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I could feel the warm liquid seep out from under my nails as I pushed myself through the busy flow of late night New Yorkers.
I hated my grandmother and her stupid pride, I hated my mother for being superficial and I hated my self more for caring.
To anyone who could see me I would appear to be calm and collected but if you looked at how hard I was clenching my hands into fist you would see just how furious I was. It was a bad habit, when I was mad I would dig my nails into my palms so hard they bled, it was so that I would focus on the physical pain and not the emotional. If I could go back to the day I started inflicting physical pain upon myself to stop the emotions in my mind I would have begged myself to stop, because the truth is its addicting.
I found myself outside of a place where I always seemed to end up, it had been over a month since I had ended right back here. I always ended up here.
Walking up to the front desk I said my name, I wasn't surprised to find that I was still on the list. The front desk woman gave me my key and I went to the elevator at the very far left.
I jammed the key into the hole for the thirty first floor and waited for the doors to close. I released my grip and whipped the blood away on my black colored jeans.
Looking into one of the mirrors that coated the elevator wall I released my hair from its bun, I scuffed it up with my hands giving it volume. I pinched my bare cheeks , giving them color.
When the elevator came to a halt , I could instantly see three girls in just their under wear dancing around someone I had gotten to know very well over the course of two years.
Rod Stewarts 'Tonight's the night' played loudly from the speakers and I could feel four sets of eyes staring at me. I marched straight to the guy who was standing in the middle, his perfectly sculpted chest was even better than I could remember.
"What are you-" He was about to finish the question when I reached him, I grabbed the back of his brown haired head and pulled him into me. He was quick to respond, the kiss was urgent and needy, I can't lie and there were sparks or some incredible attraction because there wasn’t.
This was what we did, we always did this, we were each distractions.
His hands gripped my hips and his warm finger tips felt odd on my warm skin, I hated the friction but I made no move to stop him.
When he broke away from the kiss we were both breathing heavily, and I went straight to my jacket, easily sliding it off.
He gave a flick of the wrist and the three girls walked elegantly out of the room as if they hadn't just been dismissed.
When it was just us again I pushed him hard against the red yang sofa, I sat onto of him, straddling him. I smiled ruefully remembering how many times we had been in this position in the past.
I began kissing along his jaw and he melted into me, I was glad that things were exactly like they were when I left, nothing had changed.
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Waking up I looked around the familiar room, the light blues that coated the room gave it a clean and homey feeling. I glanced at the strategically placed clock on the wall in front of me realizing it was late, or early depending on your view of four in the morning.
I walked over to the dresser in the far left corner digging through the first drawer I grabbed a grey t shirt and boxer shorts. Sliding them on I headed to the en-suit bathroom, I had a bad case of just fucked hair and I attempted to tame it. Deciding to tie it at the top of my head in a messy bun, I grabbed a new tooth brush from under the sink and brushed my teeth.
He was seated on the kitchen island eating a bowl of grapes, he loved grapes.
"Hey,"
"Hey." He replied. His gaze was fixated on his grapes. I knew his tone, he was mad but I didn’t want to deal with mad people so I pretended like everything was okay.
I opened the refrigerator door and pulled out a bottle of apple juice, pouring myself some I began drinking.
"Are you going to tell me what happened last night?
I swallowed, "What ever do you mean?"
"Don’t play stupid Riley."
"I have no idea what you're talking about Landon."
"Oh, so you just go around making love to your ex boyfriends who you haven't talked to in a month?"
I snorted, "I'm pretty sure you of all people should know we don’t 'make love'" I raised my fingers making air quotes around his words, "We fuck."
Landon sighed bringing his bottom lip into his mouth, "You're hurting."
"I don’t hurt." I took my empty glass over to the sink, rinsing it out.
"Stop doing that."
"Stop doing what?"
"Stop pretending like you're some egotistical bitch who has no emotions. You know you feel and you know you're hurting."
I clenched my jaw, "You don’t know what you're talking about."
"Like hell if I don't, "He spat, "I know you better than anyone, and this " I could imagine Landon pointing at myself but I kept my eye glued to the chrome colored sink, "This, is you doing what you do best."
"And what's that?" My voice cracked and I tried to keep my calm.
"Self destruction."
I turned around my dirt colored eyes making contacts with his green ones, "Fuck you Landon."
I could imagine Cole telling me I had already fucked Landon in response to my remark but since he wasn’t there to say it I knew Landon wouldn’t, Landon was too much of a sap.
I stalked out of the room and back to the bedroom, I changed into my clothes and grabbed my phone. I came here and I got what I wanted, I was ready to leave. I half expected Landon to chase me but he didn’t.
At the front desk I got the woman to call me a cab, when it got there I climbed in giving him directions.
When I walked through the doors to the penthouse my grandparents, my mother, Kirk, Bridget, Elliott and three police officers were seated around the living room.
I stood at the entrance not making a move to walk towards any of them, I could feel how empty and cold my eyes must have looked to them as non of them made a move to scold me.
"I'm going to bed." I said simply , turning to walk upstairs.
When I woke up that morning the officers were gone, Elliott and Kirk had stayed the night since it was too late to go back to Queens.
There was a pounding headache at the back of my head and I made a mental note to call and apologize to Landon.
No one made a move to talk to me and I'm not sure if I was grateful or upset over that. Breakfast was silent but Elliott wasn't there, he was still sleeping. I wanted to see him.
I hadn't gotten a good look at him earlier but I had noticed prominent dark circles under his eyes, he had looked tired.
When breakfast over I walked to the guest room Elliott was staying in, I knocked. A few seconds later the door swung open, Elliott wasn't facing me and re treated back to the bed. I took that as a sign to walk in.
"I'm mad at you." He said simply as he laid down, closing his eyes. His dark eye lashes that shadowed over his cheeks were magnified by the thick rimmed glasses that were placed on his face. I hate to sound cliché but he looked like an angel, a weird, geeky, intimidating looking angel.
"Why?" I asked. I knew how stupid the question was but I wanted to hear him say the answer.
"I was worried." He said simply.
"Why?"
"You're not from here, you don't know the city well you could have been killed or mugged or worse."
I scoffed quietly, of course.
I shifted my weight and Elliott patted the left side of his bed, I sighed to myself glad that he was letting me into his inner bubble. I accepted the invitation and laid down beside him, the bed was warm from his body heat and I closed my eyes.
"I don’t expect you to trust me, "He said, "You know nothing about me, if I haven't told you anything about myself why should you? So ask whatever you want."
I knew Elliott was a few years older than me and I had been meaning to ask him why he was still in high school since he was already nineteen , so I took the opportunity and asked.
He sighed, "I took a year and a half off."
"Why?"
"It’s a long story."
"I have time."
He chuckled, "Back when I was a junior I guess you could say I got into the wrong crowd and we just , we were going to graffiti the inside of the school but we got caught."
It was hard to imagine Elliott doing graffiti he was a generally calm person.
"We had to go to court , the rest of the guys got fined but since it was my first offence I got let off easy with community service. I did my hours at a hospital and I met some pretty amazing people there, so I stayed."
"What did you do at the hospital?" I asked, not knowing if this was welcome territory.
"I worked in the minors ward, I helped troubled kids and teens with activities like painting and reading and just stuff like that."
I nodded. I didn’t want to push the subject further. Elliott's hand enclosed mine and he turned so that I was spooning him, he held my hand to his warm chest and I couldn't help the feeling of how right it felt.
He wasn't too warm like Landon and I didn't feel dirty beside him, he wasn't as nice as West but he was sweet in his own way, he wasn't as comfortable with me as Cole was but we could get there. I understood then what Elliott had said some time ago, about home not being a place.
Home was a person.
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A/N
Short chapter, lots of stuff happened in this one though! Things are happening!
Landon is indeed the brown haired guy she thought she saw a few chaps ago, this is to make up for the long wait for chapter eighteen.
Anyways much love, stay rad.
Till next time,