san wooyoung
he woke with the events of last night fresh in his mind, gazing down at the sleeping boy encircled in his arms.
wooyoung had figured out he probably wasn't entirely straight a while ago, but for some reason it still bothered him to have feelings for a guy.
yesterday, he had felt such an intense surge of jealousy at hyungwon's remarks over san it drove him crazy, both scaring and surprising him. he had been driven by impulse to get back at the pink haired male, calling wonho over because he knew that would irk hyungwon.
without thinking rationally, he had kissed wonho out of the blue, more to see if he liked kissing boys than because he actually liked wonho that way. wonho had been very confused, but obligied due to recent neglect from hyungwon, and since the two weren't official, wooyoung didn't feel guilty.
but after finding he was neither disgusted nor found kissing wonho enjoyable, he had chased the other out his room as quickly as he could before anything more could happen.
and that's when san had showed up.
san. the very cause of wooyoung's sexuality crisis, the only person who made him feel any type of way that didn't only include sex. that feeling could pass for many people, but it wasn't his fault; he was a horny teenager with constant often unsatisfied needs.
surprisingly, those needs had been half granted last night, and by san, which really threw wooyoung off his everything. off his senses, what he thought was right and wrong, and off his game.
he fought back a smile at the memory of san's willing actions before, glancing at him contently.
"i can feel you looking at me." came the muffled voice of the other, keeping his eyes closed.
"sorry," wooyoung apologized teasingly. "you're just too irresistable."
"haha, very funny." san yawned, his morning voice creating a knot in wooyoung's stomach that coiled pleasurably.
"go take a cold shower." san scolded, scooting away from him and laying his head back down.
wooyoung headed to the bathroom, undressing quickly and trying not to think about the way san's lips felt on his jaw.
he took a very hot shower, with very betraying hot thoughts about the boy resting in his bed, but he wouldn't tell san that.
unfortunately he forgot his clothes in the room, so he was forced to exit the steaming bathroom in his towel, water clinging to his torso and dripping down his neck hotly.
san raised his head from the pillow, gulping visibly at wooyoung's bare physiche. he smirked at the blush that crept onto the other's cheeks, shaking out his hair like a dog might, causing droplets to splatter the carpet and the purple bangs to plaster on his forehead.
sneaking a look at san while retrieving his clothes, the other shamefully looked away quickly after being caught staring, which made wooyoung scream internally in triumph.
after going back in the bathroom to change, he sat on the bed next to san, grinning smugly.
"what?" the other questioned accusingly, playing with his hands which made wooyoung guess he was nervous.
"just, you."
san huffed to himself, looking away from wooyoung again. "do you still think you're straight?" he made a quick change of topic, not really catching the other off guard; he'd been expecting this question sooner or later.
"no, i guess not." he answered thoughtfully, pursing his lips. "but i wouldn't call myself gay. or even bi."
san nodded slowly, not saying anything more, obviously expecting wooyoung to go on. "maybe i'm sansexual." he joked, earning another huff of annoyance from san.
"sure. as long as you're sanromantic also." wooyoung laughed, biting his lip at san's effortless cuteness which shut the other up easily.
for the rest of the day, sexual tension like this only built up, although they never discussed the kiss.
wooyoung didn't try to bring it up, simply out of worry and fear san might regret what had happened and tell him to forget about it again.
he wasn't used to feeling insecure, but there the feeling was, and he did his very best to push the feeling as far away as possible.
although he had made an agreement with himself to cut back on drugs and smoking or anything else he had previously called a lifeline, he couldn't help miss the worry free ignorance it gave him.
he didn't want to feel too much, in case it overloaded and proceeded to control him like it had so many others.
maybe he wasn't ready to acknowledge actual feelings, and definitely not ready to drop all of his habits for the sake and satisfaction of one person.
a small part of him also wondered if he was really ready to allow his walls to go down a bit and to care about someone besides himself. but he ignored that part, too, turning to the relief of a cigarette.
hyungwon regretfully joined him for a smoke, placing another cancer stick between his lips and blowing out smoke boredly.
"that san guy was fucking cute." the boy said by way of greeting, perhaps testing what wooyoung's position was with the other. but he didn't give any sort of reaction, purposefully displeasing the older.
"i wonder if he's on the market," hyungwon continued, not giving up, which further irked wooyoung's patience and prodded at his jealousy.
"well he's not an item up for sale. you can't just buy him." he replied a trifle sharply, trying to prevent much emotion into his words.
"i suppose." hyungwon agreed, but nevertheless had to continue. wooyoung had never wanted to punch him in his big mouth more than right then. "but technically he is. that face just screamed desperate. and god, with that body, he has to be getting around a bit. come to think of it, he's probably a slut-"
"i thought you were with wonho." wooyoung interrupted brashly, digging his nails into the wood of the balcony until veins shone prominently in his hands.
"yeah, well, i heard he was with someone else yesterday." hyungwon laughed bitterly, inhaling another dose of his cigarette.
wooyoung almost rolled his eyes, glancing at the other in disdain. "he probably was. seen as you're so loyal."
"fuck off, man. you're supposed to be my friend." hyungwon muttered, ignorant of who wonho had been with.
"i don't appreciate my 'friends' calling my other- ... -friend a slut."
"so you do care."
"no, i don't. but he's not, so don't make false accusions. plus, you and him wouldn't work well together. you obviously take it up the ass and san is a clear bottom."
hyungwon reddened, keeping silent as wooyoung walked past him, discarding his burnt out cigarette and walking away.
technically, wooyoung knew he didn't have the right to be jealous or protective of san. yet. but what the other didn't know wouldn't kill him. he was doing san a favour, getting rid of those interested in him for nothing more than the fact they believed he could be thrown away as easily and quickly as he'd been used.
truthfully, that's exactly what wooyoung had always done, to every girl who'd ever come seeking his affections, and even to yugyeom when he'd been experimenting in high school. that was wooyoung first and last actual relationship, and he didn't even really count it as a relationship, seeing as he'd basically treated the other like shit, denying his possible sexuality more and more.
but he was different now. and san was the first guy wooyoung had felt and acknowledged something for, and for that reason, it'd be different this time. he really hoped it would.
•••
more days passed, and every night, wooyoung would cuddle with san to help him sleep, and every other day san would continue to tutor him. the arduous task was proving less hopeless, and wooyoung felt he was even improving ever so slightly.
when he told san this, and proceeded to get a B on his next maths test, he almost kissed him, but held himself back.
the events of that night seemed further and further away, the memory more like an unclear dream.
more time without bringing the topic up only caused it to slip deeper to the back of wooyoung's mind, and the only times he remembered it had really happened was whenever he woke to the warmth of san's body against his own, a ghost of the shared sensations exchanged between them all those days ago.
as he walked into mr lim's classroom, wooyoung wondered if san was thinking about the night as much as he, or if he had forgotten about it like wooyoung's memories kept threatening to do.
eyes followed him as he dropped into the seat beside seonghwa, possibly confused as to why he was bothering to show up. even mr lim looked faintly shocked, but also a little satisfied with this new behaviour.
"maths is so irrelevent." came the tired groan of minho beside him, granting a grunt of agreement from seonghwa.
"we'll see if you're saying that when you're broke and trying to calculate your bills!" mr lim shrieked hysterically, apparantly refering to his own situation.
"well no offence mr lim, but when am i going to need to find the derivatives dy/xy and d²y/dx² for parametric curves in life?" minho frowned at the work before him, questioning the teacher.
"the poing is not when or if you need it but simply possessing the knowledge! and also knowing you are smarter than people around you-" the man trailed off, carried away and remaining quiet after demanding they all get back to work.
"if the information was worthless we wouldn't be taught it." san inquired, surprising wooyoung as he rarely spoke up.
"well said, other choi!" the teacher barked a laugh, causing a ripple of laughs throughout the room at the way san was addressed. it seemed he really was overlooked in the shadow of his brother, jongho, which saddened wooyoung.
"no one asked your opinion, other choi." minho spat, shaking his head.
but san didn't appear fazed. "no one asked you to pick on me because of a trait we both share, yet here we are."
panic briefly touched minho's expression, but he quickly regained his cool look. "i don't know what you mean."
"you don't?" san smiled innocently, cocking his head at minho sympathetically. "maybe ask jisung, he'd know-"
hyunjin snorted, and minho stuggled for a comeback. wooyoung couldn't help but feel a little proud at this confident side of san.
"there's a party this weekend," minho blurted, desperately looking for another conversation. "why don't you bring your boyfriend?" the words were directed at san, and wooyoung's grip tightened on his pencil.
minho rolled his eyes at san's confused face. "everyone knows you've been staying on campus with someone. since mommy and daddy got home from work and didn't want to deal with their dumb son-"
san got up from his chair loudly, wordlessly exiting the classroom. his eyes looked glassy and his hands were shaking, causing wooyoung to slowly rise from his chair, too, stopping jongho who had begun to scrape his own chair back.
"actually, this class is still boring. i might just... go to the bathroom." wooyoung announced non-chalently, and walked out of the door calmly.
as soon as he was out of view, he quickly made his way in the direction san had gone, because he hated the way the other boy had been affected by minho's hurtful words.
-
another update?? gasp! you shouldn't have!
kind of a filler? it's 3am lol bye
xxx