The next month passed swiftly as staff and student settled in to their new school routines. Hagrid was back at the staff table for meals on and off, when he felt up to it and Severus was just as angry as usual. Or was this more angry than usual? It was hard to tell but whatever it was, he was avoiding Shannon like the plague which suited her just fine.
There had been one other full moon since the start of the year but Remus was up and about by dinner the next day. Though he was slow and ragged looking, Shannon didn’t mention it as she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. Most people happily accepted him by this point, but the Slytherins were always making loud stage whispered remarks on his cheap clothing and tatty robes.
Remus’s classes were going well and anyone could see the adoration of most his students as they looked his way in the Great Hall or in passing around the school grounds. Much of his and Shannon’s meals together had Remus explaining excitedly what he planned to teach next and then going in to finer detail for her since she of course had no idea what a Kappa or Red Cap was or how the spells would work to fight them.
Slowly but surely they inched closer to each other until by mid-month they were almost inseparable and could be found on Remus’s free mornings wandering the castle together laughing and sharing stories. On one occasion, they stopped by a fairly racy painting of ladies in various states of undress and Remus lapsed into a story about how in his fifth year, James, Sirius and Peter had tried a spell to paint themselves in to the scene but were caught by McGonagall just in time and instead they shed old paint chips like dry skin for a month.
Remus had laughed almost to the point of tears before a real sadness enveloped him and they had walked on in silence while Shannon pretended not to notice when he reached to wipe his face. To cheer him up in those moments, she would tell her own funny stories like how as a teenager she’d gone with friends to meet the Prince who was in British Columbia. Then as fate would have it, she was singled out for a handshake and when the Prince took her hand, all she could do was stare at him glazed over and say “thank you.” The poor Prince stood there holding her hand, completely taken aback and unsure what to say in reply. Only, for her stories Shannon had to omit details, like the Prince in her story was actually Prince Harry and this happened years in the future.
Though it was obvious to almost everyone else at the school how much Remus and Shannon liked each other, both held back while woefully fighting the urge to be more. Shannon felt almost bi-polar the way she swung between the urge to do the right thing and leave Remus alone and the blatant lack of concern for what might change in the future if she claimed him for herself. Then of course there were the days of crushing misery when she meditated on how Remus would not live through the final battle.
Remus’s moods were slightly more predictable, as he would pull away at more specific times of the day or month. Nights were always a little more reserved but when the New Moon appeared mid-month and towards the end of the month as the Full Moon built, he could become downright sulky and distant.
At one point while eating dinner the night before the Full Moon, they had been laughing quite heartily at a surprisingly dirty joke Professor Trelawney told about Mountain Trolls and tree stumps. As the laughter died down, both were caught in a long yearning gaze before Remus frowned, threw his napkin down and stormed out of the room leaving Shannon hurt and ashamed.
The weather started to change to the stereotypical British rain and Moss was constantly singing his heart out. Luckily, Shannon still hadn’t grown tired of his complex, heart wrenching song and would often just lay in her bed letting it move over her. When not singing, Moss was let free in the room to fly as he only did it during rain and she was worried about him getting enough exercise. His flight was much like his song, very much a performance with dips and dives and great swirling descents that had Shannon thinking she was going to have a dead bird soon if he hit the floor at that speed.
The Quidditch season was nearing and almost every night, Shannon would run into drenched and exhausted kids heading in from a long practice. By far, the Gryffindor team worked hardest and every couple of nights they were dragging themselves in wearily while Captain Wood yelled encouragement behind them.
On one occasion, Shannon was caught standing in her doorway watching Oliver and smiling to herself, imagining how she could bring up her sister Melissa. Oliver had noticed the distant gaze in his direction and called out from the staircase “are you all right Miss O’Connor? You seem a bit lost in thought.”
Snapping back to the present, she made a quick recovery by explaining to Oliver that she had once played hockey in school and watching them work so hard brought back memories. Then added that she was secretly cheering for Gryffindor and hoped they won the cup because they deserved it this year.
That story had Oliver puffing out his chest and agreeing he thought this was their year and that he wouldn’t share her favoritism with anyone else but he expected to see her in the stands cheering.
As for work, the Owlery was an easy daily routine now as the newer birds were learning to go out and hunt for their meals. Not only was the amount of food mess cut down but the amount of bird mess hitting the floor was lowered. Shannon knew most of the birds by name now but was not one hundred percent on who belonged to whom.
The first Hogsmeade trip approached on Halloween day and though Shannon ached to spend all of her time with Remus, she knew that now she had to start sharing him with Harry. When Remus announced his grindylow would arrive the next day over Saturday dinner, Shannon could only smile vaguely and tell him to have fun with it. When he asked if she wanted to come see it, she declined and said she was going to spend the day with Hagrid to ask about news of Buckbeak and see if she could help cheer him up.
Remus accepted her answer and didn’t push for more. It was a full moon night and in his opinion it would be best for her to not come to his office the next day, or ever. Werewolves had no business getting involved in relationships, especially with people who were so soft and sweet and couldn’t even protect themselves. When he finished dinner early and rushed off to his room, he barely even said goodnight.
The next morning, as the sun broke through the cloud for a brief reminder of what it was like to live on dry land, Shannon skipped breakfast and did her best to sleep in. When that failed, she picked up a book and went to have a long hot bubble bath. There was a lot that was supposed to happen on this day but staying locked in her room the entire time was making her restless and frustrated.
When getting lost in a book failed to keep her entertained, she knew she had to get out of the castle. Hagrid’s was the only option and maybe he would have something half edible. It was one of the low days and though she couldn’t deny her feelings for Remus anymore, she couldn’t face him at lunch.
Grabbing her cloak in case the rain fought another winning battle with the sun and twisting her hair up into a bun, she poked her head out her bedroom door and listened carefully. After a few moments of silence, she made her break out the front doors and down the long sloping hill to Hagrid’s home.
Fang’s booming bark answered Shannon’s knocking followed by Hagrid throwing it open wide with a laugh. If he wasn’t already drunk he was getting there and Shannon immediately regretted her decision to come down.
“Oh it’s Shannon Fang! I was wonderin’ if she ‘ad gone an’ forgot us. C’min and have a cup!” He pulled Shannon in and patted her hard on the back making her wonder if she’d be bruised later.
“Hagrid, maybe we should slow down on whatever it is you’re drinking. You won’t have any room left for the feast tonight.” She sat on a stool that she supposed was more of a low footstool for Hagrid but had her feet almost off the ground.
“Yeh may be right’” he said thoughtfully and sat with an earth shaking thump in a chair by the fireplace. “Tha’s if I go to the feast, almos’ feel ashamed to show my great ruddy face in tha’ there school after wha’ happened.”
“Nothing that happened was your fault Hagrid, we all know that. All the teachers know the story, no one holds you responsible.” Shannon answered softly as Hagrid’s eyes had become misty and far off.
“Yeh really think so? O’course you would know, spendin’ all yer time with tha’ Professor Lupin!” Hagrid laughed again. “Good man Lupin, I don’t ‘spect he’d hold anyone responsible fer anything!”
Shannon only smiled a reply, too upset with the whole Lupin situation to want to go on about it. “I do talk to other people you know. Besides, I know things remember, you’ll have to trust me on this one. We all miss you when you’re not there.”
“Oh all righ’, don’ go gettin’ all soft on me.” Hagrid beamed through his thick shaggy beard. “I’ll save some room then.”
Feeling a little guilty that she had just sent Hagrid to the feast while knowing she was going to skip it, Shannon changed the subject to anything that might keep her mind off of how hungry she was and how miserable. “What’s Hogsmeade like Hagrid?”
“Well why yeh ask a question like tha’ when yeh could have gone with everyone today?” Hagrid frowned and got up to put a kettle over the fire.
“I dunno, I guess I wasn’t feeling very social today” she answered honestly.
“You’re summat strange sometimes” Hagrid said smiling with fondness.
Shannon laughed and agreed she was and then accepted a cup of tea which Hagrid assured her contained no spare animal parts. It tasted a bit like burnt weeds but it was all she’d had all day and it felt good filling her stomach. As she drank, Hagrid went on in his way, telling stories about Hogsmeade and the people who lived there. He told Shannon that she should go on the next planned trip in December and said he would go too if she wanted to be shown around.
Shannon agreed noncommittally that she might go but knew she couldn’t really because that was an important day for Harry and she was not part of it. Changing the subject again, they went over the Owlery and how things were going and then talked about how Hagrid’s classes were doing. When Hagrid became a little quiet, Shannon urged gently for him to get back on to what he wanted to teach and stop playing around with the flobberworms.
The clouds were rushing in again making the sky a dark steel grey and Shannon decided it was time to take her leave. She thanked Hagrid for the tea which had made her feel better and walked back up to the castle wishing him a wonderful evening.
The students were not back from Hogsmeade and as she passed through the entrance, she could see a little of the preparation going on in the Great Hall. A few different professors were talking loudly and waving their wands as decorations appeared around the room and banquet platters flew through the air landing perfectly on the four long tables. It looked as though everyone was going to have a great night. Shannon turned away sadly and went back to her bedroom.
After another long hour of trying to read, the students were clamouring in the heavy front doors, talking excitedly and heading to their dormitories to drop off all the new things they’d bought in the village. Shannon stared at the back of her door a little lonely and a little jealous and then something hit her. The reason she was skipping tonight’s banquet, not just because she was in a dark mood and wanted to avoid Remus but because tonight was the night that Sirius would be breaking in to the castle and shredding the painting of the fat lady.
She stood from her seat by the fire and walked over to the window. She couldn’t see anything but the courtyard from here but she gazed out wondering where Sirius was right this moment. Had he been hiding nearby in the forest when she’d gone down to visit Hagrid? Would he have known her if he saw her? Would hiding in her room when the “attack” occurred make her a suspect?
Laughing when she thought about how much fun Severus would have fingering her as an accomplice, she knew she would have to talk to Dumbledore at some point. Then with a little anxious flip of her stomach she wondered if Remus would think she had something to do with it. That awful thought brought a scowl of frustration and annoyance and as the sky turned to black, she pulled on her favourite pajamas, crawled into bed and turned down the lamp. Sleep wouldn’t come easy tonight so she guessed she might as well try to get a head start on it.
The pounding at her door came just as she had fallen into a welcome shadowy slumber. Groaning and having to feel her way across the room again, Shannon remembered the last time this had happened and backtracked to grab her cloak. The pounding continued as she felt her way along the wall wishing whoever it was would learn a little patience.
The moment she turned the handle, the door flew open knocking her arm out of the way and Remus stood in her doorway engulfed in some powerful mix of emotions. She pulled back rubbing her arm as Remus stepped in waving his hand and lighting the lamps. Just as he finished, he rounded on her looking her up and down with a bit of a manic expression.
“Shannon, are you okay? Where have you been? Why are you wearing a cloak?” He wanted to reach out and touch her to make sure she was real and unharmed but fought to hold his arms at his sides.
“I’m fine, I was sleeping” she answered still unsure which emotion was currently driving him. “Last time I answered the door in the dark, I wasn’t properly dressed and Severus was very angry… I put the cloak on just in case.”
For a split second Remus’s lips twitched as he imagined Snape opening the door to a young, indecent woman. “You’ve been in here all night? You didn’t come to lunch, people said they didn’t see you at breakfast either and you didn’t come to the feast.”
“I told you last night, I was going to see Hagrid, that’s where I was a good part of the day.” Shannon felt a little like she was being interrogated and even though she knew what had happened, she had to ask. “What’s going on? Why are you here?”
Remus ran a hand through his hair and glanced around the room and it hit him he was standing in her bedroom. The rumpled bed sheets, piles of books on all of the flat surfaces, coats hanging along the wall, dirty laundry in the hamper.
“Do you want to come in and tell me?” She asked even though he had already pushed his way in and was standing basically in the center of her room. She started to close the door behind her and Remus’s eyes widened in fear.
“Or we could just stand here…” She started pulling the door open again, taking the look on his face personally and suddenly wanting him to leave.
“No, I… sorry, I’m just a little distracted. Sure I can come in…” he looked around the room helplessly and Shannon shut the door then motioned to the chairs near the dying fire. As he sat down, she turned and hung her cloak back on the peg along the wall and pulled the clip out of her hair. She had fallen asleep with the bun still tight on her head, and now it was askew; her hair was being pulled a thousand different ways.
When she turned back to go have a seat, Remus choked out a surprised gulp as he took in the thin material covering her body and her long blond hair falling in waves around her face. Shannon stopped and looked at him wondering what she’d done now. Colour was flooding his face and when he noticed her staring back at him, he jerked his head away. For the first time he thought he might agree with Severus Snape on something –the girl needed to stay covered, for his and her and everyone else’s sake.
“So, what’s wrong?” she asked, much closer now, he could hear the sound of the chair shifting across from him.
“Sirius Black broke in to the castle tonight while everyone was at the feast. No one knows how but he seemed to be very violent and aggressive. Attacked a painting while trying to get in to Gryffindor tower.” He answered while staring fiercely into the fire place. “We’ve all been searching the castle, but it appears he has fled.”
Relief poured through Shannon but instead of letting that show she pasted a worried expression across her face. Not that it mattered since he was refusing to look at her again. After a moment of silence, he jumped up out of his seat and still avoiding her, he said “we’re supposed to search every room, that’s why…”
“Go ahead” Shannon said quietly. For a few minutes she had allowed herself to believe he came rushing to her room to check on her but no, she must have just been the last room on his inspection or something.
Walking stiffly and saying nothing, Remus toured her room peering under the bed, inside the bathroom and behind the shower curtain. Again she wondered if he suspected her of harbouring Sirius and she smirked to herself at the look on Alissa’s face if Shannon ever joked to her about “keeping Sirius safe in my bedroom.”
“Well, everything looks safe here” Remus said as he was turning away from the corner near the window and Moss’s cage. His eyes passed over the wall and the beautiful calendar that Dumbledore had given her with the moon phases highlighted as tiny turning moons on the dates the moon was new or full.
After a long moment of quiet contemplation, Remus reached forward and turned the page of the calendar from October to November. Much of the anger seemed to drain from his body as he turned away and started walking towards the door, eyes turned down. Now he just looked sad and tired. He reached the door and put his hand on the knob but then paused, stuck there fidgeting with indecision.
Shannon, who had watched him cross the room from her chair, stood and approached him. She wasn’t sure what she would do when she got to him, just that some latent instinct was telling her to go. He still didn’t look up as she approached but his fingers tightened on the knob and he stopped shifting his weight between both feet.
“I’m glad you’re okay” he croaked quietly, “I’m glad you’re safe and I’m glad you’re prepared...”
“Remus” she whispered and reached out to put her hand on the arm holding on to the door with a vice grip. “I use that calendar to know which days I shouldn’t bother waiting around for breakfast or lunch.”
“Shannon” he sighed, barely above a whisper and lifted his head to look into her face. She took another step to him and held his gaze while her hand moved slowly up the soft wrinkled material of the robes covering his arm.
“This can’t happen” he said even as his pupils dilated to great black pools crowding out the greens, blues and browns of the iris.
“Trust me; I know that better than anyone. I torture myself with that very thought every single day. Right now, I don’t care.” She moved in closer and was almost pressed against him. Her head tilted and her lips parted, waiting for him to close the distance.
“Shouldn’t” was all he could say as he leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers. His arms slid around her back and pulled her body against his as she melted in to him, clutching her fingers in his fine, smooth hair.
All rational thought vanished as she lost herself in the sensation of his lips moving against hers, Shannon didn’t realize when his hands moved from her back to her arms and started trying to pull free. She whimpered in protest as his body pulled away and her hands were pried off of his body. When he finally pulled his lips back, she wanted to hit him for having the nerve to take that feeling away.
“No Shannon” Remus sighed and held her wrists in front of her body and once again turned away from her. “I can’t do this, it’s too dangerous.”
“Obviously you can do this” she shot back scowling “and pretty well if you ask me.”
After a faint smile, Remus said “please don’t make this harder.”
Shannon cocked an eyebrow as she couldn’t help the dirty thought that crossed her mind. Remus only shook his head, let go of her wrists and walked out the door.
Torn between utter devastation and a stubborn streak that urged her to fight for what they obviously both wanted with a mix of confusion and shock that she had actually just come on to a man, Shannon collapsed into bed and let the tears that built up, spill over in to her pillow knowing sleep wouldn’t be returning this evening.