to say, by the time I got to the desk, I was cursing under my breath, any chance at a good mood for the day gone. Just like that.
When class ended, I just sat there waiting for everyone to filter out.
"Hey." Colby said, sitting on the desk, his book in his lap.
"Hey." I muttered.
He was swinging his legs back and forth, the heel of his shoe grazing my chair. Not enough to make it shake but enough to add to my irritation.
"So did you think about it?" He asked, glancing a sideways look at me.
"Think about what?"
"Coming back to soccer." He slipped off the table, disappearing behind me. "The guys all miss you."
He unlocked my wheels, rolling me backward as he started to navigate his way out of the classroom.
Deep down I think I knew Colby was trying to help. And I had listened to everything Coach had said. I had a great eye and natural talent for the game. I'd be an asset to the team on the sidelines. Helping motivate the guys, work through plays, improve their skills.
But that was the thing. I didn't want to do any of those things. I wanted to play.
"So I can what, Colby?" I snapped. "Sit there and watch you all play, watch you all do what I can't?"
"No! I..."
I slammed my hands down on the wheels, mustering all my weakened strength to clamp my fingers around them. My chair stopped, Colby bumping into the back of me.
"If I can't play, I don't want shit to do with it. Have fun being captain." I spat.
I forced the wheels forward, trying to distance myself from Colby before I said anymore. I had told Coach the exact same thing when he asked me to come back. Maybe a little nicer but the message was the same. I didn't want to watch everyone else play the sport I loved while I sat on the sidelines crippled. I didn't like to watch. I liked to do. And I couldn't fucking do that anymore.
I had made it out into the hallway before I heard Colby calling for me.
"OWEN! Wait!" He jogged into my view as I continued to shove my way down the hallway. "Come on man. Please."
I glanced up at him, his shaggy brown hair falling in his eyes. "I thought about it, still no."
"The guys need you."
"Colby I said no! Damn it!" My voice escalated, drawing the attention of some people walking by.
"Please Owen, I'm drowning. I suck as captain, the guys don't listen to me like they do you. Ryan's awful. The team basically blows without you." He begged.
I ground my teeth together. Setting my gaze straight again. I didn't want to deal with this. I didn't care that Colby couldn't live up to me as captain. I didn't care if the soccer team was drowning. I was fucking drowning.
He was still talking but I tuned him out. I was angry. My right arm was burning as I tried to keep up my pace.
You ever get that feeling that someone's watching you? I felt it come over me as I aggressively shoved my way down the hallway, Colby still spewing the same shit he had been. It wasn't like being watched was something new to me. Everyone was constantly watching me before injury and maybe even more after. But this felt different. This felt calculating, judging and as odd as it was, I knew exactly who it was before I even saw her.
I shifted my gaze farther up the hallway, meeting a pair of green eyes paired with a scowl. She was standing with that girl she sat by in my sixth hour, Kelsey? Wait Chelsea. Yeah, Chelsea was it. Mina's gaze didn't waver as I slowly rolled myself closer. I didn't want to admit it but she was a little intimidating, even with her girl next door looks and small build. It was like she could read my mind. She could see all the terrible things inside me. But I kept my eyes locked on hers. I wasn't going to let her see that she had any affect on me.
"Owen, man, are you listening to me?" Colby's voice breaking through my thoughts.
"No, shut up for a minute." I told him.
"What? Why?"
I straightened up a little, ignoring the screaming agony in my right arm as I neared Mina and Chelsea. I slowed for just a fraction in front of them, Chelsea talking a mile a minute to Mina who I had a feeling wasn't listening to her friend either. I cleared my throat, Chelsea's attention redirecting to me.
"Hey Chels, whats up?" I asked.
I had no idea if people actually called her Chels but it fell out of mouth easy enough.
"Uh..." She stared at me, seemingly at a loss for words.
"Have you met Colby?" I asked her.
Colby mumbled an awkward hello behind me. Chelsea shook her head.
"He can't find his next class and I'm the world's worst navigator." I said. "Can you help him out?"
"God Owen." Colby muttered.
"He's been going to this school for years." Chelsea said.
I laughed. "Alright you caught me, he just thinks your cute and wants you to walk with him."
I also had no idea if that was true but Chelsea was pretty, he had to at least be somewhat attracted to her.
"Um..." a smile pulled at her face as she looked at Mina and then at Colby. "Okay."
"Have fun kids!" I called as the two walked off, leaving me alone with Mina.
Her expression hadn't changed whatsoever.
"Now that they're out of the way, want to give me a push to class?" I asked, smiling up at her. "My arms killing me."
She let out a sigh, her eyes rolling with it. I wasn't expecting an answer from her. In fact she did exactly what I thought she'd do. She spun around walked off.
I let out a laugh, yelling down the hallway after her.
"See ya later Mina!"
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My apology worked.
It took a little while but she came around.
And somehow, when I asked her to come over after school, she didn't have plans.
We were currently in my bed watching a movie on Netflix. It felt good not to be in my chair. Adjusting to school had been hard on my body. And usually by about end the of fourth period everything would start to hurt. Little pin pricks starting in my legs and radiating out.
Jaelyn had met me at my house which had given me just enough time to smoke a little. I was pretty sure she could tell I was high when she got there but whatever had pissed her off before about it she didn't bring up. Which I was glad. I didn't want a repeat of the same fight.
She shifted beside me, grabbing her phone from off the table beside my bed as it vibrated. I kept my eyes focused on the tv even though there was a little voice nagging me to shift my gaze to her phone.
I wasn't a jealous guy. Or at least I wasn't before my injury. But I kept having these doubts, these gut feelings and they kept telling me I should be asking questions.
"I need to use the bathroom, be right back." She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek before she climbed off the bed.
"Want me to pause it?" I asked.
She smiled shaking her head. "No it's okay. Keep watching."
I flashed a quick smile, it fell as soon as her back was to me. I didn't know what it was but the tables had turned. Everything looked alright from a distance, but up close we weren't the same. Maybe it was just me. Maybe I was pulling away. Maybe it had nothing to do with her. But I felt this growing space between us. Wedged in there like a leftover piece of spinach from the salad you ate at lunch, distracting and revolting, but no one brave enough to talk about it.
Worst part was, I couldn't tell if I actually cared enough to talk about it. What was losing Jaelyn anyway? I'd lost so much already. She'd just be one more thing.
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Oh my gosh guys. I almost didn't survive. I'm so hungover! I probably would have been okay but then someone was like here do this shot of whiskey and then cracked me open another beer. Needless to say I passed out shortly after that, made it to the bed though so that was good. Sort of feel like I've been hit by a train though. Which is why you're getting this update in the afternoon. I haven't been able to look at my phone without getting nauseous that and I just took a ridiculously long nap. I'm too old to party. 😫😫😭😭.