“Now Bobo be a good boy and I’ll bring you back a carrot tonight, okay?”
I heard a gagging sound from somewhere behind me and whirled around to find Kate staring at me, eyes narrowed. “Are you insane?” She asked.
I sighed, “Todd said that I should be nice to Bobo since I survived after all.”
“Survived what? Your fever?” A lopsided smile formed at the edge of Kate’s lips.
I rolled my eyes, “It’s Todd.”
“Whatever you say…” She flipped over a page of her magazine, “I can’t wait to tell everyone about this one.”
“Love you too,” I called out as I left, slamming the door behind me.
“Hey wait-“
I turned to see Kate standing erect in the doorway.
“Yes?” I raised an eyebrow, ready for some snarky comment on her end.
“I’m glad that you’re feeling better- we were all pretty worried when you fainted. Fainting’s some pretty scary shit,” she laughed nervously before she put on her normal indifferent demeanor again. “Anyways, I’ll be coming to dinner in five so make sure you don’t take the last piece of cheesecake before I get there, fatso.”
“It’ll be a challenge,” I sighed, rolling my eyes. I could always count on Kate to turn something somewhat sweet into an insult. But in her own way I knew she meant well. She just couldn’t (or wouldn’t) show it.
For the first time I thought back to what could have possibly gotten Kate sent here. Everyone here had issues. What was hers? Did she have a dysfunctional family? No family at all?
I frowned, wondering if I was cutting her short. Hell, I didn’t know a thing about her…the exact same way she didn’t know a thing about me…and judged me for it.
Now that I think about it, I didn’t know anything at all about anyone here. I knew nothing about why these people were here. Even with Jack, yeah I knew how he got here, what his crime was, yet I had no idea how he ever got that way…
Perspective. It’s trippy to think about. And for some reason it made my stomach churn with guilt. Were the prejudices directed at me going both ways?
I gnawed on my lower lip as I went into the already half-packed cafeteria.
I remained distracted as I slopped food onto my plate, glad that I didn’t have kitchen duty for today. Though I still had it frequently, I was coming in less often than before. This meant less time with Mrs. Murphey- something I could definitely appreciate.
As I flicked my eyes across the room, looking for Todd and Jack I didn’t have enough sense to pay attention to what was right in front of me. Bad idea. Seconds after I caught sight of Jack I tripped over something on the floor, spilling the contents of my tray as I haphazardly caught myself on the edge of a table before I had a chance to do a face plant.
The students sitting there gave me a disgusted look which I ignored. However the next look I got was not easily forgotten.
When I spun around looking for my tray I found out what I’d tripped on and where I’d dumped the contents of my tray.
Becky.
Shit. I thought as I took in her steaming red face, the huge glob of tomato sauce running down her shirt and the bits of spaghetti adhered to random parts of her body. She was mad enough that I could have sworn her eyes were red.
Biting my lip, I gingerly stepped back. Oh god, not again…
“You bitch,” She intoned, her voice stiff and filled with hushed anger.
I gulped. “Sorry,” I shrugged my shoulders smiling abashedly.
“Fucking bitch,” I suppressed a whimper as Becky lashed out, grabbing hold of my t-shirt collar so tightly that my breathing was being constricted. “That first stunt of yours was the last warning. This time it’s fucking payback bitch.”
I winced at her rancid breath that fanned across my face as she leaned in close, harshly whispering to me.
A purplish vein throbbed at her temple.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity. Fuck.
I. Am. So. Dead.
Meat. That’s all I am; Meat. Dead meat…
“Girls what do you two think you’re doing?” Never had I been so glad to hear Mrs. Murphy’s cold voice. “Clean up this mess this instant or Mr. Brighton will be hearing about this.”
Becky didn’t cast Mrs. Murphy a second glance. “Outside. Now,” She commanded, though there wasn’t much point to the order since she dragged me out by my collar anyways.
I felt like a dog with its tail underneath its legs: all shame.
I should be fighting back. I should do something.
For the first time in my life though I didn’t actually want to fight. There was no joy in it, no adrenaline rush-induced high, only fear and surrender sunk deep in the core of my stomach.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I automatically curled my hands up into fists, hoping the movement would stir some buried feelings of violence. And it helped kick some of the dust off, making me remember what you can only experience in a flight for fight situation. What you can only get from choosing fight.
By now we were a ways down the hallway and a crowd of people had drifted our way, watching our progression- looking for some real entertainment in this house of boredom.
Honestly, I didn’t blame them.
Finally Becky released her hold on my throat. I coughed as air surged into my lungs at full-blast.
However as I stepped forward, preparing for a fight I realized how utterly exhausted I felt. I was still recovering from being sick, not to mention that my muscles had been deteriorating for months – since the accident pretty much.
As I looked at Becky’s stocky build and towering height, for the first time in my life I realized that I was outmatched.
She was going to beat the shit out of me. I wouldn’t be able to hold her off for long and running wasn’t an option this time. The crowd would make sure of that.
“Becky…”One of Becky’s friends, who I’d bloodied during out last confrontation, broke away from the crowd “It was an accident this time, honest. Just leave it be. The twerp’s obviously scared; you don’t need to prove anything.”
“What? You think I can’t handle this little piece of shit Cecilia? Don’t you remember what she did to you? This bitch deserves to die.”
“But Becky –“
“Shut the fuck up!” Becky yelled as she slammed a fist into the wall, a loud thudding sound reverberating through the hallway on impact.
Cecilia snapped her mouth shut before shooting me a pleading look and rushing her way back through the crowd.
As Becky turned around towards me, I found myself automatically backing up to the crowd. I shook my head, reminding myself to stay firm, widening my stance and setting my shoulders.
“Shit…Becky’s so screwed.”
I frowned. Didn’t they see I was the one so screwed?
“I know- Jack’s going to murder her.”
“Fuck. I can’t believe she has the balls to try and beat up on Jack’s girl.”
I frowned as I tried to keep my focus on Becky who was getting closer by the second. The whispers were so distracting though.
I was Jack’s girl? Since when…?
I mean, I hadn’t had sex with him. We hadn’t done anything…at all, well not really. I’m still half-convinced he hates me and is secretly trying his best to screw me over. My mouth twisted down into a frown as I tried to focus on Becky’s approach.
“Fuck,” I muttered to myself as I barely jumped out of the way of Becky’s punch, her fist just grazing the side of my cheek. Even with that slight impact it stung painfully.
I gulped as I threw myself into the fight. I had to be focused, get in the spirit.
I did the moves automatically, keeping my fists tight, but the attitude wasn’t coming. I couldn’t find the desire to want to punch her face in.
And that freaked me out- most of the time that part came naturally.
Today, I felt nothing except for the fear of being outmatched.
We circled each other slowly, Becky as menacing as ever, pounding her fist into her hand repeatedly. I was able to dash away from the few stray punches she flung at me. She wasn’t very nimble.
I could tell that she was getting distracted too. Every time her ears faced the crowd, her red face became a shade darker.
However just as Becky was beginning to lose patience, the once-rowdy crowd fell eerily silent.
With one eye still on Becky, I looked in my peripherals to see a figure making its way through the crowd easily. Becky’s mouth was pressed into a flat line, her eyes widened ever so slightly.
I turned to get a better look and noticed Jack leaning up against the wall, arms casually crossed against his chest. Though at first glance he seemed the picture of indifference, his jaw was tensed and his arm muscles were tight across his chest.
It was kind of sexy to be honest…
I snapped back to attention as rough hands gripped my shoulders as I was brought face to face with Becky. However her face now looked nervous, any ounce of anger burned away by Jack’s entrance.
Despite her nerves, she still managed to slam me back up against the wall, holding me there tightly.
I glanced over to Jack and saw that he was leaning forward now, his eyes narrowed. I half-thought he was going to come over and strangle Becky’s throat.
I gulped, but luckily he remained attached to the wall.
The last thing I needed was someone fighting my fights for me.
“Look Bitch I’ll let you off with a warning, but next time watch out. I just might feel like slitting your throat.”
Becky pushed me back against the wall harshly before she practically fled from the scene, forcefully pushing past the crowd in her rush.
As soon as she was gone, people began conversing again, murmuring to each other under their breaths until the hallway became filled with their din. Yet the crowed dispersed too, back towards the cafeteria until it was only Jack and I left in the hallway.
I cast my eyes to the floor, focusing on the dirty off-white tiles specked with black flecks of who-knows-what.
“You okay,” I bit my lip as Jack slid his hand under my chin, forcing me to look up into his green eyes. They were startlingly light once again; something that only happened when it was really light out, or when he was pissed. Jack reached out a hand across my still slightly smarting cheek, while I tried my best to mumble out, “I’m fine.”
“That bitch needs to get a fucking grip on herself – you didn’t do a thing to her.”
I shrugged my shoulders, “I’m fine.” I repeated.
Jack pursed his lips, “what happened to your fighting spirit?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered honestly, pulling my eyebrows together. It was the oddest thing I’d ever experienced. I was always able to tap into the well of anger when I needed to. Today for the first time in my life, the well was dry, the anger all dried up.
“Hey have you been telling people things behind my back?” I looked up to Jack and watched as his expression transformed into one of mild shock.
“No…”
“Oh,” I frowned, “It’s just everyone seemed to be under the impression that if Becky hurt me, you’d pummel her.”
“Under the impression,” Jack chuckled. “Who even talks like that?” I felt a blush begin to creep across my face. “But no, I’m definitely going to teach her a lesson. She just can’t t do that to you and get away with it.”
“What?” My mouth fell open in shock, “But she didn’t do anything.”
Jack shot me a sarcastic look and lightly ran the back of his palm across my cheek, causing me to wince.
“You can’t hurt her!” I defended.
Jack took a step closer to me, making my back hit the lockers. “I can do what I want. You said we were friends right? Well I look out for my friends.”
I shut my mouth closed; I had nothing to say to that. Did he really feel that protective over me? For some reason that thought made my heart flutter in my chest.
Jack shook his head, “I really don’t feel like arguing right now. So anyways how are you feeling? I’m sorry I couldn’t come and check up on you again after Todd called me away.”
“It’s fine,” I shrugged, though I couldn’t help but deny I felt a bit abandoned in that lone bed in the infirmary. “Why did you have to leave anyways?”
“Mr. Brighton let me go and visit my mom.”
“Your mom? You mean you left Black Mountain?”
Jack nodded, though it looked like the idea didn’t please him too much. “I hadn’t seen her in almost three years. Man,” He ran his hand across his face, “the shit times does to people and places- it messes with your mind.”
My curiosity peaked, “Wait so you got let into the outside?”
“Yes?” Jack raised an eyebrow, looking at me as if I was mentally handicapped.
“Oh, how come?” I bit my lip, wondering what it took to get a ticket out of here.
“Good behavior,” He shrugged.
“Good behavior?” I spluttered, almost choking in the process. “You break the rules all the time. What the hell have you done that’s good?”
“Damn for someone who’s so smart you really don’t understand Black Mountain at all.” He laughed as he cupped his hands around my hips.
“Enlighten me,” I frowned crossing my arms across my chest, un-amused.
He chuckled while squeezing my hips more tightly. “I came her for anger problems right. So that’s the thing they focus on. It doesn’t matter how much other shit I do, as long as it’s not done in anger I’m in the clear.”
“But…that’s makes no sense.”
“It doesn’t have to. That’s just the way it is. Their job is to fix the problem that got you sent here and that’s it. And believe me its been hard enough as it is getting to where I am today. I mean hell…if you’d known me a couple of years back you’d hardly recognize me. Hell if you saw me mad…”
“But weren’t you mad at me when I first came here?” I looked up into his eyes questioningly.
“No, I was irritated. Believe me, if you saw me really mad you’d know.”
“You’re not mad now?”
“Like I said I’ve gotten better at hiding it. If I were thinking about Becky right now I’d be pissed as hell, but I’m sticking around so you can distract me. As long as I don’t focus on it too much it’s a lot easier to keep my anger in check.”
“Is it really that hard for you?” I raised an eyebrow –this didn’t seem like the calm and collected Jack I knew. Sure he was imposing as hell, but angry and hot tempered, not so much.
“Yes,” Jack breathed. There’s a reason I haven’t been allowed to see my mom for so long. In fact Brighton said that if I keep it up I might be out of here soon, for good.”
“Oh,” For some reason the thought of Jack leaving this place made my stomach twist. If he left the only person I’d have left to talk to would be Todd.
“Don’t worry sweetheart,” Jack took one of his hands away from my hips and cupped my cheek. “I’m not leaving you stranded anytime soon.”
“I wasn’t-”
“Jack grinned wolfishly. “Babe, don’t even try denying it.”
“Deny what?”
Jack chuckled as he tugged at my hand, pulling me off of the wall. Slyly he put an arm around my shoulders as he forcefully led me down the hallway, “You didn’t want me to leave this place – any one could’ve seen that by the look on your face.”
“But –“
“No buts,” Jack asserted. “Anyways, does the whole ‘rules’ thing make more sense now?”
I shook my head, “I still don’t see why I’m the one getting into trouble all the time.”
He sighed, “Damn you’re so slow sometimes.”
“Just get to the damn point,” I huffed as I tried to forcibly push Jack away from me.
He snickered again, “Well let’s see –what were you in for?”
“Umm…well when I got here Mr. Brighton said something about me being good at deceit.”
“Bingo,” Jack smirked, “Deceit. There’s your problem he’s trying to fix.”
“Still how would running away from a fight or ripping open your bag count as deceit?”
“Look at it this way: did you get in trouble when you were drunk?”
“No…”
“Well that’s because you were being yourself, showing off your true nature. When you were running away from the fight and found me in the closet, you were trying to avoid getting in trouble by not beating the shit out of Becky when you had the chance. When you tried to hoist the trash bag thing on me, you weren’t being honest with yourself about your part in it all.”
“Still…I don’t know. That seems a bit farfetched.”
Jack shrugged his shoulders, “I’m not the expert. I’m just guessing here. If you’re really all that curious ask Mr. Brighton himself about his methods.”
I snorted, “yeah right.”
“Hey it’s an idea.”
I looked around the hallway to see that we’d walked a good distance. “Hey where are we going?” I piped up. Jack turned and ruffled my hair as he smirked at me.
“Took you long enough –I thought you needed a good cheering up present.”
“Cheering up present?”
“Let’s just say I found something that I thought you’d like…”
“Huh?” What in the world could that be?
I walked with Jack until we came to a section of hallway that was more easily recognizable. Soon enough we were en route to Jack’s room.
He opened the door, motioning for me to get inside. I followed, and was stunned to see how different the room looked in the light of day.
Without the shadows looming everywhere it looked empty, almost barren even.
There were no sorts of decorations on the bright white walls; it was as I he really was looking to move out at a moment’s notice.
Did Jack miss his home? He’d shrugged off his visit to his mother, but maybe he was just putting up walls. As an avid wall builder myself, I should be able to recognize the signs of distance.
And right now Jack had it written all over him.
“Found it,” Jack grinned as he plopped a plastic container onto the bed and began pulling off the lid to reveal what looked to be a box of freshly baked brownies. Some were missing, but it was clear that they were still pretty fresh; the smell of weed lightly wafted towards me.
“Hash brownies?” I felt my expression fall for some unexplainable reason.
“Yep” Jack winked, but when he noticed my expression, his face fell a bit as well. “What? You’re not into that anymore?”
“No, no,” I defended, biting my lip, “It’s great! How in the world did you get these?”
Jack eyed me apprehensively for a few minutes, but let my little slip go, “Andy’s mom sent them in yesterday.”
“Wait. She just sent them to him?”
“Yeah, they don’t actually check incoming packages.”
“What? But..but...” I spluttered. What kind of delinquent mental health facility doesn’t monitor packages coming in?
“They don’t want us to revert back to our old ways when we get out of here. I guess they figure that if they let some of the bad influences slip in and we can still make progress despite that we’ll be more likely to stay that way permanently.”
“Huh,” I mumbled, gnawing on the inside of my cheek. Reverse psychology my ass. This stuff was screwed up.
I eyed the brownies, wondering why I wasn’t more excited about this. Just like with the fight I felt like I should be ecstatic, ready to jump right in, but found that I couldn’t muster up any sort of emotion.
Maybe this was just some remnant of being sick. Even so, I couldn’t help but shake the feeling that germs weren’t the cause of this change of attitude.
Disturbing as the thought was, I felt like something else was bothering me about the weed. I just couldn’t place it.
Still as Jack held out a brownie to me I dutifully took it, cringing at the nasty taste of the weed. With a gulp I swallowed it and tried to ignore the feeling of it going down my throat.
“So what are we supposed to do for twenty minutes?” I turned to Jack who was grinning in satisfaction, stashing the brownies under his bed.
“I have no idea,” I mumbled, tapping his chin. “We could just chill here I guess.”
“Cool,” I edged myself over to the bed and sat down.
A second later Jack joined me, and we began stringing up a conversation, talking without direction as we waited for that hazy feeling to hit us.
But even as we talked, I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling. I felt like I was doing something wrong which was crazy.
To me, it’d never felt wrong to take an escape. My parents, my stress over school, the gang, the images I was forced to keep up, the parts I had to play, made it necessary to have something that would make me forget it all and just let go. So what if it was a drug. Did that automatically make it wrong? It wasn’t like I was a druggie or anything – I just did it on occasion to let go.
Yet now I felt a guilty conscious growing in the back of my mind.
Yet there’s no reason why now all of a sudden it would be wrong to take a trip in a marijuana daydream.
Slowly I began to feel conscious of a more peaceful feeling sweeping across my body. I felt light, and giggling burst forth from my mouth, my voice ringing like tinkling my bells in my ears.
Who was I kidding?
Nothing was wrong with this. Nothing at all
Okay so I hope that the description of drugs doesn't bother you too much once again. From the intropection in this chapter I hope you can see that it really IS an imortant part of the story, just as much as swearing is at times. There's a definite point to it all.
Anyways I hope you enjoyed it. I promise a whole other layer of drama will be comming your way next chapter. And what is this drama? ...Well you'll just have to wait and see ;) Haha but seriously things are going to change A LOT and hopefully in a way that you won't expect.
Thanks to everyone for your incrediblyamazinglywonderful support!
Until next time!
- BNW <3