"Dude looks like a lady"
***
Green.
That's the colour that's threatening to make me wonder if I can survive a ten foot drop onto cement with no broken bones.
Pale Jade green irises, framed by dark lashes and curious brows staring straight into my god damn soul while I forget the English language again.
And. That. Fucking. Smirk.
I just stare wordlessly back at him, finally getting a decent look at his sharp yet boyish features complimented by that wild mess of curls that he brings his hand up to run his fingers through lazily.
What is this? A party for ridiculously attractive people and I just managed to get in out of pure luck? Did they all just send out memos to each other to congregate in this fucking house?
Another figure coming out of the patio doors catches my attention, a head of blonde hair but I nearly fall over standing up when I finally see the front of that head, the face of the woman I saw in that room who apparently...has... A moustache?
I glance over their figure, noticing the small petite frame in tight jeans and a t-shirt and take note of the very apparent absence of breasts.
That girl was not a girl at all, it is very much a dude and now I'm looking back to ol' green eyes over here even more speechless.
Well you know that they say, the word assume makes an ass out of u and me, and I made one hell of an assumption about the man that was on his knees with absolutely incredible luscious long blonde hair, honestly it's like watching a Pantene shampoo commercial as he walks.
Of course he's gay, most of Frankie and Alexs friends are - but honestly that blonde hair just fucking threw me, it was like seeing Paris Hilton from behind.
Green eyes gives me a once over, leaning his arm above his head against the wall and tilts his head.
"End up finding the bathroom Drew?" he asks, his full lips wrapping around and accentuating each of the syllables through his thick British accent.
Oh super, this is getting even better - no really, it's possible to free fall 10 feet and maybe not die right? Honestly either way seems like a fantastic option right now.
I frown at him, pulling my face back "How the hell do you know my name?"
He wets his lips, as another smile ghosts across them "That riveting conversation you were having with yourself just then, that's your name right? Drew?"
"Possibly..." I reply cautiously, turning my face to look at him sideways.
He bites the tip of his tongue between his straight pearly teeth, with a wide smile and lifts his brows "Possibly? Well who else were you talking to?"
I point to my head, lifting my own brows, and try to play crazy to get him to leave me alone "There's about ten of us up here, always great for conversation"
He bites back a laugh, bringing his ring clad fingers up to scratch at his jaw and I notice the patterns and pictures stained in black ink on his defined arm.
"So tell me" he begins curiously, popping the dimple in his cheek as that smirk returns slowly "Do you make a habit of walking in on people getting blow jobs?"
I choke on my own spit, gaping at him - who the fuck asks - why would he say...- Why is he smiling about this?!
The infuriating arrogant look on his face taunting me, cues my response as I squint at him "Do you make a habit of getting blow jobs in other people's rooms at parties?"
He purses his lips, then looks around the outside deck thoughtfully as if reminiscing about the many times he has in fact done that.
Well that's a fuckboy face thinking about fuckboy memories if I've ever seen one.
But - I can't go assuming again, maybe he and that dude barbie are in a relationship and just have a very weird obsession with blow jobs in other people's houses.
I clear my throat, gesturing to the gentlemen with the creamy greek goddess hair over with the group of people behind us, being all too familiar with the back of his head now "Didn't mean to walk in on you and your boyfriend, should've knocked" I mumble, hoping any second know he's just going to think I'm nuts and fuck off.
Ol' green eyes brows shoot up, and he turns his head to where I'm gesturing and looks back to me with an amused but knowing look "He's not my boyfriend, met him an hour ago - wouldn't even know his name"
He leans his face closer to mine, looking smug again "Weren't you blind just before?"
My heart stops in my chest, and I vividly picture in my mind the cement below us flying towards my body as I nose dive into it and my eyes widen as I blurt out whatever comes into my dumb head first.
"It's a miracle!" I gasp, looking around us in dramatic shock and slap my hands to my cheeks "I can see!"
I throw my hands in the air tossing my head back as I shout trying to sound like I just saw the heavens open "The power of the lord has given me the gift of sight, praise Jesus!"
I believe in god as much as I believe in the fucking tooth fairy, and that shit went out the window when that bitch left me a button instead of money when I was four.
But nothing gets people to run for the hills faster than acting like one of those people that just turns up at your door asking if you've heard about their lord and Savior.
I flop my head back to look at him, to see him watching me with a cocked brow and tight smile that's trying to hold in a burst of laughter.
This isn't funny you dickhead, can't you see this is some turning water into wine shit? You just witnessed a blind person get their vision restored by divine intervention.
Ugh... He knows I'm lying out of my ass, but I'm in far too deep to backpedal now.
Thanks brain, ruining my life as usual.
He runs his fingers over his lower lip, letting out a laugh under his breath before he steps closer to me, standing directly next to me as he perches his arm above my head and looks down at me "You've got stunning eyes, since we're on the subject. Never seen ones like yours before, they're two different colours"
What do I have to do to make this smirky asshole piss off already?
It's like the weirder I am the closer he gets, it's frustrating the shit out of me and terrible for my nerves!
I also don't understand why a gay man is looking at me like I'm a sirloin steak and he's a tiger that's been starved for months but nothing about tonight makes sense in general.
He has this aura about him, it's magnetic and confident but also an essence I recognise like the back of my hand, he goes through people faster than underwear - I can see it a mile away.
But I don't have a dick so I don't see what his preoccupation with me is.
"How very observant of you, would you like a cookie as a congratulations?" I ask sarcastically, leaning back from him to create some distance.
My eyes tend to be an insecurity for me, kids are merciless in school and anything different about you is shamed - never celebrated.
They aren't that contrasting, one his green and one is a dark hazel but still, I was treated like I had leprosy over it.
He traces his eyes over me slowly, biting on his lower lip before releasing it when he finishes his shameless once over, and gives me a sly look "Don't really feel like a cookie, but there's definitely something else I'd like to eat"
My brows drop as my eyes nearly buldge out of my head "I'm sorry aren't you gay?" I ask bluntly, screwing my face up in confusion before I can stop myself.
He grins, looking at me with lazy eyes, and smooths his fingers through his hair again with a chuckle "Gay? No love, I don't discriminate with my food, I like all the flavours"
I blink at him slowly, creasing my brows as I purse my lips.
Wonderful, he's an omnivores fuckboy, that's just absolutely bloody fantastic.
"Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I'm not food, guess you'll have to go dining elsewhere" I say frowning, feigning disappointment.
He ducks his face down to my eye level, dragging his tongue over his lower lip thoughtfully as he brushes my hair over my shoulder.
"You sure about that darling? You look appetising" he drawls, darting his eyes over my anxious facial features.
"I'm positive, it's an illusion, I'm like those plastic display meals out the front of sushi restaurants. It's all lies" I reply quickly, swallowing as my nerves shoot like razors through my body.
It's the closeness of his presence that's uncomfortable, I'm normally sharp tongued and dismissive with this kind of behaviour and it never effects me, but he's jumbling my god damn head with invading my personal space.
"I'd like to test that theory" he smirks, looking down to trace his finger over the material of my shirt on my stomach and every organ in my body freezes at the action. "I'd have a lot of fun finding out how you taste"
I huff, my anxiousness making me become even more annoyed at his behaviour and the fact he won't just take the god damn hint about me acting like a total shit brained lunatic as a queue to leave me the hell alone.
I've genuinely had my fill of this entire night, and it's time for me to leave.
I have no patience for people like him, I don't care what you do - your sex life is your prerogative but I don't plan on being a toy to collect and put on the shelf to fulfil your urge to accumulate conquests like trophies.
Mainly because I just don't want human contact in fucking general, don't care if it's for one night or five hundred.
Not interested.
"Trust me, I'm not the kind of fun you're after. Go find some other toys to play with" I tell him, trying not to give away the knotting of my stomach in my voice as I try to step around him to walk past him.
His hand catches my arm, halting me and he steps behind me, his firm chest pressing against my back as he leans his face down to rest his warm lips near my ear.
"Actually, I think it's exactly what I'm after" he murmurs lowly, his breath fanning across my skin making me bite down on the inside of my cheek "And I think that's exactly what you want to find out, just how well I play with my toys"
All if my insides constrict as a shiver travels down my spine at the tickle from his breath against my ear, and my knees feel like they're suddenly made of jell-o from the low raspy reverberation in his vocal chords.
What in the actual man whore holy hell is going on with me?
This is too much, so I do what I always do - I panic
I throw my arm out pointing to the side of us yelping out in shock "Oh my god what the hell was that! Did you see that?"
His head lifts and turns quickly as his hand drops from its grasp to see what I'm yelling about and now that my plan has worked I do the only thing left to do.
Run.
I dart away from him, scampering towards the patio doors that feel like they're suddenly ten miles away but all of my hope dies in my chest when he jumps in front of me, halting me in my steps and I nearly got face first into his chest.
Screw you and your long ass gazelle legs smirky.
"You wouldn't have done that on purpose now would you?" he tutts, watching in entertainment as I look like I'm about to faint from embarrassment on the spot.
"No I just really need to pee - and I uh, I need to get home to my boyfriend" I lie quickly, wanting to smack my face into the wall over the fact my brain can't fathom one answer that doesn't sound fucking moronic.
And now to to top it off, I have an imaginary boyfriend I just have to whip out of my ass. GREAT.
He raises a disbelieving brow, tilting his head in curiosity "Boyfriend? Oh really? What's his name?"
"Gizmo" I blurt out, wanting to grab the words and cram then back in the second they leave.
It's the only fucking name that's always in the front of my mind.
"Gizmo?" he snorts "That's his name?"
I screw my face up in offence, scoffing indignantly "Excuse me, Gizmo is an amazing name thank-you-very-fucking-much"
He pulls his lips to the side, trying to his eyes smile as his eyes crinkle at the corners.
"Mmmm" he hums, trying to look dissapointed but failing to look anything be smug "That's too bad, you're breaking my heart here love - he's a lucky guy"
I'm shocked he's cognitive of any organ in or on his body that isn't his dick, but then again, maybe that's where his heart is located as well.
"Yes well, this has been awesome and everything - but I'm gonna go" I say, pointing behind him towards the doors "Before I piss myself, and then I'm gonna get home to that lucky boyfriend - you have a great night though"
I smile tightly, patting him on the shoulder and he looking to my hand, quirking his brows before looking back to my face with his own lit up in bewildered delight.
I don't wait for him to reply before I side step around him, and power walk towards the doors but pause when I open them when I hear his mischevious voice behind me.
"I'll see you around heart breaker, don't go being a stranger"
I just throw my arm behind me, giving him an aimless thumbs up before I hurry through the doors and slam them behind me.
I will throw myself into on coming traffic if I see that smirk or those confusing green eyes ever again.
A stranger is exactly how I'm staying.
I'm going the fuck home to the only man I need in my life, and pretending this night never happened and figure out if I'm going to strangle Frankie or not for dragging me here.
But seriously, Gizmo is not a stupid bloody name!
Gizmo is perfect.
***