Broken - Lindsey Haun ^
Pedo Bear: Well?
Pedo Bear: Do you know me, or not?
I hesitate debating what to do. I look at the time, and see it's almost 12, around the time I like to head to class. Maybe I'll just go to class. Then I can have more time to think about how I want to respond. Yeah, I think that's a good idea.
I get up, and open my locker, putting my phone and lunch back in my backpack and grabbing my binder and pencil case. As I close and re-lock my locker, I hear footsteps coming towards me. I glance up and see Aaron walking down the hall, his eyes on me.
Fear shoots through me, making me avert my gaze, pretending to check if I having everything I need. I know I do, but I don't want Aaron to see me looking at him. It'd be like a mouse challenging a snake. A deer challenging a wolf.
It's dangerous. Too dangerous. I don't want to be hurt even more.
Prey doesn't challenge predator.
⚬⚬⚬
Blood flows from my cut arms.
Mom was home early. As soon as I stepped through the door, an empty wine bottle collided with my small frame, with enough force to shatter. She then took one of the broken glass shards and repeatedly dragged is across my arms.
Eventually she got tired of me and went out. Probably going to get more alcohol or search for a one nightstand.
Now, I'm adding to my scars again. Dragging the blade across my thigh again. Broken by Lindsey Haun plays from my phone, and I hum along, tears falling down my face.
As I start to bandage the cuts, I take a deep breath, closing my eyes.
Daydreams of what would happen if I killed myself float through my mind. If I were to bleed out here in the bathtub, Mom would eventually find my dead body. She wouldn't care, and would most likely not do anything. She'd probably think of it as a relief that she doesn't have to the deal with her fag son anymore.
No one would know I was dead... The highschool might call about me missing so many days of school. They might find out then, maybe have a morning announcement about my suicide, then everyone would forget me.
It would be as if I never existed. That wouldn't be too bad. Nobody in life, nobody in death. I could just be erased from the world. But it would be nice if even just one person would miss me. To know that my life wasn't completely worthless.
I wonder if Dad would care. He left me, so I doubt it.
When I'm finished wrapping bandages around my thigh, I follow my normal routine, grabbing my phone and slipping the blade back into the underside of my pillowcase.
Lying on my bed, I wonder what Aaron's up to. I glance at my phone, and decide to see what he's sent. He doesn't know it's me. I still have some time with someone to talk to, even if it is my biggest bully.
Today 12:00pm
Pedo Bear: AH?
Pedo Bear: Hello?
Pedo Bear: Class is starting soon
Pedo Bear: Please answer
Today 1:30pm
Pedo Bear: AH?
Pedo Bear: Why aren't you answering?
Pedo Bear: .°(ಗдಗ。)°.
Pedo Bear: Please text back
Pedo Bear: I'm guessing you know me
Pedo Bear: If I've been a jerk to you, I'm sorry
Pedo Bear: Really sorry
Today 3:00pm
Pedo Bear: ...
Pedo Bear: I get if you don't wanna keep talking, but can please tell me that?
Pedo Bear: Just tell me you don't wanna talk anymore
Pedo Bear: But please don't just leave me hanging like this
And the last few texts, only a few minutes ago:
Today 4:15pm
Pedo Bear: AH...
Pedo Bear: ...
Pedo Bear: Please don't leave me
How do I respond? How would Vengeance respond? Something a little sassy? Slightly cryptic? ... I'm terrible at being mysterious.
Me: Do you know the feeling of when someone close to you turns on you and hates your guts for something personal you kept hidden?
Pedo Bear: No. That's what I'm trying to avoid by staying in the closet.
Pedo Bear: Thank you, for finally replying.
Pedo Bear: I feel like I can be myself when I'm texting you.
Me: I don't really feel the same...
Me: ... Aaron
Pedo Bear: ...
Pedo Bear: Yeah
Pedo Bear: How do you know me?
Me: Same school
Pedo Bear: Grade?
Me: 10, same as you
Me: ... We've known each other since grade 5, when I moved here
Pedo Bear: Really?
Pedo Bear: Do we get along well?
Me: Not the best.
Pedo Bear: Huh. I think we could have a really good friendship.
Me: Well, we don't, Mitchell.
Pedo Bear: So why don't we try and make a good friendship?
Me: That wouldn't work with you and your jerk 'mask,' as you put it.
Me: If it really is a mask and not your real personality
Pedo Bear: ....
Pedo Bear: If you've known me since 5th grade, do you remember how I was usually this crazy, goofy kid? Mischief maker and a bit of a doofus?
Actually, I think I do remember that. He would always have this stupid grin and made dumb jokes. He was a clown. I haven't thought about that in a long time though.
Me: Yeah, I do remember
Pedo Bear: Remember it stopped around grade 7 or 8? That was when I was realizing I wasn't straight like I thought.
Pedo Bear: I tried to hide it by acting like a jerk. Someone no one would twice of for being straight, if that makes sense.
Me: It actually does make sense in a way
Pedo Bear: I've always been scared of rejection by people I care about
Pedo Bear: Hell, I don't think I'll ever get over that fear
Me: Lucky you, you haven't experienced it yet
Pedo Bear: Hang on...
Pedo Bear: You came out... And everyone left you?
Pedo Bear: Is that what happened? Why you're alone?
I hesitate. Might as well tell him, right? It'll hurt less if I'm alone again now than if I get used to texting him and he leaves later, right? I bet it'll feel a little better if I tell someone...
Me: Yeah
Me: I didn't come out to the public on my own
Pedo Bear: What happened?
Me: Promise you won't tell anyone? Even if you find out who I am, you won't tell anyone? Won't make me the talk of the school?
Pedo Bear: Never. I promise I won't tell anyone.
I take a deep breath as I start typing.
Me: I told my mom a few days after my dad left. I didn't think she would mind, but I guess she really did.
Me: Grade 8, people started assuming. When I didn't deny it, they knew it was certain. That's when the bullying started.
Me: Eventually I stopping being so... Energetic. Stopped talking to people.
Me: Stopped... Being me.
Pedo Bear: Wait...
Pedo Bear: Skye..?
Me: ...
Me: Goodbye