MIA KAZZANDRA's POV
I immediately moved between the three men. "Easy, boys." I said as I looked at each one of them.
PJ moved slightly with a note of hesitancy, but Takashi didn't budge and it quite irritated me. I can't believe how they could go against someone they've been working for years now and even a friend of theirs. Takashi seems to be loyal to the one who asks for his service. These siblings just like to meddle into each other's lives. It's not even my house, so they're not entitled to be in a state of defense here.
"Takashi." I said, infusing a warning tone in my voice. It seems like he understood what I meant when he loosen up a little.
I felt the force of Joshua's anger upon seeing his unsmiling, hard face and guilt pinched my chest once his stone cold eyes settled on me. He's very angry and displeased by this, but he's still trying control himself. I could see it clearly through his clenched jaw and his palms now balled into fists.
I thought Takashi and PJ were big guys. But looking at them right now as they stare at Joshua with animosity, it's like I'm watching two wolves fighting against a beast — a wild looking beast.
For a doctor, Joshua owned a body of a warrior. He seemed to be much stronger and bigger than both of them, even though they all share the same built and height. It's just Joshua, I guess, for possessing that kind of prominent facial features mixed with his personal allure and strength.
Now that I'm seeing him in this state, I suddenly recognized that menacing shadow hanging around him that gives instant fear to everyone who looks at him — that kind of fear I felt at that time I first met him.
Maybe this is the reason Takashi, PJ." I patted their shoulders. I have to meddle in between before things go out of hand. "It's just Joshua."
They retreated from their defensive stance and relaxed a little bit, but their alertness was still tangible. I know they're just doing their job as a bodyguard and they're acting purely for what they were trained for. But there's no need for them to be protective. I'm not in danger.
I looked at Joshua shyly. I'm just so embarrassed and guilty at the same time. "I'm sorry, I —"
"So you've been ordered by my brothers?" He cut me off swiftly, his mouth barely moving. "I didn't know I'm considered as a dangerous person now."
"It's not like that —" I tried explaining, but Takashi hurriedly blocked my way as I try to reach for Joshua.
Concern swarmed me when I saw how Joshua's lips flattened unforgivably because of it, that's why I can't stop myself from shoving Takashi's arm.
"What are you doing?" I hissed, glaring at his belligerent face.
What are they doing, really?! They're really going against Joshua inside his own mansion! And Joshua didn't even back down. In fact, his rigid face turned dangerously predatory.
I don't know what to do if this will turn into a bloody fight. But I'm pretty sure I would sinisterly pay a visit those people who ordered them to be here if that happens.
This is all Jeonghan and Soonyoung's fault, dammit!
I thought they'd be still in that position for a while, but for some reason, Joshua chose to turn away first — in silent anger. He left us inside his laundry area. He's so intensely mad I think I could see his rage trailing behind him.
"Stay here." I said to them when I heard the laundry room's door closed. "You can finish up here. I'll just talk to him."
Takashi looked like he was going to stop me but I just narrowed my eyes on him in warning. "Try following me and I'll be damn sure I'll pay those people who ordered you a bloody visit." I threatened — and I wasn't kidding. "You two, don't do anything stupid."
I marched inside the house with determination. If Joshua chooses to be angry at me and make me leave, it's his call. But really, I'm tired of us fighting.
Last night was a good start and it would be a shame if he closes off to me again. And it's not like I invited those two to come over here and get me. Even I am surprised.
"Josh, wait!" I called him when I saw him ascending the grand staircase.
He turned around with stark impatience stamped on his face. Oh, God! Please don't be hard on me. I prayed mutely.
In weak knees, I approached him like a scared rabbit and his eyes were like laser beams boring on me, never leaving me. Why does he have to look at me like that? I really didn't do this, you know.
He immediately crossed his arms over his chest. A protective gesture, I presume, so he could put a wall between us. He always does that when he's angry. So, he must be really angry at me right now.
My heart sank, and it drowned a little when he didn't even smile or talk. He was just quietly looking at me, shooting daggers. Did I really make him that mad?
"I'm sorry about that." I said, looking bravely in his eyes. "They work under your family. I don't know but I think Jeonghan or Soonyoung sent them. I didn't know they'd do this and that they'd be here in such a short note." Please, don't be mad.
"Why?" He said as his face didn't even show any emotion. "Did my own brothers think you'll need them here?"
It's funny. It hasn't been a day and here we are fighting again. We just had a normal conversation this morning — not to mention last night. But it looks like he already forgot about it.
Well, I guess it's true after all. It only takes one mistake to erase all the good things. Compared to his soft voice this morning, now it turned hard and cold.
I hate it.
"They know that I don't need them." I said hardly.
"Well, maybe you can tell them that. Because they clearly think you do. And quite frankly, I don't care about what they think. But I do not like what they did either. I didn't know that even my own brothers are willing to go against me for you."
"Well, if you feel so violated, then I apologize in behalf of your brothers. I know there's no need for them to be cautious, but they're your brothers, and I'm a close family friend. I'm sure you understand that, right?"
He smirked. "Cautious? Why? Did they think I'd corrupt you?"
My cheeks flamed for that candid accusation. I was about to say some retort but he just brushed me off.
"Forget it. Just get them out of here." Then he turned his back on me.
I shut my eyes tightly. "They won't leave without me." Though I think I convinced Takashi, I don't think it was enough to convince his brother. And I know this will happen again.
Those two would send somebody to take me, and they would keep on doing it until I leave.
I thought he didn't hear me, but he slowly stopped walking and turned to me slightly. "Like I said, get them out of my house." He said coldly and left me there alone.
Was he telling me to go with them and leave him alone? Is he telling me to leave? Just like that?
With how many times he's tell me to leave; I always fight him head on, because I was the girl on the mission. And I don't fall easily in a battle.
But that was before . . . when I didn't have this complicated emotions sprouting inside me — when his words didn't stroke too painfully.
Now, it seems to be hard for me to listen to his hurtful words. And though he didn't say or imply anything that hurts, I was still disappointed that he would send me off like that after all that happens — especially after last night.
He must be really pissed this time. That's what I was thinking as I walked back to the laundry area. My chest felt heavy all of a sudden.
I watched them continued my task, and somehow I was grateful that they're here. I don't think I can do all these alone. Even if Joshua is mad at them, even if I'm angry at his own siblings, I was still grateful somehow.
They were at least helpful to me and they made this task bearable for me. That's why it's just right to thank them.
After hanging the laundry I invited them over dinner. I could at least let them eat before I send them off. Besides, I need their cooperation in this matter.
I wanted to invite Joshua to eat with them, but that would be insensitive and stupid. That's why I let him lock his self inside his room,
It was after six pm when I finally convinced Takashi and PJ to go back home without me. And I was hoping they would be able to persuade Joshua's brothers to let me stay here for a while. Soonyoung and Jeonghan would probably feel greatly disappointed and upset — to say the least — but he would have to understand the necessity of my decision to stay.
I immediately cleaned up the dishes and prepared Joshua's. I feel bad that I had to eat first and leave him to eat alone. But Hades is there. I'm sure he'd rather eat with him than me. Besides, I can't leave those two alone. They felt uneasy already after the tension they shared with Josh.
I thought of giving his dinner at his room but it's too early to do that. And it's not like he's sick or something. That's why I've decide to call him over instead.
I knocked on his door, four times. But no one answered. I could even hear his TV on. Was he ignoring me on purpose?
Wow! This is making me feel all sorts of anger.
Rather than wait outside and let him do this to me, I forced my way in. And I found him sprawled out on his couch watching TV. But when I checked, he was fast asleep. He had his arms across his chest as he stretched his body, filling his couch perfectly.
I turned the TV off and properly placed the pillow under his head.
I honestly don't know what to do with him.
I don't want to wake him up so I crunched myself down beside the coffee table in front of hi. I watched the slow rise and fall of his chest with his every breath, the rough look of his beard against the soft curve of his lips, the sharp bridge of his nose, the long lashes fanning his cheeks, and that line creasing between his brows.
"How can you sleep with that frown on your forehead and still look like a baby?" I whispered to no one.
What is he dreaming right now? Anyone would think he's angry for dreaming a good dream.
I sighed. "I wonder what made you so hard and rigid."
I thought he was waking up when he suddenly stirred, but he didn't open his eyes. A book I read once said that someone who's sleeping can feel anyone who's watching them. Maybe he felt someone looking at him. Maybe he felt my stare.
I decided to stand up since I don't want to wake him up and catch me like this. He'd probably think I'm here to give him a nightmare. I pulled his blanker off his bed and wrapped it around him. He looked like he's getting cold.
I suddenly wondered who takes care of him when he's sick. If he's sick, who's with him? Who would take care of him? For years of living alone, he said he never needed anyone to look after him.
Being alone is hard. It's sad. But it's a choice too, just as happiness is a choice.
And Joshua Hong chose to live like this.
I sighed and pulled the blanket up his shoulders. "I don't know what you've been through . . . Maybe someone hurt you bad. Maybe someone betrayed you. Maybe pain changed you and turned you to be like this. But whatever that is, I wish you'd learn to lower your walls, even just a little. Life isn't really that bad, you know. Not everyone would hurt you. Not everyone would leave you. You just have to learn to let some people in."
I reached up to clear the hair that was falling across his forehead, careful not to wake him. "Do you really want me to leave?" I asked, even though I know it wouldn't be answered. His sleep is too deep and even his own breathing.
"I know you're angry a while ago. I know I crossed the line, unintentionally, and I'm sorry . . . not just for what happened today. I'm sorry for trespassing, for being a nuisance, for being here and for annoying you — for everything. From day one I know you want me out here. But if you really mean what you said, then I guess . . ." I paused, imagining myself walking out of that door forever. And I sighed, my heart clenching.
"Don't worry, I'll do that. I'll leave once you give me what my brother wants. That's what our deal was, right? I'll eventually leave, Josh. Just grant my wish and I'll never bother you again. But not until then . . . That's why you have to decide soon if you really want me to go." Because the longer I stay here with you, the harder it will be for me to leave.
"What's your wish then?"
What the hell?! I cursed when I realized it was Joshua's voice I heard. Due to shock and surprised I found myself down on the carpeted floor of his room. My heartbeat was thundering inside my ribs, deafening my ears.
I watched wide-eyed in horror as his lids opened in slow motion that had me holding my breath. And then, those sleep-dazed, dark eyes zeroed straight at me and it felt like being hit by watts of electricity.
I slowly sat properly while he pulled his self up. "I thought you were sleeping . . ." I couldn't hide the accusation in my voice. He's been listening to me all along?!
God, but this is so embarrassing!
His eyes are seriously staring at me as if he's thinking of someone so important.
That's just great! Now, he thinks I'm stupid or something!
He rubbed the sleep off of his eyes and brushed back his hair away from his face. "How can I sleep when you're too noisy?" His voice was still raspy from sleep.
I bit my lip from guilt. I thought so. He could freaking hear me!
"Sorry to wake you up. I was knocking a while ago but you're not answering. Anyway, Dinner's ready."
"What about your guests?"
"They left a while ago."
He mutely nodded. He spotted the blanket I covered him with and shoved it away from him. I looked at it as I scold myself on why I did that when he wouldn't appreciate it after all.
"Well, I'm going." I sighed. "You should eat, the food might turn cold." I stood up and decided to leave. But he suddenly captured my wrist in a firm grip.
I turned to ask him what's the matter, but his eyes that were staring at me made my tongue curl inside my mouth. The look of something closest to dread was there. Intense and burning. And I don't want to think that it's because of me or something about me.
"What is it?" I asked when he stayed staring at me.
"You haven't answered my question yet."
"You already know the answer to that." He heard me, right. So why ask?
I was about to leave when he tugged on my wrist harshly. I lost my balance but good thing the couch caught me placing myself next to him.
Shit!
"That hurt." Despite the racing beat of my heart, I managed to glare at him. And the jerk didn't even look apologetic.
"I wasn't asking for your brother's wish." He said in all seriousness. "I was asking for yours."
I stared back at him, my eyes roving around his face looking for a sign that this was just a joke or something. He's too serious and my heart might not take it. If he won't stop this now, I fear I'd say something he should not know.
But why is he asking me this?
"Josh, what are you doing?"
"I could give all my property to your brother anytime. But I want to know what you really want the most. Tell me, Mia Kazzandra. What do you wish for?"
He stared at me intently. His penetrating gaze was scaring me a little. He makes me feel naked and I wanted to hide from him. But I couldn't because his eyes were too hypnotizing. Too curious. Too much.
"Why, Josh? If I tell you, will you grant me my wish?"
He stared back at me as if he realized something for the first time, and then he's moving his head in a small shake. "No . . . Not yet."
I stared at him, confused. "Then why were you asking?"
"I heard everything you said. You said you'd leave me alone once I give you what you want." He said, and it only confirmed my suspicion. "But I'm afraid I'd have to bargain for that wish. Because I've decided to keep you here for long."
"What?"
I felt it when he slid his fingers down my wrist and to my palms. I felt it when he laced our fingers, like what he did in the party. I felt it touched something inside me, threatening my deep emotions to resurface and spill over.
"Joshua Hong, what are you trying to say?" I asked nervously when he held my face. His touch was so gentle, a contrast to the rough pads of his fingertips that were slowly skimming at the back of my neck.
"I'm saying, let's have a second deal. I'd give you whatever you want, as long as you stay here . . . for an indefinite time."
I looked at him unbelievably. My heart couldn't possibly beat much faster than this, I thought as I stared back at him in wild confusion. Was he implying that he'd keep me hostage for as long as he wants in exchange to what I want?
"Do you think I'll agree?" Is he out of his mind?
"No. But I'd force you to."
He's crazy. Joshua Hong is crazy. But I'm even crazier.
"What if you can't give me the wish that I want? What then?" I challenged him. Because I think he can't.
He chuckled and it sounded both desperate and frustrated. "Did you know what kind of disaster you bought?" He said roughly, his eyes turning hard. "You just made my brothers turned their back against m—"
"I already said sorry."
"You're taking it too far, don't you think?"
What is he doing, really? Is this a punishment or something?
"You should let me go, Josh." I tugged on my hand.
He shook his head. "You think that's easy? If you asked that before, I would've let you. You're right. I should probably make a decision. But I changed my mind."
"I can't understand you, Josh." And I couldn't think straight because he was holding me close! Especially that hand resting on my nape!
"Is what I'm saying too hard to understand?"
"I think you're still angry."
He chuckled and slid his hand back. That's when I started breathing properly but his hands were still on mine.
"Yeah, I was mad." He admitted. "But not to you."
He said that but his eyes were still the same. "I'm angry about my own feelings." He draws a deep breath as if he's taking out some courage and strength. "I felt out of control, Kazzandra."
My lips gaped at what he said and in confusion. What did he mean by that?
"I didn't like that you make me feel so out of control. I hate that you're invading my life so easily. I'm having a hard time controlling y own feelings ever since you arrived here. Because of you my silent life turned upside down. Because of you everything changed. You're everywhere now . . ." He smirked bitterly. "And I'm getting used to you being here."
I can't move and do anything when his hands went back to my face.
"That's why I can't let you go yet. I don't want to give you what your brother wants right now. That's why I'm bargaining for something stupid and ridiculous. Because I still need you here." His grip tightened on my cheeks, and his eyes were so wild and raw it hurt me. "I really need you here, Mia Kazzandra."
I felt the straps disentangled, freeing loads of emotions I was careful to keep inside. They're unraveling too fast I can't hold the reins anymore. Everything just spilled . . . and it's too late. I'm falling for this bad man.
{A/N: There's still no news about my lost flash drive and I can't keep all of you waiting so I tried remembering how I wrote the chapter. 😞😞 I just hope you'll bear with me with this crap update and some errors. 🙏 But anyways, here is an update. I'm very sorry. 🥺}