Mid-November- Thanksgiving came around. I ended up taking a train back home for the long weekend. As much as I really did love the college life, I did occasionally miss my family. Plus, I got to visit Joey and his family. They were doing a whole lot better than a few weeks ago when I came down for Joey's mothers funeral.
My parents loved to have me back for a few days. They asked tons of questions about the campus, secretly trying to indicate if they made the right choice by letting me attend there. My dad of course asked about the boys, I told him that I had no interest in any of the boys on campus or a relationship for that matter. Yes, I lied.
It'd been a month since I last interacted with Bizzle. It'd been a month since I'd last seen Bizzle. In fact, it'd been a month since any of us had seen Bizzle.
My schedule allowed me to take my mind off him at times. My classes weren't too stressful, my work hours weren't agonizingly long, and I found myself gathering together much free time. I had found time to continue my collaging, making 2 full poster board frames of my work.
Although, during work I'd watch the door waiting for Bizzle to walk in, of course he never did. Between my walks to each building my mind would play tricks on me. Picturing him running past me on his workouts or messing with me when I'd sit in the central court yard. Basically, everything and anything I did connected to him.
I missed him. I could barely speak full sentences when he was around. And I missed that. I missed being tortured by his good looks and slick way with words. Was that wrong? I couldn't possibly think that anything real could happen between us . . . right? Those thoughts were running through my head since the dare night last month.
I was going through all the same possibilities and impossibilities late one night. The same night a boy -I didn't know- dragged an unconscious friend to our room.
I was half unconscious myself, awoken by someone at the door. I contemplated staying half asleep and waiting till Vicky got up and answered the door, but that didn't happen. I opened the door, rubbing my eyes from the sting of the bright lighting in the hall.
"Mila?" A anonymous voice asked. I nodded my head, yawning gracefully before I finally got my eyes to open and focus in on who was at the door.
"I believe he belongs to you then."
A boy with dark hair stood in the entrance, dragging a body beside them. I took one look at his arms and recognized the body art. "Bizzle?" I whispered to myself but apparently the boy heard.
"Yeah. I found him outside the bar I work at. I knew he lived on campus so I attempted to get him back to his dorm but when I finally found it no one answered the door and he's obviously in no condition to remember where his room key is." The boy explained dragging Bizzle into the room. I trailed behind them, till he placed Bizzle's body on the couch.
"What? W-what happened? And why'd you bring him here?" I questioned looking at Bizzle's unconscious body. I figured it was nothing too serious since the boy brought him here and not to a hospital.
The boy dusted his hands off, "Guessing he had too much to drink. He's been at that bar every night for like a month, I'm surprised he's still breathing." The boy explained nonchalantly. "And as for you, I brought him here because the only word he managed to mumble was 'Mila' for the past hour or so. 9 times to be exact. Then I just asked around campus where I could find you and boom. Here we are."
I wasn't exactly sure how to respond to him. Thank you stranger for bringing this really hot unconscious boy to my room at 4am? Apparently the boy wasn't expecting much of a response or thank you. He ended the convo with a quick, "Goodnight" and was on his way.
I filled up a glass of water and placed it on the table beside the couch Bizzle lay on. I sat on the floor beside him and just . . . well I kinda just looked at him. Is that bad? Stalker-ish?
Whatever. He was too perfect not to stare at. His hair was a total mess yet perfect in a way. His eyebrows were slightly scrunched together. His lips in a pouty form. I noticed a light little scar on his cheek, even that was cute.
Watching his chest move up and down with each breath, hearing his light snores, glaring at the strand of golden hair that hung over his eye; it all felt, relaxing. Admiring him became like a chore, he was too beautiful to keep focus on. My eyes began to slowly shut. I yawned a couple times before placing my head on the edge of the couch cushion. "Where have you been?" I whispered, taking one last peek at him before I dozed off.
I woke up startled for a moment as to where I was, but I remembered almost instantly. I was still sitting on the floor, my head had been resting on the edge of the couch that Bizzle slept on. He had barely moved in the night.
"Sleep well?" Vicky asked from the kitchen, making me jump a little. She stood over the counter on the other side of the room, brewing her coffee.
Thank god I wasn't working or attending classes today, I would've been late to everything by this time.
My legs were sore from the form I had sat in all night, my neck was a little stiff too. I stretched myself out as I walked over to Vicky. I sat myself on the tall stool over the bar.
"Some kid brought him by, just like that, and told me that no one was answering the door to his room and he obviously couldn't find his room key while he's out cold." I explained knowing that she wanted to be filled in, "I thought Travis had spent the night with you but apparently not." I shrugged acknowledging Travis's absence. I reached up over the bar and just barely reached the cabinet with coffee cups in it.
"Yea, Travis isn't around," Vicky poured herself a hot cup and then pouring mine. "He spent Thanksgiving break with my family so he decided to take a few days off and visit his own family."
Well, that explains why no one was answering the boys door. I glanced back at Bizzle who shifted his body on the couch and groaned.
"Where has he been?" Vicky asked the same question I'd been asking. The last month Bizzle had gone completely AWOL. Not one of his friends knew where he was. I don't think he has a cell phone and if he does he clearly doesn't know how to use it. I'm not gonna lie, I was worried about him. Especially after that night when we went out of town. Those creepy guys with the crow bar, remember that? I know, I know, that was almost two months ago, but it still scared me.
I shrugged my shoulders at Vicky's question. The delivery boy hadn't mentioned exactly what's been going on, he only mention he was at a bar last night . . . and almost every other night in the past month.
"I have class right now so uh, you're on babysitting Bizzle duty" Vicky decided. Vicky gathered her book bag quickly, "Don't leave him alone in here. Don't let him leave the room alone. Got it?" She asked. I hesitantly nodded.
I had nothing to do today and I probably was going to be in the room all day, I just didn't like the idea of being locked in a room with him. At least for now he was asleep, well kinda. Is a drunk knock out still considered sleeping?
Vicky grabbed her cup of coffee and then marched over to Bizzle still on the couch. She picked up the glass of water, that I set by the couch last night, and she poured it right over Bizzle's head. He jumped up after a couple seconds.
"What the fuck-" He groaned sitting half way straight up. His hand was connected to his head in agony.
Vicky rolled her eyes at him and then casually placed the cup back down, "You're an idiot" She said. Then she turned on her heels and marched away. I think that was her way of saying she was, too, worried about him.
Bizzle sighed and through himself back down on the couch. He groaned again, rubbing his temple. I'm not really sure how to deal with this situation. I've never been placed in my current position before. One time I was reading a romance book, the girl in it got really drunk and her friend made her a cup of coffee. Does coffee cure hangovers?
I guess it's worth a shot, right?
I poured a cup of black coffee and placed it on a little plate before walking it over to Bizzle. I set it on the center table. He gave me a death glare.
"I read, somewhere, that uh, that coffee cures a hangover so I j-just thought-" I jittered along my words. His eyes were sending daggers right through me. What had I done?
"Can you please just fuck off." He answered back in a loud tone.
I balled my hand into a gentle fist and took a step back. Nervously running my hand through my messy hair, I managed to mutter, "Y-yea, I can do that," Bizzle rose his brows at me, waiting for me to get out of his face apparently.
I sat on my bed, silently glaring at my door. I flicked the TV on to distract myself, but it didn't help. I wanted to spring out the door and ask him a billion questions but he'd probably strangle me. The TV didn't help at all, so I dialed up Joey and talked to him for a while. Joey seemed to be in a good mood and I was able to keep him on the phone for a good hour or so. I didn't tell him about Bizzle's return or about him staying here till Travis returned. I figured he didn't need any unnecessary stress nor drama.
Vicky had seemed really worried about him. Maybe he's done this before? She was so stern and made it crystal clear not to let him out of my sight. Of course, the past hour he was completely out of my sight.
I walked out to the den to check for him, he wasn't there. "Bizzle?" I called hustling to Vicky's room and checking the bathroom in there.
Great. I lost him.
I walked back out to the den and Bizzle walked through the front door at the same moment. I gave him a scolding look, "Where were you?" I asked at his casual attitude.
"Out." He purposely responded shortly.
He brushed past me, sitting back on the couch.
"What do you mean, out?" I mocked his monotone response, "I told you not to leave this dorm."
Bizzle looked up at me with surprise. Surprised that I was putting a foot down in front of him. Little did he understand that it wasn't because I was bossy or felt like being a pain. I wanted to follow Vicky's directions, and I worried about him getting into more trouble.
"What, am I on dorm arrest?" He chuckled flicking the TV on. "How bout you do what women do best and make me lunch"
Now he was really pissing me off.
I only snarled at him, not giving him any more words to throw back at me. I gathered some school books and sat on the floor in front on the center table in the den. Right where I could keep an eye on him.
We stayed put for a while, but I knew it wouldn't have lasted too long anyway.
My back was facing him, but I could hear him shuffling in his seat. Then I felt a touch on my back, it startled me, so I flinched. He let out a soundingly hot chuckle. Bizzle dropped his body down next to me on the floor. I could feel his eyes locked on me, his breath brushing against my skin. My lack of attention toward him only made him crave it more. He moved in, bringing his chin to rest on my shoulder.
"You seem anxious. Everything alright?" His voice made me think twice about my breathing.
His fingers made contact with my cheek. I nudged them off me. "Ooo the silent treatment? My kinda challenge. Keeping girls quiet is not my strong point, so this should be fun" He said moving in closer to me. Did he have to link everything to sex?
"Stop." I simply scuffed. It was not simple at all actually, it took just about every nerve in my body to gather up that one defense word.
Bizzle dropped his hand into my lap, his arm wrapped around me. Slowly caressing my thigh. And I was allowing him too. My mouth was saying 'stop' but my body was defiantly telling him to proceed. His fingers brushed the inside of my thighs. I snatched his arm and threw it back, pushing him away from me.
"Can you stop messing around. I need to get this work done." I kept my eyes locked on my paper book.
Bizzle had removed his hand from my thigh, with my force, but still.
You know those silly Goose Bump book that were all the rage in the early 2000's? Those books were the scariest things we'd ever discusses at the time, and I remember even though I was too chicken to read them-I'd heard enough details from classmates to send shivers down my spine. To make the hairs on my arm stand up. To make my skin fill with goose bumps as the tales were meant to do. Bizzle had only three fingers on my arm and he was giving off the same effect those books had back then.
"Okay how bout a massage? It's probably this work that's getting you all tense" Bizzle suggested and immediately got to it before I could even object. He placed his hands on my shoulders and gently rubbed at my back. He sat only an inch away, I could feel his breath on my neck.
He scratched and maneuvered his way along my skin. Reaching up inside my shirt.
I pretended to write down more notes, pretended to focus on the work that was set in front of me. I thought the less attention he gets, the quicker he'll realize it's time to quit, but he didn't seem to be backing off at all. His touch was driving me crazy. A new kind of crazy. A crazy that wouldn't even allow me to move away from him this time.
When his hands made their way half way around my torso on the inside of my shirt, I closed my eyes. I took a hot breath and let out the slightest groan.
Bizzle let out a similar sound, "God don't do that to me" He weakly mumbled near my ear. His lips brushing against my neck with a heated tone.
This had gone way too far, way too fast.
There I was again. Always wondering what in the hell I'm thinking when I'm around him. I literally crawled across the floor, only far enough from him that his hands slipped out my shirt. I jumped up on to my feet. I pressed my fingers to the rim of my nose.
Bizzle sat on the floor, giving me this look. This look that made me wanna rip his face off for being so god damn attractive. I closed my eyes, hoping that would help me set my mind straight.
"Admit it, you want me." He leached from the floor below.
How he managed to go from fuck off to you want me? I have no clue.
I put my finger out, "Okay. No, no, no. We're not a-and I'm not-and you can't-" Where was I going with this? I don't know. "Just. No." I brought my finger down.
"God you're so uptight" Bizzle says with his tongue sticking out. He leans back against the edge of the couch.
I scowled at him, "I am not uptight." This was not a joke. Why was he laughing and taking shots at me. I am not uptight!
He stood up, running a hand through his messy hair, "Are too. You're always so on the rules and with the odds."
"I am not!" I defended, "We both know this isn't going to happen so I why are you pushing it."
"Me? Pushing it? Right because I'm the one who just moaned from an innocent massage . . . oh wait, that was you" He pointed his fingers at me with a cheeky smile.
I didn't like the way he spoke. The terms he used. It made me intolerable.
"It was not like that." I followed through not knowing how else to put it. Because it was exactly like that.
"Uptight." He mocked standing in my face.
"I am not uptight!" I tried my best to sound threatening.
"Oh please, I've never seen someone who needs to get laid as badly as you do right now" He rolled his eyes.
My eyebrows furrowed in at him. It was like the wheels in my head stopped spinning. I stomped my foot firmly on the floor and brought my hand up quickly. Bizzle caught my swinging arm before I even knew what I was doing.
Was I really just planning on slapping him across the face?
"Damn, Virginia, for someone who doesn't wanna have sex with me, you're sure eager to make this physical" His lip curled in to a cocky shape.
Was that what this was about?
The last conversation I had with him was in the café, the night of dare night?
He couldn't possibly still be holding that over me? I'm sure he's slept with plenty of replacements in that time.
I didn't know how to respond. I pulled my arms out of his grip. The way some boys minds worked-actually no the way THIS boys mind worked-god dammit, women might as well mate with gorillas!
I heard Bizzle's laugh as I stomped off to my room. I chucked my books from the bed at the wall, grabbing my full head of hair. I was so damn frustrated. I hated that I couldn't come back with witty responses like him.
I squeezed my own arms out of distress, digging my nails into my skin before I finally snapped out of it. I glanced at my wrist, my nails had made tiny marks in my skin. That caused my skin to become irritated and to throb. I brushed my fingers over my old scars; faded and so very light. Yes, I used to be that girl, but not anymore. Like I mentioned before, I've grown. I'm not that little helpless girl that was scared to walk the halls of high school.
As time ran by, my nerves did too. I heard the front door open a couple times but I didn't care anymore. He could do whatever he pleased, my babysitting service has ended.
My body lay flat on my bed for the rest of the day, even as Vicky returned. Surprisingly, Bizzle was still here when she returned. I stepped out of my room, hearing Vicky yell loudly.
"-That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! Joey is going through enough right now, leave him alone. And leave his friend alone too! She's like family to him! We all know how you screwing with Joey's family ends up." Vicky lectured Bizzle, who sat silently on the couch.
I decided to stay hidden in my door-way, eavesdropping was never something to be proud of, but now that I'd heard Joey's name and myself brought up in their convo-I needed to listen for more.
"You're staying here tonight. Until Travis gets back to campus tomorrow. I swear one of these days you're gonna get yourself killed Biz," Vicky's voice dropped in shame. Bizzle muttered something like 'whatever' and the session was done. My back was still against the inside wall beside my door, unseen.
No, I didn't know exactly what they were talking about but Bizzle getting into trouble didn't surprise me as much as it use to.
'I really need to steer clear of that kid'-I say to myself as I walk out the door and into the Kitchen where Bizzle was relocated.
"Well well, you ready for some more clawing? Maybe a little biting this time, aye?" Even his voice tenor was blessed. Every slick and sexual word that came out of his mouth was dripping with charm. Irresistible.
"You're disgusting," I guess he was slightly resistible, since I hadn't thrown myself at him yet. I rolled me eyes at him despite my opposing thoughts. He made it so hard to actually like him.
"Come on, take a joke" He chuckled grabbing a beer from the fridge. He returned to his seat on the top bar. "We talked about this, uptightness"
"I can take a joke" I reached up into the cabinet above the sink and pulled the box of Easy Mac&Cheese from it's box. I poured the noodles into a bowl, waiting for Bizzle's response.
"Is that so? When?" He questioned almost wanting to laugh.
I shoved the bowl of noodles in the microwave, "When it's not being delivered by an immature, big headed brain douche who thinks he's gods gift to girls-" I snapped out my self shell.
First the swinging at him and now this outburst? This was so not me.
I actually felt embarrassed at my sudden remark. Like I should apologize? Of course, it didn't take long for Bizzle changed my mind on that one.
"You're sexy when you're mad" He tipped his beer bottle, letting the drink pour down his throat.
Still facing the opposite way of him, I took a deep, deep, deep, deep, breath.
Then I turned to Bizzle, planting my hands on the lower counter firmly leaning across from him.
"Enough. That's enough. I'm not playing games with you. I don't like you. If you're needy then get out of my dorm, locate a prostitute, and get it out of your system before you talk to me." I finished just as the microwaves beeper went off. I ignored it, watching him for a moment. He really brought out the worst in me. I think? I guess this could be taken as a self defense lesson, but I didn't feel powerful after everything I said, I just felt down-right mean.
He shoved his hand into his back pocket, struggling with it at first.
"I'm sorry-" I attempted.
"Don't start a game if you can't finish it." He slapped a strip of photos on the counter between us. I almost choked on my own saliva trying to breathe correctly after he lay our photo booth pictures in front of me.
How did he even-
"And you shouldn't save the pieces to the game if you don't wanna finish" He answered my silent question, sliding the photos closer to me. He snatched his beer and stepped in to the den.
So maybe he had a point? I guess I shouldn't have kept that roll of pictures around, or at all for that matter. I swear sometimes that boy made my head spin in circles. I've always despised boys like him, boys who think every girl needs to drop to their knees before them, boys who think it's all physical. I don't even know what runs through these boys minds most of the time, but lately I've been wondering the same thing about myself.
* * *
That night the air condition was shut off. Apparently the day had been so hot that they needed to lower the air condition at night to save energy. All the air conditions running for that long and all at once could cause a power outage.
I decided to pull my shirt and pants off, to sleep in my undergarments might help me cool down a bit.
Who could possibly sleep when the air was this hot? I was literally sweating through my blankets and clothes. It was like sauna! I wasn't going to get any sleep like this!
Oh, you hear that too?
Don't look at me like that.
Okay fine. Maybe that ruckus was keeping me up too. I tossed over onto my stomach and shielded my pillow over my head. Anything to get the sounds of Bizzle sleeping with a girl, right outside my room, out of my hearing ability. Hearing them scream lightly, breath heavily, and moan 'Oh God' about a hundred times was not exactly a soothing backtrack to fall asleep to.
It wasn't just the sounds that annoyed me. In fact I could've put some headphones in and fell asleep that way, but the idea of it all bothered me. It was like a sharp jab to my stomach every time one of them made it clear they were still in action.
What did I want? I don't know, I've been asking myself the same question for the past hour. It's not like he was mine or interested in me anyway? I've seen him do this plenty of times, too many times in fact. So why was it so skull crushing this time around. I was surprised I didn't have to tape myself down to the bed just to keep from getting up and accidentally interrupting them.
*
I woke up the next morning from a ray of sun resting on my face. My eyes felt heavy like I hadn't gotten enough sleep, and I'm sure that was the exact reason why. I rolled myself out of bed and prepped for the long day I felt coming on.
I was hesitant to walk outside my room, in fear of what show Bizzle could still be running. I pressed my ear against the door, waiting to hear any indication that it was a PG clip outside. When I heard Vicky's voice directly beyond my door, I knew it was safe.
"Good Morning" Vicky greeted as she stood in the kitchen beside Bizzle. I returned the gesture to the both of them. My eyes suddenly had a mind of their own and pulled themselves in the direction of the den. The direction where last nights sound track had been produced.
"Problem?" Bizzle spoke up. I turned back to them, shaking my head. He had that stupid -hypnotizing- grin on his face.
Obviously Vicky hadn't heard much at night. Otherwise, I'm positive she would've been slamming Bizzle right now.
Vicky excused herself a couple moments later, she drifted off to her room.
I poured my own cup of coffee and set it on the counter before I added a lot of sugar and a dash of cream.
"You really need that much sugar, sugar?" Bizzle chuckled as his own cheesy pun.
I rolled my eyes, "Don't you have you're own dorm?"
"Actually, no. Not till Travis gets back tonight. Besides I'm sleeping on the couch, what's the problem?" Bizzle said in a greedy tone. He knew exactly what the problem was. He was egging on to the situation.
"There isn't one."
I just think it's best if you'd take you're silicon Barbie whores to a different location and not on my couch.
"Are you sure? You seem restless? A massage would probably do you well," My neck snapped at his teasing remark.
He sipped his coffee through that blinding smile of his.
I shook my head slightly. I could think of a million replies to throw in his face, mainly pin pointing the tramp he had in here just a few hours ago. Although, that would only give him ammo for another shot at me. Something along the lines of, 'Why do you care who I sleep with?'. I couldn't answer that for myself, there was no way I'd be able to answer it for him.
It felt great not to have work that day, even though I had classes and finals coming up in the next few weeks. Work wasn't a hassle it was just energy draining at times. At least I'd be away from my dorm for the rest of the day. I also decided to stay away from the central courtyard. No I wasn't dodging Bizzle, I just didn't wanna run into him. Okay, fine. I'm dodging him.
Classes, labs, and quick study sessions during my breaks took up the majority of my day. By the time I'd grabbed something to eat with a friend from my chemistry class, Deb, it was already dark.
I got back to my building at around 9. Totally beat from a day of hard work, but I had gotten a lot of things done which would make it easier on me toward the end of the semester.
I pounded down the hall to my room, knocking hard on the door when I heard music coming from the inside. Vicky must've been inside, but she probably couldn't hear me over her music so I dug through my bag for my key. Once I got the key into the hole of the lock, the door swung open before I had even unlocked it.
A random couple, holding beer bottles, were making out and had just opened the door for me. Actually, no. They had opened the door for themselves to continue their session in the outside hallway. I looked back at them as they passed me but remained in the hall. He pushed her up against the wall and that's when I looked away. Looking back into my dorm room that had at least 50 college students, dancing, drinking, and probably playing dumb party games.
Was this even my room?
"Yes! This is you're room! Come in!" Vicky cheered after reading my facial expression. Damn, I guess I was pretty easy to read since people were always answering my questions before I asked them.
I glanced back at the hallway couple who were now on the floor. I jumped inside the room and slammed the door behind me. "Vicky, what is this?" I asked continuously glaring at all the people.
"I know you grew up locked away from the world but you do know what a party is, don't you?" She hollered over the music. She tipped the red cup in her hand back and chugged the drink.
"Y-yeah, I just meant, why is it here?" I asked raising my voice over the party.
"Bizzle's idea of a welcome back for Travis haha. Just try to have some fun!" She cheered just as Travis came up and drunkly grabbed her waist, pulling her to the dance floor. Aka, the den.
Of course this was Bizzle's idea.
He couldn't have done this back in his place?
Nope, because lately he just feels the need to piss me off.
Maybe I'm playing the victim and this party here had nothing to do with me in the slightest-
No.
See that look on Bizzle's face right now? See the way he just turned to me, looked me up and down, pulled out his one-sided smirk and winked?
Those are the expressions of a sarcastic "Enjoy the party."
I tossed my bag into the hall closet. I hadn't even made it past the kitchen yet and I was ready to jet right back out the door. I slowly made my way to the kitchen bar, making sure none of these scum bags touched me. I sat up on the stool and grabbed a water bottle from the counter.
I was ready to set this whole dorm building on fire just to get this imagery out of my face. Watching girls throw themselves at every guy they see, watching young adults act recklessly like stupid teens, watching this half naked girl just throw up all over our carpet-it all made me wanna pull my hair out.
Bizzle sat on the couch, a girl on his lap and two girls beside him as they all seemed to be chatting. I couldn't make out what they were saying, and I couldn't stare them down long enough to read their lips because Bizzle was constantly looking over at me. He was making sure I was watching. Vince's purple hair caught my attention for a moment, I watched as he downed a red cup then tossed it in the air. He was drunk out of his mind.
The girl on Bizzle's lap was now grinding her scrawny thighs on Bizzle-and he was totally enjoying it. I rolled my eyes in disgust. His eyes shifted from me to the ceiling, he tossed his head back with a mixture of laughter and pleasure.
This was a whole new step up from PDA (Public Display Of Affection). It was more like porn. PDP. Like this is what I needed to end my brain damaging school day; a bunch of horny college partiers grinding and slamming on my furniture.
I sat on that same chair and didn't move at all. Put my head down into my arms resting on the counter, like every one does in any boring class. I closed my eyes, hoping that I'd be tired enough to fall asleep and block out the noise. I was wrong. I thought about going to my room but I figured the noise didn't stop there anyway so, what was the point?
"You gonna sit here all night?" An oddly familiar boy asked as he hopped on the chair beside me. "Evan. Met you at dare night" He attempted to refresh my memory. Now I remembered, the blondie who was dared to strip tease on a light post in front of the police station.
I giggled at my memory of him, "Of course, how could I forget?" I flushed lightly.
"Yeah, I gave one hell of a strip tease. Haha so you live in this building?" I noticed a water bottle in Evans hand, it made me smile at the most.
I cleared my throat, "Yeah, in this room"
"Oh?" He glanced over at me with a smirk, "So this is your killer party?" He sounded impressed.
Sorry to burst your bubble buddy, "No. It's Bizzle's, he's just having it here because-" I paused and glared at Bizzle from across the room, "-Still not sure why"
Evan chuckled. He began to ask me about my classes and about my future plans. It was great to see another soul in my room who actually cared about what their life was being shaped into it. Vicky attended classes and genuinely did care, but she wasn't totally focused on it all. Travis was actually pretty smart, he aced pretty high on his tests, but as for busy work-he totally bombed that. I was positive Bizzle had no more than one class, which he obviously didn't care about at all. He was just on campus for the late nights and parties.
Sometimes people forget that reality eventually sets in . . .
Take me for example; here I am, sitting with Evan, chatting and laughing-having a good time. See? I'm not expecting reality to squeeze it's way in just yet, but reality waits for no one.
"Well, well, look what the cat dragged in." Now introducing, Bizzle-as the role of reality. "I wouldn't try with this one Evan, she's on a no sex diet."
I clenched my jaw, holding back the scoldings I could've drowned him in. He stood before us, slurping down another beer with his SnapBack sitting loosely on his head. Evan was just as speechless as I was.
"Anyway, you should probably scram. This is the big boy leagues, but uh-" Bizzle turned his direction, "Oh, there was a brunette back there who was in desperate need of a little attention. You should start there." Bizzle clapped Evan on the back.
"Nah, I think I'm good here," Evan tipped his head at Bizzle. I waited for the ugly get uglier. (Situation ugly-wise, of course, because anywhere within a 10 mile view of Bizzle was beyond hot).
Bizzle didn't respond to Evans fight, he cocked a brow and tossed in his smirk to complete the get-outta-my-face-before-I-break-yours expression. Evan hopped out of his seat and sheepishly walked away.
"What is your problem?" I dropped my jaw while Bizzle sat up beside me.
The tip of his beer bottle touched his bottom lip, "Besides the fact that I haven't gotten you in my bed yet?" He laughed tipping the bottle back down his throat.
I shook my head. He was literally incapable of a normal conversation. If it wasn't talk about sex, he wasn't talking.
I rolled my eyes, "Why do you insist on picking on me? I'm sure you can find some sleazy chick to fulfill your needs." I twisted my chair in the opposite direction.
"True" Bizzle grabbed my stool and turned back to face him, "But you want me. You need me." Bizzle moved his hand to my knee.
I slid myself down the tall chair, but Bizzle gripped my arm and pulled me back to him, "Let me love you" He then slurred.
"You're incapable of love." I pulled out of his grip and marched to my room. I wasn't sure if he'd said that because he's drunk out of his mind or because-like most guys-he thinks that love is only physical. Either option wasn't very amusing to me.
I slammed the door behind me, locked it tight. I wasn't planning on getting much sleep with this stupid party happening just a few feet away. These walls were not sound proof at all. It was like I was still sitting in the middle of it. At least now I had my cozy bed to be irritated in.
I woke up the next morning naturally, with no alarm. I sat on the edge of the bed, letting my feet dangle. I had gotten almost a whole 3 hours of sleep last night. That rounds up to a good 7 hours as a total of the past two nights. Special thanks to Bizzle for both nights.
I dragged myself out of my bedroom to the kitchen. The entire dorm was flipped inside out. Vicky was sitting on the kitchen counter eating a bowl of cereal. I'm guessing college parties don't exactly have a clean up rule?
"Did you get high last night?" Vicky smirked as she looked me down, "Or is that just lack of sleep?"
"Lack of sleep" I stated obviously. She nodded knowingly. Vicky and I both looked at our surroundings, both dreading this clean up job. "I'll help you clean, but I have work in like-" I glanced at the clock. Holy shit. "15 MINUTES?!" I cried.
Victoria strapped her hands over ears. My high pitched scream, plus, her deadly hangover-yeah probably not the best combination.
I sprinted into my room and got my clothes changed in record time. I had told Linda I'd switch shifts with her and take the day since I didn't have class today and I still managed to sleep in through the afternoon!
13 minutes to go.
I grabbed my bag and slid it up my shoulder before I rammed the small coffee table in the den. I picked up a set of keys, then placed it back down. "Where the hell are Joey's car keys?" I screamed turning to Vicky.
She gave me the look. "Oh. Ha. About that, I kinda told Travis he could take the car out today. He came by an hour ago and asked and I thought since you were asleep, you didn't have work" She said in an apologizing tone.
"Oh god!" I cried glaring at the clock.
12 minutes left.
"Those are Bizzle's keys! Take them to him and let him give you a ride!" She quickly suggested. I didn't even have time to think twice about it. I grabbed the keys and sprinted out the door.
I had 9 minutes left after I sprinted across campus to the boys dorm. I charged up the steps, straight to Bizzle's room. Without knocking I turned the knob, which was actually unlocked. I was about to call his name out but I spotted him on the couch.
"Oh god!" He cried looking down at the red-head kneeling beneath him. I wasn't grossed out or disgusted like I normally was when I'd run into him and another girl. I was upset. I was angry. My ears almost blew steam when he glanced over at me and moaned.
Holding onto his keys, I sprinted right back out the door. I felt like an Olympic track runner, making it to the school's parking lot-
7 minutes on my clock.
I wanted to-I don't know what I wanted to do, I just wanted the pain in my stomach to stop. I was thinking out of pure anger and betrayal when I strapped on Bizzle's motorcycle helmet.
I had never driven a bike before, let alone a frigging moter cycle! I felt pressured into doing this. Like I owed it to myself to piss him the hell off the way he did to me. So I did. I hopped on his bike and actually made it in one piece to work.
"Linda! Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. There was this stupid welcome back party and Evan but Bizzle! Then I woke up and it was almost 3 in the afternoon and the dorm was flipped and Travis took Jo-"
"Woah, woah, woah, chill!" Linda interrupted my horrible explanation of what had happened. "You're right on time. It's fine. Your shift is until 8 tonight" She explained handing me the key to the cafe. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
The cafe was mostly empty right now. I'm assuming that had something to do with the weather outside. I had forgotten that there were storm warnings all week, leading up to today. Everyone in Memphis is probably locked away right now, not planning on getting coffee anytime soon.
The sky was a dark grey as the clouds took over. The more time that ticked by, the darker the day got. By 4 pm, it looked as if the sun had already set. Though, the storm hadn't really started up.
I was covering a freshly baked cake from the morning, so that it'd stay fresh. That's where it all began.
Bizzle stormed in the front door, a few water droplets dripping down his leather jacket from the start of the storm. He walked straight up to the counter and slammed his hands on bar vigorously, "Give me them."
This was not his play game face, but I wasn't playing either. I was letting the anger, the jealousy, get the better of me. "Give you what?" I teased.
He didn't move an inch. His entire body was completely still as he glared at me with fire in his eyes. "The keys, now" He gritted through his teeth. His jaw clenched and his fingers attempted to grip the flat counter.
I decided not to play anymore. He seemed pissed off as could be. I picked the keys from my pocket and dropped them on the table. Bizzle kept his lock on me. Watching me as he snatched them off the counter.
"Don't you ever touch my fucking shit again, got it?" He hollered.
My shoulders folded up, "Got it" I repeated quivering.
"Are you outta your mind? What the hell were you thinking?" He exploded in my face.
I bit my lip. Detaching my mind from any conscious thoughts. "I was thinking . . . I wanted to make you mad. I-I just want you" I covered my mouth after those words slipped.
Bizzle's face relaxed. His brows raised, his jaw fell, "What?" I stuttered for words to find, words to retreat my last comment. Bizzle took my silence as a green light. "Don't do that to me. Don't you do that! A month ago we stood in this exact same spot and you said you didn't want me!" His voice was overpowering. He snarled at me, marching right back out the door without one glance back.
Linda called in at around 6. She announced that I could close the shop for the night. The storm tonight was suppose to be horrid and the city of Memphis sent out a Severe Thunderstorm Warning. Linda wanted me to make it back safe so she allowed me to close a couple hours early before the storm closed in.
I was out of the shop by a bit before 7. The sky was almost black. I glanced at the parking lot after my exit. Then I realized-I had no way to get back. I walked to the sidewalk, checking both ways for any on coming Taxis or busses, but there wasn't one car in sight.
My best bet, and only option, was to start walking. I had ran out of my dorm so fast, I hadn't even grabbed my phone. I contemplated heading back to the shop and taking it as shelter until the storm passed since I was only about 2 blocks down and the rain was growing strong. It started off as a heavy sprinkle but within a few minutes it had begun to pour.
I let out a relieved sigh when I saw Joeys car driving up the road. I knew his run-down, baby blue car like the back of my hand.
Unfortunately, the driver was the last person on earth I wanted to see right now. Take a guess?
"What're you doing?" Bizzle rolled down the window. The rain pellets hit the car, making sharp sounds.
"Walking! What does it look like? Bird brain!" I stomped along the path, feeling rain droplets begin to sprinkle.
"Get in the car Mila" He called, letting the car roll slowly at my speed on the wet street.
"No." I pouted and continued my walking.
"Don't act stupid! Get in the car!" He screamed from the window. His voice echoed from the emptiness of the area. The millions of rain drops hitting the floor made his voice project.
"I said no. Apparently you have a hard time taking no for an answer!"
The rain began to fall even harder. The winds picking up. The car abruptly stopped and Bizzle literally kicked the door open. I continued to stomp through the forming puddles.
Bizzle marched out in front of me, blocking my path.
"Stop being a stubborn little brat and get in the damn car! It's dangerous out here, you're gonna get hurt"
I furrowed my eyebrows in and gave him the death glare, "I've learned that physical pain blocks out emotional pain. Makes you focus on something else. Maybe that's what I need" I pivoted on my feet, only to be spun back around.
"It makes no fucking sense for you to be mad! Last time I checked, you said no to me! Not the other way around!" Droplets fell from his lips, down his chin. The weather was picking up more and more.
My shoulders lifted, "You asked me to sleep with you and FYI my answer is still NO. Not like this. I don't want a fling"
I attempted to march away, he stepped in front of me. "People who are together have sex Mila!" He lectured.
I rolled my eyes, obviously. "Yeah after they get to know one another! They don't just hop in bed and then realize they're met for each other! But that's all you want. That's the only thing that you want." I crossed my arms. Sure of my response.
"No it's not." His voice lowered.
"Then what?" I whined. "I've lost count of how many times I've asked you this unanswered question! What. Do. You. Want. With. Me?"
"I dunno! I just want you." He yelled over my tone.
I rolled my eyes. He made no sense. It was clear what he wanted, he was just trying to justify it somehow. My voice shrunk, "What could you possibly want from me? I couldn't even give you anything special . . . even if we decided on that. So just tell me! Why me? Why are you so consist on me?" I felt a shiver run through me from the cold rain.
"I-I don't know" He sighed. Frustrated, he whipped his hand over his face, "I just know that I want you. Aright, when I asked you to sleep with me it wasn't because the sex. I mean yes it was because the sex, but it was about the sex with you. You specifically. I didn't wanna just roll around with you. I wanted you-I want you." He explained.
His words were jumbled, not set straight in my mind. My lower lip had fallen under the clench of my jaw. I wanted him too. I just couldn't understand why, how, someone could ever want me back unless it was a physical-one night stand-thing. I wasn't feeding into this. "You need to go. Get back in the car and just go" I quivered.
Bizzle straightened his back, his lips shiny as he continued, "I can't explain to you what it is. I can't put it into words. It's been driving me crazy and I couldn't figure it out. Then I realized, it's you. You're driving me crazy."
"Bizzle-"
"And maybe it's weird? And maybe it's scary? And maybe it just seems downright impossible to think that-just to let someone know that you need them. To feel like, in this very moment, if you don't see them or talk to them or touch them in some manner, you'll fall to pieces. And that's how I feel about you Amelia Saxon. I don't know what I want from you. I just know that I want you, I want you to want me. I never believed in love-especially not desperate love or love without a greater gain. But if this, what I'm feeling, if this is love? Than goddammit, I've been in love with you since the day I paint balled your dad's car"
I wasn't sure how I got to the verge of tears but I was there. No. I was past there. I chuckled at Bizzle's final reference from that summer day in Virginia. I wiped away the tear that fell down my cheek.
The rain began to pour down like a shower hose. Covering everywhere, leaving the streets with a foggy glow as it continued to pour.
A bulk in my throat, I managed to squeak, "Then why were you acting like such an ass hole? The teasing? The party? The girls? Why. It makes no sense." I sniffled, wiping away another fallen eye droplet.
Bizzle looked down, shaking his head-rain falling from his head as he did, "You're right, it doesn't make sense. I wanted to hurt you-I wanted to hurt you the way you hurt me, in that coffee shop, last month. I was mad that I couldn't have you. For the first time in my life I felt wounded by rejection." The rain droplets dripped off the edge of his hung down hair. His tone was loud, speaking over the strong rain that was only falling harder with every second that passed.
I exhaled deeply. Really deeply. "I didn't mean to hurt you." I rambled together those words. What more could I say?
The rain was at a thundering
"Me neither. I just wanted to make you jealous enough to want me back . . . and I was wrong" He looked down. I watched the rain fall off the tip of his nose.
I still a little shocked at the whole situation. My mind was running faster then the rain.
Bizzle's entire body had suddenly moved in on mine. He grasped my cheeks and slammed his lips right into mine. He fought to let his tongue in, but I kept my jaw tight. It felt great though. A sensation I never felt before.
You know that spark people always talk about? That was it. There was a spark the first time our skin had ever touched. It just took time for us to piece that together.
Can we please get in the car and finish this!" He shivered from the cold wind, still managing to pull a sexy grin.
I nodded my head, shivering as I climbed into the car and immediately blasted the heaters. I rubbed my hands together and tried to warm them with my breath. Bizzle did the same. Our quick breaths fogged the windows up a bit.
The car heated up, there was only silence. All you could hear was the rain outside, our heavy breathes and the windshield wipers going to work. We were both silent, not moving a muscle, lost in thought as we sat there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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