"Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I, I can't help but ask myself
How much I let the fear take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before
And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal
But lately I'm
Beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel"
***
I'm currently sat on the couch, Harry only stormed through the front door a few seconds
ago, he was at the club when we got home but Jimmy called him and told him what had happened, after I heard Harry bellowing down the phone Jimmy hung up and gave me an awkward smile.
"He seems like he's in a good mood"
Harry was at the house as if he sped here like a bat out of hell, bursting through the front door and searching his eyes around the apartment quickly until they landed on me sat and the couch and he rushed over to me, crouching down, darting his eyes over my face like he was making sure I was untouched.
"Are you okay? Did he touch you? Hurt you?" he checks quickly in panic, and I shake my head.
"No, no I'm okay he didn't touch me." I assure him, feeling a flood of relief and my nerves rush away as soon as I see those green eyes again, but my heart sinks when I notice them full of worry "Jimmy got him away from me, nothing happened, he was just trying to tell me to stay away from you"
Harry presses his lips together flatly, frowning and leaning forward to press a long kiss to my lips, then pulls away and stands, whipping his head to Jimmy who casually backs into the kitchen with a sheepish grin.
"You had one fucking job!" Harry roars, stomping towards him "I said be there waiting for her! Do you know what could have happened to her! I've seen what he's done to her!"
Jimmy throws his hands in the air, yelling back "I was stuck behind an 80 year old woman in a 2000 model Prius! I got there as quick as you can while you're driving so slow it's almost backwards! Yell at that old sloth not me!"
"Harry.." I try to get his attention, standing and taking the kitchen but he's too furious to hear me as he stalks towards Jimmy with clenched fists and Jimmy looks around the kitchen frantically, grabbing a frying pan and holding it up in front of himself defensively.
"Just let me explain" Jimmy tries to reason, peeking over the frying pan.
Harry stops in front of him seething, his jaw tight as he raises his brows and widens his eyes at Jimmy to explain.
Jimmy looks over to the counter, before stretching his arm out and picking up the kids meal and dangling it in front of Harry "I got you a Happy Meal?...But I kept the toy, it was the princess with the blue dress and I don't have her yet but I got you three kinds of dipping sauce for your nuggets" he smiles nervously.
Harry growls launching forward and Jimmy screams, dropping the Happy Meal and ducks down, dodging Harry trying to grab him and bolts out of the kitchen yelling "Fine! You can have the toy if you're gonna be such a bitch about it! Fuck!" and scampers to hide behind me where I was standing watching them, clutching the frying pan to his chest and hiding behind me like I'm his body guard.
Harry stops a few feet from us, glaring at Jimmy "Get away from Abby"
Jimmy sticks his chin in the air defiantly "No me and Abby are besties now, and she said you're not aloud to beat me up any more"
I scrunch my face up, turning my head to look over my shoulder at Jimmy in confusion.
I never said that.
He looks down at me, widening his eyes and nudging my shoulder with a 'just play along with it' look.
Harry looks to me, becoming more annoyed but tries to calm his voice "Abby move please"
I sigh, folding my arms "Harry. Leave him alone, he stopped anything bad from happening tonight you should be thanking him not trying to kill him"
"Yas that's right peaches you tell him!" Jimmy cheers, pointing at Harry with the frying pan over my shoulder, snapping his head side to side with attitude.
"If he was there on time like I told him to be Andy wouldn't have been able to get near you at all, I should beat him with that fucking frying pan!" Harry snaps, glaring at Jimmy.
"Pry it from my cold dead hands bitch!" Jimmy shouts insolently, but shrinks back to hide behind me after he says it.
"Fucking gladly! If you'd stop hiding behind my girlfriend like such a pussy!" Harry yells back, the vein in his neck protruding more by the minute and he looks like fume is going to start pouring from his ears.
"Maybe I should check Abbys pockets while I'm back here to see if that's where you keep your balls now nancy boy!" Jimmy teases, peering over my shoulder to poke his tongue out at Harry but yelps and hides behind me again when Harry takes a stride towards me with his eyes murderous.
"I didn't mean that by the way, I was just being a dick to piss him off, you only have him by the balls cause he cares about you so much - I actually think it's really cute" Jimmy whispers behind me so only I can hear and I have to fight smiling to myself.
"Abby... Please move out of the way" Harry grits through his teeth, his whole body rigid like he's waiting like a bear trap to snap as soon as he gets his hands on Jimmy.
"Harry Jimmy couldn't have known Andy would be there, it's not Jimmys fault, it's Andys - I understand why you're angry and you're allowed to be, but Jimmy helped me okay? He defended me and protected me, he's a good friend" I tell him, trying to settle him from looking like he wants to smash everything around him until he can get his hands on Jimmy.
"Well I'll kill him after I'm done with Jimmy! I don't care if he helped! He should have been there when I told him to be! I saw what happened last time Andy got to you and no one was there to help, I'm not risking that happening again! The fact he even got anywhere near you is bad enough!" he shouts and I can see the pained look on his angry face when I know what he's referring too. The night Andy hit me and I tried to call Harry but he didn't get there in time, my heart aches over the flash over guilt that passes through his eyes.
He must have been so panicked and worried when Jimmy told him Andy was there, and I was alone, thinking it was a repeat of last time and thinking about how he was checking my face when he first walked in.
"I'm okay though, see I'm fine" I assure him gently, gesturing my hands up and down my body "You're with me now, no one has hurt me and Jimmy was there when I needed him, I'm okay Harry"
I keep my expression soft, wanting to walk over and hug him but at the same time I don't want to move from Jimmy because Harry still looks livid with him.
"It's not the point" Harry snaps, his anger looks like its simmering down but he points to Jimmy "I trusted you with her, you didn't see what that asshole did to her - you told me you'd be there on time waiting for her and I trusted you. Anything could have happened"
I frown, realising another place Harrys temper is coming from, he feels betrayed by his friend, that Jimmy didn't do what he said he would with someone that is important to Harry.
I actually think he's a bit hurt and it's exploding out of him as anger, I know Jimmy means a lot to him, not to what extent but it's obvious he put trust in Jimmy to be there for me.
And Jimmy was there, the circumstances for Jimmy being late were out of his control, it wasn't his fault, but I think the panic and fear in Harry from everything that's happened is making that hard for him to see.
"Harry... Mate, listen" Jimmy sighs sounding hurt from behind me, standing straight and frowning at Harry, his voice becoming serious "I swear I was going to be there exactly when you said, it was an accident - I'd never put Abby in danger, I'd kill anyone that hurt her, she's important to me too. You can trust me, I would have beaten ten shades of shit out of him but I didn't want to scare her - I told him I'd snap his neck if he came near her again"
"He really did" I agree quickly, looking at Harry with a earnest expression "Choked him and everything, wouldn't even let Andy look at me. It wasn't Jimmys fault Harry, I know why it scared you but please, Andy is the person to be angry at here"
I can't believe I'm really living a life where I'm telling my boyfriend their friend choked someone as a way to comfort him.
What even is my life anymore.
"And I got you a Happy Meal" Jimmy adds, and I close my eyes shaking my head.
God dammit Jimmy.
Harry stands staying quiet, glancing between us as he grinds his jaw like he's mulling everything over in his head with his body still tense.
"Fine" he says indignantly after a few seconds "Just don't let it happen again, if I ask you to be somewhere when it comes to Abby, just make sure you're fucking there - leave early, I don't care, I can't have this happen again"
"Right, got it" Jimmy says, but still stays behind me "So you're not gonna choke me out?"
"Not this time" Harry says, still sounding annoyed.
"Phew" Jimmy sighs in relief, and hugs his arms around my shoulders, still holding the frying pan and rests his chin on my head "Did I ever tell you how happy I am you met this little thing? She even sings Mariah Carey with me"
Harry looks to me, with a flat expression "...He made you sing in the car with him didn't he?"
I nod with a tight smile, shrugging my shoulders "I had to do the back up vocals for the chorus, he was really excited about it - he even made up choreography for us"
Harry pinches the bridge of his nose, shaking his head muttering "Why am I fucking friends with him"
"Because I'm the hottest bitch you know" Jimmy brags, stepping from around me, but pokes my cheek as he goes past "except for her, she's my only competition"
"Don't call her a bitch" Harry gripes, scowling at Jimmy, and I walk up to Harry, slinking my arms around his waist giving him a warm smile.
Jimmy only grins at Harry, like he thinks it's adorable Harry scolded him about using that word with me but doesn't say anything.
"Right love birds, since I know I get to suck another dick for another day, I'm gonna get home to the one waiting for me" Jimmy says, looking between us, and sits the frying pan on the kitchen counter.
He points to me, with a sly wink "I owe you peaches, second time you've saved my ass now"
I don't know where this new nickname has come from with Jimmy, but I actually find it incredibly sweet.
"I'll call you tomorrow, we still need to figure out exactly what we're gonna do, especially after tonight" Harry tells him, wrapping his own arms around my waist and pulling me close to him possessively.
Jimmy just nods with a smile, saluting him and turns on his heel towards the door.
As Jimmy grabs the handle, Harrys voice singing out "Oh and Jimmy" stops him and Jimmy looks over his shoulder.
Harry clears his throat, nodding at him and saying sincerely "... Thank you, for tonight. I appreciate it"
Jimmy pauses, his brows shooting up and he just stares at Harry like he has three heads, as if he's never heard those words from him before and I roll my lips into my mouth to hide my smile.
Jimmy holds his hand to his heart, and my own heart swells when I notice his eyes become glassy as he smiles at Harry.
"Bitch now I'm emotional" Jimmy says, sounding genuinely touched and still surprised.
"Don't make this weird" Harry says flatly, dropping his brows as he stares back at him.
Jimmy squints at him, extending his arm behind him to point at Harry with a smirk "You're gonna hug me one day, just you wait - I can feel it, it's already started"
"And now you've made it weird" Harry sighs, shaking his head.
Jimmy opens to the door, pointing his hand in the air and shouting confidently "Mark my words, one day we'll be cuddle buddies - you've got feelings now Styles, it's only a matter of time"
"Fuck off Jimmy" Harry groans, throwing his head back.
Jimmy walks out the door, closing it behind him but we hear a muffled shout from the other side "Love you too Harry!"
Harry clenches his jaw, flopping his head back down and rests his forehead against mine while he sighs heavily "Now I really wish I would have hit him with that frying pan"
I bite back a laugh, pecking his lips "He just cares about you that's all, it's sweet"
"It's annoying" he mutters, but I don't miss his lips twitching briefly.
"Happy you're safe, scared the shit out of me" he says quietly "thought it was gonna be like last time"
I frown, tightening my arms around him "I know, but I'm okay, Jimmy was there"
"But what if he didn't get there in time..." Harry trails off, his voice becoming quiet.
"You can't think like that Harry, he was there and that's what matters" I assure him, but he only sighs heavily pulling his face back, and screws his eyes shut like he's becoming stressed.
"I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do" he huffs, creasing his brows.
"What do you mean? About what?" I ask, focusing on his eyes when he opens them to look at me and they're filled with worry.
"About David, Andy - all of this. I can't do what I normally would do" he explains, searching his eyes over my face and rolls his lips into his mouth and I only look at him confused.
He looks like he's carrying the weight of the world in stress on his shoulders.
"Normally I'd just do whatever I want without thinking, cause I never cared what happened. But now... I need to be careful, I need to make sure it doesn't make things worse for you - I need to make sure it doesn't get you hurt. If I retaliate it's only going to make them go after the one thing that can hurt me ever harder and that's you. I need to be smart about this" he says, creasing his brows further like his mind is burdened with the fact that he doesn't have the answer for what he needs to do.
"So you're not going to go after David or Andy? You're going to ignore it and just focus on making sure they leave me alone?" I ask, leaning up to kiss his jaw and wishing i could take the worry away from him.
I'm also taken back by how he's reacting to all of this, I thought he'd be a loose canon but he's trying so hard to think before he does anything.
"No I'm going to fucking ruin them, but I need to take my time and make sure I'm doing it the right way and that you won't get hurt. They threatened you Abby, David had someone in your house taking naked pictures of you, I will never let anyone do that and get away with it. They're fucked - they just don't know it yet" he promises, sounding strong with conviction in his voice.
"I've always let my anger and fear control what I do, it always has" he says, keeping his eyes focused on mine seriously "But I'm not doing that this time, I'm not letting it control me with this - I'm the one that's going to be in control of it this time. I'm thinking about this first before I do anything"
I frown, the same thought I had earlier entering my mind and I look down to his chest keeping my voice quiet "but maybe it might be best to leave it... If he doesn't feel threatened then maybe he'll leave you alone... I worry too Harry, I get scared you'll get hurt - that he'll hurt you"
Harry ducks his face down to catch my eye sight, looking taken aback that I was actually concerned about that "You worry about me getting hurt?"
"Of course I do" I reply, like it should be the most obvious thing in the world "If anyone ever hurt you, I swear I'd be the one ruining lives - I've never wanted to hurt anyone, but the thought of anyone doing anything to you makes me so angry, like I just want to beat the crap out of them" I explain, creasing my brows in irritation at the idea of anyone harming him.
One side of his lips tug up, as he tilts his head with a warm amused expression "You feel protective of me do you baby?"
"Very" I state with a nod.
"That's kinda hot" he muses, his lopsided smile turning into a grin "and really cute"
"I'm being serious" I complain in a whine, wishing he knew how serious I was being.
Harry raises his brows, pursing his lips "Never said you weren't being serious, that's why it's hot. My dangerous little mouse"
I put indignantly, still thinking he's not taking me seriously, and he smirks pecking my bottom lip that's jutted out.
"Let's make a deal" he offers, pressing another kiss to my lips and pulls me harder against him "I protect you, you protect me. Then nobody hurts either of us, sound good? Deal?"
I fight the smile on my lips as I still try to pout, looking up at him under my lashes murmuring "Deal"
Harry brings his hands up, smoothing my hair away from my face, his features softening as he presses his lips to his forehead, holding my face.
"No matter what happens Abby, no one is taking me away from you, I'll always be here. I'll always make sure when you need me I'm there, never making that mistake again" he assures me softly.
"No one is taking me away either" I tell him, and he presses his lips to my forehead, before murmuring.
"I know, because I'm doing things right this time, I'm going to be better for you. No one is hurting you ever again"
***
"Whatever tomorrow brings I’ll be there
With open arms and open eyes, yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings I’ll be there"
***