That foolish fox.
Kaguya pursed her lips, staring out to the serene scenery of her ice palace, all the while attempting to not be annoyed at the slight chill that has penetrated her skin.
She wouldn't have this mortal weakness if she was in her original body.
She wouldn't even need to bother herself finding a perfect tool to help her gain victory if she was in her original body.
But the foolish Kyuubi no Kitsune has ruined everything that she was supposed to achieve.
If the fox didn't interfere, she would've achieved her goals in a blink of an eye. Humanity would no longer be fighting in this useless, stupid war. Instead, they would be safe in the divine tree, living the life of their dreams and would no longer suffer any pain or hurt from losing the ones they love.
If only Kyuubi didn't interfere.
It would've been perfect. The boys that reminded her of her beloved traitorous sons would be transported into an alternate dimension—and they wouldn't even suffer long, because Kaguya has fully intended to send them to that one alternate timeline in the multiverse plane that was about to be erased from existence. If she had managed to send the boys there, they would die painlessly while she could go on saving the people of her universe from themselves.
However, the Kyuubi has interfered, desperately redirecting her handsign to the one that would combine her and the Juubi's husk together before attempting to send her to the fading alternate universe.
The foolish fox has intended to let both Kaguya and the Juubi's husk to be erased together with the disappearing timeline.
It was a risky move.
It didn't work as planned.
Instead, Kyuubi's interference has shattered both timelines and remoulded the original timeline with the fading one together to become a new universe that was the mix of the two. The Juubi's husk was erased in the process to form the new universe, being consumed as an energy source and later exploded to cause another anomaly that was not supposed to happen.
Not only that the Kyuubi has accidentally rewritten the timeline, but he also has sent them all back in time where everything that led towards the war that prompted her return began.
Everyone from the original timeline was thrown back to merge with their counterpart in the new one. They became one with their own self in this newly-created universe, completely oblivious on how close it was for them to be rescued from their own bloodlust back in the original timeline.
As for Kaguya, she has woken up in a coffin.
It deeply displeased her to discover that instead of sealing her like how it was in the original timeline, her traitorous sons have driven their swords through their mother's heart, killing her counterpart of this timeline. Hagoromo and Hamura have kept her corpse in a tomb built on the moon to avoid her body from being looted, before they left their mother—the Kaguya of this timeline—to rest in peace on the moon for eternity.
When she was thrown into this rewritten timeline, her soul didn't merge with her counterpart because Ootsutsuki Kaguya of this new timeline has died thousands of years ago at the hands of her own sons.
The tome detailing the events of the fall of the goddess was left in the tomb, right at the feet of the coffin that Kaguya has woken up in, written in Hamura's grieving hands and illustrated with Hagoromo's loving touch.
Kaguya didn't know why she took the tome with her as she returned to Earth to regain what that was rightfully hers.
It didn't matter. She has a goal to accomplish.
She needed more than Zetsu this time. She needed more tools to secure her victory. Her powers were significantly less than the last time—closer to when she first arrived on Earth rather than when she was at her prime as the sole empress of the Earth.
As for Zetsu's main puppet, she considered them as completely useless.
(Not that she was going to stick to that failure of a plan anyway.)
That Madara brat was practically useless, if the last war was any indicator. There was too much greed and lust for power inside him, something that Kaguya didn't appreciate to exist in her tool.
That's why she finished him off and took his single remaining sharingan.
She needed the power of the sharingan in her side. She still had a small fragment of her rinnegan sharingan in her possession, but she wasn't able to use it to its fullest extent because her current body didn't possess the third eye.
It was a good thing that she has Madara's eye and her new son conveniently has lost an eye.
Oh, she knew who this boy was. She has seen his adult self during the last battle—so fearless and loyal, so willing to die for the one that he cared for, as proven when he jumped in front of the Uchiha boy and protected that arrogant brat from her lethal attack without any hesitation.
It wasn't a blind devotion like how Zetsu worshipped her, but it was something far stronger than that.
Zetsu hid under her sleeves back in the last war. Useless and pathetic.
(Of course, she didn't tell him that. He still has a purpose to serve.)
She didn't care much about it back then, possessing infinite divine power herself, but now that her power wasn't as it was like when she has consumed the chakra fruit, she needed a better son to fight alongside her.
She needed a son that wouldn't hesitate to sacrifice himself or pushed himself beyond his limits for her.
Someone like the young Hatake Kakashi.
Hatake Kakashi owned something that Zetsu didn't.
She has seen his mind upon the first touch. It was truly heartbreaking, to look into the depth of his mind and seen what he has suffered through. He was the embodiment of her reasons to enslave all of humanity in the chakra tree. This pointless war has taken too much from him—his mother, his father, his pack brother and his own self—plunging him into a constant state of deep grief and self-hate. His soul was tormented with grief, regret and sorrow—too much pain held in such a small body—but yet he was still strong and stubborn to continue living and fight for the one he cherished.
That was the ultimate devotion rooted from love.
This was what Zetsu was lacking.
Love, the greatest power on Earth.
And to earn that devoted love for her disposal, she has to create a bond with him—a bond that would be strong enough for him to serve her with unwavering loyalty.
Knowing his history and seeing his mind, she knew exactly how to gain his devotion.
Hatake Kakashi has never had a mother after all.
With that in mind, Kaguya glided towards the small curled up form in the ice bed, sitting by the edge of the bed and gently placed his head on her lap. She pulled the thick sheets over his shoulders, tucking in the edges around him until he resembled a sushi roll more than anything else. The blood loss has made him deathly pale, but it was a necessary thing to do to keep the pesky Konoha shinobi from hunting him down.
She didn't need that kind of distraction.
Thus, she has sacrificed one of her White Zetsu for the cause, fabricating his death by having the White Zetsu to replicate his body. The White Zetsu could replicate a human body so flawlessly when provided with appropriate DNA, but it wasn't able to duplicate the scent of human's blood down to the finest detail. Thus, she has no choice but to use his own blood to complete the façade.
The child was completely unconscious by the time she left his faux corpse on the pool of blood in the graveyard.
And he hasn't woken up since, though he did whimper and cried out so miserably in his sleep, trembling in the hovel of the thin mattress and piled blankets, looking all like a hurt sick child he actually was.
Such a sad, poor child.
Kaguya traced her fingers over his bandaged eye, feeling the thrum of power from the mix of her rinnegan sharingan and Madara's sharingan, even under the layers of the white fabric strips. The eye was fitting in so beautifully in his body, a fact that prompted her to quirk a satisfied smile. She then trailed her hand lower, resting over his heaving chest to feel his chakra. It was weak and reasonably depleted, unable to handle the strain of the powerful rinnegan sharingan.
That wouldn't do at all. She needed her tool to be at its top shape.
Thus, Kaguya leant down, aligning her lips with his own—her painted lips hovered millimetres above his pale bluish lips—as she directed a tiny fragment of her chakra into his mouth, forcing his mouth shut when she has transferred enough to him.
She would take it later when he has completely served his purpose, but for now, he could keep it.
Kaguya planted a hand on his feverish cheek, smiling as she felt his chakra reserve expanded to a state that was large enough to accommodate his newly transplanted eye without hindrances. She ran her thumb over the soft skin to wipe the tears that trickled down his cheeks, planting her lips on his forehead and kept it pressed on the feverish skin for a few seconds.
He let out a soft tiny whimper, unconciously clinging to her.
Kaguya cradled him closer in her embrace.
Her free hand cradled his head—magenta glow illuminated his silver tresses, invading his mind to rearrange his memories and severing the ties and attachments that he still had within him.
He wouldn't be needing that anymore. The only attachment he should have is for her alone.
She would be the centre of his life.
Kaguya hushed him when he choked and gasped in his sleep, her thumbs continued to wipe the tears that were still wetting his cheek even as he opened his unbandaged eye and blinked blearily at her.
She quirked a gentle loving smile.
Kakashi gave her a dazed relieved smile, small hands reached out to cling to her body in pure desperation as he buried his face to the crook of her neck, voice hoarse with emotions when he croaked a soft;
"Kaa-chan."
-★-
It should be worrying that Kakashi didn't even bat a lash when he stepped into Kamui and smelled blood.
It should be worrying, but by this point, Kakashi was already so immune to the weirdness that seemed to be rolling into his path on daily basis now.
Trapped in the body that was a mix of his own and his students? Yeah, weird, but still manageable.
Hearing the voices of his lost (and presumed deceased) students actively chattering and running commentaries on his actions inside his head? Whatever. They kept him company and were super useful when he needed help or extra opinion.
Being sent back in time to the darkest period of his life? Good. There are few people he needed to rescue anyway.
Receiving power upgrades in the form of his students' attributes? No need to panic. Pack up and go on a training trip in Uzushio.
Being guided into a maze of underground passage beneath Uzushio's ruin that store the summoning scroll to the great ancient wolf? Not a problem. He needed a summon anyway.
Having a puppy randomly dropped into his care, with a stern clarification from its mother that this cute little short-legged puppy ninken was specialised for emotional therapy and medical ninjutsu instead of for combat? Whatever. It's a freakin puppy. He loves puppies.
Interfering with one of the darkest moments in his life only to find out that something has changed so drastically without his knowledge, even when he has sent scouts to keep watch on his former team? Keep a cool-head, Hatake. You have backup plans. Keep calm and cook up your counter-measure.
Stepping into Kamui—that was supposedly impossible to be intruded unless one has Obito's sharingan—and smelled the familiar scent of fertile blood in the air? No problem. He could deal with this—
No. He could not deal with this.
He has been actively trying to forget what he discovered about Obito's body for this past month.
It's not because he was an ignorant bastard that refused to acknowledge that, but it was because his mind was so rotten with the porn he used to read back when he was in his adult body that his now (unfortunately) raging teenage hormones started to create active scenarios to accommodate his wild hormones.
Scenarios, in which he explored the sheer weirdness of Obito's new biology with the steamy bits inspired from Icha Icha as the side dish.
Kakashi considered installing a shower in Kamui because he needed a cold shower right now.
God damn it.
He hated going through puberty again. The last time he did, he had survived the worst of it by being a cold merciless assassin. It was hard to think of anything R-rated about your cute friend when said friend was dead and you kinda killed your other friend, which eventually caused you to end up as one lonely miserable ball of angst.
Oh, not to mention that his daily job slaughtering unsuspecting enemies of Konoha back then also made it difficult to indulge in that raging teenage hormones.
But now...
"Ugh," Kakashi moaned, resisting the urge to bludgeon his own head at the nearest cube because that was stupid and awfully counterproductive to the situation.
He already has been hearing his students inside his head. He didn't need to add more insanity to that.
Killing everyone in the battlefield would be counterproductive to his recent efforts sabotaging the war too, right?
God damn it.
He is your friend. He is your friend. He is your friend. Don't be a creep—
"But you do think that he is cute, though."
Kakashi swore.
God damn it, Naruto.
There was no response, like usual, but Naruto's random candid comment at least managed to reel his unsavoury thoughts back into the shame basement of his mind, so that was actually something to be grateful for. Kakashi breathed in carefully, hoping the scent of blood to shift to something that would scream injuries instead of a natural occurrence, but the world hated him, thus the scent remained the same.
Of all the things he could imagine happening, this was not one of it.
Kakashi cursed his sensitive nose. Normal people wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the blood, but he was Hatake, okay? Still partly Hatake in this mixed up body. He could differentiate the scent so easily—the familiar scent of fresh blood from injuries versus the more fertile blood he usually would only smell once a month whenever one of his kunoichi friends or female genins were in his olfactory sensory range when they had this kind of natural occurrence of their biology.
He was already aware of the strange fact that his friend somehow possessed a womb. It would be stupid to not assume that the sheer weirdness did not come in full package.
Not that it was anything wrong. Menstruation was perfectly normal for people who owned a womb. It was the sign of a healthy human. It was normal.
But Obito is a guy, he reminded himself.
"But he also has a womb," imaginary Sakura retorted.
Somehow, Kakashi swore he could hear Naruto's howling laughter and Sasuke's silent sniggers.
Ugh. Usually, he would adore the timing of his hallucinations, but he was sort of internally freaking out right now, so no, he was not okay with his delusion's timing at all.
Nope. Nope. Nope. His mind chanted.
"Yes. Yes. Yes." Imaginary Sakura and Naruto countered, cheering. "Yessssss!"
"Hn."
Not you too, Sasuke. God damn it. Kakashi could feel his brain combusted in complete malfunction.
Nope. Don't know how to deal with this. Nope. Nope. Nope.
God damn it.
Obito was still in a coma, so leaving his friend alone to deal with this on his own was out of the question. On the other hand, how the hell would Kakashi deal with this when he has zero knowledge on what the females in his life did during this time of the month? He didn't dare to ask them back then (despite his own boredom-induced curiousity) because Kushina would never let him live it down, Kurenai would probably shriek and bust a hole in his skull with an exploding tag, Anko would definitely torture him for daring to ask, Hana would unleash literal hell hounds on his ass and asking Sakura would be downright creepy because she was his student that was more than half his age.
Why oh why he suddenly had the sense that Sakura just rolled her eyes at him?
Then, his brain was bombarded with memories and knowledge that were definitely not his own.
God damn it.
'TMI, Sakura.'
Imaginary Sakura giggled.
Kakashi ignored his heating cheeks as he sauntered towards Obito's makeshift cot.
Professional. Yes, he needed to be professional. Medic and patient. Medic and patient. Medic and patient—
"Where does the blood come out from though?"
Kakashi almost tripped on his own feet.
God damn it, Sakura.
-★-
Minato knew that something was off.
His first student was murdered right behind the gates of Konoha where it was supposed to be the safest place for all Konoha citizens. Further investigation on whatever that remained of Kakashi's corpse has revealed a fragment of a blade in that busted small skull, resulting in the post-mortem report to conclude that Kakashi was struck down from behind with a katana before he was burnt to a near-ash state.
The blow was enough to slice through the small skull all the way down to the centre of the forehead, thus enforcing the idea that it was a skilled shinobi who has committed this cruel act. The fact that Kakashi was burnt to a near-ash state has narrowed down the suspect list to someone who was capable of high-ranked Katon jutsu.
Since the suspect didn't even bother to get rid of the evidence, the forensic team has assumed that this was an impulsive, unplanned crime.
A crime of passion, if one would conclude.
It should be a clean-cut investigation.
And what a wonderfully delightful surprise it was when a deeper investigation of the blade fragment revealed that it was from an Uchiha-specialised katana.
So straightforward.
Yet something still felt off.
Fugaku has hurried to gather his people at the revelation of the new evidence, allowing the infamous Ino-Shika-Cho trio to conduct the investigation on his clan members to avoid any conflict of interests.
Needless to say, the Uchiha wasn't pleased with the investigation process, but Fugaku has asserted his authority, rendering all of them to submit to the investigation peacefully.
Minato knew something was terribly off when out all of the Uchiha who didn't have an alibi during the time of the crime, Uchiha Setsuna was one of them.
The feeling worsened when Setsuna was the only one who fit the suspect profile that they have built from the evidence.
It was too perfect of a fit.
Setsuna has conveniently lost his sword when asked to give it up for the investigation, thus increasing the suspicion on him even when he protested and defended himself by saying that he has left it in his weapon closet before he went to sleep and the sword has vanished when he woke up.
Setsuna lived alone at the outskirts of Uchiha compound, thus leaving him with no witness to testify and confirm that he has indeed spent the whole night sleeping off his headache and not out murdering a grieving eleven-year-old.
Setsuna has a strong motive against Kakashi, as proven from his lack of hesitance to challenge Minato—Namikaze Minato, mind you, who was the freaking Yellow Flash that has 'flee on sight' order across all five nations—literally a day before Kakashi was murdered.
Setsuna also was a skilled jounin that was specialised in kenjutsu, and like all Uchiha, he was very proficient in Katon jutsu, including the one that has been suspected as the jutsu used to burn Kakashi to an unrecognisable pile of bone fragments and ashes.
Uchiha Setsuna fit the suspect profile like a perfect puzzle piece.
And that was what that bothered Minato the most.
-★-
"God damn it, Obito."
Okay, that was totally unfair for his very comatose friend, but who else was Kakashi going to curse? He has exhausted his swear vocabularies on Kyuubi before. He has sworn at his students' names even when the delusions of their voices laughed at his utter misery. Now that he has ran out of curses to insult the mercilessly-howling-with-laughter imaginary voices in his head, Obito was the only one he has yet to curse.
And this was kinda Obito's fault too. Kakashi wouldn't be in such an awkward position like this if Obito woke the fuck up before his completely normal yet utterly bizarre biological cycle started.
Not even once in this month since he was thrown into this weird predicament—spending his time juggling between taking care of Obito, sabotaging the war and hunting Madara—that Kakashi was forced into this kind of stressful situation.
This was oddly stressful.
On one hand, he couldn't let Obito bleed all over himself. That couldn't be possibly hygienic, because even with Kakashi utter lack of knowledge on this, he was not stupid enough to not be able to come up with that conclusion. That was kinda the most logical assumption to make after all.
On the other hand, if he was to follow the horrifyingly detailed guidance that imaginary Sakura has bombarded him with earlier, that would mean that he has to completely strip Obito and—
Nope.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
He managed to find a way to keep the boundary of modesty intact between the both of them throughout this whole month—even when he gave Obito the daily sponge bath—and he wasn't ready to break that boundary. Nope. It wouldn't be much of a problem if this was his Obito—you know, the psychotic adult one who started the Fourth Shinobi War—because if that was the case, Kakashi wouldn't mind as much because that Obito was older than him. No big deal. They were both at the same age range. A little bit of blatant nudity was not a strange thing among shinobi.
But this Obito....
Nope.
Just the thought that he was mentally twenty-eight and this Obito still looked like a brat made the idea of stripping his friend completely naked felt just as wrong as being aroused whenever he saw a twelve-year-old Naruto or Konohamaru pulled that accursed Sexy no jutsu.
"I knew it! I knew it! You're affected too—ha!"
'Shut up, Naruto. Yes, I'm affected. Not a surprise there. Women and men are equally attractive to me. Now, shush.' Kakashi thought.
"But, Kaka-sensei—"
Kakashi rolled his eyes at imaginary Naruto's sulky tone.
Now that he thought about it, it was kinda weird that these voices only grew louder and more active since the past month instead of disappearing from his mind like his imaginary Obito all the way back then.
"That's because you're one lonely miserable fuck."
"Sasuke-teme! Don't be so rude."
Kakashi let out a long sigh.
Though, he probably shouldn't compare the two. Imaginary Obito only repeated the words that Obito has spoken to him from his own memories, not actively initiating a conversation like his imaginary students.
Fuck. He was really insane, huh?
Kakashi wanted to bang his head to the nearest cube with the hope that it would silence the voices in his head.
God damn it.
"You can't let him bleed everywhere," imaginary Sasuke pointed out so unhelpfully. "Come on, Kakashi," he coaxed, voice dripping with evil amusement. "Be a good friend and help him."
Kakashi had this slightest hunch that Sasuke truly enjoyed his misery—that sadistic brat.
But the asshole brat did have a point.
There was a tiny bark from the puppy that was given into his care, and Kakashi found his nervousness immediately been soothed as he watched the short-legged puppy licked on Obito's wrist. The tiny puppy jumped in place when Kakashi finally moved from his spot near the cot, seemingly happy that his new master is finally going to do something about this. The little ball of fluff trotted towards him, clamping Kakashi's sleeves in his mouth and proceeded to tug him closer to the comatose Uchiha. The puppy then sat by the floor next to Obito's hips, tail wagging as he stared expectantly at Kakashi.
God damn it. Now his supposed cute puppy was out against him too?
Kakashi braced himself, determined to get this done and over with as quick as possible.
Of course his rotten luck would make a guest appearance the moment he has situated himself between Obito's legs and was about to quickly deal with the bleeding mess his friend has become.
There was a slight movement from his friend and Kakashi immediately froze in shock, mismatched eyes widened when Obito's eyes fluttered open blearily. He watched, entranced when his friend blinked in a confused daze, only to internally swear when the dark eyes shifted to meet his mismatched gaze.
Obito's eyes immediately widened before his gaze darted to the very compromising position Kakashi has put himself in.
Fuck.
Imaginary Sasuke burst to mad unhinged laughter.
"Wait, I can explain—" Kakashi started.
Obito wasn't listening.
"PERVERT!!"
Kakashi was too stunned and embarrassed to react when that slender leg round-kicked him straight in the face, sending him sprawled back onto the bleak ground. He then took a full minute to snap out of his dazed state, one arm levering his body up while the other hand clutched his throbbing—probably cracked—jaw as he blinked stupidly at his enraged, flushed friend.
That actually hurt a lot.
Obito had a mean kick, especially for someone who was just woken up from a month-long coma.
Imaginary Sasuke sounded too hysterical to be sympathetic when he commented;
"Ouch."
Cue the mad unhinged laughter again.
God damn it, Sasuke.
Notes:The next chapter might be heading into the serious territory as both Kakashi are going to make their move and be more actively involved against each other.
Or it might be a light-hearted chapter between Obi and Kaka.
With me, you'll never know~
And y'all know what is going to happen if Setsuna was framed as Kakashi's murderer.