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It was getting pretty late and by the time the two arrived at the boy's home, their surroundings were hiding in the darkness, only snow everywhere, flying and acting as the air around them. The house itself looked nice during the day but now it resembled every other house on the street. Except that the light inside was still on.
"Huh? Looks like they aren't sleeping yet." Taeil furrowed his eyebrows.
"Let's go then."
Taeil still wasn't sure if what they were doing was right. Sure it was nice to visit their friend but the uneasy feeling of something bad happening to the mute boy was still there. Was it even a good idea? Does Doyoung want them there? these were questions that were eating up him like bugs, piece after piece. He noticed the other boy's look and immediately understood he wasn't the only one worrying. But he chose to ignore it instead and focus on the road.
The path leading to the house was fully covered in the snow as if no foot stepped inside in weeks. But they soon noticed slight steps from doors to the car that was parked outside - black SUV, now painted white because of the snow. Did Mrs Kim stay at home as well? Taeil thought while they made way towards the entrance. Suddenly the outside light switched on as the sensors noticed the two figures, scaring them for a second.
"I knock, you speak."
"That's childish Johnny."
"I know." He grinned.
Taeil heaved a sigh and held himself before rolling his eyes. Johnny is really a kid. The smaller boy took a step forward and knocked twice. Both of them shared a look, a nervous one and turned their heads in expectancy at the door. Soon, after a few seconds, they could see through the small window next to the doors a moving shadow and they didn't get to process what was happening because the big wooden door suddenly opened.
"Oh hey, boys." Doyoung's mom gave them a smile, as they noticed, a tired one. Black silk robe hung on her thin figure perfectly and her bare face looked healthy and pretty even in the night. For a woman in her age, she looked fresh and young.
"Good evening, we hope we're not disturbing anything, but we wanted to check on Doyoung since he hasn't been answering our texts last two weeks. We got worried because he was just ill the last time I was with him." Taeil met her eyes and she nodded, brushing her bangs off her face while tired sigh left her mouth.
"You must be freezing there, come inside."
She took a step back and opened the doors wider for them. They sheepishly came inside, Taeil recognising his surroundings, whereas Johnny, due to his first time being there, observed the house with his chin hanging open.
"Close your mouth or fly flies in it." Doyoung's mom joked while she took their coats and put them away alongside with their shoes, wet from the melting snow.
She then went to the living room and sat on a couch, where she has been, Taeil supposed, until they knocked. It looked like she was just drinking a glass of wine and reading some book and Taeil could see so much of Doyoung in her. He didn't know if he drank wine though.
And definitely didn't know that he couldn't touch anything of red colour.
"Sit down and make yourself at home." Mrs Kim turned to the two standing at the right side of the black leather couch and motioned to them to sit down.
Taeil took a breath. "What's been happening with Doyoung?"
As soon as he said that, the woman shifted uncomfortably. She closed her eyes for a while, thinking about what kind of answer to give them – truth to be told, she didn't know herself. She lightly massaged her temples before sighing and taking the stem of the glass in her slim fingers, sipping off her wine. That didn't ease the atmosphere at all. Johnny silently sat there, feeling out of place like he always does with Taeil and Doyoung. Yes, he has met Doyoung's mom before when she picked up his friend couple of times but he didn't feel that close to her son like Taeil and he hasn't been in his house before in the first place. Like he was someone who didn't belong there. This thought however changed when Taeil put his hand on his knee as if he tensed his best friend's uneasiness.
"Things–" Mrs Kim suddenly said. "Things has been kind of hard lately. But you don't even know how it makes me happy that you're here, caring about my son. I think Doyoung could have a little visit from his friends, it could make him feel better." She took another sip. "However I have to warn you, I don't know how he's going to react. He doesn't have a problem with me it's just—I can't even tell myself."
Mrs Kim put the glass on the glass table in front of the couch, making unpleasant sound and stood up. That surprised the boys who looked up at her. She sighed, again.
"Follow me."
Mrs Kim then headed to the stairs and the two exchanged scared looks. What was happening? Taeil expected him to have a cold or perhaps heat or some kind of illness but this sounded serious, much more serious. For now, he shook it off and simply walked up to the stairs, but the feeling stayed with him the whole time.
To his surprise, Taeil still remembered the hall to the very detail, it wasn't that hard anyway as there weren't any family photos hanging on the walls, only long hall with few doors opposite each other and one facing them at the end. Taeil knew it was the bathroom so he wasn't confused as Johnny was while they walked towards the doors close to the end of the hall.
"Boys please don't get mad at him if—"
"Don't worry, Mrs Kim. We understand." They both gave her a smile. Taeil had to hold himself before spilling out about the car crash. But he will surely ask her later, it's important, he felt like it was so he wasn't that scared to ask.
The doors creaked after Mrs Kim carefully opened them and Taeil immediately noticed the dim light spreading across the room. Doyoung wasn't sleeping or at least not in the darkness. Johnny, who was behind him, gasped in surprise. In Taeil's eyes, Doyoung's room hasn't changed at all, or maybe he didn't notice any difference under the small light coming from the lamp on the boy's table. His mom walked up to her son's bed and just then Taeil saw Doyoung. His heart skipped a beat.
He was there alive, breathing like every other human yet not looking nice. Bandaged left hand and small scratches on his face were illuminated by the lamp, making Taeil gasp. The two knew they weren't supposed to see him until Mrs Kim calls them in but their eyes couldn't help and stare at their friend. Taeil felt his heart beating, eyes tearing up and Johnny didn't felt easy about the situation either.
"Boys, come in." Mrs Kim then stepped back, gave them encouraging smile and left the room after closing the door quietly.
"D-Doyoung." Taeil choked on his breath. He was really sensitive and easy to cry so it wasn't surprising to Johnny. However, it shocked the boy lying on the bed.
"Hey." The taller boy greeted him, taking a few steps forward. Doyoung sighed and sat on his bed, tapping on his bedsheets as if he was straightening it for the boys to sit at. Taeil tried not to smile at the action but failed.
The three were now sitting in a circle, not knowing what to say. Taeil was brushing off the tears with his sleeves, Doyoung quietly watching him and wondering why was the boy even crying. After a few minutes, Johnny started talking about everything Doyoung has missed, every drama and gossip that has been going around the school halls and during that, the boy stood up and went over his table. While making his way back, he switched on the big light, blinding all of them, and sat on the bed with a notebook in his hands. Taeil widened his eyes in surprise, so did Johnny. Although Doyoung used that way to speak, he preferred not to speak at all, or just give them small reactions and they had to guess. Taeil was really empathic so he didn't have problems, plus he kind of knew the boy already.
Doyoung opened the book, quickly writing something before turning it to his friends. Any questions? the writing said and both of them had to admit that his writing was still good even after he went through—whatever he went through. And that's what Taeil wanted to ask but suddenly got scared about. Luckily, Johnny was there to save the day.
"What happened two weeks ago? We were ready to see you in school. Even Yuta got worried although he's not here."
Taeil clicked his tongue. "Yeah looking for a gift for a friend."
"A—frieend." Both of them said in unison with mocking voices, slowly turning their heads at each other in a funny way. Doyoung watched it all, not knowing what to do as he bit his lip before his mouth could change its shape.
Change its shape?– Doyoung knitted his brows in confusion. Did he just mean a smile? Oh, how strange it suddenly sounded to him although he was all smiles just a year ago. Smile, a simple smile. Neither of the two noticed it so he shook it off just as they turned back at him.
He stared at them, at Johnny, at Taeil, at Johnny, at Taeil– and then at his hands where his eyes travelled to the notebook. He was supposed to answer.
Weirdo, he mentally shook his head.
Doyoung thought for a while, deciding what to write and what not to write. But he felt insecure, although he liked Johnny, he just didn't trust him enough. He looked up, biting his lip and his eyes met Johnny's. The taller understood it immediately, slight pain stroking in his chest as he faked a gasp.
"Oh um, I have to use the toilet. Is it that room right next to this one?" The taller suddenly stood up. Doyoung nodded and Johnny quickly thanked, smiling shyly and before Taeil could utter a word, he left. He didn't miss Doyoung's thankful glance though, and at that moment Johnny could imagine his smile, although he has never done in front of them. That made him feel less sad.
Taeil turned back to Doyoung who was already staring at his notebook, playing with the pen held by his slim fingers. He understood the situation too late.
"Doyoung."
Said boy looked up.
"You know you can tell us anything, me and Johnny, right? Even Yuta. We won't judge you, we would never." Taeil softly said. Doyoung nodded, feeling slightly embarrassed and looked back at the notebook. The paper sheet was something that connected them, it was their way of communicating yet Doyoung felt at loss of words.
He took a breath and started moving his pen. But rather than writing, it looked like he was drawing.
Taeil's eyes were on Doyoung's hands moving across the notebook, doing lines and circles, dancing on the smooth paper while creating a picture. He didn't see what exactly it was as the boy has turned the notebook only to himself, but that made Taeil only more interested. He wondered what was Johnny doing so long on the toilet, but before he could text him, he felt a slight tug on his sleeve, making him look up. Doyoung was already staring at him, the notebook on his lap showing its content to the older.
Taeil tilted his head just as Johnny returned back.
"Johnny." He looked at him with a shocked face.
"Hm?" The boy hummed as he approached them. He seemed intrigued, not until he got closer and found out what has Doyoung wrote. Or drew.
Johnny furrowed his eyebrows immediately. "Isn't that–"
"–the club we went to, yes," Taeil said with a hint of surprise. They both glanced over Doyoung who was nervously playing with his pen.
If that was supposed to help them understand the situation, it only made them more confused. Taeil was about to ask Doyoung but he stopped himself. Something told him, besides Johnny's head softly shaking, that it wasn't the right moment to ask.
Did Doyoung saw them there? He couldn't as he went to his grandma's that day. Perhaps he went there another day, maybe after them. But that didn't explain his cuts and bandaged hand.
"You got your bruises there?" Taeil softly asked, taking Doyoung's wounded hand into his own. The boy winced a bit but didn't pull away. He had no idea why he let Taeil observe his hand, sure it didn't hurt that much anymore, but his gentle touches sent shivers down his spine.
He slowly shook his head.
Two friends still wore a confused face. Taeil continued on holding his fragile hand, unaware of him doing small circles while squeezing it lightly because he was getting nervous more and more. Johnny sighed quietly, not knowing what to say next.
"Do you want to talk about it?" The oldest said as his eyes met Doyoung's. Johnny could see the mute boy was trying to tell them something but at the same time kept quiet. Not quiet as quiet since he couldn't speak, it was obvious he was hesitating. Suddenly he stood up, pulling his hand out of the hold and walked over his big bookshelf which was covering half of the wall opposite his bed. He took out a book, old-looking yet new as if nobody has touched it in years.
Doyoung browsed through in fast motion, looking for an exact page while he was sitting down on the bed and facing the boys.
It was a short story, or rather longer thought as Taeil started reading silently, Johnny right next to him. The depth of the sea, the title read.
❝To understand the life of the sea we would have to travel long distances and depths, often too dangerous for a simple human; we weren't given the power to see the most hidden secrets and mysteries of the underwater life and its habitats.
To understand human's brain we don't have to, and actually, we can't travel long distances to understand the person. Sea knows what it's hiding but human himself doesn't. We often don't know what our brain holds and carries and what our brain finds better to keep under the lock.
Simple memory stores pictures of people we have seen, animals we have touched, situations we have felt, the music we have heard or spices we have smelt. Dreams recollect the recent memories and mess them up – for us maybe but in its own system it's, again, storing and tidying up.
What role do nightmares have in the cycle then?
They are just like every regular dream except they aren't really regular themselves. In simple psychology, the explaining would be the change of the mood. Stress, anxiety, depression, that's most likely the point when they start to appear. Dreams reflect our mood, our state and feelings.
Dreams are just our reflections.
And nightmares are reflections of our demons hidden inside us, inside our brain which don't want us to see them. Nightmares are like the deepest place of the sea where no foot ever stepped and which no human ever got to see. It's too dangerous for them anyway.
Nightmares know their own place and depth. We don't.❞
Taeil slowly looked up at the boy who was observing them the whole time. Doyoung knew what's there, of course, he has read that book for too many times.
"Doyoung? Are you suffering from nightmares?" Taeil stopped hesitating the second he finished the text and went straight to the point. Doyoung, however, took his time before answering with a slight nod. He locked his eyes with his lap.
Johnny sat there the whole time, even more confused than he was an hour ago. There's something they are missing out, or maybe it's only him. He felt out of the place once again.
"When did it started? Was it that night I slept over?" At that Johnny furrowed his eyebrows and turned to the oldest boy.
"Wait he had a nightmare and you were here?"
Taeil widened his eyes and Doyoung looked up. They shared long stare with Taeil asking the mute if it's alright to tell Johnny the truth. He wasn't sure about it, although he said all of them could be trusted, he understood if Doyoung wanted him to keep it to himself only. Yet the mute gave him soft nod instead, motioning to him to continue.
"Yes. And he was pretty scared of something. It seemed really bad and if it's still happening," Taeil glanced at Doyoung with a really worried look. "I can't imagine what he's going through."
Doyoung was staring at his hands the whole time, feeling too embarrassed to meet their eyes. He felt pathetic, like a burden to all of them and at that moment in his room he wished they never got close to this point because he didn't want them to be part of any of it. It's his responsibility only, the nightmares and demons he has to deal with and no way he would ever ask them for help.
Yet Taeil smiled at him, holding his hand once again– being the sweetest person as he is and giving Doyoung the light he thought he already had lost. He didn't deserve them yet they wanted him to feel like he did. His heart melted and ached at the same time.
"Okay but that still doesn't explain the bruises." Johnny bit his lip as he wasn't sure if he just didn't cross the line with his curiosity. Luckily, Doyoung didn't seem to get mad at him as he stretched out for his notebook once again and started moving his pen, this time writing.
I guess I got too terrified and fell off my bed, it said and Johnny gasped. Doyoung put his hand at the edge of the night table next to his bed, showing them how it roughly happened. He then pointed out at the tip of the wooden desk and his bruise under his left eye. Taeil wore really worried look again and Johnny hissed as he imagined the pain he had to feel.
"That sure hurt a lot." He said and Taeil agreed with a slight pout on his face.
Doyoung only shrugged but the oldest boy still could see his face being in slight pain.
None of them realised that it was getting pretty late so when Mrs Kim came to tell them that Doyoung should rest, both of the boys got confused for a second.
"It's been already an hour? Geez, I gotta blast because I need to be at home before nine, otherwise my mum would kill me." Johnny whined a little because, in all honesty, he didn't want to leave the warmth of Doyoung's bedroom. He felt nice there, although the house seemed rather modern and rich, the truth was that it was really cosy and nice inside. Nevertheless, both of them stood up, giving the last smile and words to their friend.
"Goodnight Doyoung, see you soon." The tallest smiled friendly and went out of the room to get his things. Taeil was about to follow him but he turned around for the last time, getting the attention of the boy sitting on the bed.
"Goodnight Doyo." He grinned at the nickname he just made and sent the boy heart fingers in a playful way.
He then quickly ran after Johnny into the front hall where they bid their goodbyes to Mrs Kim as well and went outside, being swallowed up by the darkness of the outside world. Unfortunately, he didn't get to see something small, really small and almost unnoticeable– yet so important.
Doyoung smiled for the first time since he has become mute.
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How are we doing? 😌
Ye I was about to update much sooner but got stuck literally at that thing with nightmares so I left you hanging for two weeks because of that..
But I hope this 3.4K long chapter
makes up for it 🙏🏻💕