Even though my time in London was short, I was on cloud nine when I left and it managed to sustain me over the next two months as the boys continued their tour. Not that I really had time to mope since I had a ton on my plate too with finals and gigs with HyperDrive. I was a year out from graduating now and my thoughts were already turning to the future for myself and for my relationship with James.
Walking into our apartment after my final class for the year, I felt a wave of loneliness hit me hard. He'd be home in a matter of weeks, but now with school done and my band on hiatus for the summer, I had nothing to distract me from the fact he wasn't there. Reaching for the phone to call Kel about going out for drinks, the front doorbell rang. Not expecting anyone, I looked through the keyhole and was surprised to see a young guy in a delivery uniform. Cautiously opening the door I looked at him expectantly, but he was too busy staring at my breasts to notice.
Finally, I snapped my fingers in front of his face. "Yer a delivery guy right?" He nodded, his gaze back on my breasts. "Do you have a delivery then?"
"Oh shit, yeah." Reluctantly dragging his eyes upwards, he grinned wide as he produced a manila envelope and gave me a document on a clipboard to sign. "If ya feel like adding yer phone number, I guarantee I'll call." He looked me over again.
Sighing, I shoved the clipboard into his chest while grabbing my envelope and stepping back in the house.
"So you don't want me to call ya then?" came a confused voice from the other side of the door.
Ignoring him, I walked into the living room, plopped down on the sofa and ripped open the envelope. The first thing my fingers found inside was a handwritten note, and my heart beat faster when I recognized Jamie's handwriting.
Leila,
First let me get this out of the way...I fucking miss you. Thinking about the last time we were together in London, it makes me feel better just like you said it would, but I don't want to keep pretending you're with me anymore, I want you to be with me for real. I've sent you a plane ticket. You can't take it back so don't even try. I can't wait two more weeks or even two more days. Please come.
I love you,
James
I'm pretty sure I squealed loud enough for him to hear me on the other side of the planet. Looking in the envelope I found an airline ticket printed out to me, scheduled to depart the next day out of San Francisco International. I spent a couple minutes doing a ridiculous happy dance before realizing I needed to pack; I hated packing. This required reinforcements, so I made my intended call to Kel. She was thrilled at my good news and was practically out the door to my place before we finished on the phone.
We had a fun evening catching up, playing fashion show, and getting me packed. I missed living with her, but we'd managed to stay the best of friends despite our separate living situations. School was kicking her butt too and she'd put her nose to the grindstone over the last year, determined to finish college in four years. Her partying days had come to a screeching halt, and another unfortunate victim of her changed priorities was her relationship with Ron. They were still friends and she'd pass along occasional updates on how he was doing, but at some point, they realized the distance was too much and they were too distracted to really commit. Kel was bummed for a while and I imagined Ron was too, but I guess it was a sign of maturity that they'd made the tough decision to split, knowing in the long run it was the right choice.
She stayed overnight and the next day dropped me off at the airport. The flight was long, but I slept off and on and watched the inflight movies, even though they were all in French. I felt every mile fall away as I got closer to Jamie, and by the time I landed in Amsterdam, I was grinning like an idiot. People gave me strange looks, so I knew I was grinning like an idiot. Didn't care.
Grabbing my carry-on, I navigated through baggage and then customs before entering a crowded arrivals area. Scanning the room, I was worried that maybe he was late or someone else was picking me up, when I spied a sign peeking over someone's shoulder that read, "Most awesome girlfriend on the Planet". Stepping from behind a group of tourists about to board their tour bus, Jamie was grinning wide, his smile matching mine as we moved towards each other. His mouth was on mine immediately as he wrapped me up tight in his arms. The world kept moving around us, but for Jamie and me, there was nothing more than his lips on mine and the joy of being together again.
Finally we pulled apart, already breathing hard. He stroked my hair and face as he looked me over. "I can't believe yer finally here Lei. I've been goin' crazy wonderin' if you'd come."
"I couldn't wait another two weeks either. I was jumping out of my skin, I've been missin' you so much."
He was kissing me again and my arms slipped around his shoulders to hold him to me.
Eventually the noises of the busy airport around us started to intrude on our bubble. Pulling apart again, I blushed as I caught people staring at us, some in disapproval and some with understanding. Grabbing my suitcase with one hand and wrapping an arm around my waist, James steered us towards an exit and out to a waiting limo. I raised an eyebrow at him in surprise.
"The promoters for the gig tomorrow," he explained. "They offered the car when they got wind that you were comin'."
"Wow, guess they really wanna keep you happy," I teased.
I noticed him look away quickly and he seemed suddenly anxious as his cheeks darkened with discomfit. Handing the driver my things, he ushered me into the back of the car, closing the door behind us. He appeared to be wrestling with something, but before I could ask what was wrong, the driver got in the front and let us know it'd be about an hour drive to our destination. He must have read our need for privacy as he raised the solid partition between him and us. It was quiet for a minute.
"Is everything ok?" I asked tentatively.
Jamie nodded, though he looked almost scared. "We said we'd tell each other everything right?"
I nodded, though I could feel a knot forming in my stomach. What had happened?
"Last night," he continued glumly, "after we arrived in town. I....I guess the promoters thought they were bein' cool and decided to send over some beer and food to me and the guys. And...."
He stopped and looked down at his hands.
"And?" I prompted quietly, though I had a pretty good idea of what was coming next.
"Well...there was a knock on my hotel room door and I figured it was more gifts...and I was right. Two girls had been sent over to keep me company."
He looked miserable as he told me.
"Company? You mean they were hookers?"
"Yeah." He looked at me, his eyes beseeching mine. "I made them leave right away, I didn't even shake their hand or anything. I was so embarrassed, and I think even they felt kinda bad for me. But I need you to know I never considered—"
I was kissing him before he could finish. He groaned low in his throat as he pulled me up onto his lap, his arms holding me close.
Finally, I pulled away a little. "Thank you for telling me," I said solemnly as I stroked his cheek. "I know you were worried that I'd be upset...but I'm not. I just love you so fuckin' much right now."
His face sagged with relief and he cupped the back of my head as he kissed me thoroughly, his tongue sliding between my lips to tangle with mine. I kissed him back fervently, suddenly feeling a sense of urgency to demonstrate my love and faith in him.
"Oh god baby," he murmured against my mouth as he began to tentatively caress and touch my body, "I need you so bad."
He spoke out loud my exact thoughts. Twisting on his lap, I was able to kneel on either side of his thighs as I settled myself on top of him; immediately recapturing his lips with mine. He was moaning into my mouth even as his hands slid up under my blouse and smoothed over my back. Somehow my top was being pulled up and over my head and then his hands were back on me, one sliding down inside my jeans to cup my bare ass, the other sliding a bra strap off my shoulder, revealing a naked breast to his gaze. I was trembling then as I saw the look of hunger in his eyes as his tongue flicked out to lathe at my bare breast. My breath caught sharply in my throat, and he shifted his gaze to catch mine as he continued to lick at the flesh, his teeth nipping gently on the hardened nipple.
Impatient for more, I reached around to unfasten my bra, before tossing it over my shoulder as Jamie quickly devoured the exposed skin with his hands and lips. The pleasure was intense since it had been months since I'd felt his touch, my hands gripped his shoulders tight as I pushed myself closer to his mouth. I felt his erection then, pushing up against my ass where I sat against him. Spreading my knees out a little, I pressed down on him and slid back and forth just once. He got even harder underneath me and the sexy growl I heard coming from his throat almost made me lose it. God I loved making this boy burn for me, though it was part pleasure and part pain. Painful in that I wanted him just as badly as he wanted me.
Despite the presence of a complete stranger barely ten feet way, separated by only a thin piece of opaque glass, Jamie and I made love in the back of that limo. We undressed each other hurriedly before he was pulling me back onto him, and the feel of him inside me was at once familiar and exhilarating as I rode him to a mind-fusing orgasm. Afterwards, we lay naked in each other's arms, kissing and caressing while we spoke tenderly. Only getting dressed moments before arriving at the hotel, I couldn't look the driver in the face as we got out, but I'm pretty sure I saw him give Jamie a knowing smirk. The rest of the day and night were spent in our room getting....caught up.
It was amazing to be back on tour with the band. The guys were excited to have me there and we had a blast as we traveled from venue to venue over the next few days. I think I was a tangible reminder of home for each of them, and it was clear that they were ready to head back to the Bay Area and get some much needed rest before they went back on the road to promote the next album Ride the Lightning.
The guys were scheduled to open for Twisted Sister over five concerts, ending with the Heavy Sound Festival in Belgium. By the time we arrived for the festival, the boys were bouncing off the walls. They were so close to heading home, it was hard for them to focus on the show. I noticed, as I'd observed often over the last week, that they all were drinking even more than previously, especially Jamie. I figured with me there, he'd have me to lean on rather than using alcohol as a crutch, but he was downing beers and liquor at a volume that surprised and alarmed me. Even now as he got warmed up for the show, he kept a bottle of something close by. He caught me watching him a couple time, but neither of us said anything.
Finally they were ready to go on, and Jamie and I walked hand and hand to the rear of the stage. I could see bits of the stadium and could tell it was a huge crowd, bigger than any they'd performed for before. Looking over at James, I gave him a smug smile.
"What's that for?" he asked, smiling back at me.
"Didn't I just say a couple months ago that you guys were gonna make it big?" He nodded at my question and my smile widened. "Well today just proves me right."
Stopping short, he pulled me into his arms. "So is this an I-told-you-so moment?"
"Of course not. I'm just so happy for all yer success."
"Really? Thanks Lei." He seemed genuinely touched.
I let him sit with that for a moment.
"And....I told you so," I cackled.
He laughed along with me until he pulled me in for a kiss. Quickly it turned heated, and only Lars shouting from a distance brought us back to reality. Blushing and smiling shyly at each other, we walked over to join the rest.
The band had assembled an actual stage crew over the last number of months; a ragtag group that they had either hired or just kind of absorbed onto the team. The guys had their huddle, and then The Ecstasy of Gold began playing out over the stadium's speakers. A couple of shots were downed quickly and then James was leaning down to give me his pre-show kiss. I surprised him by slipping my tongue into his mouth to slick along his. Feeling him lean in for more, I pulled back before we got carried away. He looked down at me, eyes midnight blue with desire.
"Just for that, I'm gonna fuck you silly tonight at the hotel," he growled low.
"Unless I fuck you silly first," I sassed back.
He made a move towards me like he was coming in for another kiss, but then Cliff grabbed him, and with an apologetic look at me, propelled James out onto the stage. I was still laughing, even as they dove into the first song.
Watching from the side, my head nodding in time to the music, I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. Turning around, I was surprised to see the stage manager who'd introduced himself to the band earlier.
"Would you like to see from the front?" He had an accent, but spoke perfect English. "We have a pit up front for the crew and press."
"Wow, that'd be great." I nodded enthusiastically, rarely having an opportunity like this.
Motioning for me to follow, he led me through the backstage and then through a secured door leading to the front of the stage. Passing by a couple large security guys, we walked down a short staircase and then through a passage that led to the front. Fans were jammed up along a long barricade to the right of us, throwing their fists in the air and bobbing their heads to the music. Ignoring the catcalls, I made my way to the pit and found a spot amongst a group of photographers. I noticed the stage manager lean in and whisper to the nearest security personnel, and then he pointed at me and I knew he was making sure they kept an eye on me. Smiling my thanks, I quickly turned my attention to the action happening on the stage above. Cliff had already seen me and gave a big grin, and I gave a small wave back. Jamie was on the far side of stage left as he and Kirk stood side by side, their heads banging in unison. Finally, he came back over to the center of the stage to sing into his mic. I watched him from my spot below and I could feel my stomach tighten with pride and my breath catch with desire. Fuck he was hot on stage. I didn't want to think about all the girls in the audience thinking that same thing.
Just then, he happened to look down and his gaze caught mine. His face broke into a beautiful smile, and I just stood there like an idiot, basking in the radiance of that smile. He turned back to sing out to the crowd, but out of the corner of his eye he was watching me and I could see the twinkle of humor in his eyes. I guess he found it funny that I was so easily mesmerized by him. Of course, two could play at that game. Pulling the new Ride the Lightning sweatshirt James had given me up and over my head, I was left in ripped cut-offs and a black corset that was laced in the front in a way that forced my breast together and up, almost spilling out at the top. I could see his eyes go wide and his fingers faltered for a moment on his guitar. Wickedly, I smiled back. He gave his head a little shake and quickly looked back out at the audience, but he looked to me often, his gaze becoming more and more fiery.
From behind me, a voice started speaking loudly in what sounded like German. I glanced over my shoulder and saw that the voice belonged to a youngish guy pressed up against the barricade a few feet behind me. He was shirtless with a few tattoos over his chest and biceps, and his head was shaved clean. Though his pupils were dilated and glazed with too much alcohol, there was something disturbing about the intent in his eyes that had me nervous, and thankful for the barricade that separated us. Deciding my best course of action was to ignore him, I turned back to watch the band as they rolled into No Remorse. Moments later, I felt myself being yanked backwards and into the barricade. Looking up, I saw that the creepy guy had somehow managed to leverage himself up and over the barrier enough to reach me; his hand still gripping my arm tight as he drunkenly leered down at me. Before I could even react, there was a flash of black as Jamie jumped down from the stage and dove for the asshole.
"Get yer hands off her motherfucker!"
Suddenly, my arm was freed and I slipped to the ground. Two security guards joined the fray; one to pull Jamie off the guy, and the other to haul the guy out of the crowd. They all landed in a heap in front of me, and before the guy could run for it, security grabbed him. James scrambled to his feet and helped me to mine. Pushing some hair off my face, he looked me over worriedly.
"I'm fine," I muttered, more embarrassed than anything.
"Are you sure?"
I nodded before smiling wanly. "Remember, it's not a Downey party unless there's a fight."
I could tell he was torn between smiling at my joke and remaining pissed over what had happened. Pulling me towards him gently, he hugged me close, and I could feel his heart pounding in his chest as adrenaline continued to pump through his veins.
He held me a minute more before kissing me tenderly on the forehead.,"I guess I should...ya know..."
"Get back onstage and entertain the 30,000 people staring at us?"
"Yeah, that," he replied, nodding his head ruefully.
With one last lingering look, he hauled himself back onto the stage, the stadium going wild at his reappearance.
Walking to the mic stand, he settled down the crowd. "Alright, alright, everyone calm the fuck down." He flashed an apologetic smile. "Yeah...um... sorry about the interruption. Some asshole was hassling my girl."
The crowd had Jamie's back immediately. "Hope you kicked his ass!" someone shouted.
I could hear James give a humorless chuckle. "Oh hell yeah. No one fucks with the people I care about." He caught my gaze while leaning in close to the mic, his voice rumbling out across the stadium. "You know, I'm still a little amped, like I still need to fuck some shit up."
He glanced back at the other members of the band who were looking at him confusion. They caught on quickly though.
"I'm lookin' for a fight, know what I mean?"
A roar of approval spread through the audience.
"That fucker better watch his back, cuz I'm on a mission to seek..." He paused then, knowing the diehard fans would finish.
"And destroy!!" the crowd thundered as the band launched into the all too familiar riff.
~
The rest of their set continued without incident, though James did keep one eye on me and one out to the audience for the remainder. Backstage after, the guys were teasing us both about what had happened, and even though we both laughed, I felt an uneasiness creeping around the edges of my mind. James seemed to finally relax, though I think it had more to do with the bottle of vodka he'd adopted for the night as we hung out in a backstage area set up for partying. There were a lot of people hanging out, other bands and their guests, and an assortment of groupie types were flirting with any musicians they could find. I sat on a bench and leaned back against the wall behind me sipping a beer. This part of touring was my least favorite. On one hand, I was proud of James and the boys and knew they deserved every accolade and bit of recognition from other musicians and fans. On the other hand, I hated watching the girls flutter around Jamie, batting their lashes and pushing their tits in his face while he signed an autograph or t-shirt. Occasionally, a chick would stick her breasts out for signing, and he'd shoot me an apologetic look as he got it over as quickly as possible. I just practiced maintaining my composure and patience, and tried to remember I was the girl he loved and wanted.
Someone sat down next to me and I looked over to see it was Cliff. He held up his beer bottle, and I clinked mine against his before we each took a long drink. We settled back, sitting in silence for a moment as I watched a couple more girls come up to Jamie and ask him to sign something. I could tell that the booze had loosened him up quite a bit, and he wasn't having his usual social awkwardness as he chatted with them.
Cliff must have followed my gaze, and he spoke up unexpectedly. "You know he's never gonna fuck around on you right?"
I flushed, knowing that Cliff had glimpsed my green-eyed monster.
"Yeah, I know that. Still, it's not fun knowin' that these chicks are all scheming how to get him into bed."
"Well, just think how James felt all these years watchin' every idiot with eyes make a move on you."
I sighed at that. "I know. It's just...."
"You think guys have a harder time keepin' their dicks in their pants. You'd be right."
"Thanks Cliff, that make me feel so much fuckin' better."
He chuckled low at my sarcasm. "Look, there's always someone to fuck...but love....when you find it and yer open to it, nothin' else compares."
I looked over at him in surprise. "You've been in love then?"
"Once...when I was in high school. She was a year older and just the coolest fuckin' chick I'd ever known. You remind me of her."
"I do?"
"Yeah. In the way you carry yourself, yer attitude. The kinda girl a guy can hang out with all the time and it never gets old or boring. Keeps ya on yer toes, but in a good way."
"If you don't mind me askin', how come yer not still together? I mean, if she was so great."
He gave a small shrug. "She graduated before me and our lives went in completely different directions. I see her from time to time and we're still friends." He looked at me and I knew that he could see the worry in my eyes. "That was us, but that doesn't mean it's gonna be you guys. I mean, she was on a totally different life path than me, and most of all, we didn't have this crazy fuckin' connection that you and James have. I told you I felt it that first night I met you both. James ain't gonna leave ya, cuz the guy would be lost." He finished his beer and gave me an embarrassed smile. "Christ, when did I turn into Dear Fuckin' Abby? I need to have another beer and go fuck something quick."
I laughed at that as I watched him get up and amble towards the bar. Letting my gaze wander then over the room, I saw that things were getting a little steamier as some conversations between groupies and musicians had turned into make-out sessions. Lars had his hand up some chick's shirt while she sucked on his neck, and Kirk had two girls on either side of him, one who'd taken his hand and put it onto her breast, while the other gave him a massage. Watching all this just brought home what James was faced with day after day being on the road, and it was only going to get worse as they grew more popular. I needed to figure out some way to be ok with what was going on around him, without worrying that any moment he was going to give in. I had faith in him, but most women didn't have to worry about their boyfriends living in the midst of this kind of decadence and opportunity.
Looking back to Jamie, my eyes collided with his as he was gazing at me intently; the same two girls continued talking to him, unaware that he was undressing me with his eyes. Just as I was having this internal battle about James' fidelity, all he had to do was look at me like he was at that very moment, and every bit of anxiety disappeared, replaced with a thrumming need resonating deep in my core. Deliberately, I ran my hands slowly down my stomach and over my thighs, before spreading my legs apart a little as I leaned back against the wall behind me, my breathing becoming heavier as I continued watching him. Unconsciously I licked my lips, and without another word to either girl, James walked determinedly across the room towards me. In one movement, he pulled me up and into his arms while his lips crashed down hard on mine. I could taste the booze on his tongue as it invaded my mouth, but I was beyond caring as I clung to him while he kissed me deeply. Finally we came up for air.
"Wanna get out of here?" he asked hoarsely as ran his fingers down my neck, over the tops of my breasts, and to the ribbon holding the front of the corset in place. "I need to get you back to the hotel as soon as possible. Yer distractin' the fuck outta me."
Shivering at the impatient growl in his throat, I stretched up and nipped his earlobe lightly with my teeth. "I saw a bunch of limos out back, who says we have to wait till we get to the hotel?"
That did it. The next thing I knew, he was grabbing me by the hand and quickly winding his way towards the transportation area. A limo pulled up immediately and it was the same driver who'd picked me up at the airport. We were already making out madly in the back seat before the driver had a chance to get the car moving. Peripherally, I was aware that the divider was slowly edging upwards, and I grinned wide as I pulled Jamie down on top of me.
~
A few days later we flew home, and it was beyond amazing to be back in our place together. We isolated ourselves away at first, needing time alone, and to allow James time to decompress from being away; it took him a full week to feel more like himself again. Eventually though we did ease back into the world. He threw me a party for my 21st birthday and invited everyone we knew. Some of the gang from Downey came up, and we had the party at the Metallica Mansion in El Cerrito since it had a large backyard. All our musician friends played, I even got up and sang, and of course Metallica debuted some of the songs from their new album. That party was talked about for years as one of the most epic ever.
A week and a half later, Ride the Lightning was released. The boys had to leave for a couple days to do some press in New York, but none of us minded if it meant the album would get more airplay. The album was pretty universally praised and the boys were in high spirits when they got back. That good mood was on display the following day when Lars, Cliff, James and I were joined by some friends to attend an Iron Maiden concert. It was actually a really nice change of pace to be on the audience side, with no pressure to perform or business types buzzing around. It'd been a while since the guys felt like just typical American kids out for a good time.
That night stood apart though for another reason. We were standing around talking and drinking while waiting for the next warm up band to go on, when I noticed Cliff's eyes kept darting to the right. Following his gaze, I saw a very pretty brunette standing with a group about thirty feet away. She didn't seem to be aware that she was being watched, but I could see that the bass player's gaze seemed to linger longer each time. For all of Cliff's confidence when it came to music and women looking for a quick lay, I had finally found his Achilles Heel. He actually seemed to be completely at a loss as to how to approach this girl. It was incredibly sweet, but I had to hide my smile for fear of annoying him; I could see him blowing her off just to prove a point. It was clear there was something about her and I cared about Cliff, he deserved to have someone special in his life.
Another band came on and played, and still Cliff didn't make a move. Sighing with frustration, I leaned back against Jamie, who was standing behind me with an arm wrapped around my waist.
I felt his lips brush my ear. "Everything ok?"
"Yeah. I think I need to kick someone's ass in gear though."
He looked at me in mock fear and I laughed as I turned in his arms and kissed him on the neck. Immediately, one arm tightened around my waist while a hand crept down to squeeze my ass.
"Fuck Lei, you make it almost impossible to go anywhere in public." He groaned quietly.
My breath was hot against his neck as I trailed my lips up his jaw before settling on his mouth. We kissed for a few minutes before I remembered that I had a mission.
"I...I need to do something." I pulled back, breathing heavy. "But I'll be right back."
Gently, he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. "Do you want me to come with?"
"Nah"—I smiled at him cheekily—"I need to be stealth."
His brow furrowed in confusion, but I just smiled up at him innocently as I slipped out of his arms.
Avoiding eye contact with Cliff, I walked towards the pretty brunette. Pretending to be paying more attention to the band on stage than on where I was going, I felt myself collide with something "accidentally".
I heard a soft "Ooof", before I stepped back startled. "Oh shit, I'm so sorry." I was quick to apologize to the other woman. "I wasn't even watching where I was goin', I'm such a klutz."
She smiled sweetly at me and I knew I liked her right away.
"It's ok, not a problem." She looked down at herself before looking back at me with a twinkle in her eye. "Nothing's been dislodged, maimed or permanently ruined."
"So you don't plan on suing then?" I teased back, matching her tone.
"Well let's not be hasty, depends on how much money you have."
"Clearly I'm rollin' in dough. I just like to walk amongst the peasants from time to time to remind myself of how extraordinary I am."
We both tried to keep a straight face and failed as we started laughing.
"I'm Leila by the way." I stuck my hand out.
"Corinne." She was still chuckling as she shook my hand.
One of the guys in her group chose that moment to interrupt our conversation. He was noticeably undressing me with his eyes.
"Damn Corinne, who's yer friend?"
I saw her roll her eyes and sigh. "Doesn't matter Mark, she's way too fuckin' good for you. Just go away."
He ignored her suggestion as he took another step closer. "Come on, I just wanna get friendly with yer new friend too. She's hot as fuck."
My sigh matched Corinne's as I shook my head. "Not gonna happen...Mark is it?" I pointed back towards James, who was watching the exchange with a fierce expression in his eyes. "See that guy, he's my boyfriend. He's very protective. Very."
Mark looked like he wanted to argue, but the scowl on Jamie's face deepened, and even from a distance, we could see his fists clench tight.
"Hey Jake!" Corinne shouted over the music to another guy in the group. "Come get your boy before he gets his ass beaten."
Another guy walked over, and not too gently, shoved Mark towards the front of their group and out of our view. I looked over at Corinne and gave her a grateful smile.
"I imagine you get that a lot," she commiserated. "Must get old."
"Do I sound like a conceited bitch if I say it does?" I smiled wanly. "For me and for James."
"Is James your boyfriend over there?"
"Yeah." I didn't realize how my face changed as I gazed at him across the distance.
"Damn girl, you've got it hella bad."
I blushed as I realized I'd been staring. Looking back at my new friend, I smiled in embarrassment.
"Yep, pretty much." I shrugged unapologetically as she laughed. "Hey, you should come over and I'll introduce you. Give you an excuse to avoid our good buddy Mark."
"He's definitely no friend of mine, he's my roommate's friend from work. Not sure if you noticed, but he's a total jackass."
"So being a douche is not part of his charm?" I shot back sarcastically.
We giggled again, and just then, the band finished their set. While the crowd clapped and cheered, I took the opportunity to lead Corinne over to my friends. I could see Cliff giving me a look as we walked up, but I pretended to be blithely unware. James shot me a weird look too, but he rolled with it as I introduced him to my new friend. Some in the group had wandered off already to get more beers from the concession stands, but I noticed that Cliff had stayed rooted.
I made introductions, deliberately leaving him for last. "Corinne, I'd like you to meet Cliff. Cliff, this is my new friend Corinne."
I watched as they shyly nodded at each other. Surprisingly, the bass player seemed at a loss for words. Trying not to sigh out loud in frustration, I worked to keep up a dialogue, with Jamie throwing in an occasional word or two, though he was even worse at making small talk than me. It was painful, and I almost laughed with relief when Iron Maiden finally came out on stage, making conversation impossible. Corinne decided to stay with our group for the rest of the performance, though we didn't have much chance to talk, or more importantly, there weren't many opportunities for her and Cliff to talk. Not that he was saying anything still. He was even more reticent than usual, and I resisted the urge to slap him upside the head. Realizing there was nothing more I could do, I turned my attention to enjoying the show with James.
The concert finally ended, and Corinne said goodbye to our group but gestured for me to walk her back over to her friends. I shot Cliff a look as I passed him, but he just pretended not to see. Guys were idiots.
We'd only taken a couple steps before Corinne nudged me with her shoulder. "By the way, I know what you were doing back there."
I wasn't sure exactly what she was referring to, so I played dumb. "What was I doin'?"
"Helping your friend make a move."
I stopped and stared at her, and she giggled at the look on my face.
"Wait, how did you know?"
She looked past me, and I knew she was looking at Cliff when her cheeks flushed pink. "I knew he was checking me out...and I was checking him out when he wasn't looking."
I put my hands on my hips in mock outrage. "You used me!"
She blushed harder as she handed me a piece of paper. "This has my number. Tell Cliff I'll say yes if he wants to ask me out."
I smiled happily at her as I took the note and gave her a hug goodbye, feeling pretty damn smug about my matchmaking skills. Sauntering back over, I slipped an arm around Jamie's waist.
"Do I even wanna know?" he asked, one eyebrow raised.
"All in good time." I smiled sweetly.
Just then, I caught Cliff's eye and his expression was stern. I knew he wasn't used to having people butt into his life, and most people knew better than to try. I could understand and appreciate that, but I also wasn't any good at watching my friend lose out on a chance to be happy.
"You know you wasted all my efforts back there," I lectured him as he turned into a sulky teenager before my eyes.
"It was a waste of time Leila. It ain't gonna happen."
"Oh, so you weren't makin' puppy dog eyes at her all night?" I raised a challenging eyebrow at him. "I served her right up to you and ya did nothin'."
He shrugged. "Like I said, it was a waste of time."
"Ok." I pretended like I was going to drop the subject as I held up the paper Corinne had given me. 'I guess I was wrong about you likin' her. Guess I'll just toss the phone number she gave me to give to you."
His eyes widened and he snatched the piece of paper out of my hands. I worked hard to keep the smug smile off my face as his eyes scanned the paper.
"This is her number?" I nodded and he continued looking at it. "And she wants me to call her?"
He still didn't seem convinced, and my heart melted at the vulnerability on his face.
I leaned in close to him so even Jamie couldn't hear. "She said that she'd say yes if you asked her out. She was just as aware of you as you were of her. She wants this."
I stepped back and watched the smile break over his face. It stayed there the whole ride home.
~
He did call her and I didn't have to pester him to do it. They went out a few days after the concert, and though I got zero in the way of details from him, he did concede that they had a great time and yes he actually spoke this time. Things must have been going well, as Corinne showed up at a secret show the band did later in July to promote Ride the Lightning. They billed themselves as The Four Horsemen, and all our friends came and a bunch of fans who suspected it might be Metallica. Kelly came with and I introduced her to Corinne, and they hit it off right away. Honestly, I hadn't met a person yet who couldn't get along with Kel.
The place was beyond packed and the locals were thrilled to have the band back and performing in the Bay Area after so long; the new songs especially were a huge hit. It was bittersweet though as I knew the guys would be taking off for Europe in the fall and Jamie and I would be apart once again. I tried to push that to the back of my mind, but there was a part of me that couldn't let go of the fact that things were changing fast for James, and I was afraid of getting left behind.
That fear was realized a few weeks later when we were in New York for a show. Jon Zazula had put together a showcase of his bands, and Metallica was wedged in between Raven and Anthrax. The rumors were that there were a lot of music industry types in the audience, and Lars and James were excited, as they'd grown frustrated with Megaforce. They loved Jonny and Marsha and everything they'd done for them, but it was clear the Zazula's just didn't have the connections and resources to take the band to the next level. None of the guys were happy about the idea of hurting Jon, but they also knew they didn't have any other options if they wanted to reach wider audiences and make the kind of albums that were satisfying on a creative level, not just cobbled together like the first two.
Jamie was a jumble of anxious nerves before the show as he paced around backstage, his tense energy coming off in waves. I hadn't seen him like this in a while and I knew how much this night meant for them. Finally, I stood up, took him by the hand, and led him out into the alley behind the venue. Fortunately it was empty and relatively quiet. Somehow he'd gotten ahold of a can of beer and I watched as he guzzled the entire thing in one shot. Tamping down on the impulse to caution him—I didn't think a lecture was going to go over well in his state—instead, I wrapped my arms around his waist and quietly hugged him. I could feel his heart pounding and his body vibrating with adrenaline, but his arms slid around me, and slowly I felt him begin to calm. Running my hands up and down his back soothingly, he let out a few shuddering breaths before his breathing evened out.
"Better?" I murmured against his chest.
I could feel him nod. "You always know what I need. What would I do without you baby?"
I lifted my head to look up at him. "Yer own laundry for starters."
He threw back his head and laughed loudly, shaking his head in amusement he looked down at me with eyes so full of love, all I could do was stare.
Slowly the laughter died from his face, replaced with something deep and powerful. "Thanks for helpin' get my head screwed back on straight Lei."
"You don't hafta thank—"
"I do. And while I'm at it, thanks for always supporting me and believin' in me."
"Jamie—"
"And thanks for makin' me see all the good stuff in the world and not just the dark...and for makin' me laugh all the time." He cupped my cheeks that were suddenly damp. "And thank you for lovin' me Leila. Thank you for that most of all."
He leaned down and kissed me deeply, the feel of his lips on mine was poignant in the wake of the things he'd just said. I'd never felt more loved and more in awe. Lifting his head he stared down at me, and I could tell he was feeling the same emotions as me.
"Here I was gonna give you a pep talk," I whispered as we continued staring at each other. "But I don't have anything that could top that."
Eventually we went back inside, but James maintained his calm this time as he waited in the wings for the band to be introduced. Ecstasy of Gold began playing and we reached for each other again as he kissed me tenderly before taking his guitar and jogging onstage to a screaming audience. Quickly, I headed out front to join Jon, Marsha, Metal Joe, Maria, and a bunch of the Old Bridge Militia. It was great to hang out with everyone again, though I was the only one in the group to understood the sentimentality of the moment, that this might be the last time Metallica performed under the Megaforce banner. It was bittersweet, a sentiment I found myself feeling often throughout the night.
Jamie's worry was unfounded as the band killed it onstage, whipping the audience up into a frenzy as the ground literally shook beneath my feet. The New York crowd loved the band, and James in particular, as he hit a highpoint in his performance and showmanship that I'd never seen before. I sat in awe as I watched him hold the audience under his spell. Looking around, the industry types were easy to pick out, and I could feel it in my bones that something pivotal was going to happen tonight for the band.
As soon as they were done, I wound my way towards the backstage to congratulate them on an amazing show. It took a while to get through the crowd, and by the time I made it backstage, members of the Metallica crew were packing up the gear but James and the other guys were nowhere to be found. Apparently, one of the record company reps had come backstage a few minutes earlier, corralled the boys, and was taking them to meet in a room upstairs. I headed up right away and saw them walk through a door at the end of a hallway.
Hurrying to catch Jamie before he went in, some guy I didn't recognize stepped in front of the door, cutting me off from entering the room. "This is a private meeting. You can wait to get an autograph from the band downstairs."
I was so caught off guard, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "But I'm James' girlfriend."
I was completely mortified that that was all I could come up with, but the guy was unmoved by my claim anyway. "Yeah, well I'm sure that kid has a lot of girlfriends. If he doesn't, he will soon."
Before I could say anything else, he slipped into the room and shut the door firmly in my face. I stood there for a minute shocked at the exchange and unsure of what to do. I could bang on the door and demand entry, but that seemed overly dramatic, and really, did I have a right to be in that room other than as support for Jamie and the other guys? This was their careers not mine, and I certainly wasn't going to do anything to jeopardize what they'd worked so hard for. For the first time since James and I had known each other, I felt that maybe there wasn't room for me in all the parts of his life like it had always been. It was an unsettling feeling, and it stayed with me as I went back downstairs and rejoined the Militia. Anthrax started their set, but I barely noticed as I sat nursing a drink, feeling a little troubled.
An hour went by and the showcase wrapped up, but the Metallica boys were still MIA. Dave Marrs came and found me eventually, saying that they were dropping off the equipment at the hotel and then rendezvousing with the Militia at a bar. I decided to wait, and the venue started to empty out little by little. As usual, there were a group of girls hanging around waiting for the guys in the various bands to make an appearance. It did not escape my notice that many seemed to be waiting for Metallica, and it only compounded my mood that now I was relegated to the groupies waiting for an appearance of their favorite musician. Sitting at the bar, I occupied myself with melting my cocktail straw in the nearest lit candle votive, when finally there was a sudden rise in chatter and giggling amongst the group of girls. The boys had finally arrived.
Swiveling the barstool around, I watched as the guys came out one by one, James bringing up the rear as he finished talking to the guy that had barred me from the room. I tried to get the gist of their conversation from where I sat, and I could easily tell that the record guy was playing up the whole boys being boys angle by pointing out some of the more attractive of the girls eagerly waiting. Ok, it was bad enough this guy made me feel two inches tall earlier, now he was encouraging my boyfriend to screw these sluts. Now I was getting pissed.
Then I remembered that this guy might have the very fate of Metallica in his hands, so I took a breath—and then another—while I continued watching. James laughed at something the guy said and then shook his head. The guy nudged him in the side, but Jamie shook his head again, firmer this time, and looked around the room, seeming to notice for the first time that most everyone had cleared out. I could see his brow furrow with worry, and then his eyes finally fell on me, and the way they lit up, and the width of his smile, made my heart sputter to a stop.
Damn.
Ignoring the record guy, Jamie quickly moved across the room towards me as I remained rooted on the stool, suddenly afraid my legs wouldn't hold me upright. Then he was in front of me, cupping my face as he leaned down, my lips immediately surrendering to the insistent warmth and softness of his mouth. Somehow, without realizing it, I was winding my arms around his neck and opening my thighs wide so that he could move flush against me. His hands immediately shifted down to my ass to pull me tight against him as we clung to each other.
Eventually we pulled away just enough to look at each other.
"Hi." He smiled down at me, making breathing difficult.
"Hi." I smiled back. "That was quite a greeting."
He chuckled, ducking his head shyly. "I'm in a good mood. Plus, I wanna do that to you every time I see ya."
"Every time?"
His eyes darkened with desire. "Every fuckin' time baby. You dunno how much self-control I have to use when I'm around you Leila."
I felt my belly start to hum with need as I looked up at him. "I know exactly how you feel Jamie."
We stared at each other for a moment before I heard him swear softly under his breath. "Fuck. So basically, if we each had our way, we'd be makin' love twenty-four, seven."
"That sounds about right."
He looked away for a moment and then back at me, a slow smile spreading across his cheeks. "Just when I think you can't be any more perfect Lei."
I blushed at that and he laughed before leaning down to kiss me again.
Finally he seemed to remember where he was. "Shit, I forgot about the Elektra guy. I saw you sittin' over here and..."
He looked over his shoulder and I followed his gaze to the guy who was still standing where James had left him, trying not to stare as we made out. I wondered if he remembered me from earlier as James took me by the hand and led me over. I could tell the guy did remember as he avoided my eyes at first.
Before either guy could make the introductions, I stuck my hand out. "I'm Leila, Jamie's girlfriend. Nice to meet you."
I could see him wince a little at my pointed statement. He took my hand and shook it awkwardly, looking at me expectantly like he assumed that somehow I was chomping at the bit to expose his rudeness from earlier, but I wasn't going to cast a cloud on James' opportunity. When I didn't, I saw him relax.
"It's a pleasure to meet you Leila, I'm Michael. I'm here to check out your boys on behalf of Elektra Records."
I smiled politely. "How did you like the show? Does Elektra think that Metallica would be a good fit with their label?"
I could tell he was a little surprised at my no bullshit tone, and I saw him look at me with new eyes as he seemed to reassess his opinion of me.
He grinned wide as he answered, gesticulating enthusiastically in a typical New York manner. "I'm fuckin' insane about their music, so yes, Elektra is very interested in Metallica. I'm gonna fight to get them to come onboard."
"Well, I think you'll find that these guys know their own mind," I countered. "You give them an offer worthy of their talent and ambition, then you might have a shot."
James laughed as Michael's eyes went wide.
"That's my girl." Jamie kissed my forehead affectionately. "I've gotta go hit the head. You ok here?"
I nodded and smiled as I watched him go.
"Sorry about before." Michael was speaking to me and I turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow questioningly. "Earlier," he explained, "I figured you were a—"
"Groupie?"
He grimaced a little. "Yeah, well usually I'm more on my game than that. Anyone with one good eyeball can see that you are far too beautiful to be hanging around the backdoor of some low tier rock show." I rolled my eyes at that and he hurried to explain. "I was excited about meeting the guys and sometimes I get a kind of tunnel vision. I didn't see you for who you are and I'm sorry for being rude. Clearly you and James are tight, and I'm not gonna sink this deal by getting on the bad side of the person who he seems to respect the most."
I looked at him speculatively. "Yer good. I can see why yer in A&R, you know how to read people...and how to charm them."
"Most of the time." He had the good graces to blush.
"Yeah well, you might have been an ass, but I'm certainly not gonna go whining to Jamie. I want him to have opportunities, and if yer deal is good, I'm not gonna stand in the way."
He grinned at me and I could see that it was genuine. Unless he was good at faking that too.
"It's good that you're pragmatic Leila," he said matter-of-factly, catching me by surprise, "you'll need that for what's ahead."
"Whaddya mean?"
"I believe in these guys. They're new and exciting, no one else is putting music out there like these guys are. And James...well James is the fuckin' linchpin to this whole enterprise. You saw the audience tonight, he owned them body and soul. The guys, the girls, he's a fuckin' god to them."
I felt a shiver of unease go down my spine. "He wouldn't be comfortable with bein' described that way."
"Well, he's gonna need to learn to get over it. Your boy has a star quality that I don't see that often. I mean, the other guys are good and all, but James makes their act fuckin' legendary. With the kind of success they're gonna have, you're gonna to have to get used to sharing him with the public."
I knew he was right, even if I didn't like it.
"That's fine, I can do that. But make no mistake though, Jamie and I love each other and I'm not sharin' him with other women, so you can stop tryin' to win brownie points by throwin' sluts at him."
He flushed again and looked me square in the eyes with an air of honesty. "I have a feeling I could throw a thousand women at James and it wouldn't make a difference. He's smart enough to know what he's got." He leaned in. "If I were him—and straight—I wouldn't be looking elsewhere either."
Even though I knew he was an expert at manipulation, I still smiled at the compliment. By the time James came back, Michael and I had come to an unspoken understanding. Despite our initial meeting, I knew he'd be good for the band, and within a few weeks, Metallica was saying a painful goodbye to the Zazula's and not only signing with Elektra, but also with a new management team at Q-Prime. In the blink of an eye, the band's trajectory was being re-charted for superstardom, though I didn't know it yet. What I did know, was that Michael's words were a glimpse into the future, and I knew things were going to become much more complicated for Jamie. People would be flocking to him, wanting things from him: business types, fans, hanger-on's. I only hoped that somehow, our relationship wouldn't get trampled by the impending stampede.