King Robert couldn't bring himself to believe that the girl that he had just been faced with was real. In his head, she was but a stupid fantasy of his youth, a ghost of his past, the effect of wine in his system... or perhaps just all the above combined in only one person.
He stood in the crypt with Ned as they walked towards the statue of the girl he knew was real and that died tragically fourteen years prior. Perhaps Lilia Stark, as she was called, was a gift from the Gods to him and his beloved Lyanna reborn. It was a comfort to think of things that way, at least to him.
"Tell me about Jon Arryn," Ned asked him in a clear attempt to distract him from the idea of his daughter standing in line next to her siblings with a grace that was resembling of Lyanna's and beauty just as northern. The intention behind the question was good but the fact that they were headed to Lyanna's place in the crypt, it felt only contradicting.
"One minute he was fine and then... it went right through him... whatever it was. I loved that man" Robert said with difficulty. It was hard talking about it, not only because of the memory he kept of Jon Arryn, but also because he had seen him die.
"We both did" his friend agreed as Jon Arryn had been more than a tutor to them. Both saw him as a father and after Robert's parents died in that bloody sinking ship... he was the only one he had. It had been Jon Arryn that had joined them together, that had made them the best of friends and above all, brothers in all but blood. Had it not been for him and they wouldn't be as close, even if Robert had married Lyanna as it was bound to happen. And if it had not been for him, Robert wouldn't be alive and the kingdoms would have been in a much worse shape. "He never had to teach you much. But me? Do you remember me at sixteen?"
The thought was humourous just as the memories were. Robert could still remember how strong he used to be, how handsome, how so full of joy he had once been. Now, it was only wine that brought him joy... that and his whores, of course. The handsomeness had faded with the course of time and the strength hadn't been put to use in years.
How he missed riding through the fields with his hammer in hand, bringing his rage upon the silver-haired bastards! He missed the times when everything was easier and he didn't have people in his ear, bothering him about matters of state he never had the mind to worry about.
Ned had always been shy and quiet during their youth, and perhaps that was why they had grown so tight. Robert was the opposite; from his youth, he'd always Ned remembered the young, teenage Robert. The boy with black hair and a trimmed beard, with blue eyes and easy smiles that every girl in the Seven Kingdoms dreamt of. Robert admired Ned to a certain extent because his friend wasn't stupid as he had been. But it wasn't in Robert's nature to keep to himself, he never cared about what would be thought of him, he didn't care if he was being too bold... he would just do as he pleased. He took too many risks and got the bloody Iron Throne as a reward for it.
"All I wanted to do was crack skulls and fuck girls. Not sure of what was what" he added, giggling as he did. "Don't look at me like that. It's not his fault I didn't listen!" Robert defended the man. Ned stopped and laughed about it. Robert wondered if that was the right time to ask him but how could he know? As far as he was concerned, there was no good timing for a request like that one. "I need you, Ned. Down there in King's Landing. Up here we have no damn use to anybody. Lord Eddard Stark, I would name you the Hand of the King".
Ned was shocked, as expected and was quick to bend the knee and look at his feet like a scared little boy. "I'm not worthy of the honour"
It didn't surprise Robert. He knew his friend would react that way and why would he not? Ned was just like Jon Arryn, always thinking about honour. The difference was that Jon Arryn could think of other matters but not his friend. Even at war, all those years ago, he'd gone off South after the Sack of King's Landing because it hadn't been honourable.
Honour, honour, honour.
Since when had honour kept the peace? Since when was honour more important than what had to be done? There was no honour in war, as much as men would like to believe so. He'd tell himself many times throughout the years that he started the war for Lyanna... but did he? Was she the only reason?
Robert knew the answer and found it unnecessary to admit it, especially when he'd heard from the mouth of someone important all those years ago.
Ned is right, there is no honour in what was done here! There was no honour in Rhaegar's actions nor was it in your war! War knows of honour but of blood and death and you know that as well as I do! You say you started it for Lyanna but you didn't, at least, not just for her! You always loved the glory, Robert! Congratulations in conquering it!
The words of Cecilia Lannister still haunted his dreams at night... those same dreams where he smashed his hammer against that dragon prince of hers.
Oh, Cecilia... he never would have loved her, not like he did Lyanna, but he'd rather put up with her than that bloody sister of hers. Cersei was more beautiful, that was known but her beauty didn't make up for the rest of her.
He pushed those thoughts aside as he always whenever they resurfaced in his mind and focused on his friend.
"I'm not trying to honour you, I'm trying to get you to run my kingdom while I eat, drink and whore my way to an early grave. Dammit, Ned! Stand up!" he commanded. "You helped me win the Iron Throne, now help me keep the damn thing. We were meant to rule together. If your sister had lived, we would have been bound by blood... but it's not too late. I have a son, you have a daughter... two daughters actually, we'll join our Houses"
He could see the shock in Ned's face and even the panic he was undoubtedly feeling.
Robert wasn't sure who to match Joffrey with. Lilia as she was the eldest of the Stark girls and only a year older than Joffrey. However, the ginger whose name was escaping him at the moment was a pretty girl and as old as Joffrey was.
He followed Ned towards Lyanna's statue. Robert had noticed that Ned's bastard looked a lot like Lyanna as did the youngest daughter, Arya. None were as similar as Lilia though and Robert wondered why Ned had named his sons after dear people to him and not his daughters.
They finally got to the statue and once they did, Robert stopped to study it. He could barely remember her and the notion brought tears to his eyes. He put a feather in her hand.
It still struck him how much he still grieved for her even after all those years. "Did you have to bury her in a place like this? She should be on a hill somewhere with the sun and the clouds above her" he told asked his friend, suffering from the sight of the woman he still loved but unable to turn his back on her. Both brought unmeasured pain and he'd rather be in pain with her than without her.
"She was my sister. This is where she belongs" Ned replied harshly as he tried to conceal his pain as well.
Robert noticed, for the first time, that in her statue Lyanna wore a crown of winter roses and it brought his rage above all else. He was aware that she liked the flowers and he'd even brought many with him when they first met so that he could impress her. She was happy about it and made a crown with them, wearing it. Robert had found that lovely as she was indeed his queen of love and beauty.
Still, the crown of winter roses reminded him of the bloody Tourney of Harrenhall and the day things fell apart.
"She belonged with me" he stated and touched her face. "In my dreams, I kill him every night"
"It's done, Your Grace. Targaryens are all gone" Ned told him as though that would make it better and as though that was true.
"Not all of them" Robert corrected.
He despised every Targaryen and his grandmother had been one as had been Orys Baratheon. He had the dragon's blood running through his veins and before his rebellion, Robert was the fifth in line to the Iron Throne. It was the reason the Maesters found to give him the crown as though he cared or the Seven Kingdoms for that matter.
He had won that throne with his hammer the day he slew that bastard near the Trident. That was when the war was finished and that was when he earned his title of Demon of the Trident. Bards loved that song and so did he.
Cecilia Lannister was right in everything she said as she'd always been since they were children. He oftentimes wondered how the Seven Kingdoms would have turned out had she lived. It was someone he caught himself thinking about often and in his mind, they'd have children with black hair as his and they'd be strong like him... not like Joffrey and fat Tommen, both blond and both stupid. She'd be much easier to put up with, that's for sure as well.
Daenerys Targaryen wasn't to blame for her brother's crimes but Robert didn't understand that. He wanted them all dead because they were the reason why his beloved Lyanna was dead and they were the reason he became who he was. He took a deep breath. "How is it possible, Ned? How is your daughter so similar to her?"
Ned smiled sadly. "I see Lyanna every day when I look at Lilia. When she was born, she resembled her and then, as she grew up, she became even more like her" he explained. "She named her direwolf Winter Rose and I stood there, without knowing what to say or what to do because there was no way to react to that"
"She herself is a Winter Rose, Ned. She is a true northern beauty, just like her aunt before her" Robert pointed out still nostalgic. "She is just as graceful. Catelyn did a great job in raising them"
"You don't even know the half of it..." Ned muttered under his breath. Fathers were sometimes critical of their children, Robert knew that very well. Still, he wondered how there could be any flaw in the young girl that seemed as sweet and gentle as she was beautiful.
"What did you say?"
"Catelyn tried but from all three of my daughters, she only fully succeeded with Sansa, the one that looks like her," his friend told him. "I'm sure that you will come to realize that even though they are different from each other, the three of them are admirable ladies. I'm proud of them"
"You should be, Ned. You should be" he gave a pat on his friend's shoulder as he wished that he could say the same for his children. "How old is she?" he asked to make sure.
"Two and ten. In two days, we'll have her name day. We are organizing a banquet to celebrate it, I count that you'll be there" he invited him. Robert found himself smiling at that. It was a good opportunity to give her a gift and he'd have the best and only the best.
"I will and I'll make sure that she gets the best gift that she could have on that day!" he said, seeing this as a blessing from the Gods and a chance at being with his sweet Lyanna one last time. He rationally knew that they were different people but he liked to believe that Lilia was Lyanna revived, retrieved to him again. "Cersei better get me a worthy present of Lady Lilia Stark"
"There's really no need to do that" Ned tried to dissuade him but he was a stubborn man and once something stuck to his head, he wouldn't be swayed to do things differently, no matter the cost. Some said it was a curse that had befallen on him, other a virtue but he cared not about that.
"Of course there is!" he insisted and then laughed with his friend. "Look at us now, Ned! Who are we now and what have we done with those boys?"
"Jon Arryn would be proud," Ned told him
"He would" Robert hugged his best friend. "We should get going before my son makes your daughter assassinate him!"
Robert would very much like to see that happening.
So, I decided to switch things up this time and instead of having this chapter told by Ned's point of view, now we have Robert's as I believe it explains a lot of things that happen later in the story more clearly.
Also, I made a callback to Cecilia which leads me to another question: would you like an AU in which Cecilia survived and married Robert instead of Cersei? I'd like to write that story a lot mainly because Westerosi History would have changed drastically.
I hope all of you are alright, I'll see you next time!
XOXO,
-BW