It's been another long week,
The family is still fragile,time seems to fly quicker than ever,I haven't been able to walk properly until yesterday and my ankle seems to be healing.
I rarely left my room,I've been going through stressful and low times,my mental health hasn't been in it's greatest,I can't leave my bed unless it's to eat or to use the bathroom,
Ivan was busy as usual,I don't even know with what,but I couldn't find out since I stayed in my room all day.
I watched the clock ticking,it was 11:45am
Time didn't interest me anymore,
To me,time is useless now,I still didn't go back to Ivan's room because I didn't feel like it,plus I'm still not forgiving him.
I heard a few knocks on my door interrupting my thoughts,I sighed and didn't answer,hoping whoever it is to think that i mist be sleeping and not disturb me because i look like an absolute mess right now.
I rolled over in my bed and ignored it,soon the door opened and closed,whoever was at the door let themself in,
They walked slowly around the bed,oh.
It's Ivan.
He walked to my side of the bed and kneeled down to be able to see my face,
He was wearing a simple black vest over a white shirt tucked into his black pants,he was healing well,he didn't ignore his medications and health,he was trying his best.
"I missed you" he smiled softly and leaned closer towards the bed,
"But you seem to be down lately,I wanted to spend some time with you but I didn't really...have the time"
"When did you ever," i sighed replying to him,
"I'm free now,i came to check on you" he stroked my hair,he got up and took off his cozy black slippers which he usually wears around the house because he doesn't like wearing shoes indoors,He lifted the covers up and slipped in next to me,
"Hey-" exclaimed in a little surprise,
He put his arms around me but i was afraid to lay my head on his chest because of his surgery,
"It's okay They took out the stitches,I'm good now" he explained when he noticed how hesitant i was to get comfortable,
I gently laid my head on his chest and covered myself again,
"Wanna tell me about why you've rarely left your room for the past week?" He started,
"I don't know,I'm just feeling empty lately,and i felt like getting out of bed was hard," I explained
"What do you usually do when you feel like this?" He asked,
"I grab my car keys and go out,drive somewhere far away,all alone from people,and just breathe in fresh air while i try to relax and think of what's annoying me," I answered not caring how much i was triggering him,
"Or call Alice and tell her about how I'm feeling down,or simply paint"
"You're still mad at me aren't you?" He sat up looking into my eyes,I didn't hesitate to nod and give him his answer,
"What can i do to make it up for you?" He took my hand and locked his fingers with mine,
"That's the problem Ivan" i sighed
"You can't fix anything. I don't know what i want,but i want something,and I'm not satisfied with anything"
"I'm not good at comforting,this is my first time...trying to comfort someone and I'm sorry if I'm messing up" He timidly apologized,
"You are mad about a lot of things,most of which are things that I can't fix no matter how rich i am,but I'm sure we can give our relationship a second chance"
"I never felt like i was in a relationship with you Ivan,i know that i love you,but we aren't dating we're just..ugh!" I groaned softly unable to find the words,
"Never mind you'll never understand"
"Then make me" he lowered his head letting his hair cover his eyes,
"Make me understand Irene"
"You don't need to understand because you'll forget about it when you're mad," i sighed turning around and closing my eyes shut,
He paused for a second then turned me over to him,
"Just tell me what you want and i can grant it for you Irene,please" he desperately tried everything he could think of,
"Ivan you won't give me what i want" i calmly explained
"What do you want?!" He yelled punching the pillow beside my head,
"Just tell me what you want and I'll try to grant you as many as possible!"
"I want Alice! I want to go out! I want to be able to leave the house! I want a decent and normal relationship! I want my life back!
Can you grant me that? Huh?!" I sat up yelling at him in response,he paused surprised that i hit my last straw and snapped at him,
"No you can't" i laidback on the bed and took a deep breath,
"I'll be better Ivan,just give me sometime"
He sat still on the bed with his head low,
He slowly slipped off the bed and walked to the door leaving the room,i kind of felt bad...
He was just trying to help but i yelled at him..
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I got up finally and taking some clothes from the closet and deciding to head to the bathroom to shower,i took out a simple red maxi dress with long sleeves,
I was hungry as well so those were enough reasons for me to leave the bed.
After i had finished taking a long..long shower,
I dried my hair so that I don't get sick,I walked down the hallway opening all the windows because i felt suffocated,
"Ma'am?" Eric called as I opened the fourth window, "why are you suddenly opening all the windows in the house?" He asked confused,
"It feels like the place is filled with dirt,this place smells like an abandoned house in the woods,they should open the windows once in a while." I answered continuing to open the windows,
"Why are you always around me though ? Do i look like I'm going to grow wings and fly away?" I added
"It's not that" he chuckled
"But I should always be around you,I'm your personal guard"
"Well I'm at home and not leaving home anytime soon so relax" I replied
"This is Master's orders" he added
"I'm master's wife,my orders now are just as superior" I leaned on the window frame comfortable since the windows have bars and I won't really fall.
"I'll get punished if i don't obey" he added again trying to convince me,
"Can i Not punish you?" I smirked crossing my arms,he nodded gently after taking a long pause,Victory is mine.
"How old are you Eric? Not to be rude,but i want some more information about you" I asked as i started to run out of seconds trying to avoid an awkward silence
"I'm Twenty Six Ma'am,I worked with young Master for six years,his father had assigned me to become his personal assistant when he was chosen to become the Second master after his father when he was just twenty" he answered and started to explain,
"Are you two close?" I asked in suspense
"Yes,Master and I are as close as brothers,i had the capability of being trusted and favored by him,and I wouldn't betray him as long as I'm alive and working for him" he answered without hesitation,
"It makes sense since you're literally the only man who can be close to me without Ivan killing him" i chuckled sarcastically,
"Tell me more about Ivan,I'm pretty sure you know him better than i do,so what do you advise me to do with him? In different situations you know,I should be a good wife" i joked
"Master is definitely hard to understand,to this day and after six years of knowing him I still find it hard to understand or get him sometimes,but something that you were able to achieve in days,something I couldn't achieve for six years,was changing him" he said with a sad smile,
"I had seen him smile for the past four months more than I'd seen him smile for the past six years,You by far,have been the best card to ever be drawn to him Ma'am,and I personally want you to see it yourself but you can't because you've known him for no more than a couple of months."
"Do you think that he loves me? Like truly?"
I asked because right now,Eric knows him better than anyone.
"He loves you more than anything in his life,More than William or Maria and those are the closest people to him" he answered in confidence
"More than himself?" I asked surprised a little
"He never loved himself," he replied
"Master is controlled by his emotions,he becomes a psychopath when he's mad,and the sweetest most caring person when he's happy,that's way it was rare for us to see Master calm,he has a reason to be happy and its you,"
"but Master has always lacked empathy and guilt,the last and only time he felt guilty was when his mother died,he always felt like he was the reason she died,it's like burden on him,"
"I want to change Ivan,i want him to become a different person,someone who can control his emotions,Eric I truly trust you,because if Ivan does then I'm relieved since Ivan rarely trusts anyone." I sighed and explained
"I fell in love with a monster,but i want to spend the rest of my life with a man"
"If you want to change him,you must be patient,he is like a messed up puzzle,hard to solve but not impossible," he explained as something began buzzing in his pocket,
"All you have to do is arrange the pieces ma'am" he smiled and excused himself to pick up his phone,
As he left i stared out the window at the hills leading up to the house,I'm already married and my life is over,all i have to do is relive the same say over and over again,i have already given up.
But if i can change Ivan,maybe he will understand what is wrong and he'll loosen up a bit,i still have a bit of hope left.
I heard someone's footsteps getting louder,as they came closer I couldn't bother to turn around so i sat still,
"I-Irene" i heard Ivan clear his throat so I immediately turned around,
"You're finally feeling better?" He walked closer and gently pushed my hair back,
"A little" I answered with a little smile,
"Good Because i need you to see something" he grabbed my hand and started to guide me down the hall,
"See what?" I asked confused,
"You'll see" he put his other hand in his pocket as he calmly walked us down the stairs.
He walked me to the room that was supposed to be our child's room,
He put his hand on the door handle and paused,
"This was supposed to be our baby's room,but unfortunately it wasn't meant to be,so i made it into a room for you,somewhere you can relax" he said before opening the door to the room,
I grew more and more surprised as i saw the once empty room only filled with a bed and a dresser for guests that rarely come over,to something I've always wished to have but couldn't ever get,
The windows were left open letting the breeze fill the room,the white curtains danced in the gentle wind as the room had a complete view over the garden,if i were to jump out of the windows I'd just land on the garden,it was one of the only rooms where the windows didn't have bars,the sun and natural lighting filled every corner of the room,
A single Easel holding a blank canvas stood in the middle of the room,a long table filled with countless paintbrushes in different sizes and shapes,a cupboard that held extra equipments and Bottles of colors and paint pallets,
At the far end of the room stood a long row of canvas racks with enough canvasses for me.
I gasped and ran to check all the colors and equipments i only wished to have,
I brushed the different sizes of paint bottles,from oil paint to acrylics and watercolors,and all Pencils and pens,
A room every artist wishes to have,
"Ivan.." I giggled in excitement facing him,
"I love it! I love this room so much!" I continued to look at all the art equipments.
"I'm glad." He chuckled softly and approached me slowly,
"As your comeback,I'll help you get and an idea to draw" he smirked and started to unbutton his vest tossing it on the ground,
"What are you doing?..." I asked confused,
He unbuttoned his shirt revealing his chest,
He was still bandaged up from the surgery,But it was a simple bandage to cover the healing skin.
He walked to the table grabbing the paint pallet and a few other nude colors while having one vibrant color being red,
He put the colors on a small steel utility cart and pulled it close to the canvas,
He continued to unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants,he removed his pants and got rid of his boxer shorts as well,
"Use me as a model" he smirked and gently walked to the red velvet Chaise lounge chair,he sat comfortably leaning back and waiting patiently,i stood surprised.
"Come on,paint me" he said again causing me to break my chain of thoughts,
"I-I haven't painted in a long time i will mess it up.." i said as an excuse,I couldn't look at him without blushing,why am i like this? I've seen him naked countless times..
"It's okay I'm not going to hang this next to the Mona lisa" he joked
"It will take a lot of time,i-i have to sketch you as well" i added,
"Irene...just smear colors on the canvas,I wouldn't care," he repeated,I nodded and timidly started to squeeze the colors i needed from the bottles to the pallet,
I used the colors to sketch his features,it didn't look great because I wasn't using a pencil nor have i made anything in months...
I tried to sketch his body and focused on the painting so much that I forgot about everything,it was only me and my canvas
"C-Can you please relax your shoulders? And tilt your head upwards a little?" I asked hesitant to make eye contact,
"Anything for you" he quickly obeyed and did what i asked him to do,
I started to paint his chest,his body,all the places and spots that are mine,
I blushed as I continued to focus on his body,
I haven't stared at him this long,I could feel his eyes watching me scan his body,
No more than twenty minutes have left and i just couldn't paint his face right,
The frustration on my face grew and my eyes started to become angry,am I lacking my skills?!
As he noticed my frustration he got up and walked to me,he wasn't there but I've erased and tried to fix his face so many times that I didn't need to look at him anymore,
"Why? Why? WHY?!" I went over and over it again trying to get it right,
"Irene.." he grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face him,
"I can't..I can't draw I can't" i started to tear up,
"I lost my skills..i lost my ability-" he interrupted my panic attack and pulled me into a kiss,
My hand grabbed the brush tighter,but relaxed after,I forgot about my problems for a second,it's not me and my canvas,it's me and him,he pulled away leaving only inches between us
He put his hand on the back of my head and gently pressed his soft lips on my mine again,
He deepened every kiss,
It didn't last long because he eventually pulled away in hesitation,maybe he didn't want to love me,just not yet,or maybe he's just scared.
He chuckled softly and backed away,
"I hope you enjoy this room,I'll leave now" he pat my head messing up my hair,
He began to pick up his clothes and dress up,
Just before he could finish I grabbed his hand and stopped him,
"Wait.." i spoke holding his hand with both of my hands,I tightened my grip and took a deep breath before speaking again,
"Please don't leave" i kept my head low,the wind blew gently through the open windows,the silence in the room was disturbed by the sound of papers getting blown away by the breeze and wooden paint brushes hitting each other making a small but satisfying sound of wood brushing against each other,
"I need you" i spoke with a faint low tone
the breeze got a little stronger causing my hair to gently blow in the wind.
"And i need you more" he walked back to me caressed both of my cheeks,
"I know how much of an asshole I've been to you,But i will make up for everything,"
"It's hard to understand what is making me stay with you" I interrupted
"I cannot leave you because you're the only person that i have right now,i lost everyone i love,and I can't leave,I don't want to lose you too"
I buried my face in his palm,and sighed,
He pulled me closer into a hug and leaned a little closer so that I don't have to stand in my tip toes to hug him,
"I love you" He whispered hugging me tighter,
I felt his bare chest against me,
"Can i paint you?" He suddenly whispered into my ear,
"Paint me?" I asked confused,
He pulled away not giving me any answer,walking to the windows and closing them while pulling the curtains together,he locked the door and turned the lights off,the only light filling the room was the sunlight being filtered through the white curtains Fabric since Ivan covered the windows,
He pulled the strings that were holding my dress together setting my dress loose and causing it to fall to the floor,
He picked the paint brush and dipped it in the red paint,
He brought the brush's tip closer to my chest,
I gently gasped when i felt the cold paint on my chest,he carried out a straight line from my collarbone to my belly button,it sent a shiver down my spine,I chuckled for no reason so he smiled in response,
"What's funny?" He asked with an adorable smile,"It tickles," I replied,
He bit his lower lip and continued,
"Why are you doing this?" I asked,
"You're my only Art,and I'll do whatever it takes me to keep your colors fresh and bright,you're not allowed to be dull and gloomy" he answered putting the paintbrush down
"red?" I asked with a giggle,
"Red because it symbolizes the heat if the moment," he smirked before leaning back to kiss me,i put my arms around him and kissed him back,
I tried to stand on my tip toes to kiss him better but accidentally tripped back and my hand was dipped in paint,i stared at my colorfull hand and back at him,
I wiped my hand on his cheekbone then chest causing him to get just as colorful as i am,
He giggled softly and let me smear the paint on him,
"You're my only canvas," I smiled gently watching him be as happy as i am,
It's a new beginning,a new painting,
I'm not starting a new chapter in my life,I'm starting a new canvas.
He kissed me back and swept off my feet carrying me to the red velvet chaise chair,
"I missed you.." he looked into my eyes with passion,
"It feels so good to be back in your arms"