It was Saturday, so I didn't have to go to work today. It made me a little sad, though. I liked going to work, even though I haven't technically started yet. Perhaps work will be like school. I never liked the idea of school, but I enjoyed going to school because it kept me away from home. Going to work is yet another excuse for me to be away from the house, and that pleased me.
It was around six in the morning. I don't know why I was up this early, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep now that I've woken up. I grabbed a notepad that was on my desk and a pencil from my backpack that I used in school. I needed to throw this backpack away. I had used this backpack since freshman year, and now there was a giant hole in the bottom. Sometimes, my folder or notebooks fell out, so I needed to cover the hole in duct tape—not that it helped very much.
I opened the notepad, and the first thing I saw was an outline for a story that I created when I was about fourteen. I looked down at my messy, childlike writing, and I smiled. Writing was something that I liked to do, even though people didn't expect that of me. A lot of Liz and Andrew's friends thought I would follow in Liz's footsteps and get a major in mathematics, but I knew that math definitely wasn't my field. Ben and Andrew's friends, however, thought that I would major in music or the arts (due to mishaps of them walking in on me singing and playing the guitar), and they were partially right. I wanted to major in music very much, but I wanted even more to major in linguistics.
I flipped over a couple of pages of the notepad until I finally got to a blank page. I wrote "Teen Club Reading List" on the title line, and I wrote little dashes inside the left margin. The first book I put down was Looking For Alaska by John Green. I admired John Green's works very much, and Looking For Alaska was a book that was both enjoyable and got you thinking.
I really wanted to put down the entire Percy Jackson and the Olympians series, as well as Heroes of Olympus, but I don't think I can have teenagers read two series of books that are similar. Not that it'll take them a long time, since I finished both the Percy Jackson and Heroes of Olympus series in less than a week. Or, rather, most of the Heroes of Olympus series, since Blood of Olympus has yet to come out.
I put To Kill a Mockingbird on the reading list, since I read it during school and enjoyed it very much. I twirled the pencil in between my fingers as I thought of more things to put on the reading list.
I sighed, running a hand through my messy morning hair. I closed the notepad and put my pencil through the rings. I pulled on a random pair of skinny jeans and threw my Fall Out Boy sweatshirt over my head. I tucked the notepad under my arm, grabbed my house keys (given to me by Liz after my graduation, as she decided she finally trusted me with keys of my own), and headed out the door.
"BE BACK IN A FEW!" I shouted. Liz and Andrew were probably still sleeping, so I decided that texting them would probably be the best thing to do.
After about fifteen minutes of walking, I was hit with the strong aroma of coffee. I loved the smell of Starbucks buildings—it felt homey and comfortable. Since it was only six in the morning, not many people were here, so I went straight to the barista and ordered my usual Chocolate Cookie Crumble.
Once I got my drink, I made my way to the very back of the building and made myself comfortable at the table. I took a sip of my Frappuccino and opened my notepad back to where the reading list was. I took the pencil out of the rings, twirled it in between my fingers, and thought of more books to put on the list.
As I looked at it, it read:
TEEN CLUB READING LIST
- "Looking For Alaska" by John Green
- "To Kill a Mockingbird" by Nelle Harper Lee
- i just forgot every single book i ever read fuck
I let out a distraught sigh, and I vented by taking a large sip of my frappe.
"Luke!"
I perked up at my name. I knew it wasn't Liz, because Liz never calls me "Luke," and the voice was rather masculine. The first two people that came into mind were Ben and Jack. I don't know why, but a part of me wanted it to be them.
But it wasn't. It was Michael and Ashton.
"Hi, Luke," Michael said, a little breathlessly. He and Ashton made themselves comfortable in the two chairs in front of me. Quickly, I closed the notepad so they couldn't see what I was working on, and I rested it on my lap.
"Hi," I said cautiously. What could they want? I thought I had burned my bridge with these two already.
"Um, we have the pictures that we took at graduation," Ashton drawled out slowly. "You know, the ones my dad took. You said you wanted them..."
"You could have just emailed them to me," I said sternly.
"I'm trying to come up with an excuse to talk to you!" Ashton whined. He let out a moan and let his head fall.
My eyes narrowed at Michael and Ashton. I couldn't trust them. But, since I figured that I should be nice, I listened to whatever they had to say.
"So, we came to your house—"
"At seven in the morning?" I asked.
"Shut up, Luke," said Michael. "Anyway, we came to your house, your mom opened the door, and she said you were at Starbucks, and so we came to the nearest Starbucks, and we found you. That's basically it."
"So you decided to waste my time and tell me that?!" I asked bitterly. I don't know where the bitterness came from, but hell, I was feeling bitter, and bitterness I shall express.
"We want to know where we went wrong!" Ashton exclaimed. There was desperation in his voice, and I started to feel guilty by portraying my bitterness. I could always say that the bitterness came out loathly, but we would all know I was lying.
I let out a sigh. "You didn't do anything wrong," I said softly. "I just have my fears, and I tend to run away from my fears."
"That's what I don't understand!" Michael shouted. "Why are we, of all people, feared by you?"
"I don't know, okay?!" I bellowed. "Some things you can't answer, Michael! Some things—some things you just know. I just get that feeling! I'm afraid of you, of what you can do to me, of what you possibly want to do to me, and it scares me! I'm afraid of you. I want to stay away from you, because I just get the feelings that you're bad." I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back in my chair. "I was right about everybody else," I murmured, thinking about Liz, Andrew, Ben, and Jack.
The nightmares happened when I was in eighth grade. The very first one that I had was about Liz and Andrew. Back then, I used to call them Mom and Dad, but I stopped giving them the privileges of having those titles when I got those nightmares. And I was right about them. They're bad people, and I am afraid of them.
Ben and Jack came next. I was very aware of the fact that they always made fun of me and picked on me when we were kids, but in the nightmares, they were so much worse. I didn't trust them anymore, and I didn't consider them my brothers anymore. I broke my relationship with them completely, and I was right about them being bad.
I knew I was going to be right about Michael and Ashton.
"We're not bad people," Ashton said sadly. After all, he held the "Mr. Nice Guy" title. Of course he would be offended.
"I think you are," I retorted defensively. "And I will stand up for what I think and stay away from you." I got up, grabbing my notepad and my drink. "If you'll excuse me, I think I'll be going now."
I made my way out of the small coffee shop, carrying my things with a tight grip. Once I was out the door, there were two hands on both of my shoulders. I was turned around, and I faced a pair of hazel eyes, and a pair of green ones.
"First of all, Luke, you need to get a fucking grip," Ashton seethed.
"Well, thanks," I muttered sarcastically.
"I know you went through some tough shit, but it does not leave you with suicide as your only option. There are other ways, and we both know that you're strong enough to find one."
"And if I'm not? What if I don't?"
"You are, and you will," Ashton said defiantly. "You have no other choice."
I turned to Michael. "I take it you're going to say something?" I asked monotonously.
Michael just took out his Beats, and put them over my head. Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus was playing, and I raised an eyebrow at Michael.
"I know this song," I told him.
"Just fucking listen to it," he growled.
I raised my hands in defense, but listened to it anyway.
"Listen, Luke," Michael said once the song was over, "you may not want to be friends with us, and that's okay. We'll be hurt by your choice, sure, but it's okay. You may want to throw away this relationship that you have with us, and I understand that you're scared and you feel like that's what you need to do. But know this: Even though you don't want to be friends with us anymore, we will still be friends with you, and we will care for you, and we will protect you, and fight for you until the ends of the earth."
"You don't mean that," I scoffed, taking off Michael's headphones.
"We mean it with all our hearts and more," Ashton said. I've only heard Ashton use that phrase once, and that's when he was describing how much he loved Michael. That gave me the hint that what he said could possibly be sincere, but a part of me still didn't want to trust him.
"And if you betray me?" I asked.
"We won't," Michael and Ashton said firmly.
I have decided to trust them. Whether it's a horrible decision or not, I have yet to find out.