The water was colder than I remembered, it only served as a reminder that the lake I had previously crawled out of was completely different than the water I currently treaded. It was either that or the adrenaline of being followed and possibly confronted by my double that made me oblivious to the water's temperature. Either way, Balmore and I quickly approached the center of the lake.
"What do we do?" I glanced to him.
"I'll check under the water to see if it's safe." He took the flashlight and disappeared beneath the ink-like liquid. I patiently waited for his return as blackness closed in around me. It was silent except for the sound of my breathing and the melodic drip, drip, drip from the naturally formed stalagmites overhead.
With a startling splash, Blamore appeared. He swiped his stray hairs aside to prevent them from obscuring his vision. "Let's go."
"What about the jagged underwater rock wall?" I examined the liquid, trying to peer through the reflective surface. No matter what, I was determined to remain above water.
"If we stay at the surface, we'll be fine." He nodded confidently. "Even though it looks like the other lake, it's not. It's different."
I continued my gradual swim toward the other side of the lake and wondered if what he said applied to our doubles. They looked, sounded, and acted like us but what parts of them were different? Did they have the same feelings, worries and desires as we had when entering the cave?
As we paddled across the frigid lake, I allowed my curiosity to get the best of me. "Why were they repeating our past experiences?"
"Who?" Blamore kept his eyes locked on his destination, the dry, stone landing. "The others?"
"Yes, the others." I continued to kick my feet, bobbing along the surface. "They act like ghostly imprints, repeating significant events of our past. How much of that was real?"
"None of it." He seemed so sure. "Just like my wife and everything else I left back there, your past is no longer relevant. It's futile wondering what was real or not. Everything you've experienced a second ago is now just a memory. What happens in the future is yet to come, but what happens at this very moment defines you. And that's what matters most."
I glanced to him, feeling a sense of awe at the man at my side and the extraordinary transformation he had undergone. It was only hours before that he seldomly spoke, and when he did it was short and to the point. Now, the range in his vocabulary stood out, his conversations held more meaning, and his words were more profound.
Although I held onto a strong sense of awe, an uncertainty overcame me. What if I had been connecting with a different Blamore this entire time? What if I had been connecting with his double all along?
"How do I know you're the real Blamore?" Suddenly apprehensive, I paused in the water, doing my best to stay afloat.
He stopped short of the landing and turned to face me. The glow of the flashlight illuminated the inquisitive look on his face and his expression said more than any words could. "Because the other version of us is repeating the things we've already done."
I kicked, trying to keep my mouth above the surface. "Why are you so different now than you were when I met you?" Although we've mentioned the blatant changes before, my question took on a stronger sense of importance now that we've personally encountered a double.
"I would ask you the same question." After a long, awkward pause, he continued. "But I already know the answer."
"Yeah?" I challenged.
"Because we've grown, we've changed, we've adapted," he stared at me with such a sureness the warmth of his intense blue gaze traveled my body. "Like any other journey, you will end it a much different person than when you began."
We observed each other, establishing a deep mystical connection that moved my soul. And when he flashed an innocent smile my heart melted. It was then that I knew I could never doubt his authenticity. We were after the same goal and only trusting each other sincerely would get us our victory.
"Let's get out of this lake." I hid my embarrassed grin under the water, bent on not exposing my admiration prematurely. However, the commotion beneath the surface stripped my smile away as a series of bubbles disturbed the still water. "What is that?"
Blamore shook his head. "I don't—" His sentence was cut short as he was yanked under the water.
"Blamore!" I cried, swimming toward the gurgling area. The light from his flashlight lit up the space beneath the liquid as a dark, humanoid form swam near.
Without warning, he emerged mere inches away, panting and panicked. "Something grabbed me."
"I saw it." My heart beat so hard and rapid my pulse thumped in my temples. "Keep moving." As the words left my lips the digits of a mysterious hand gripped my ankle and yanked, pulling me under. I kicked so viciously a part of me was surprised when the hand clamped its fingers around my calf instead of releasing. I broke through the surface, took a quick breath and screamed, pure fear and adrenaline fueling me.
The flashlight oriented me feet away to the landing where Blamore kneeled with an arm outstretched. "Grab my hand, Max."
I extended my arm and our fingers touched before the invisible hand pulled me under again. This time, two mysterious hands gripped and pulled at my limbs and clothing as if trying to climb my body and break the surface.
The weight of the figure kept me immersed below the water, and it wasn't until my lungs ached and burned that I realized I hadn't taken an adequate breath. With a swift kick, the insistent grip released and I finally emerged. Breathing in a mixture of air and the contents of the murky lake.
"Hurry! Take my hand," Blamore demanded. His arm still outstretched.
While coughing and coercing air to replace the water in my lungs, I managed to grab his hand and allow him to pull me to safety.
The water in my chest burned like liquid fire, and no matter how much I coughed, it wasn't enough to clear it out. The thought of who or what I just encountered took over and I peered at the lake for an answer.
To my surprise, the stocky form that resembled the lifeless body of Brent bobbed on the surface. His short coarse hair, his dark brown complexion, and even his attire matched my memory of him.
My sobs spewed forth with an uncontrollable force. "No, no, no." I couldn't bear to see the remains of a dear friend and the result of what I had caused. "No, Brent. I'm sorry. So sorry." My body ached from the intensity of my sobs, and the unbearable pain paralyzed me as I crumbled into a soaking wet heap.
"It's hard, I know." Blamore gently rubbed my shoulder. "But that is not Brent. This is not the lake where he disappeared. You understand, don't you?"
Of course, I understood. However, it was difficult to separate what was real and what wasn't when being face-to-face with something so heartbreaking and vivid. "I'm so sorry, Brent. I didn't mean to. You were a good man. You and Samuel were perfect. Now look what I've done."
I peered through the tears that blurred my vision and watched as the man that resembled my good friend sank back below the dreary liquid.
Blamore's touch continued to instill a sense of connection, one I really needed. He knelt beside me, softly caressing my back and shoulders to console me. It began to work as my cries became more of a whimper, but I needed more comfort. I pulled myself to my knees, stared into his sad eyes, and immediately collapsed into his strong arms.
We held each other until my breathing slowed and I regained my composure. For so long, this was what I needed. Instead of running from connection, I needed to embrace it.
"Are you okay?" His breath stroked my ear as he whispered.
I kept my face buried in his lightly stubbled neck. "I will be."
"Yes, you will." His hold became warm and snug. "You're a strong woman. I believe in you."
When we finally separated, I refused to look at the lake in fear that what I dreaded would return. "I don't think I can take any more of this."
"You're a fighter, Max." He swiped my wet hair from my forehead with his fingertips. "So that's what you're going to do. You can't give up now. We've come too far."
He was right, we've come too far to stop now. And even though my heart and mind understood that, my body refused to budge. "I'm just so tired. What more do I have to go through? Who else's lives will I ruin?"
"You're not ruining lives, you're helping. You're helping me." Blamore was great at showing comfort. When we first entered the cave, he was so distant, preferring to stay in a corner or go it alone much like I've been my entire life. But now, he was so close it didn't feel right to be apart. "You've helped me and I have to thank you for that. I will always thank you for that."
I looked up at into his eyes and he pressed his damp forehead to mine. His energy flowed through me so intensely I sensed it in our matching heartbeats. An urge to allow his lips to caress mine was in the air and I knew the feeling was mutual. I felt it in my heart. Yet, something stopped me from fully engaging. "What about your wife?"
"I love my wife." He closed his eyes and gulped. "But my wife is dead. And I'm starting to question if she or anything from my past ever was."
My heart sank. "I'm starting to question too. I'm questioning everything."
What was real? What was an illusion? And what was I supposed to learn from it all?
"Let's move." Blamore interlocked his fingers with mine, and together we headed toward the unfamiliar tunnel.
We walked the entire length in silence, dazed and confused about where we've come from and where we were headed. The deeper into the cave we went, the more I questioned what we left behind.
Rehashes of me and Cecil's laughter in the tarot shop replayed in my mind. Thoughts of Samuel and Brent's loving kisses to one another hurt my heart. Images of Arturo's star struck gaze pulled at my heartstrings. Memories of Jace's humor and unbridled confidence formed a hollow pit in my stomach. Did these memories hold meaning too?
We exited the tunnel without incident and found ourselves in a small space. I recognized the area where we had left Jace, but now there were three narrow crevices to choose from. My breaths quickened and I couldn't prevent my panic from overtaking me.
"I knew Jace would cheat on me the moment I met him," I confessed, avoiding Blamore's scrutiny. "I had a vision of him with another woman before I even agreed to the first date, but I chose to ignore that vision. I convinced myself it was my imagination and said yes anyway. I knew all along and yet I tortured him for what Fate orchestrated." Blamore gripped my hand tighter but remained silent. "And I was too stubborn to forgive him and now I have to relive that moment?"
"You're a strong woman, Max." He stood beside me, his shirt clinging to his body like skin. "We're almost home."
I nodded, understanding what I had to do. With the flashlight in hand, I aimed it down each darkened crevice. The light flickered and went off for all but the nearest opening. I wasn't surprised. I glanced to Blamore who didn't seem shocked either. "You first."