Rose
Breathless.
Why couldn't I breathe? I felt like my heart was attack me, beating so fiercely that I could feel every single pump. My head was pounding and my lungs were screaming for oxygen.
Oxygen.
Why did I need it so desperately all of a sudden?
I was trapped. My whole body was throbbing and there was an invisible hand over my mouth, stopping me from screaming out. It was him. He was pinning me down, his arms so strong that they could hold me down, kill me.
It was because I escaped. His coarse hands wrapped around my throat, tightening around it as he stopped me from receiving oxygen.
Black started to cover my vision, taking me deeper and deeper into the charcoal abyss.
I was falling further and further until. .
Someone grabbed me, pulling me so powerfully away from the darkness.
Gasping for air, everything came rushing at me. The bright light, the noise, the voices.
I clutched onto the dry clothing, my head so close to exploding. Everything was spinning, I could barely hear anything but abruptly, I started coughing, water splatting on the ground as it left my mouth and I panted, my chest hurting.
"Rose! Rose! Open your eyes, Rose!"
They opened, squinting in the bright light. I was spluttering, coughing so violently that water kept leaving my mouth. A warm hand wiped my eyes and I opened them finally, blinking a few times as they adjusted.
I breathed roughly as at last, my eyes met his. "Cris."
"Rose," he whispered breathlessly, his hands still cupping my face. "Are you okay? What the hell happened?"
I shut my eyes, sighing as I tried to regain my normal breathing pattern. I inhaled and exhaled slowly, trying to compose myself. My eyes were stinging and I felt so sick. My stomach was doing summersaults, knotting in unimaginable ways.
"I'm fine. I just dozed off," I lied, a burning feeling in my chest.
"Rose, don't lie-"
"Please stop," I whispered, my voice so shaky and delicate. I turned my head, moving it away from his hands as I wrapped my arms around myself, covering my body. "Just stop."
My wet hand went to my lips.
A spark erupted in my abdomen as my breathing came more shallow and short. My mind was replaying the scene, over and over and over.
It was all I could think about; his dirty hands, his foul breath, his strong, smelly cologne, his disgusting tongue, his taunting words.
He kept pulling my hand away but I put it back, moving it backwards and towards in a swift motion, over and over.
"Stop, stop it, Rose!" He panicked, gripping my hands. "Rose!"
I froze.
What am I doing?
"I'm not insane," I firmly said, my eyes on the water. "I'm not insane," whispering almost to myself.
"What did he do to you, Rose?" His sympathetic voice asked, so soft and caring. "What did he do?"
I shook my head, holding back the tears as I squeezed my eyes closed.
"Did he ra-"
"No," I retorted quickly, meeting his eyes again. "No. .he. ." I sighed, realising our surroundings. "Can we just leave this bathroom, please? I feel sick."
I got out of the water, unfazed that I was naked and pulled out the plug, letting the water run down the drain.
I took a towel and dried myself swiftly before putting on a gown and going into the bedroom, climbing onto the bed and sitting on my shins, using a small towel to pat down my wet hair.
He came back in, some of his clothes wet. He pulled off his shirt and trousers, my eyes glancing at him before moving to the table where my brush was. I took it and started combing my damp, lengthy hair.
He sat on the bed with trousers on and his eyes gazing at me. "Alejandro did this to you?"
I scoffed, chuckling as my eyes went to Cristiano. "No, he was too busy with a married woman," I bitterly said, remembering all the daunting memories.
"Rose-"
"Why are you even here?" I snapped, glaring at him. My voice was a little hoarse and cracked a little. I coughed once more, my throat burning. "Why don't you just leave me alone?"
He licked his lips, sighing softly. "You need to go back to the hospital or do you want me to get a private doctor?"
I stared at him in confusion. "W-Why? I'm fine."
"You OD, Rose," he seriously said, his eyes gazing sincerely into mine. "You still need to take care of-"
I rolled my eyes and huffed, "I'm fine, now can you get Sapphire?"
"R-"
"Piss off and go get her, okay? I feel fine, there's nothing wrong with me." I stared challengingly into his eyes, giving him a 'I dare you to say something' look. Cris sighed and licked his lips, leaving the bedroom and closing the door behind him.
I sighed, burying my head in my hands and exhaling slowly, trying to compose myself. I didn't realise I had slipped under the water and I didn't even know I was rubbing my lips like that. In fact, everything was a blur and I could barely remember how I even got into the bath.
I bit my lip, forcing myself to get up and change.
By the time I changed into some long sleeved pyjamas and matching leggings bottoms, there was a knock on the door.
"Come in," I said quietly as I combed my hair, staring into the mirror at the girl with bruises covering her face. I didn't look the same anymore - in fact, I didn't even know who I was anymore. I didn't look like Rose. Who was Rose and where had she gone? Who was the girl staring back at me? Meant to be me?
Sapphire ran in and jumped into the bed, a Barbie doll from Cameron in her hands. She played with the doll's hair, her eyes not glancing over at me at all. I licked my lips and looked over to see Cristiano leaning against the door way, his eyes intently on me.
"You can go," I said bitterly, placing my comb away and adding, "we'll be fine." I knew where he was looking: my face, the face filled with scars that were hidden all day with makeup. His eyes were filled with pain - so bad that I had to look away. I felt like crying. I wasn't the sexy, beautiful woman he loved anymore. I was the ugly, scarred woman who hated him.
He nodded slowly, not saying anything further before turning and leaving, closing the door behind him. I exhaled slowly, missing how things used to be. I just wanted to be normal and wished that things didn't have to end so badly. Cris and I could've still been together, I could've still had my family and friends but I didn't. Fate hit us all the way down to rock bottom.
"Hey, Princess," I softly said, wincing as my hip began to hurt again from the old wound that refused to go away. I limped over to the bed, sighing in relief as I sat down. She glanced up at me and handed me the Barbie doll, a small smile on her beautiful face.
I stroked its blonde hair. "She's pretty, but not as pretty as you, Saph." She looked away.
"Should I dress you or do you wanna do it yourself? I've just got my shirt but tomorrow I'll find you some more clothes, okay?"
That's if I can manage to walk around enough tomorrow
Oh, there goes that feeling again
My stomach twisted and churned and I held back from showing any sign of pain, I didn't want to worry her.
She nodded, took the shirt and she dressed herself, I looked away at my phone.
Juliet
I sighed softly at the screen, biting my bottom lip before turning off my phone. When I looked back at Sapphire, she was playing around with the doll, a smile on her face.
"Come on, honey," I softly said, moving the duvet over. We both got under the bed and she played around with the doll. I closed my eyes before my hand went over and switched off the lights.
"Rose?"
"Yeah?"
"C-Can I have a bedtime story?"
My eyes opened and I stared at the wall above me in surprise. I hesitated, thinking of a story at the top of my head before replying, "yeah."
She snuggled up against me and I stroked her soft hair, my arms around her.
"Once upon a time. . ."
~~~
I woke up in the middle of the night.
The room was dark. The curtains are drawn hiding the orange glow of the streetlights illuminating the street outside. My eyes flickered over at the digital clock at the side of my bed, the numbers 0528 glowing in a bright green. I sighed wearily.
My eyes moved down and there she was, snoozing soundly beside me. She was comfortably snuggled up beside me, peacefully sleeping which warmed my heart. I stroked her hair softly, wishing I could rest as calmly as her.
Unable to sleep, I sat upright on my bed, my legs outstretched and covered with my warm duvet.
My stomach was killing even more than ever. Gradually, the pain worsened and I slipped out of bed, my bones aching with pain.
I took a step forwards and automatically dropped to the ground. There was a tightness in my throat. I needed oxygen. My lungs clenched up and I was still on the ground, dizzy and confused.
I was breathing heavily - too heavily as my breaths came out shallow and short. I clutched onto the side of the bed, groaning deeply in pain as my other hand gripped onto my stomach, my eyes squeezing shut in horrendous pain.
I slumped onto the ground, my body shaking uncontrollably and warming up way too quickly but my fingers felt cold. Why was I cold and hot at the same time?
My brain was all over the place; Pounding, throbbing like toothache, migraine, excruciating, debilitating, soaring.
The room was dark.
Too dark.
The pain worsened.
My stomach lurched, adrenaline pumped and I wanted to scream to let out all the pain that had been building inside me for so long. I wanted to scream so loud it becomes not a cry of pain but freedom.
I need help
I need help
I need help
My hands moved slowly and before I knew it, they were on the ground. I wheezed, my vision blurring as I pushed my hands against the wood of the ground, hesitating before grunting as I managed to drag my body upwards and I stood, swaying from side to side as I began to stumble.
I stumbled to the corner of the room, and with each step my stomach tightened and ached even more. I groaned again, desperate that time. I kept swallowing, and my throat kept clenching, but no matter what I could not stop the warm feeling rising through my chest. Then I could taste it at the back of my mouth.
I managed to run to the bathroom and buckled over. A warm, clouded, cream coloured liquid spilled from my mouth, and sizzled as it splashed into the toilet.
Then I felt better.
Instantly better.
I sighed, flushing the toilet and groaning, cleaning up. I then moved over to the sink and began brushing my teeth.
When I stepped back into the bathroom, I felt dizzy again. At the sight of the bed, I felt sick. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep.
I ran my hand through my hair before going to the bed. I gazed at Saph, still sleeping quietly. I covered her body properly with the blanket and planted a small kiss on her forehead.
Then I turned and began walking to the door.
Going downstairs, the house was silent. My eyes landed upon Cristiano who was under the duvet on the couch, snoozing.
I bit my lip and paused, staring at him from a distance.
Why do I still love you?
I walked on, going into the kitchen and opening the cupboard that I had been held away from for so long.
The drug cupboard.
All the guys thought I didn't know about the drug cupboard until the day that Gage got beaten up. I always knew what was in there but never really went into it. Cristiano had told me (when we were together) that eventually, he would clean it out however I knew he kept procrastinating it. Although none of the guys no longer did drugs, it was still there.
When I opened the cupboard, I was glad to see the drugs were still there.
A sigh of relief had entered my body and I grabbed the box, placing it in the island. I then opened it, my eyes scanning over each one.
I took out a packet and stared at it.
What I had been craving for so long.
"What are you doing?"
Holy mother of sweet cakes!
I flinched too violently and the packer dropped to the ground, my hands still shaking. I groaned, running my hand through my hair.
"You scared me," I said, my eyes moving upwards and meeting a pair of hazel ones. He turned on the lights and I winced, blinking a few times at the sudden brightness. Then my head started thumping.
"Are you stupid? You just overdosed - oh my God." His eyes studied my face and he shook his head, his eyes filled with disappointment and distraught. "You're addicted. . .aren't you?"
I scoffed, "I'm not addicted. Don't be stupid. It's none of your damn business anyway. Go back to sleep."
"You're shaking, Rose! There's sweat practically dripping down you!"
"I'm fine," I bluntly said, picking up the packet and wiping my damp forehead with the back of my hand. I looked down at it and indeed, my hand was wet from sweat.
"Hand it over. I should've binned this ages ago."
I rolled my eyes and emptied the packet onto the counter, going into the drawer to find a small blade or card.
"Rose, I'm not playing with you," he seriously snapped, his eyes filled with anger. "Give it to me."
I ignored him and took out an old bank card, beginning to form the powder into lines.
Then suddenly, my bruised wrist was grabbed and I gasped, wincing in pain. "Ow! Get off me!" I yanked my arm away and glared hard at him, my body shaking so badly that I dropped the card, weakening.
His hazel eyes darkened in sadness. "Baby, what are you doing to yourself?" He whispered softly. "Stop trying to kill yourself-"
"I'm not!" I exclaimed, my eyes shooting daggers at him. I scoffed, licking my lips and saying, "you know, the only good thing Stefano gave me was drugs. The best feeling is being high and forgetting everything else. Fuck off. I'm taking this whether you like it or not."
Then he grabbed a cloth and wiped the substance away, turning on the tap and swiftly taking the rest of the packets and emptying them all out so they dissolved down the drain. I stared at him in horror. My jaw dropping as I stared down at the sink, my heart aching.
When he finished, I deadly glared at him.
"Oh, you bastard!"
I lunged for him and the fight begun.
I tried to fight him, throwing punches and screaming at him in anger, all of my pain thrown at him.
I hit him, attacking him like an animal as he defended himself by trying to talk to me, pushing me away.
We woke everyone up.
Gage, Jordan and Dax came down and I had to be pinned to the ground, my legs and arms pressed against the cold floor.
I was sobbing and shouting, my mind going bust. All I wanted was the drugs. I begged them for it and no one replied. They all held me down, waiting for me to calm down.
It must've have been half an hour where I laid there, unstable and angry.
The only person who stopped me was the young girl.
She stood in the crack of the door way, awoken by my noise.
Her bright, sapphire eyes gazed at me, filled with tears as her bottom lip quivered. My body automatically relaxed and slumped against the floor. Our eyes locked and I immediately stopped, realising what the hell I was doing. I didn't even realise I was yelling - I didn't realise how badly my body craved the drugs.
I was ill. Seriously ill and after the overdose, I realised that I still needed help.
Tears ran down my cheeks and I softened in the guys' hold. She ran off and I closed my eyes, my head head against the floor.
"I'm so sorry."
So there I was, sat on the sofa watching Venelope wind up Ralph.
My fingers rummaged around in the packet, taking a few crisps out and placing them in my mouth. I sighed, chewing quietly as my eyes stared into the screen.
I had a hoodie on with some grey trousers and thick socks that went up to my knees under my clothes.
"Rose?"
My head snapped to the sound of the young voice, meeting the pair of dark, blue eyes.
My face softened and I gently said, "hi, Princess. . .come in. .don't be scared."
She hesitated at the doorway before slowly walking over to me nervously. My hands went out and I managed to lift her up, sitting her onto my lap. I cuddled her and we shared my crisps.
After some time, I looked down at her and sighed. "I'm so sorry, Saph that you had to see me like that. I-"
"My name is Blaze."
"Blaze?" I softly repeated, my eyes widening as I started at her in shock. She finally told me!
She nodded, taking some more crisps and munching on them. She gazed at the screen and added, "middle name Sa-Sap-"
"Sapphire," I softly finished, my eyes gazing at her in wonder. She nodded, her bright eyes flickering over to mine before staring at the screen again, watching Venelope race.
"Blaze is a beautiful name," I gently told her before licking my lips and cautiously asking, "baby, what about your parents? Who's coming for you?"
Then she stopped and no response came from her.
Great.
I pushed too far.
But I need to know
"Blaze," I said, biting my bottom lip before continuing, "sweetheart, I need to know who your parents are. You trust me, don't you, honey? So please, tell me who's your mommy and daddy so we can get you home safe. They must be so worried about you."
A small sigh came from her. Then she met my eyes. She hesitated before finally answering the question I had been aching to know for so long.
"Daddy coming for me. He called Leo and mum is called M-Maria. Rossi."
"Rossi?" I repeated, my eyes widening.
No
Freaking
Way
It can't be possible that-
"Holy-" I heard a familiar deep voice. My head turned and I met the pair of hazel eyes.
Cristiano sighed, his face automatically changing. He ran his hand through his hair and shook his head, biting his bottom lip hard. His shocked eyes moved over to Blaze.
"Leonardo Rossi is my brother. She must be my niece."
_________
Leo!
~Someone else who is important is coming for Christmas~
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