in which izzy witnesses a moment she isn't privy to, and just wants her brother to be happy again.
[warning: contains swearing].
~
"How is he?" Jace asks, a worried expression shadowing his features.
Izzy shakes her head.
"No better than yesterday." She admits, sighing heavily. She crosses her arms against her chest, a single foot tapping anxiously against the pale linoleum floor of the Institute's infirmary, which, as of three days ago, has been transformed into a complete medical unit.
"He hasn't eaten anything, hasn't slept, hasn't showered, hasn't done anything." She continues, even though Jace already knows all of this. They've spent the last several hours trying to convince Alec that sitting beside Magnus's bed and worrying incessantly is doing neither him nor Magnus any good, but their brother refused to budge.
"Did Catarina say anything?" Jace asks, peering into the room, where Alec's seated beside Magnus's bed, his face pale and drawn out, his posture slumped and heavy. Izzy notices faint tear tracks on his face, and she knows that he's been crying when he thinks the others are asleep.
She hates it.
"Nothing." She says, her shoulders drooping. "I talked to her a while ago, she said there was no improvement."
"Is he-" Jace begins, but cuts himself off, pursing his lips together, unsure of how to say what they're all thinking. "I mean, will he, you know, wake up?" Her brother asks, his eyes downcast. Izzy knows what he's thinking, she's been thinking of it herself, ever since she saw Alec desperately running through the halls of the Institute, Magnus's limp figure in his arms, a trail of shadowhunters behind him, his eyes bleak and panicked.
Magnus can't die.
It'll destroy Alec. Rip him apart, right from deep, deep inside. She's seen the way her big brother looks at Magnus, noticed the way he smiles at so much of the mention of the warlock, trembles whenever Magnus is hurt, or upset, or worried. She hasn't exactly been a stranger to his sudden, strange outbursts of anger either - ones that almost always sync with Magnus's own bad moods.
And if Magnus leaves, Alec will no longer be himself.
"He'll wake up." She says quietly, almost only to herself. Jace nods at her words, but, out of the corner of her eye, Izzy notices the expression of uncertainty that crosses his face.
"He will." She says, a bit more firmly this time, leaving no room for doubt as she nods her head resolutely.
"He has to."
-
She's walking by the infirmary, on her way to Alec's office to take care of some paperwork that he hasn't been able to deal with, when she hears him.
"Magnus." Alec says, almost pleads, in that soft tone that he's reserved only for his boyfriend. "Please wake up."
Quietly, Izzy sneaks towards the door, hiding behind it as she holds it steady in place. She feels a pang of guilt witnessing a moment she's clearly not privy to, but she can't help herself.
Alec's leaning over Magnus's still posture, one hand in the warlock's, the other one softly brushing away the strands of hair that have made their way onto Magnus's forehead.
"Magnus, I'll do anything." Alec begs, desperate. "I'll- fuck, I'll go to Edom if I have to, I just, please, Magnus, you have to wake up." He whispers, his voice hoarse. His eyes fill with tears, his lower lip trembling as he leans forward, hovering protectively over the older man. "I'll even get you your own walk in closet. Hell, I'll get two, if you want." He murmurs defeatedly, his shoulders sagging. She isn't sure what he means by that, but it hurts to hear him say it all the same. "Please."
Izzy watches silently, blinking hard against the tears that are threatening to spill over her own cheeks, as Alec bends over, pressing a gentle kiss to Magnus's forehead, his eyes closing in despair as silent sobs wrack his body. He lets his head rest beside Magnus's, his face pressed into the pillow, his entire form shaking with fear.
"Izzy." She hears suddenly. She startles, turning around with a soft gasp, only to find Jace standing nearby, his arms crossed as he levels his gaze with hers.
"Come on." He says, gesturing over his shoulder. She nods, swallowing thickly as she swipes at her face before letting Jace lead her away, her mind filled with prayers, her thoughts swirling with images of Alec's broken expression, his trembling voice resonating through her head.
Magnus can't die.
×××
[a/n:]
still sorry.
initially posted on ao3, @KissedByAShadow
all the love,
dana.