I would say I'm not nervous, but then I would be lying. I fucking hate giving presents because no matter who it is or how long I've known them, I hate the fact of maybe being judged for what I get them. It's probably stupid and in my head but there's nothing worse than knowing there's a possibility the person you're giving a gift to may hate what they've received.
"You okay? You're kind of quiet," Marcus whispers close to my ear. I nod my head and give a little smile.
"Yeah, don't worry about me." I make my answer as discreet as possible since in a room full of people, there's limited privacy if they sense a problem.
"Amanda come over here for the Secret Santa!" Georgia calls over to me. I groan and flop my head back onto Marcus's arm. I'm so warm and comfortable in the blankets with him I don't want to get up.
"Coming," I whine, slowly getting up from the couch. I stretch from side to side, cracking my back and knucles dramatically before joining the circle of girls, all joyously holding colorful bags in their hands.
"So are we just going to switch them or are we going to close our eyes, or what?" Lauren asks.
"What do we do every year?" Sofia asks with an eye roll. Lauren always wants to try and make the gift giving more creative, always having another idea in mind.
"Come on, it would be so much better to make it a surprise and guess rather than just expose it right on the spot!" she presses, but Georgia shakes her head.
"Nope, that'll take too long, and it's not like we have all night for this." Before Lauren could say anything else, she passes her bag over to Sofia.
"I knew it!" Sofia takes the glittery bag from her hands and carefully takes the paper out of the bag before reaching the gift at the bottom.
"Oh my God this is so cute, thank you!" she gushes over the sweatshirt, socks and dry recipe jars inside. "I can't wait to force Jon into baking with me!" The girls all giggle, as I do at the thought of her boyfriend playing Betty Crocker II in the kitchen.
"Alright Hannah I had you!" Sofia's smile is so wide handing Hannah the gift bag. Hannah usually doesn't do things with us, but since we've been hanging around Aaron more, we've inevitably been hanging around her more often.
"Thank you," she says before even opening the wrapping. She looks at the box in amusement and I'm amused looking at her expression. Sofia, bless her soul and I love her, but she can't wrap worth shit. But she tries, boy does she try hard.
Hannah rips the wrapping paper off the box, not caring about keeping the paper intact. When she opens the cardboard we all wait in anticipation to see what Sofia got her.
"Oh, thank you!" she says, holding up her first present for everyone to see. I laugh out loud at the box of condoms she's holding in her hand.
"Good thinking Sofia, we just ran out!" Aaron calls from across the room. Hannah turns and throws the box at his head, just barely missing him.
"Thanks baby!" We all laugh to Hannah's misery as she puts her head in her hands and shakes it disapporvingly.
"Okay, okay, what else is in there?" I bring the focus back to the Secret Santa when the guys starting wreaking havoc.
"Passes to the drive-in," she smiles wide.
"So you two can get in the romantic mood," Sofia teases, and this time Hannah succeeds in hitting Sofia in the face with her empty cup.
"Next!" she demands. Hannah hands her bag over to Lauren who bounces in her spot.
"Someone said you wanted it, I hope you didn't already get it," she prefaces as Lauren carefully removes the red and white tissue paper from the candy cane decorated bag.
Lauren pulls out a card, and when she opens it up she squeals.
"Thank you so much!" She leans over the circle to hug Hannah.
"What is it?" Mindy asks, leaning over trying to take a look.
"I've been wanting to try and work out forever, and she got me a six month membership to the new gym!" She actually bounces with excitement, but I can only hope she doesn't become obsessed. She has a tendancy to go through obsessive phases.
"Mindy you'd better like my gift I had to speak to your parents," Lauren says, shoving her perfectly wrapped gift towards Mindy.
"My parents aren't that horrible," Mindy defends.
"Oh my God did you get her a Scripture dictionary?" Georgia laughs her butt off, slapping her thigh.
"That was one time!" Mindy defends herself. I remember the awkward moment when Mindy was first beginning her morning 'classes' at her church and her mom bought her all the supplies she thought she needed. Needless to say Mindy was mortified and has never opened gifts in front of us since then.
"No, I got her something way better," Lauren chides.
Mindy rips everything off the box and opens the cardboard up.
"Oh Lauren thank you!" she gushes, pulling out a watercolor set she's been eyeing ever since she's picked up the hobby around eight months. It's one of the really nice professional ones and her mom would never let Mindy buy it because she didn't want to spend money on a hobby she didn't think she'd stick with. I guess she doesn't care if someone else gets it for her, though.
"I told you it was great!"
Mindy turns towards me and hands me her gift bag. "Merry Christmas, Manda."
I smile widely at her with appreciation. Mindy always has the sweetest gifts-always homemade, and always super cute.
My face probably shows complete awe when I reach in to find a handmade planner and fine point pens to go with it.
"Mindy this is beautiful!" I gasp, holding up the planner for the circle to see. The calligraphy on the front looks like font, and the artwork on the painted white cover looks professionally done.
"You better be on top of your shit this year," Lauren jokes, but I will definitely be wanting to write in this planner. The prettier a notebook is, the most likely I am to use it.
"Thank you, I love it!" I hug her with my right arm, squeezing her tightly.
"Now everyone knows who Amanda has."
Georgia holds out her hand and I slap the package into her outreaches palms.
****************
Being cuddled up against Marcus on a cold night next to a barely there fire with all the people I like most is the best way I could have spent my Christmas Eve.
"I have your gift," I whisper to not disturb the rest of the group from The Polar Express.
"You didn't have to get me anything," he replies when I hand him the envelope.
I shrug. "You did."
He tears the paper open and he looks down at the tickets in awe.
"Oh my God, thank you!" he whispers, and gives me a sound kiss. I sigh in relief. He likes it, and his reaction seemed genuine.
"I hope you like mine," he shyly mumbles. He hands me a small, red velvet box with a small white bow on the top.
I open the box and I gasp when I look at the rectangular cut emerald ring in the box. It's beautiful.
"May's your birth month, right?" he asks. I nod, still looking at the ring.
"Thank you, it's beautiful Marcus," I say.
I put on the ring, testing out which finger the ring fit the best. I set it back onto my right middle finger next to the other skinny silver ring already on it.
"You're welcome. And just so you know the ring doesn't mean anything, well I mean it means something obviously, but it's not a promise ring of any sort. I mean unless you're comfortable with that, but I just thought it was too early for something like that, but I just knew you like rings because you wear them all the time-." I stop his rambling my kissing his lips softly.
"You're so cute, and I love it. I means a lot to me you thought of me."
"Of course. You're gift is amazing too, and Dave Matthews is amazing."
He grins at me, showing those damn smile lines I love looking at so much. "I love you," he says lowly and I feel the butterflies rise up in my stomach.
"Merry Christmas," I whisper back.