I threw another M&M in my mouth and then continued to chip away at my nail polish.
"You are stressing me out." Caitlynn said breaking me out of my thoughts.
"I'm sorry." I apologized.
"It's fine but seriously what's going on with you?" She paused the movie I had stopped paying attention to.
"It's dumb like I should be happy with the whole Trevor thing but I'm so stressed. I have no clue what is going on between us. Like yeah we told each other how we felt but then we didn't talk about anything past that. I didn't know what he wants from me. Like what does he expect to come from this? Does he want to be in a relationship? Why hasn't he said anything about it? It's been like three days and we haven't talked about anything like that. Everything is just like the same except we kiss more than we did before." I ranted.
"If this is something that is bothering you then I think you should talk to him." Caitlynn advised.
"But what if he doesn't want to label it yet? What if he just wants to like stay in this weird limbo?" I stressed.
I know Trevor told me that he liked me but what if he wasn't really interested in a relationship with me. It was dumb but I felt that if he had wanted something with me he would have said something to me by now.
"Trevor likes you, he wouldn't have confessed that if he didn't want to be with you. I think you should just voice your thoughts. He might not know that this is something that is bothering you."
"He probably doesn't." I agreed.
"Exactly, so talk to him and work this shit out so you can stop stressing, it's not healthy."
"I know but I can't help it. I really like Trevor and I don't want it to end before it's even really started. I want to give this a legitimate chance." I confessed.
"I'm happy for you I hope you know that. Trevor is a good guy, you know he's not like Holden or Kyle."
I knew Trevor wasn't like them. I knew that he was different and different was seriously amazing.
"Holden, he was rough around the edges but I thought that he was this great guy and then I had to watch him hurt you. Then you met Kyle and as much as I-,"
"Hated him?" I interrupted her.
"I didn't hate him." She denied.
I gave her a look of disbelief.
"Ok maybe I hated him but I finally saw you being the Ella that I knew before Holden had broken your heart. You were smiling and a little crazy but if there was one thing that Kyle was good at it was at making you laugh. And then when you two broke up I was worried you'd sink into that sad place but you didn't. You were fine. Even when we saw him at that party at the beginning of the year you didn't blow up or start crying over him. I was actually kind of shocked."
"That was the night I first talked to Trevor." I said.
"When I first saw you with Trevor at Anna's I was scared for you. I saw the way you looked at him, the way your eyes seemed to light up when he was around. I hadn't seen you like that since Holden and I got scared." She said honestly.
"You don't need to be scared for me Cait. I know that there is a risk of getting hurt at the end of all this but I think Trevor is worth that risk."
"I know and I have since realized that you and Trevor's relationship is nothing like what you had with Holden. Trevor looks at you the same way you look at him. I will always worry about you Ella because I am your best friend and I don't want to see you get hurt but at the same time I think Trevor is really good for you and I'm happy you found him."
I wrapped my arms around her. I seriously loved her. I don't think I handle fighting with her again. I missed this way too much.
"How about you? How are you doing after the whole Tyler thing?" I asked her.
She sighed and just stayed quiet for a second. I knew she was sad about the break up and I also knew that she didn't want me to know that she struggled with it as much as she did. I could see the hurt in her eyes.
"Just because I didn't like him doesn't mean that you can't tell me that you miss him or that you're sad about the break up." I told her honestly.
I don't know how'd I'd feel if she told me she missed him and wanted to get back with him but all I knew was that I didn't want to fight with her again.
"I don't miss him exactly. I miss what we had and sometimes I miss the guy I thought he was." She finally spoke.
"Would you ever-,"
"Get back with him? No never." She finished for me.
I nodded. I didn't want to seem to happy with that answer because I knew she was still upset about the break up but I also knew she was better off with out him.
"When I broke up with him I felt like free and like I could finally be myself but at the same time I was sad. I had to say goodbye to a person I cared about so much. I loved him but he just wasn't the guy for me." She took a deep breath to keep her emotions at bay.
"You don't need to swallow your emotions. If you want to cry and just be sad you have the right to do that."
"I don't want to waste my tears for a guy that didn't care about me." She shook her head but I could see the tears pooling in her eyes.
I pulled her close to me and just held her as she finally let the tears fall.
She needed to just get it all out so she could move on from this.
A/n:
I'm so sorry yesterday I was busy getting ready for finals and such I didn't have time to post a new chapter so here it is a day late.
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and if you did don't forget to comment and vote.
-cora Leigh