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"Maya, get up!"
I groan and kick the air. "No."
"Come on, we have school!" Riley yells in a panicky voice. "We're gonna be late, you don't even have your backpack!"
"It's fine," I say, rubbing my eyes. "I don't learn anyway."
I look at her and she's already dressed for school. I try not to stare at her, but that's impossible. I shift my gaze and go freshen up.
"You can wear some of my clothes," she tells me when I walk back into her room.
I go into her closet and slip into a hoodie and some sweatpants. "Thanks."
"Are you even gonna try to dress nice?" she laughs and stuffs her backpack with binders.
"Do I ever try?" I roll my eyes and brush my hair.
"Well, you look cute either way," she says and my face goes red. I try to say something, but I'm stumped.
"Cute?"
She stops what she's doing and blinks. "Sorry, I..."
"It's okay," I quickly say and smile. "I just didn't expect that."
She bites her lip and zips her backpack up. We go downstairs and wave to her parents and Auggie. "We're late, bye!"
Once we get through the rowdy train ride, we quickly get to class. Sadly, I had Algebra, so I didn't see Riley until my last block.
The day went by pretty slowly, but finally, Chemistry came along.
I walk into the classroom and see her sitting with Lucas. My heart aches, but what did I expect? She likes him, not me. When she called me cute, she didn't mean it the way I wanted her to mean it.
I sit next to Farkle and he raises his eyebrows. "Is that Riley's hoodie?"
"Yeah," I mumble. "It's not a big deal."
He smirks and the teacher tells us about the lab. Farkle and I run through the procedures after he clarifies everything. I must've screwed something up because Farkle starts groaning and yelling at me.
"Sorry," I stifle a laugh.
"It's fine," he clenches his jaw, clearly irritated. "Easy fix."
I look over at Riley and Lucas. Riley's giggling like crazy. I ignore that irritating feeling and focus on the experiment.
"I don't understand," I begin venting quietly to Farkle. "She calls me cute earlier but she still hangs out with him?! Maybe I'm overthinking everything, but even she thinks something's different between us! I-"
"She called you cute?" Farkle cuts me off.
"Yeah, but in a friendly way, of course," I tell him.
"You sure?"
I shrug and look over at them. "I don't know anymore."
We finish the experiment and the bell rings after a few minutes.
I grab my stuff and walk to the subway. On my way, I feel a tap on my shoulder and see a smiling Riley.
"Hey," I mumble.
"Hi, Peaches. Guess what?"
I raise my eyebrows.
"Lucas and I are officially boyfriend and girlfriend!"
I feel my heart shatter into a billion pieces, but I cover up my pain with a smile. "Really? That's great, Riles."
She grins and we get onto the train.
"So, who made it official?" I curiously ask.
"I did."
I blink and bite my lip.
"I think that I'll be happy with him," she says. "Earlier this week, when you asked if he made me happy, I sort of lied. I wasn't sure about it. But I think things are changing. I know him a lot better now."
"Good for you, Riles," I say through a fake smile. "Your happiness is all that matters."
I get off the train and wave at her. I feel tears pouring out as I walk home.
Nothing that I feel for her is returned and this just clears it up. Nothing between us will ever be the same. I'm not capable of being friends with her if I like her. My stupid feelings have to ruin everything.
I open my front door and see Mom reading a book.
"Hey, Mom."
"Hey, sweetie," she says, flicking through the pages. She doesn't look up from it, and I sigh with relief. She'd probably ask why I'm crying and make me cry even more.
I run into my room and lie on my bed, feeling tears streaming down my face faster and faster.
After I let everything out, I go outside for a walk hoping I can forget everything. Thankfully, it's dark, so no one can see my puffy eyes.
The light breeze dries the tears on my face as I stroll through the city. I hear faint honking and get irritated. Everything's pissing me off and I want to stop time for just a moment. I text Farkle and tell him I'm coming over. I find his apartment and knock on the front door.
"Hey, Maya," he smiles and frowns immediately. "Were you crying?"
I nod and walk inside. "I feel like shit."
He wraps his arms around me. "Hey, you'll be fine."
"Will I? Because I can't stand being in the same room as her anymore! She's clearly having the time of her life with him!"
"Maya...I know she feels the same way about you, just-"
I laugh. "Farkle, you don't know everything!"
He pulls away and I wipe my tears. "Sorry."
"It's okay," he quietly says. "You're right, I don't know everything. But I know that you two will be fine, whether you remain friends or more."
"But she seems so happy," I falter.
"She might seem happy, but that doesn't mean she truly is. Just tell her."
"And risk ruining something great she has? I could never."
"But if you don't, you'll never know how she really feels about you."
"Can we just forget about this?" I sigh, knowing that this will go nowhere.
"Okay, sure," he says. "Do you wanna stay over again?"
"No, I'm gonna head home. I'm sorry for always bothering you with this."
"Don't be, I wanna help you."
I hug him and walk out of the building. I tread on the cracked sidewalk and walk inside my house. My phone buzzes and I see a text from Riley.
Riley: hey!! wanna hang out after school on friday?
I shake my head. I really didn't want to see her and be reminded that I can't be with her.
Maya: busy
Riley: okay ;(
I bite my lip and sit on my bed.
Maya: maybe i can make time??
Riley: yay!! see u at school love u xx
I groan and slap my face. I should've just left it at that, but now I'm gonna have to hang out with her. I love spending time with her, but I'm trying to ignore her right now. I sigh and drift off to sleep. I guess I can spare a day. Then, I'll go back to pretending like I don't like her.
~~~~~
Another week of watching Riley and Lucas be all in love and shit passes by.
I try to push the thought of them away and focus on the schoolwork, which is very tough because...ew.
The bell rings and I go to Riley's locker with a smirk. She doesn't see me, so I scare her once she slams her locker shut.
"Maya! Stop that," she shoves me and I almost fall back.
"Sorry, it's hilarious every time," I laugh.
She rolls her eyes and I try to ignore that lump in my throat as she grabs my hand.
"Um, what do you wanna do?" I ask as we walk out of the school.
"I don't know, let's just go for a walk."
"Whatever you want."
She faces me and smiles, making my heart melt.
"Maya, I'm confused."
I raise my eyebrows. "About what?"
"About everything," she laughs. "I don't know what it is, but I feel like everything's wrong and..I don't know, forget about it."
"Hey, you can tell me anything, okay? We're best friends, remember?"
She nods and I squeeze her hand.
"You and me," she says. "Is something changing? Because it feels like something is."
I furrow my eyebrows. "I don't know."
"How do you feel about Lucas?" she asks as we sit on a bench in the park.
"The cowboy? He's cool, I guess."
She laughs and shakes her head. "Are you sure? Because I feel like ever since we met him, you've been kinda off. Or we've been off?"
"It's nothing, Riles," I shrug it off. "There's a brand new person in our lives, of course, things are gonna be off. Life will go back to normal in no time."
"What if it doesn't?"
I don't say anything and bite my lip. She grabs my chin and my heart races once again. I look into her eyes and can't seem to look away.
She averts her eyes and pulls away. "Sorry, I don't..."
"It's okay," I whisper, leaning against her shoulder.
She grabs my hand. "No matter what, you and I are forever, okay?"
I smile to myself and nod. "Thunder?"
"Lightning."
"Forever," I whisper and intertwine our fingers.
We sit there for a while without saying a word. My mind wants to tell her so many things, but my mouth just won't cooperate.
She gets up and smiles. "Wanna sleep over?"
I blink. "Uh, yeah, sure."
We walk to her house and I change into some of her pajamas. Her clothes smelled so good and I mentally slap myself because she catches me smiling while sniffing the sleeves.
"Are you smelling my clothes?" she smirks and gets into bed.
"They smell good," I shrug and feel my cheeks flush. I jump onto the bed and end up extremely close to her.
"Sorry," I whisper and scoot away.
"No, come back," she softly says.
I raise my eyebrows and scoot closer as she wraps her arm around me. I feel her warmth and instantly forget about everything. She runs her fingers through my hair and I drift off to sleep with confusion swirling through my mind.