Chapter 3
Mama Normillah stared at me, scrutinizing, before she opened her mouth and speak in a low voice.
"You want to go out at night, Parvana?" pag-uulit niya sa kahilingan ko kanina.
I swallowed and shyly nodded my head. "B-But... But I understand if it's not okay, Mama Normillah..."
Binitawan ni Mama Normillah ang hawak niyang sandok at nilapitan ako. Naupo siya sabay hawak sa aking mga kamay, dahilan kung bakit nagpatianod ako sa kaniya.
"Why do you want to go out, Parvana?" she asked softly. "You've never asked for this before..."
I bit my lower lips, feeling guilty all of a sudden. Closing my eyes, I silently asked for forgiveness from Allah for being such a disobedient daughter.
"My friends..."
"Your friends?" a ghost of smile appeared on her lips. Somehow, it helped to ease the erratic beating of my heart.
"Yes, Mama Normillah. I want to watch my friends perform tonight."
"Oh?"
"They're a band." Nagkamot ako ng ulo at nahihiya ulit siyang tiningnan. "Though, I still don't know what their band is called."
Ngumiti si Mama Normillah sa sinabi ko. "My little girl is really growing up."
"I know Baba will get mad..." sa mahinang boses kong sinabi. I swallowed. "I-I... I just want to give it a try. I've never been to a café before and I want to watch them perform. They're really great at what they do. I mean... music."
Mama Normillah nodded her head. "I understand, Parvana. But if you go, we must keep it a secret from your Baba."
Kumislap ang mga mata ko sa sinabi niya. Ang bata kong puso ay nagbunyi. "Really?"
"Yes, Parvana. I'll cover for you tonight, but make sure that you go home before 10 pm, alright? We don't want your Baba to find out that you've sneaked out of the house."
"Yes, Mama Normillah."
"And... please. Do not drink."
"I understand, Mama Normillah."
Hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko saka marahan akong hinalikan. "I hope you have fun tonight, Parvana."
I went back to my room to change. Examining my closet, I realized that I don't know what people at the café wear at night. I only have a rack full of long-sleeve dresses and trousers. Most of my clothing are composed of earth tone, if not darker hues in thick fabrics.
Ilang minuto din akong nakatunganga sa harapan, pilit na iniisip kung anong dapat isuot. In the end, I pulled a black long-sleeve dress with silver diamond details on the hem and the shoulder blades. I paired it with my Dr. Martens black boots. Pinalitan ko na din ang kulay rosas kong hijab sa kulay itim upang mag-match ito sa suot kong damit. Then I wrapped a red and black scarf over my shoulder and stared at myself in the mirror.
Allah, please forgive me for disobeying my Baba tonight.
Bumuga ako ng isang malalim na hininga bago ko kinuha ang isang maliit na sling bag at lumabas ng kwarto. Baba must still be in their room by now. Pinuntahan ko si Mama Normillah sa kusina.
"You're already dressed." She commented and wiped her wet hands on the towel before turning to me. "You ready?"
I nodded my head. Mama Normillah nervously glanced at the closed door of their room before she nodded at me and ushered me outside the house.
"Remember what I've said earlier, Parvana... you must be back before 10 pm and no drinking, young lady. Your Baba will immediately notice and if you drink, you will upset me."
"Yes, Mama Normillah. I understand."
"You know where the café is located?"
"Zoey told me earlier. Sasakay lang po ako ng tricycle at sila na ang maghahatid sa akin."
"If anything goes wrong, bumalik ka kaagad dito sa bahay, alright?"
"Yes, Mama Normillah."
Hinalikan niya ang noo ko bago binuksan ang gate. "Sige, Parvana. I hope you have fun tonight, my young girl..."
I nodded and smiled at her, before walking the dark path that leads to the highway. Hindi pa rin humuhupa ang kaba sa dibdib ko. It's my first time going out of house! And all because I really wanted to see them perform...
Nang pumara ako ng tricycle ay sinabi ko sa kaniya ang pangalan ng café. Tumango ang driver at pinasakay na ako. I clutched my bag tightly, wondering what to expect once I got there.
I've read books and have watched tons of movies to know what a café looks like at night. I'm also a great fan of boy bands, including Goo Goo Dolls, Dashboard Confessional, The Neighborhood and Radwimps. May ideya na ako kung anong mapapanuod ko mamaya.
Lampas sampung minuto ang naging biyahe mula sa bahay namin patungo sa café na sinasabi ni Zoey. Kung galing naman sa eskwelahan ay siguro nasa limang minuto lang. Ito siguro ang dahilan kung bakit palagi itong tinatambayan nila Zoey at ng iba ko pang mga kaklase galing sa eskwelahan.
I swallowed hard. My Baba is very strict and follows the Islam faith religiously. Kahit noong nakatira pa kami sa Aceh, pinagbabawalan na niya akong lumabas ng bahay. Kung lalabas man ay kasama ko siya o si Mama Normillah. It's his strict parental regulations that made me very afraid of deciding for myself. A simple going out with my friends tonight made me very guilty as a daughter to him.
"Dito na tayo, Miss..." ani ng driver. Dumukot kaagad ako ng barya mula sa bulsa ko at ibinigay sa kaniya. Bumaba ako ng tricycle at pinagmasdan ang kumpulan ng mga tao sa labas.
Some of them are smoking on the front porch of the café, a glass of liquor in hand and some are even wearing their school uniforms! Napasinghap ako sa nakita. Nagdadalawang-isip tuloy ako kung papasok ba ako o hindi. If I go inside, where should I sit? Wala naman akong cellphone upang ma-contact sana si Zoey.
"Parvana?"
My eyes drifted to the shadow moving in the darkness until he stepped out of it, revealing Wenceslao. Ang sigarilyong nakahimlay sa kaniyang bibig ay mabilis niyang itinapon sa lupa at inapak-apakan. Kumunot ang noo niya pagkakita sa akin.
"Anong ginagawa mo dito?"
I shifted awkwardly in my feet and smiled at him. "Hi, Wenceslao." Wika ko habang papalapit siya sa akin. Hindi ko maiwasang hindi humakbang paatras. Even though he doesn't have an intimidating vibe like Zeus, I am still not used with male energy lingering around me as my circle of friends are composed of girls my age and some older ladies. "Gusto ko sana kayong panuorin."
"Oh?" tumaas ang kilay niya at nginisihan ako. "I thought bawal kang lumabas ng bahay niyo kapag gabi?"
Bumungisngis ako sa sinabi niya. "Tinakasan ko si Baba."
"You naughty girl..." natawa si Wenceslao sa sinabi ko. "Tara... may mga 10 minutes pa naman bago kami magsimula."
Tumango ako at nagpatianod sa kaniya papasok ng café. The place is packed, most of them are students from my school, still wearing their school uniform. Nahagip ng tingin ko si Nazrah, nasa isang table kasama ang dalawa niyang katabing babae sa loob ng classroom namin. Nginitian ko silang tatlo pero irap at masamang tingin lamang ang natamo ko mula sa kanila.
Itinuro ni Wenceslao ang isang lamesa na walang tao sa harapan. "Doon ka nalang maupo. Tatawagin ko si Zoey—"
"Oh my Gosh! Parvana!"
Naputol ang sasabihin ni Wenceslao sa nakakabinging sigaw ni Zoey sa akin. Nabulabog ang ibang nasa café. The shadows from the dim-lighted stage stopped moving and from there, I could feel Zeus staring at me darkly.
Tinalon ni Zoey ang mababang stage at tumakbo patungo sa direksiyon ko. Hindi pa man ako nakakangiti upang batiin siya ay niyakap na niya ako nang mahigpit at nagtatalon.
"Oh my God! Pumunta ka! Oh my God!"
She pulled away from the hug, grinning from ear to ear. Her glossed lips glistened in the dark. Her raven hair is braided, highlighting the symmetrical features of her high cheekbones.
"You look pretty." I said sincerely.
"Thanks! I'm really glad you came..."
Mula sa likod ay nakita ko ang paglapag ni Zeus sa kaniyang gitara. He dusted off his black ripped jeans and jumped from the stage effortlessly. His black sweat shirt hung loosely, contrasting his milky complexion.
Nagulat ako sa biglang pag-akbay ni Wenceslao sa akin sabay ngisi sa kaibigan. "Zeus oh, nandito si Parvana..." makahulugan nitong wika.
Sumama ang tingin ni Zeus sa kaniya. Ruthlessness and extreme irritation crossed his eyes as his lips pursed.
"Kamay mo, Wen..." sa malalim at mapanganib niyang boses na sinabi.
Inignora ni Wenceslao ang kaibigan at mas hinigpitan pa ang pagkaka-akbay sa akin. I felt suddenly uncomfortable kaya ako na mismo ang dahan-dahang nag-alis sa kamay niya sa akin.
Tuluyan nang lumapit si Zeus sa amin, tiim ang bagang na nakatingin sa kamay ni Wenceslao na nasa baba na niya.
"Parvana is here to watch us..." Zoey declared with a huge smile on her face, oblivious to the tension between Wenceslao and Zeus.
Ngiti ang isinagot ko sa kaniya. "Yes... but I have to be home before 10 pm. Tumakas lang ako kay Baba."
Mabagal na nag-angat ng kilay si Zeus sa akin, hindi tinatanggal ang titig niya. "You escaped from your father?"
I suddenly felt embarrassed that I am boasting to my friends how I escaped the tyranny of my father. Tumikhim ako at sa namumulang mukha ay tumango sa sinabi ni Zeus.
"I-I have never been outside... and... well..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say next.
"Ihahatid na kita pagkatapos mong manuod," anunsiyo nito sa baritonong boses.
Nanghihinang tango lang ang isinagot ko sa kaniya. Bumagsak ang tingin ni Zeus sa lamesa at dumapo sa kulay dugong rosas na nakalagay sa plorera. He languidly picked up the rose, signaled his bandmates, and went back to stage.
"Maupo ka lang diyan, Parvana..." ani Zoey at bahagyang piniga ang braso ko. "Mags-start na kami in 5 minutes."
"Okay." I smiled to her and occupied the seat. Maingay ang mga tao sa loob pero nang mamatay na ang ilaw ay tumahimik na din ang madla.
My eyes drifted to the stage. Gumalaw ulit ang mga anino at nang matabig ni Zeus ang standing mic ay umani ito ng impit na tilian mula sa mga babae sa likod.
I looked back and was shocked how the café is suddenly packed with people. Pumasok na ang ibang naninigarilyo sa labas at halos wala nang maupuan. May tatlong lalaki pang tumayo nalang sa likuran ko at tahimik na naghihintay sa banda.
"Ladies and gentlemen, let us all welcome the town's numero uno, The Luminaries..."
Kinalabutan ako sa lalim ng boses ng biglang nagsalita sa mic, at sinundan iyon ng hiyawan ng mga taong nanunuod. The stage is small at halos nasa harapan ko lang sila kaya bawat galaw nila ay klarong-klaro.
Zeus lazily occupied the high stool chair in front and then adjusted the mic. The red light glared at his face. Madilim ang mukha nitong nakatitig sa madla at tinatamad na inabot ang mic habang nagsisimula nang mag-strum si Wenceslao sa likuran.
My heart hammered inside of my chest as I stared at them. Gumagalaw ang ulo ni Zeus sa musika. Ang isang kamay naman niya ay hawak ang rosas na kinuha niya mula sa table ko kanina.
Intro pa lang ng pag-strum ng gitara ay alam ko na kaagad kung ano ang kanta. Sa hindi malamang kadahilanan ay mas lalo pa akong kinabahan. Tumitig ako kay Zeus na ngayo'y bahagyang gumagalaw ang mga labi, naghahanda sa pagkanta.
All I am is a man
I want the world in my hands
I hate the beach
But I stand in California with my toes in the sand
Use the sleeves of my sweater
Let's have an adventure
Head in the clouds but my gravity's centered
The girls at the back sighed in pleasure of hearing his baritone voice, singing the song with a serious face. Pati ako ay hindi nakagalaw. I know that the moment he opened his mouth, he had already captivated the attention of the crowd. Zoey winked at me when we've meet gazes. Isang tipid na ngiti ang ibinigay ko sa kaniya bago inilipat ang paningin kay Zeus.
"Touch my neck and I'll touch yours..." he almost whispered. Gumaspang ang kaniyang boses na at bahagyang lumalim. Unti-unti na niyang itinataas ang rosas na kaniyang hawak. I held my breath as I watched his damp lips moved and be slave to the lyrics of the song. "You in those little high waisted shorts, oh..."
The crowd went wild when Zeus slowly moved the rose to his lips and licked the petals sensually. The shine of his earlobe piercing glared at us when he tilted his head a bit.
"Fuck! Tangina mo, Zeus! Iuuwi kita sa bahay!" malakas na hiyaw ng babae sa may likuran.
Halos hindi na ako makahinga sa ginagawa niya. The way his tongue traced the delicate petals of the rose gave birth to unwanted thoughts inside of my head and carnal desires that I didn't know I had until I saw him.
"Magaling siguro yang magpaligaya ng babae, tingnan mo naman ang dila..."
Na-eskandalo ako sa sinabi ng babae sa likuran. Nasundan iyon ng hagikhikan. Hindi ko makita ang mukha nila dahil sa dilim. But I am sure they are all sighing in pleasure and recording videos of him, just like the rest of the crowd.
She knows what I think about
And what I think about
One love, two mouths
One love, one house
No shirt, no blouse
Just us, you find out
Nothing that wouldn't wanna tell you about no
'Cause it's too cold whoa
For you here and now
So let me hold whoa
Both your hands in the holes of my sweater
"Balikan mo na kasi, Nazrah... hindi pa yan nakakamove-on sa iyo, oh! Tingnan mo, yung rose nalang ang pinagdidiskitahan..." makahulugang sinabi ng mga kabigan niya na tinulak-tulak pa siya.
Tawa lang ang isinagot ni Nazrah. Nang magtagpo ang mga mata namin ay tinaasan niya ako ng kilay, dahilan upang maibaba ko kaagad ang tingin ko sa sahig.
And if I may just take your breath away
I don't mind if there's not much to say
Sometimes the silence guides our minds
So move to a place so far away
The goosebumps start to raise
The minute that my left hand meets your waist
And then I watch your face
Put my finger on your tongue
'Cause you love the taste yeah
These hearts adore,
Every other beat the other one beats for
Inside this place is warm
Outside it starts to pour
Nakikanta na ang crowd sa kanila pagdating sa chorus. Zeus banged his head slightly, a cruel sneer playing on his lips.
Every part of him knows that the crowd loves every part of him. He can easily own the attention of anyone, especially girls my age, to watch and worship his every move. It's not odd to think that he is born to be adored by many. He evokes the prowess of a god, or someone so powerful that you don't dare glance away when he's on stage with his guitar.
Napasinghap ako. He doesn't look like an 18-year old male singer to me anymore. He's way past the older boys I've encountered before that no one could fathom his maturity and the passion blazing in his eyes every time his lips kisses the mic.
Zeus...
My young heart thumped wildly. Napatalon pa ako sa gulat nang tumama ang tingin niya sa akin. Seryoso itong nakatitig habang ipinagpapatuloy ang pagkanta.
"Cold whoa whoa whoa..." came his hoarse voice.
"Hearing his voice... I just had an orgasm!"
Hindi ko mapigilang hindi lumingon sa ibinulong ng babaeng nasa likuran ko sa kaniyang katabi. Hindi niya napansing nakatingin ako sa kaniya kasi nga naghagikhikan na silang dalawa ng kabigan. She's not wearing a uniform, but her ID sling told me that she's older than us. She's a college student.
Nang ibalik ko ang tingin sa stage ay bahagya nang hinihingal si Zeus. Beads of sweat broke in his forehead. He bit his lower lips as he slightly shook his hair off the water. Nagtilian ulit ang mga babae.
I, along with everyone else in this room, can foresee the big success of this band. They can never be this good and not be noticed. Alam kung sisikat at sisikat din sila pagdating ng panahon. From their hundred fans, it will turn to thousands and even millions. The Luminaries will reach the pinnacle of their music career if they keep on producing breath-taking performances like this.
"It's too cold whoa... for you here and now so let me hold whoa... both your hands in the holes of my sweater... it's too cold, it's too cold... the holes of my sweater..."
Hindi pa man natatapos ang kanta ay nagpalakpakan na silang lahat. May ilang tumayo pa ay may ilang nagtatalon, hindi pa rin tumitigil sa pagre-record ng video sa banda. Pati ako ay napangiti at nakipalakpak na din.
Ngayo'y hindi na ako nagsisising sinuway ko si Baba at tumakas sa bahay. It's a beautiful performance. I could feel the intimate connection between Zeus and his music. Hindi lang siya puro pa-guwapo. He's a guy of musical talent.
He murmured something to the mic, dahil maingay ay hindi ko narinig kung ano iyon. Basta'y nag-ingay muli ang mga tao bago siya bahagyang tumango at tumayo. Then he glanced at the rose, run his tongue on his lower lips, before throwing it away to the crowd.
May malakas na tumulak sa likuran ko para makapunta sa harapan, nakikipag-agawan sa rosas. I gasped when someone harshly pulled my shoulder back, and then stepped out aggressively to retrieve the rose with traces of Zeus' tongue from earlier.
Natawa lang ang mga kabanda niya sa reaksiyon ng madla. Gutay-gutay na ngayon ang pinag-aagawan nilang rosas. Zeus and the rest of his bandmates disappeared on the backstage habang hindi pa rin humuhupa ang ingay at pagkakagulo ng mga babaeng nag-aagawan.
Napanguso ako at pinilit na makawala sa mga babaeng nagkakagulo. I craned my neck to look for Zoey at nakita siyang hinahanap din ako sa dagat ng mga tao.
"Parvana!" she shouted when she finally saw me. "Halika!"
I nodded and went my way out of the crowd. Sinundan ko siyang pumasok sa counter kung saan naka-display ang mga alak at iba pang inumin. Wenceslao, Zeus, and the other guy, who I assumed the name is Troy, are already there.
"Congrats..." mahinhin kong wika. "Ang galing niyo..."
Nagtaas lang ng kilay sa akin si Zeus, saka pinaglaruan ang basong may lamang alak. I cleared my throat when the bartender turned to me and asked what I want.
"Ah... tubig nalang."
Tinitigan niya ako sandali bago siya tumango at binigyan ako ng isang basong tubig. Zeus downed the pale yellow liquid on his glass and stared at me again.
"Uuwi ka na?" tanong niya sa akin.
I glanced at my wristwatch. 8:30 pa naman ng gabi. But Mama Normillah said that I should be home before 10 pm.
I nodded my head.
"Ihahatid na kita..." inubos na niya ang inumin at pinunasan ang bibig gamit ang likod ng kaniyang kamay.
"Sino yan, tol?" tanong ng lalaki kanina sa drums.
"Classmate ni Zoey," tipid lang na sagot ni Zeus sa kaniya.
May namataan akong tatlong babaeng nakasuot ng parehong uniporme sa amin. Nahihiya silang lumapit sa counter at tumikhim.
"Uh... Kuya Zeus, puwedeng pa-picture?"
Suplado silang tiningnan ni Zeus, dahilan upang mapaatras ang ilan. His lips curved downwards before he spoke in a low voice.
"Sorry. Next time nalang. Busy ako, eh." He rudely said.
Nanlaki ang mata ng isa bago natatarantang tumango.
"S-Sige po, Kuya... next time nalang..." nanghihina nilang sagot.
Zeus turned towards me, still with the cruel look on his face. I suddenly felt afraid.
"Magti-tricyle nalang ako..."
"Don't sweat it." Nagulat ako sa biglang paghawak niya sa braso ko. "Tara..."
Kinawayan ko si Zoey na ngayo'y makahulugan nang nakangisi sa akin habang papalabas kami gamit ang employee's door ng café. Hindi man lang ako nakapagpaalam kina Wenceslao o naipakilala sa isa pa niyang kabanda dahil sa pagmamadali ni Zeus.
Lumabas kami sa madilim na parking lot. Nagpalinga-linga ako. Apat na sasakyan lang ang naron. Zeus finally let go of my arms and then fished for his car keys.
Nilapitan niya ang kulay puting Montero at pinatunog. I wondered briefly is his family is loaded. He must be. May kotse na kasi siya sa batang edad pa lamang.
As if hearing my thoughts, he turned to me and said...
"Sa Dad ko ito. He lets me borrow the car every time we have gigs. Hinahatid ko pa kasi si Zoey sa bahay nila..."
"Bakit mo siya iniwan sa loob kung ganun...?"
He smirked and turned to me, his eyes glinting in mischievousness.
"Hindi pa ba halata, Naia? Ayaw ko ng disturbo..."
Nanigas ako sa kinatatayuan ko, processing his words when I heard him chuckle.
"You look pale... huwag kang mag-alala. Makakauwi ka pa naman ng buo sa inyo."
He circled the car and opened the door for me. "Sakay na..."
I glanced back at the café again, sighed, and followed what he said. Ako na mismo ang nag-buckle sa sariling seatbelt nang makasakay ako sa kaniyang kotse. He occupied the driver's seat, too, and adjusted the rearview mirror when he entered.
"Saan ka nakatira?"
"Sa Sigaboy lang..." mahina kong wika.
Tumango siya at binuhay ang makina. Being in an enclosed space with him, I could smell the scent of beer reeking from his mouth. Makailang-ulit niyang binasa ang pang-ibabang labi gamit ang dila habang inaatras ang sasakyan palabas ng parking lot.
Nang umandar na ito ay hindi ko maiwasang hindi purihin siya sa naging performance niya kanina.
"Ang galing mo kanina..." wika ko.
"Thanks," he shrugged. "A glass of beer is a tremendous help for each and every performance I make."
"Talaga?"
Nilingon niya ako saglit bago ibinalik ang tingin sa kalsada. "You're not allowed to drink, too?"
Umiling ako sa sinabi niya.
"Well, yeah... I wouldn't want to see you drinking, either." He said in a husky voice.
Sa magaspang at tila inaantok niyang boses ay kinakabahan ako na baka lasing na talaga siya at nagda-drive pa! But he still got optimal control of the steering wheel. Medyo namumunga nga lang ang mga mata nito.
Bago pa man kami makarating sa amin ay sinabihan ko na siyang sa kanto lang ako bababa. My Baba would immediately notice the car if I let him drop me in front of our house. Nakikita ko ang protesta sa mukha ni Zeus pero nagtiim bagang lang siya at tumango.
"Thank you, again, Zeus." Wika ko nang patayin na niya ang makina ng sasakyan. "You've got great talents in music. I know you and your band will become successful, in shaa Allah..."
"In shaa Allah?" kumunot ang noo niya.
Matamis na ngiti ang isinagot ko sa kaniya. "If God wills, Zeus..."
Tila nagulat ito sa sinabi ko. Nanatiling bahagyang naka-awang ang kaniyang bibig habang pinagmamasdan ako.
"Good night!" I chirped before climbing out of his car. Wala akong nakuhang response mula sa kaniya hanggang sa makababa ako.
I took a deep breath, trying to calm my wild young heart, before I started walking towards our house.
"Naia!"
Napatalon ako at napalingon. Nakalabas ang upper body ni Zeus mula sa bintana ng kaniyang kotse, seryosong nakatitig sa akin.
"I... uh..." napakamot ito sa kaniyang batok. Tuluyan na akong huminto sa paglalakad at tinitigan siya, naghihintay sa susunod niyang sasabihin.
He cursed softly under his breath before he sighed. Zeus gave me a resigned look.
"Good night..." he whispered before he disappeared in the darkness inside his car.