Selena's P.O.V
After a 'wonderful experience' in the Reptile Room we all headed into the living room. Now me being the person I am I immediately got bored after five minutes of sitting around and decided to find some music to listen to. Right on a book shelf was a record player and I played a jazz record which made the atmosphere less boring, but my friends thought otherwise giving me a look.
"What? Just lightening up the atmosphere." I shrugged.
Monty was gone to God knows where and we are just here chilling, but in my terms that means finding a couch and jumping on it. I couldn't help the burst of giggles that left my lips as I pivoted up and down on the couch. They gave me weird looks.
"It's fun you should try it!" I yelled and laughed even harder at their facial expressions.
"You amuse me every day Selena." Klaus said while shaking his head in amusement.
I calmed down a bit and sprawled myself on the couch like a lazy sloth.
"Hey Violet." I called over to my genius friend.
"Yes?"
"Where's Monty?" I questioned with my fist positioned under her chin. She shrugged in response signaling she didn't know as well.
She was busy on the floor playing with Sunny while Klaus was looking through some maps that he found. Monty came barreling in after a while.
"Bambini! Baudelaire and Strauss Bamnini!" He yelled and came into the room. "Ah there you are. How was your day?" He asked.
"I polished the tortoise and Sunny fed it some bananas, Selena re-arranged some glasses and Klaus clipped the iguana's nails." Violet informed him.
"It got messy." Sunny remarked.
"Oh thank you I'm so grateful. Perhaps when I'm out you can lure the androgynous cobra out of my sock drawer." He said in delight. Like that would happen, I actually high tailed out of there a long time ago.
"Already done." I said motioning toward Violet who held the slimy reptile in her hands.
"Where are you going?" Klaus questioned seeing Monty's attire.
"Well I'm going into town and to pick up a few things I like to keep in stock. Wasp repellent, canned peaches, a fire canoe and then tonight we'll go see a movie. Doesn't that sound exciting?" He questioned us after he casually listed off.
I leaped in excitement.
"A MOVIE!!?" I questioned shaking Klaus. He smiled at my enthusiasm.
"What movie are we seeing?" Violet asked.
"Well we won't know until we get there."
"Well I've never heard of a movie theater that doesn't tell you what movie is playing." Klaus spoke giving a suggestive look.
"Klaus Baudelaire I have a feeling there are many things that you're going to see that you've never heard of before. Life is a conundrum of esoterica, come along Raymond Ditmaris." He said while clipping a leed on to the collar of an iguana. He then left with the iguana on his shoulder.
"What did he mean by conundrum of esoterica?" Violet questioned us.
"Well conundrum is a mystery-" Klaus started.
"And esoterica are obscure objects or documents." I finished his explanation.
"Correct. Look at this. It's the original blueprint for Dr. Montgomery's landscape. Those hedges outside make a labrynth and if you look at the labrynth from the top it's-" he explained showing us a map he was studying.
"It looks like the tattoo on Count Olaf's ankle." She exclaimed.
"Uh! Not him again!" I said exasperated. If he so much as pops up again I'm so done.
"It's a mark of villainy." Klaus remarked.
"Besides, Monty can't be in cahoots with Count Olaf. He's too nice." Violet said.
"You guys do know this will probably lead to an obsession of us saying his name a whole lot of times right?" I spoke up crossing my arms over my chest.
"Things aren't always as they seem. Something strange is going on here. Mother and father told us all sorts of stories that happened before we were born, so why doesn't the name Montgomery Montgomery doesn't ring a bell?" He questioned. Before I could scold them the doorbell rang it's melodious tune.
"I'LL GET IT!!" I yelped and leaped off my position on the couch. They both shook their heads at my enthusiasm and followed behind me to the door. I couldn't shake off this feeling I had when I neared the door and gave my friends an unsure look before placing my hand on the doorknob.
What greeted me outside was as distasteful as the taste of that rancid milk my Aunt forgot to empty out the fridge. Staring back at me with a ridiculous disguise was Count Olaf himself with a wide grin on his face. Head looking bald and beard looking crumby.
"Good morning." He said with a weird accent of you could even call it one. I placed my hands on my hips and gave him a death stare to which he seemed unbothered by.
"Olaf?" Sunny questioned.
"I am Stephano, Dr. Montgomery Montgomery's new assistant." He drawled on more with his antics.
"You again!" I said in an irritated voice.
"It's afternoon and my sister meant you are Count Olaf." Klaus said from beside me.
"Perhaps one of you can take my suitcases up to my room. The ride along that smelly road was dull and unpleasant and Stephano is tired." Count Olaf continued on as if Klaus's words were water running out of his ear.
"You're Count Olaf and if anyone deserves to travel along lousy lane it's you." Violet seethed out with her calm exterior.
Ayyy! That's how it's done. I gave her a thumbs up. Nicely done. I couldn't help but laugh a bit. Bye Bish.
"We will not help you with your luggage and we will not let you in this house." Klaus said with finality in his voice.
He was about to shut the door when a big knife cut it off from closing and forced open the door. Oh dear. He pulled out the knife and opened the door with the knife implanted in his hand and with a menacing stare.
"Well I see you children haven't changed a bit." He seethed and started to point the knife, we all started to back away towards the stairs never turning around in fear of ending up with a knife implanted in our backs.
"Violet you're obviously as stubborn as ever. Klaus your still wearing those idiotic glasses from reading too many books. Selena looking as ravishing as ever." He commented while pointing the knife to each of us, holding my stare a little too long. Why oh why is this happening again.
"And I can see little Sunny only has nine toes instead of ten." He remarked still moving closer to us. Violet hugged Sunny while Klaus and I shielded her.
"Uh Oh." Sunny remarked snuggling into Violet more.
"Really, that's odd. I could of sworn she lost one of her toes in an accident. I seemed to recall a man named Stephano being so confused by being called Count Olaf that he accidentally dropped his knife on one of her little feet and severed one of her little toes." He continued on.
"You would have to get past us first before you laid one finger on Sunny you toad!" I said defending the younger Baudelaire.
"Let's not discuss what I would or wouldn't touch or do Selena. Let's discuss the Baudelaires poor and unfortunate parents." He said and turned to look at the photo Monty had shown us.
"Your father and mother were always very brave in their days but their days are done Baudelaires." He said motioning with his fingers the flames.
"That is not a photo of our parents." Klaus said tentatively.
"Yes it is. They're inside the piano." He said.
"How do you know?" I asked.
"I took the picture. And now all that's left of them is their enormous fortune and their enormous fortune is mine!" He snarled at us.
"Never." Klaus retorted, but his smirk only widened.
"Never is a very long time and your ridiculous uncle will be back in a few seconds." He said and kept moving towards us but was cut off by the screeching iguana clock. We took that opportunity of his fright to bolt towards the Reptile Room.
We ran down the stairs and started to get near to the door and I felt the hairs on my neck rise in fright as I felt his fingers almost catching a hold of my shirt. That encouraged me to speed up my running and we came to a stop at the Reptile Room. I watched as they frantically did things to the door, well because I never paid attention before, and then pulled the handle.
We ran into the room and closed the door right as Count Olaf aimed the knife and sent it soaring through the air. We heard it get jammed in the door and his fists started banging on the door calling out for us, but only a fool would open a door for that lunatic.
"Blast! Furnaces of hell! Baudelaires I brought you a present. It's very sharp. Open this door!" He yelled and kept banging his fists on the door.
"How did he find us?" He asked no one in particular and embraced me to give some form of comfort. I just noticed that I was panting and felt out of breathe. Gosh darned excersise.
"That doesn't matter now, the real problem is what we are going to do now?" I said looking over them.
"We can smash a window and make our way into town and catch a train from there." He suggested trying to muffle out the noises coming from the other side of the door.
"And where would we go?" Violet added to the never ending mountain of problems piling up.
"Anywhere but here." Klaus said.
"If Count Olaf found us here he would of find us anywhere else." I said knowing that he would find a way to track us.
"But we can't stay here and wait for him to slaughter us." Klaus added in. We were really in some deep bull poopy.
"We should have never let him in the house." Klaus murmured out.
Everything seemed to stop when we heard a car pulling up and the pounding stopped immediately.
"Monty's back." Klaus said in relief. We let go of each other and listened through the door.
"He'll see through Stephano's disguise won't he?" Violet asked.
There were two muffled voices outside of the door.
"Baudelaires and young Strauss?" Monty asked from the other side of the door.
"Is that you Dr. Montgomery?" Klaus asked for reassurance that it was indeed him.
"Uh let me just unlock all of these security measures and I'll join you in the reptile room." He said. He really isn't showing Count Olaf the security measures right?
As if to answer my question, Monty let out a series of noises I would hear a little boy do when he plays with toys and couldn't help but feel relieved yet want to face palm. At least he is pretending or our only safe place would be gone. He finally entered and spoke.
"It makes sense that you were alarmed being that he chased you up and down the stairs with a knife, but there's nothing to worry about. He is my new assistant Stephano. I have seen his papers and everything is in order. So you see there's nothing to worry about." He tried to reassure us.
So a dude you say is your new assistant chased us in our new home with a knife and everything is a misunderstanding. The face I was giving this dude right now. Are you kidding me?
"How silly.." Klaus trailed off and shoved me lightly to play along. "We were afraid."
"Precisely children!... Stephano has explained to me that he has a very strict fitness regime where he has to run up and down the stairs brandishing a knife, so that makes perfect sense." He said in a convincing voice and motioned his arms to show us he thought that was crazy.
"So now that is cleared up, would you mind helping me bring things from the trunk?" He asked us and pointed to the door to leave. We followed behind him and walked out the door, no sign of Count Olaf yet. Oh no they've got me saying his name too much too, they're such bad influences.
"I got all my shopping done and I even brought takeout for dinner, there should be enough for Stephano." Yes yes Monty I see where you're going with this, we'll poison him together buddy!
"Now we don't have much time before the movie so can you help me take down this canoe." He asked us when we were near his jeep. Klaus and I helped him to take the canoe off and held it over our heads and Violet went under with us.
"I am so sorry children, I had no idea that our enemies would catch up so quickly. It's clear that I can't turn my back for a second." He whispered quietly.
"So you recognized him?" Violet asked with relief in her voice.
"Of course I recognized him. I'm not some half-witted banker or some member of the high court who's so starstruck that I can't see what's in front of me. He can wear as many lab coats he wants and present me with as many ridiculous papers as he wants. He's no more a lab assistant than I'm a three month Brazilian waxed turtle." Monty spoke.
"So what are we going to do? Call the authorities?" Klaus asked. Ah Klaus, sweet innocent Klaus. WE'RE GONNA TAKE HIM DOWN!!
"What does H-A spell?" Monty asked.
"Ha!" Sunny said.
"You think that when I was climbing Mount Felix searching for the goat eating cobra that I could call the authorities? If we call the police or Mr. Poe or the official fire department, that so called lab assistant will have us in his clutches before they can darken my doorstep.
And we all know Stephano doesn't work alone. Monty opened up the jeep and started to take up the groceries.
" We must keep an eye on Stephano, he will join us for dinner and then we will invite him to the movies tonight. A man that dastardly must be watched like a hawk." Month further informed us. Hmm this is going to be fun.
"That's all we do, keep an eye on him?" Violet asked him. I suppose this is actually a good way to form a strategy on how to deal with this nut job.
"For now children, we will be watching fully and weary, which is a word which means very carefully
." Month said and placed his hand on Klaus's shoulder.
"We know what weary means." Klaus as always corrected him.
"Good because we can't afford to turn our backs, not even for a second." He said and picked up the front of the canoe. We moved from beneath it and walked with him towards the house.
"Besides-" he started but was interrupted by a lamp cane that crashed into his noggin and he fell to the floor. I gasped in surprize and looked up to see Stephano standing near a window in mock surprise.
"Dr. Montgomery!" We yelped and rushed to Monty's side.
"So sorry." The scrawny accent said from above." I seem to be very careless with this heavy reading lamp that was in my bedroom and it fell out right when you were underneath it." Stephano 'apologized'.
"Uh yeah...totally understandable. It happens all the time." Month grumbled and rubbed his head.
"Sorry about that." He remarked before shutting the window and retreating into the room.
"No harm done... I know the layout of that room as well as I know the bone structure of the osteoporosis lizard and there is no way that lamp was near the window." He said to us.
"Of course he wasn't being careless, he was being murderous." Violet exclaimed.
"We should call the authorities about this...." I trailed off but already knew his answer to that.
"Trust me children, i may be a well renowned herpetologist but I also minored in criminology. I know what I am doing." He said confidently before going back into the house.
We gave each other worried glances. What's gonna happen now?
Authors Note:
Aaaaaackkkk!!