My dreams are no longer of Earth's battlefields. The VRAPs, the Invaders, the people melted to bubbling puddles of human guts, the ceiling caving in on us — none of it.
The only image I see when I close my eyes is my son, curled into himself, his hand in his mouth, floating in the tank of orange liquid. In my dream, he stares at me with pale green eyes as the bull rushes him away. I'm strapped to the table still, tentacles squirming over my body. Attached to nothing, they slither up and down, knotting themselves tighter around me until I suffocate. They compress my throat until my neck snaps and I wake up again in Knuckles' arms or Coodi's.
When I startle awake this time, I'm leaning against Coodi, her arms wrapped tight around my shoulders as I lean back into her chest. We're so close in size, her being more slight and graceful than my bulky brawn, but she has so much more warmth. She whispers soothing words into my ear like I'm some spooked animal in a confined space.
"Shhhh... it's okay. It's okay. I've got you. We're here. We're here."
Knuckles perks a few feet away. He watches me as I melt into a calmer state. Once I fully relax into my friend, he nods once and returns to picking the skin around his nails.
I survey our surroundings.
The people haven't changed. We've been in this box, this room, whatever it is, for hours. Days, maybe. But so far, everyone is still here.
Except for my son.
I need to get up and find him. I struggle in Coodi's grasp for a fruitless second before slumping back again.
Not yet. I can't. Inside my head, I scream with frustration at my limp body that won't listen.
A few more hours pass and I drift in and out of sleep.
Moyra appears. She smiles down at us. A flicker of something suspicious appears and dissolves between her and Coodi before I have time to analyze it.
"How you feeling, Neeks?" Her gaze flits to the woman behind me.
I know that look. I'll tuck this discovery away for later. "Never better."
She smiles brighter, her bald head now matching the multitude of shiny domes in our herd. "I knew you always envied my style. Stealing my jacket and now my 'do? Why couldn't you admit you admired me so much before?"
I run a hand over my head. I never thought about the state of my own hair in all this. My fingers brush over slick skin and what feels like sutures holding together freshly split scalp.
"Don't touch it," Knuckles scolds from a few feet away.
"What happened here?" I ask, prodding at the skin around it. I wince as I touch a particularly sensitive bit on my forehead. The last image of the room with the tentacles snaps to the front of my vision. I must be shuddering because suddenly, Coodi is attempting to scoop me further into her body.
Moyra drops to crouch in front of me. She takes my hand off its exploratory track across my forehead and clasps it in hers. She places her other hand on my cheek. "I wasn't there for you, Sister. I wasn't there for you before, but I'm here now. We're going to get your baby back and we're going to make the bastards pay. I promise. I'm going to find my nephew."
Moyra's face blurs as she presses her hand deeper into my cheek.
"It's the only reason I became a Reaper in the first place — to protect my family."
I raise my shaky arm and cup her cheek. "I should have trusted you."
"Nah. I would have been suspicious if you did."
The solidification of our sisterhood is interrupted by Grant's presence. "Commander Lorn. Warrant Officer Coodi. Major White," he says, holding back his salute, "I have a report."
He kneels down to face me and Coodi on even levels. As soon as he seats himself, I notice the other VIPERs in my blurry peripherals. They're corralling the civilians into a circle around us. Some stand, some crouch down. They create a protective wall around me, Coodi, Grant, and Moyra. It's the first time I realize that Birgar is nowhere to be seen.
I am the sole commander of ARC10. I sit up from off Coodi's chest and fight the wave of dizziness. "Go ahead."
"Eighteen hostiles have been standing guard for days now. They don't move except sway back and forth a little bit. Because of this, there's no perceivable opening yet. While we outnumber them, they outweigh us. And they're armed."
I wince as I sit up farther.
Grant continues. "They are the bulk, not the brain. That's for sure."
"Good work, Grant." I feel better already. "Any other weaknesses?"
"They don't move their arms unless it's to lift their weapons. When they talk, they sway back and forth like their brains are shut off." He peers off to the side.
"What?" I prod. "What's wrong?"
"What gives me the jeebies is something Norbit brought up."
I detach myself completely from Coodi. Moyra moves closer to my arm, probably to catch me if I fall forward or tip too far to one side. I'm fine. I'm raging. My body obeys my fire. "Go on."
"The cows didn't kill us. Not on purpose. We took down nearly twenty of their kind but they didn't want to hurt a single one of us. Only a few, Birgar included, got caught in the crossfire. Why is that? Why are we dressed like this? Why are we all clean and shaved up?"
I don't like where this line of thinking is going.
"He's right." Knuckles says from his crouched place in the surrounding circle. "We're being prepared. Like meat for market."
"Don't panic," I say, eyeing the civilians in close proximity. "We don't know anything for sure, so let's not start jumping to conclusions."
Moyra beams at me. "Janika Lorn calmly considers the options rather than wildly throwing herself into speculative fervor?" She turns to Knuckles. "You might want to check her head again."
Knuckles plods over to me. "She truly does have brain damage, you idiot. She's going to be as useful as a smashed tomato if she doesn't start watching where she flings her damn skull." He kneels and grabs my face, holding my chin up while raising his index finger. "Follow the finger."
My eyes dart back and forth in pursuit of his test. "Your turn," I say and hold up my middle finger. "Follow this one."
He backs up. "It seems your charm has made it through the ordeal unscathed."
"How should we proceed, Commander?" Grant prepares to stand.
"See if you can discover who the bulls report to. Keep searching for more weakness. Where they keep their racks. How to use their weapons. What vehicles are close by." I pull myself out of Coodi and Knuckles' reach and sit on my own in the middle of the circle the bodies of civs have made for us. I sit up straight on my own and immediately, a wave of dizziness slams me. "Have a few more try to understand this contraption they've got us in. It looks like an enormous glass box, but I can't imagine they'd really keep us in something so fragile. Have someone test it."
"Aye-aye, Commander."
Coodi, Knuckles, and Moyra watch me as if I were a time-bomb on its last few seconds — like I'm ready to explode into a million pieces. I don't want to be taken care of. I'm done with being fragile.
Our human fort disperses. From my low position on the ground, I try to peer between the legs that block my view. Once they've cleared and I've poked a few to get them moving faster, I turn over to crawl to the glass walls and take a look at our surroundings for the first time.
I have to close my eyes tight and open them again three more times. There's no way to fully believe what I'm seeing.
The sky. It's nothing but stars. Stationary lights create a warm glow around the bulls as they amble about or sway with their arms dead at their sides. Above the layer of lights is abysmal darkness punctured with glittering stars. They're more multitudinous than the clearest winter nights Topside. I can't help it when my jaw drops and my breath fogs the glass against my cheek. I'm consumed with the need to be outside. The box is stuffier than before. I need the chill of the night wind — the race with the road below my tires.
Homesickness hits hard. Things were so simple. This open sky reminds me of those peaceful Topside nights and of quiet perimeter checks with Dean. I'm overcome with frustration.
I'm glad the only one here to see this is my own reflection against the foggy, tear-smeared surface.
Two bulls look over their shoulders at me. I glare as hard as I can. They face forward again and continue their synchronized sway.
"You're dead," I say to them. "You're fucking steaks by the time I'm done with you."
I glare daggers into their backs when a flicker of blue dances in and out of my peripherals.
The bulls in that area surround something small, something little and brightly lit from within its suit. There's no way to see beyond the shaggy bulk of our captors, so I wait. The blue creature remains in the middle, gesticulating as the bulls sway back and forth around it.
Then they clear. My jaw drops. I know this creature.
Small, blue, bi-pedal, enormous brain, fitted mask for carbon breathing.
A Meltronian.
I stare at it. It catches my gaze. I don't look away.
It spins on tiny feet and stomps off.
Moyra approaches and drops to my level, resting on her haunches.
"Meltronians," I say, pointing at the creature as it disappears around a corner. "Meltronians are running the show."
Moyra peers out the glass, her hands shielding her view from the glare. "You think that means ARC-Four is here too?"
"I haven't seen ARC-Four. Have you?"
She shakes her head.
Moyra speaks into the glass. "The Meltronians are part of the Alliance. What benefit is there to betray us?"
I don't want to think about that. Not yet. "Everyone aboard ARC-Four may have already gone through this processing. Hopefully, Kamalani and Cambell have their shit together. We need to focus on us. Once we're out of this disaster, we can focus on figuring out theirs."
We peer at the alien world together.
"Look at that night sky," Moyra says.
"I can't look away."
We watch in silence for stretched minutes. The need to apologize bubbles out of my chest before I can contain it.
"I'm sorry I didn't have your back."
She doesn't move or acknowledge she's heard me.
I squirm, desperate to get this sick feeling off my chest. "You know. On ARC10. In the battle for the marketplace and before." I shift to get a better view of the stars on my left.
"You were protecting our family. I would have done the same. Still do it if it comes to it." She nudges my shoulder with hers. "Are you actually ready to fight? 'Cause you're as blue as a ripe corpse, Sister."
"You think you're the only one who can play dead convincingly?"
She grins in the slinky way she used to when she caught me mid-joke.
I huff out my own sardonic half-laugh. "Don't worry about me."
"I always worry about you." She stands.
"Well don't."
When she retreats to her silence again, I realize I may have snapped a little too hard. We're getting back to our rhythm again. I need her on my side if I'm going to find my son.
"I don't need your pity or your worry. Use it for something better, like how you're going to get through this without putting your tongue down Coodi's throat every second you're together."
Moyra whips her head around to stare at me, horrified. "Am I that obvious?"
"You both make me sick." Since when did I start sounding so much like my father? "But thinking back on all the times I saw you two together, she's almost as bad as you are."
I think Moyra will return with some snarky quip, but she chuckles and leans against the glass. "Payback's a bitch, huh? This is for how gross you and Dean used to be around each other. I was just a kid. I never should have had to be subjected to such things."
"What are you talking about? We were just friends."
She returns to gaze at the stars. "Yep. Sure. Just friends."
My blood must be flowing in the right veins again because I can feel a flush creep across my neck. Slowly, I pull myself up to stand next to her. "What are you talking about?"
"I forget how dense you are. He was obsessed with you. Always has been and I'm sure, if he's still the Dean I remember, he always will be. The way he followed you, stood next to you, his body always just slightly turned toward yours. It was sickening. I wanted to vomit for, like, half my adolescence."
"That was just him."
"Oh no. You were just as bad, Neeks. Worse."
"And how was I worse?" The heat travels to my cheeks.
"The teasing. All the teasing. Your words, the way you'd touch him, hang around him, walk around him. The way you'd lean against him. This? This thing with me and Orra? We're like, not nearly as disgusting as what I had to endure with you and Freyer. So if you don't like it, too bad." Her smile is so bright, I have to shield my eyes.
Thinking about my sister finding someone who makes her feel the way I do when in my moments of euphoric peace with Dean, I can't stop the grin as it cracks across my face.
Moyra smooths down the strange white fabric of her smock. "S'cuse me, Sister." She shoves herself between the civilians until she pulls Coodi from her spot next to Umpire. Grabbing Coodi's slender shoulders and whipping her around to face her, my sister grabs my second-in-command's face and plants a kiss on her lips. Coodi's eyes widen in shock.
"Oh damn, Coodi!" Umpire's booming laugh startles everyone around.
For one single second, Coodi remains rigid. She succumbs to the kiss, melts into it and wraps her arms around Moyra's neck. They fall into their embrace, hands on cheeks, necks, and waists. When Moyra pulls away, Coodi's half-lidded expression reminds me of what it feels like to be released from a great dream.
"Commander!" Love screams from my left.
I stumble forward to meet him in the throng of people.
Knuckles is at my side to keep me steady. "This is a terrible fucking idea, Lorn. You should not be standing yet."
I wave him off.
Love squeezes through the crowd until he pops out in front of me. His freckles are more pronounced than ever as they cover the curve of his scalp. Avant trails behind. Or is it Norbit? Without their hair and with the shapelessness of their new uniform, they become indistinguishable.
"They're coming."