MIA KAZZANDRA's POV
I was still wearing the shawl Minkyung let me borrow. I tried to give it back, but Joshua asked it from her to let me use it and he'll be the one to return it. It was nice because it helped me get warm for now. I suddenly regret not bringing my own jacket.
While I was waiting for Joshua as he bids his goodbye to Mr. Lee, I took the time to talk to Yerin Eonnie over the phone. I asked about our parents, my brother and my nephew and niece.
I chose not to talk to him because I know he would just tell me to go back home or maybe worse than that. If he'll decide for me to go home, then he'd be shooting this opportunity straight down to the toilet.
He just can't pull me out of here, especially when I'm already here. I have a chance here and soon, Joshua will give in. He will change his mind and Mino Oppa will have the land.
But until then, I can't let his brotherly protectiveness cloud his judgment.
"Let's go." Joshua beckoned as soon as he walked out of the door. He just walk pass by me and didn't even wait for me.
People waved at me, bidding their goodbyes with smiles as I followed Joshua across the gate. Well, at least the night still ended well despite what happened. I just hope that after this night, the people here would change their mindset about Joshua. And I just hope I won't see those bastards' faces again.
The whole ride back to Luna Castillo was all silent. Maybe because we're tired or just sleepy, I guess. It was past ten when we left the party.
But even if I think that, there's this niggling feeling inside me, a thought that it's not just because of that. Joshua was giving me the cold shoulder.
I just closed my eyes and pretended to sleep as I silently listen to the roaring engine of Joshua's truck. Seriously? He's doing this right now to me? After making me feel flustered and confused?
Is it because of my question? Does it bother him that much?
But honestly, I didn't know what come to me to even ask that stupid question. Every time I ask that question, I always get two answers — either they laugh it off or say no. And it made me realize that this world is actually full of cynical people.
Why? I mean, why don't they believe in love? How can they not believe that love is here? That it exists? And how didn't they try loving someone.
How come Joshua seemed to doesn't believe in love?
I know he didn't say that verbally. But he doesn't need to say anything because it was there in his eyes.
I thought about the operation that happened before and does it have a connection on his view about love. To be accused falsely for something he didn't mean to do was cruel, yes — but it isn't something that could make him feel cynical about love. At least, that's what I think.
Or maybe he left a girlfriend in States? Maybe someone hurt him?
Hell, why am I even thinking about this? So what if he doesn't believe in love or haven't tried lowing someone? It's not even important to me.
Liar! Of course, it's important to you. After what happened to you, you were looking for someone who could assure you that love is real.
I sighed from the absurdity of that thought. I already saw the kind of love that could last a lifetime. I saw it from my brothers and their significant others. That's why I don't need the views and opinion of someone who doesn't believe in love.
After a while I felt Joshua's driving slow down. I opened my eyes and I saw he was already driving passed the gates of his mansion. I craned my neck just in time to take a look at the empty lawn across the gate and the ruins of the old house that was once standing there.
Then I remembered what Neil said about Mr. Lee and the old Choi, and I wondered how close Joshua was to that patient. Was the patient related to anyone here in this place?
I'm sure he was very close to them. Maybe that's why Joshua's here. Maybe guilt was shackling him here, preventing him from leaving. Maybe that's the reason why he stopped being a doctor, just to take care of this house and everyone here. He made the sacrifice because of those people he lost.
I was deep in my thoughts I didn't realize Joshua was saying something as he turned the engine off.
"I was asking if you're okay."
The worry in his voice can be heard even though there's no single emotion on his handsome face. How does he do that?
I just nodded and was about to open the door when he stopped me. He took my wrist and I faced him. I waited for what he's going to say but in the end he just let my wrist go as he let go of a deep sigh.
I didn't say anything and went out. I knew what he was going to say, and I don't want to talk about it right now. I knew he was worried about me because of what happened. I saw how he looked for those men before we left Maybe he talked to Mr. Lee about it. I don't want to make that thing big but at the same time I don't want him to think that it was nothing for me. Someone should teach those men a lesson.
Joshua was just behind me as I walked into the house. I opened the lights and he closed the double doors. Hades barked at the bottom of the staircase as soon as he saw his master, and run towards us.
"Hello, Hades. You seemed to be in a good mood today." I petted his dark head when he stopped in front of me. I was even surprised of his actions because usually he'd stop first in front of Joshua.
Joshua moved to my side and petted Hades' head to and that made me look at him and saw that he was looking at me too. I looked away quickly.
He sighed. "Go up and rest. You look tired." He said and stood up straight. He called Hades and the dog happily followed him as they both left me alone.
I was confused when I saw him entered the kitchen. Isn't he going to take a rest?
"Where are you going?" I called after him. Didn't he want to take a rest?
"You go ahead and take a rest. I'll just check something outside" He answered as he continued walking to the kitchen.
I didn't bother to ask him ore and just climbed the stairs. He probably wanted to check his buddies outside if they're okay.
I hurriedly changed my clothes as I reached my room. Too tired to do more, I just ended up brushing my teeth and washing my face. I thought I'd sleep immediately. But when I hit the bed and started to doze off in a minute, two big men took figure in my sleep and their feline grin gleamed in the darkness. I recognize the fear that was threatening to choke me causing my eyes to jerk open.
My heart was beating at an abnormal speed. I didn't know that after Joshua calmed e down at the party, the fear would come back again.
I shouldn't be scared, I told myself. No one would want to hurt me here. Those men were not here anymore. So there's no reason to feel scared.
I tried to go back to sleep, but when I tried closing my eyes; I'd always see those men. And what happened before. I kept seeing them. As much as I don't want to think about it, I just can't stop it. I was too affected with what happened to me a while ago.
I didn't know how many timed I tried to sleep and only end up wide awake. It felt hours. Then I decided to come down and do something to make me sleepy. It seems like my whole system was far from being tired and sleepy.
I thought about sketching Audrine's wedding gown, but it didn't even reached ten minutes and I stopped. I wasn't calm, that's why I can't think of any design. I was just drawing lines and curves and getting nowhere.
The air was chilly outside and the night was dark but the moon was full and bright it gave a soft glow of purple above the sky. It looked so inviting, that's why I decided to go out and feel the wind.
I grabbed my sweater from my dresser and went out of my room. I was thinking maybe I could drink some milk and eat my sweets. They give me the best comfort.
But as I crossed the hallway, I heard music coming from downstairs and it gets louder as I drew nearer. Someone must be playing the piano.
I was listening to it as I descend from the stairs. If it's not my own illusion, I suspect Joshua was the one playing and he was playing with such an expertise I didn't expect he possessed. The melody he was creating carried the depth of his emotion that made me stall to catch my breath.
Listening to the cascading music flowing melodiously and beautifully made the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I've always liked Beethoven, Mozart, and Chopin, but this piece was very equally beautiful. It's almost sad and turbulent it stirred my soul, and yet it calmed me.
I peeped into the darkness of the music room, and though I was already expecting that it could only have been Joshua who was playing, I still felt that jolt of surprise.
Quietly, I watched him sitting there moving his fingers captivatingly across the keys with his eyes half-closed. He seemed so lost in the moment as if the notes flowed freely through his body.
I'm not sure if it's because of the music, but watching him made my chest burn and my eyes water. For someone who experienced a terrible pain and still plays emotionally as this . . . I can't understand. How could he play with such sensitivity and depth and create music so beautiful and still not believe in love?
"Can't sleep? Or did I wake you?"
His voice made me jump. I didn't know that he already felt my presence, and he didn't even open his eyes or stopped.
"You can come in if you want. You don't have to stand there and hide."
I hurriedly wiped my face. His fingers didn't falter even a little as I stepped inside and continued playing, never breaking the rhythm.
"What's it called?" I asked softly, careful not to disturb him.
"It's Clair de Lune, Debussy's piece."
Debussy. I've heard of him before and it's a shame, I just herd his composition now. It's brilliant.
I sat beside him, because the piano stool can accommodate the two of us, and I was silently listening to him. He didn't change his clothes yet. He just loosened the top two buttons of his shirt and rolled the sleeves up to his elbows.
I couldn't help but watch his profile as he played. It was . . . enchanting, to see him like this. I wonder what's going on inside his head when he played like this. This piece draws such deep emotion.
He pressed the last key ending the piece and looked at me, his eyes intent on my face. Her forehead creased. "Does music always make you cry? Or did I just play so bad it made you feel sad?" He said with a small smile.
I snorted and looked away to feign nonchalance. "Don't fish for compliments, Draco. I know you know you're good."
He chuckled, but he didn't speak. He just played again with his right hand and this time it was a nursery rhyme. He smiled at me as my forehead creased at him.
"Come on, I know you can do much better than that. Mozart?" I dared him.
He laughed. "Are you abusing me now?"
I laughed too. It just came out directly. He seemed to be in a good mood. Not like a while ago.
"I had no idea you could play the piano. Have you been playing for long?" I asked as I studied his fingers' movements. They're big, but they move delicately and deftly as though he's been playing ever since.
"I learned when I was ten." He said as he played a nursery rhyme. I recognized it instantly. "It's one of the first songs my mom taught me."
I smiled when he played 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star'. He looks so cute. He looked like a proud son.
"Wow, that's a young age to learn. I didn't know Aunt BoA plays the piano. I just know she bakes the best chocolate cake I ever tasted. That's what I come here for every summer break before."
"Yeah, she bakes the best pies too. She's a wonder." He smiled at the memory too. But I noticed the sadness in his voice.
Two years after we went to Canada, I heard about the news that Aunt BoA had complications. It was all so sudden. Aunt BoA was very healthy and I was surprised when I knew about it. I don't know the real story, but I just knew she showed symptoms and that where it all started. She was hospitalized for a week and from then on she's been receiving treatments up to now.
Irene was still so young then, same goes for their other siblings. Maybe he just misses them. Maybe he was thinking of her while he played.
I should probably drop the subject. I don't want to make him feel depressed, especially now that he's feeling light. But before I could open a new topic, Joshua continued talking.
"Jihoon and Soonyoung were throwing tantrums then, because Mom always teaches me. So, she also taught them. But Soonyoung just learned the basics not like me and Jihoon because he's been playing outside, with you and the rest." I caught the jealousy in his voice. My brow twitched at that.
"Are you saying you've been jealous?"
He chuckled and stopped playing. "When we were kids, my siblings . . ." He trailed a little and I noticed the small frown on his forehead. I thought he won't continue his story. But then, his frown dissolved into a soft smile.
"Well, from Seungkwan to your youngest which is Irene were hero-worshipping me as a child. I was staying with my grandma during the weekdays. The university is closer to where they live. And every time I come home on weekends, they're always excited to see me. But one day, I came home and was looking for them. That's when Mom said that they're outside, playing with their new found friend."
I smiled in understanding. "So I kind of stole them away from you, huh?"
His eyes sparkled as he stared at me. "They're so fond of you. There were no days they kept talking about you. God, they were crazy about you. I even heard when they told Dad to adopt you."
That memory still made me laugh. I could still remember how the Carat Empire's one and only heiress would ask me to live with them. She even told me to bring my bed and put it in her room.
"Where are they by the way?" I asked with no intervention. "I haven't seen them for so long. Well except Seungkwan who's been on tour lately. I don't know, maybe ten years?"
I was just feeling so happy; this whole trip to memory lane was making me feel nostalgic. Talking about my childhood friend felt like I was being pulled back to that time when freedom was free. And Joshua was being strange — good kind of strange. Almost as if he was being friendly and open.
Because of glee I didn't notice how his lips formed into a thin line. "They're just around." He said curtly. "Come play with me." He said before I could ask ore about his siblings.
He scooted a little bit to his side to make room for me, and after a moment of hesitation, I shifted closer next to him. He didn't seems satisfied that's why he moved closer to me. I could practically feel the roughness of his tight jeans against the thin layer of my pajama bottom.
My heart started to beat faster, taking my breaths with it. It seems that what I felt double since the dance we had at the party. But for hi, it seemed that he's used to being this near to a woman.
He played the first notes of Chopin Sonata and I began to worry. I thought we'll going to play another nursery rhyme.
"Uhm . . ." I looked at him, unsurely. "I don't know but I should probably tell you that I don't have any idea how to play a piano. I only know the tune."
"Well, we could try a less complicated song. You play these notes on the lower octave —" He explained showing me the right notes and what keys to play. "— I'll play the accompanying tune on the higher octave."
I didn't get it at first try. My notes were messy and jumpy, he said. He showed it to me again and after a couple of false starts, I managed to play my part.
He played with his right hand while he tucked his left on his other side. At least, that's what I saw when he was playing with both hands.
He started playing and a smile crept on my face when I realize what he's been playing. It's the freaking Alphabet song!
Even he has been smiling from my reaction. He was looking so amused watching me and the laugh I rarely hear from him came out. I couldn't contain my laugh anymore, so I let it go as we continued playing. He even sand with it that made me laugh even more.
We played it at least three times and I kept on laughing until the end of the song. I felt so silly.
"That was fun!" I said when I recovered from too much laughing. I think that was the longest laugh I've had since . . . I don't know. I can't remember the last time I laughed like that.
He inhaled proudly as he crossed his arms, giving me the amazing view of his firm chest. "Well, that was the first time I played good in two years, actually."
"Wow! Two years, huh? Really" I joked. "You know, you should play in theaters someday."
That made him laugh, and I'm thanking the angels for tonight. I didn't know what he ate at the party and what's going on inside his mind for doing this. I just don't want this night to end.
But then, we don't get to have everything we want. Not everything we want to happen will happen. I know this night must end. It has to be.
"What is it?"
I blinked on Joshua's question. I didn't notice that we both stopped laughing already. He was looking at me intently again, just like what he did a while ago. And it made me look away. I felt like, if he'll look at me like that, he'll see something I don't want him to see.
I smiled again and started standing up "It's late. I think I should go back now and take some rest." Because this was getting too cozy for me.
He was hesitant, but he didn't stop me. He just offered me a small smile too and nodded. Maybe I was being a coward. Maybe I was letting fear decide for me. But I think I don't have anything that would protect me from him apart from this fear.
"I'll leave you to practice more, then." I added lightly before I left him because I don't want to end this lovely night in a sour mood. It's too beautiful to be a part of my regretful memory.
Joshua was still looking at me when I turned to him and wave. "Good night."
"Wait." He suddenly said. It was so low I didn't catch what he said. But I stayed where I was and watched him as he slowly got to his feet.
Something thumped hard inside my chest. I was painfully torn between staying still and leaving. I wanted to go and walk away, but my will was weak against my inner self. In the end, I still don't want this night to end.
I can't do anything when Joshua was already in front of me. He didn't stop until were only inches apart. He was invading my personal space again, and maybe he likes doing this because he knew what it does to me. Because he knew he had me well-trapped in his web.
Afraid of meeting his eyes, I kept my lids lower. But there was something in this trap that was luring me to look up at him. He touched my chin and tilted my head so I couldn't escape. The beating of my heart immediately sped up. His eyes were so intense and . . . solemn. A look that had my attention captured.
"Mia Kazzandra." He whispered my name so softly tickling the tip of my nose. He thumb stroked my jaw and I felt it right to my toes. "Thank you for today. For coming with me."
He took another step closer, and it was impossible for air to come between us. It's like we were standing on that dance floor all over again.
"Josh . . ."
His finger brushed my lower lip, stopping me from speaking and then he shook his head. He just wanted me to listen.
He stared at my face for a while. It's as if he was tracing my face with his eyes and I grew restless under his intimate scrutiny.
"I thought I'd never need anybody again." He began to say. "But I guess I'm wrong."
He leaned in and I was floating I didn't know what he was planning to do until it's too late. His warm lips landed on my lips. And I felt a seed of something closer to hope nestled inside my chest.
"Good night."
{A/N: Soooooo? How are you guys coping up? :D}