The drive to aunt Alice was pretty much tiring, not to mention mom kept on changing the stations which was working on my nerves at some point "Mom, I think this station is okay?" I asked looking in the revew mirror.
"Okay" she said her eyes still on the road.
The drive was perfect with the music until this one specific song came on.
(Flashback)
"Promise me you'll always keep living, even if I'm not there to live life with you?"
"I promise" and even though I knew I couldn't fulfill this promise I was going to try.
He placed my hands on the keyboard gesturing me to sing further
"Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything, take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath, every hour has come to this
One step closer
I have died everyday, waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more.
All along I believed, I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more.
One step closer.
One step closer.
I have died everyday, waiting for you.
Darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more.
And all along I believed, I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more."
" That was beautiful." he said looking at me," and to clear the sad tension I'm still gonna be here. It won't be long, but it's still time I have left with you and mom." he continued.
"James why did you take me as your prom date?" I asked looking at how ridiculous we both looked. If I hadn't to be his sister, people would think I was his girlfriend.
"Because you my beloved", he paused smiling at me "are one in a million. Sure this is my senior prom. My last to be exact, but I might not get to see you in five years from now. I might not see you have a prom. So I want to have this memory with you." he said smiling.
(end of flashback)
"Earth to Joey! Do not cry. Do not cry." the little voice in my head kept saying and me trying to keep the tears back just failed, and once I gave in it felt like rivers flowed down my cheeks.
You'd think that over the years I've outgrown it. That I made peace with it, truth is I made peace with the fact that my brother is gone and I got to say my goodbye. I just couldn't bare living life without him and everyday just felt like another misery without him by my side.
Sure, there was mom. And having her by my side made dealing with James loss a little easy, but despite the years that passed by. I wasn't ready to stop grieving, even if my mom was.
"Finally we here sweetheart!" Mom said as she drove into Aunt Alice's driveway.
Everything was exactly the same since I've last been here. There was the two swings that James and I would always swing on. There was that old tree that we carved our names in. Everything was exactly the same.
And coming to the realization of it, no matter where I go. There will always be things that will remind me of him.
"Oh my God! You are so big. You've totally grown so much!" aunt Alice yelled as she came running out of her house. Dang it! She hasn't changed. She was always so lovable. Full of life and yet very creepy at times. As creepy as she could be. I missed her. I missed her so much. All I could do was just hug her and bury my face in her neck.
The sweet sent of Aunt Alice. She always smelled sweet. Like she was busy making cookies or something, except that she couldn't really make anything in the kitchen, because trust me if she did, the house would burn down. And this is exactly why she was creepy. Who smells like cookies when they can't even bake and are hardly in the kitchen? Creepy and mysterious? I know, but that was just my normal aunt Alice. Out of all the things that changed over the years (me) she hasn't changed one bit.
As soon as Aunt Alice broke our hug she stared into my eyes, "Kid you haven't been sleeping much, have you?" she asked moving the strands of hair that was in my face. All I could do was nod. There was no point in hiding anything from aunt Alice. For heaven sake! She was creepy. She'd probably torture me until I spilled all my secrets out and then she'd tell the spirits.
Spirits? Well that's what made her CREEPY, besides the whole smelling like a chef when she couldn't even make anything. Aunt Alice has this weird practice at night where she'd talk to the walls in her house. She calls it "Talking To The Spirits". Sure this was by far the weirdest thing she's done through out her life, but ever since her husband Ryan left her, this was her way of dealing.
Ever since Ryan left Aunt Alice has been "talking to the spirits" so honestly as creepy as it may sound I find it normal. Ryan was all Aunt Alice had this side of the world. And once he left, it was just her and her home, which might I add was super lonely. She had no one to talk to. So basically talking to the "spirits" makes her feel like she has someone to talk to. Call her creepy, because heck she was, but underneath that she just had a bleeding heart.
Getting settled in didn't take that long. Aunt Alice had two extra rooms that James and I would sleep in whenever we spent the holidays here. I walked in the room that would of been his. "I left everything exactly the same." aunt Alice whispered from behind me. All I could do was smile.
"Besides this is basically the only extra room there is. I did renovation. Your room is kinda like a study room. You don't mind sleeping here, right?" she continued putting one of my bags on the floor.
"Not at all." I replied, " I guess I'll see you later once I'm done settling in?" I asked not trying to be rude. Of course aunt Alice being the sweet soft hearted person she was just smiled and left closing the door.
I stood there like an idiot for five minutes just looking at my surroundings. Nothing has changed, but I did. I changed in so many ways that I didn't know how to be the old person I was.
I didn't laugh anymore. I didn't smile anymore. I didn't sing anymore. I just wasn't me anymore.
Maybe moving here I didn't have to be the old me, maybe I could be the broken me that I was and just start fresh with the hurt in my heart.
Once I was finished in my room I went to the kitchen where Aunt Alice and mom was very comfortably seated on the bar chairs. I guess they heard me coming along and stopped talking. What were they whispering about?
"You settled in Joe?" Mom asked. All I did was nod. Screw it, I need to talk more and stop shaking my head.
"Yep I'm all settled in" I said with a smile.
"And seeing that you basically on your last year of high school wanna take a gap year and figure things out or..?" Aunt Alice trailed off looking at me.
Sitting on the empty bar chair, "Well I'm thinking of graduating. No use in doing nothing for a whole year, right? So high school it is!" I said in jolly tone. One of which you could hear was very fake, because ever since James died I was never jolly. Ever.
"Okay then. There's a school two blocks away. We can enroll you there?" she asked hoping for some response out of me all I did was just stare at her and smile. Smiling was okay, right? I mean obviously I was unhappy which wasn't a surprise. Rude, that was what I was. The people that cared about me was trying to help me and all I did was just push them away with my silence.
"Sure thing. I mean that's perfect. It's not too far from here too." I said trying to make the tension less awkward.
"Honey things will get easier and you'll love it here. You just need to believe that you will get through another day of mental torment, but you also need to realize that you didn't lose him alone. We all did. It's just when you lost him. We lost you too. And I'm not ready to loose my only child." Mom said placing her hand on mine.
" And might I mention my only niece" aunt Alice added.
Holly banana split! I loved them. And if I didn't change this bitter person I was, then what was the point in living after all?
I will not push away the people that love me and from this moment onwards I was going to be the new improved Joesiphene Anderson. The one that is actually going to make something out of her life this time. To new beginnings..