Accismus : feigning disinterest in something while actually desiring it.
------------------------------------------
I quietly slip out of my room and into the hallway. I know I'm not supposed to leave the infirmary, but I feel fine. I'm getting bored staying in here alone and I still haven't gotten to see Ian yet. Booker told me he had visited tons while I was still asleep, but since waking up he hasn't been able to stop by.
I make my way down the hallway and out the door.
"Not so fast." I hear Lali chuckle behind me and sigh.
"Lali, I'm dying in here." I moan.
I turn around to see her tanned, lively face staring back at me. Her angular, chocolate brown eyes look me over carefully as she raises an eyebrow. Lali steps forward out of her office and crosses her arms.
"No, snowflake. You died out there." she says with a laugh.
I laugh too at that one. It's become humorous to look back on. After so much time trying to prove myself as a normal human being, I magically bring someone back to life and decide to die while I'm at it. And then resurrect. It's funny now that I even thought I could lead an average life.
"Can I just go see Ian?" I beg and she smiles.
"You're free to go." Lali nods. "But come back before dinner for another check up."
As I walk out the door I suddenly remember the glass. My foot had been injured just a few days ago. I walk to the pack-house and once I reach the door, I sit on the steps. I remove my shoe and sock and examine the bottom of my foot.
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
Not a scratch nor a fading scar.
How could that be possible?
I put my sock and shoe back on, not wanting to think about it.
"Jay Jay!" I hear Sage yell.
I look up to see her approaching with Dean and Thea. She runs to me and wraps her small arms around me tightly. Happiness bursts through me when I see her and I squeeze her back.
"I've missed you." I smile as she let's go.
"I missed you too." she grins and looks at her mother. "Can I go play with Eva?"
Thea nods and the small red-head runs off.
"No woods!" she calls towards her daughter panicky.
"I know!" Sage calls behind her.
Dean and Thea turn to me. An odd sense of embarrassment wraps it's arms around me. Thea steps forward and embraces me.
"Thank you." she whispers. "I don't think there is anything I can do that will ever repay you, but thank you."
She let's go and steps back. Tears welling in all of our eyes. I stand up and look at both of them seriously.
"I promised her I'd protect her." I tell them.
One night when we were younger, all of the kids were outside playing in the woods at night. Everyone decided that hide and seek would be a good idea. Sage must have only been three then. She told me she was scared to hide alone and her siblings had gone running, so I told her I'd hide with her. While crouching behind a bush, we heard a rustling sound behind us in the dark. I assured her it was nothing and even abandoned our hiding spot to show her the culprit, a large raccoon. Then I promised her I'd keep her safe, but I meant it. I meant it always.
Dean gives me a hug and pats me on the back.
"She loves you Jace. We love you." he nods and they give me one last appreciative look before stepping into the house.
I look over to the fire pit and smile. Booker and Ian are there talking. Just the people I needed to see.
I walk over and slap Ian on the head. He turns quickly with fury, but when he sees me he stands up and wraps me in a tight hug. Memories of the night by the fire flit through my subconscious as I hold on to my coffee haired best friend.
"Glad to see you up walking around, superman!" he says laughing.
I roll my eyes at the superhero's name and let go before sitting on the ground by the fire pit. Ian sits back down on the log and gestures to Booker.
"Your boyfriend here was just telling me more about the salami thing."
I feel my face redden slightly at the word "boyfriend".
"Salama, you idiot." Booker laughs and pushes his shoulder.
"So you guys have been hanging out?" I ask, satisfaction tumbling over me at the thought.
"Yep. Couldn't let this guy get lonely in that hospital room." Ian says with a laugh. "Occasionally Lillian and I got him to come out for a quick shift in the woods."
"Aw, so I see you already replaced your best friend with your mate." I say teasingly.
Ian rolls his eyes.
"Get over yourself, dead boy."
I laugh widely at the nickname.
"The great, almighty Salama is awake I see." I hear a voice say and freeze.
I turn my head to see Blaze Kacey approaching us. He does the typical bro handshake with Booker and I can't help my gaze from darkening.
"Hey Lasch." he smirks at me.
I hate Blaze. I avoid him at all costs. He is your typical overly confident fuck boy. Ian thinks he's funny and talks to him from time to time. Especially because Blaze is always the one to sneak alcohol onto the pack grounds. However, I do what I can to stay away from him. From the moment I met him something in me told me I hated him and I listen to my instincts.
"I see you two have also gotten close." I nearly growl looking between Booker and Blaze.
"Hell yea we have. This is b-squared right here." He grins and throws his arm loosely across Booker's shoulders.
"Thought you didn't leave me much." I say casually to Booker.
I knew I shouldn't be mad. He shouldn't have had to be trapped in my hospital room, sleeping in a chair or dying of boredom. No, he didn't deserve that. Not after everything I put him through.
But he shouldn't have been with Blaze either.
"He didn't." Blaze shrugs. "Oh by the way Jacey, you sleep like an angel."
I feel red, hot anger come to the surface of my skin and clench my hands at my sides. I stand up abruptly and begin walking to the pack house.
"Jason-" Booker starts, but I'm already walking away.
I open the door angrily and as I step inside I'm over taken with the smells of garlic. My mom is cooking in the kitchen with Thea as she promised and I could tell by the sheer volume of food that tonight was going to be a pack dinner. That was also why they had begun cooking at 4:00 pm.
"Who the hell let Blaze talk to Booker?" I demand.
Hunter and Rhys are playing Super Mario Brothers intensely while Aria, Grace and Heidi watch. No one had told me Aria stayed.
"Blaze has been good to Booker." my mom says casually from the kitchen. "Did Lali tell you you could leave the infirmary?"
"Yes." I mumble. "And when I came out I was greeted with Blaze's ugly face with my best friend and..."
"Your mate." Heidi finishes for me with a laugh.
"Jealous much?" Hunter laughs from his spot in front of the tv.
"You guys know I hate Blaze." I answer angrily.
"For no good reason." my mother answers and points at me with a spatula. "Maybe you should give him a chance."
The door behind me opens again and Ian, Booker and Blaze step inside. They join my brothers and the girls in the living room. Blaze looks at me with a smug smile, as if he finds it satisfying to see me angry.
Suddenly Aria looks up sniffing the air. Blaze looks over to her too and a smile forms on both of their faces. Of course this would happen to me.
"You've got to be kidding me." I groan.
Everyone looks at me curiously. The Super Mario game has ended and now they can tear their eyes away from the screen.
"Congrats, Aria. Good luck with this one." I snarl and point a thumb towards Blaze.
"Aria?" Blaze ignores me and steps closer to where she sits on the couch.
"Yea and you're Blaze?" she questions with a small grin.
"You guys are mates?" Hunter asks in surprise. "Should've come back sooner, Aria."
"Go along, love birds!" Heidi sing songs and pushes her new friend to stand up. "Go get to know each other!"
Booker comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me. He rests his chin on my shoulder and chuckles lowly. I keep my own arms crossed in front of me, but his warmth comforts me and some of my anger escapes.
"He's not so bad." Booker whispers in my ear.
I step away from him, attempting to seem as if I don't want him to touch me. Blaze and Aria walk out of the house. Staring at each other flirtatiously and practically skipping towards the lake. I roll my eyes.
"I thought I came back to life, but I think I just went straight to hell." I grumble.
"Welcome to the after-life, dead boy." Hunter laughs.
"Don't call him that." Rhys says seriously, giving Hunter a look.
"I don't care Rhys, I think it's funny." I chuckle.
"Well I care. That wasn't funny and I don't want to be reminded of it with an insensitive nickname." Rhys snaps furiously.
"It's fine, babe. Jason is fine now." Grace speaks up.
Rhys shakes his head and walks outside, probably going to the woods to take his anger out on whatever he can find. Grace rises and follows him shaking her head. Once he's out the door I can't stop myself from laughing even harder.
"Dead boy!" I wheeze. "Every time you guys say it, I swear it gets funnier!"
The remaining people laugh too. Heidi picks up Rhys' abandoned Wii remote and Hunter gets ready to play again. Booker slips his hand into mine and pulls me towards the staircase.
"Aww come on!" Ian yells after us. "What, is it mating day? I guess I'll go find Lillian, everyone is making me feel lonely!"
I laugh and let go of Booker's hand, but follow him as he opens the door to my room. I stop in the doorway. I haven't been here since I broke everything. The books are back on the shelves, the desk is gone and the glass has been cleaned up.
"Look different?" he asks softly.
"Yea." I answer with a nod.
He falls onto the bed and looks at me.
"I've got an idea." he says with a grin.
"What is it?" I ask hesitantly.
"Let's play twenty questions. You're my mate, but I don't really know anything about you." he shrugs. "Tell me everything I need to know."
I roll my eyes.
"Boring." I say and sit across from him on the bed.
"Alright, I can make it more fun." he smirks and leans forward slightly.
"How?" I ask, nerves beginning to creep up my spine at his proximity.
"New game. I'll say an assumption about you and if it's right you take a shot." he answers.
"Shot of what? Where are you going to get anything around here?" I question.
"Blaze." he shrugs.
I groan loudly and turn to fall back onto my pillows.
"We are not hanging out with Blaze." I argue.
He laughs, "No we aren't. He'll just be our supplier."
I stay quiet, pondering the game. I'm not much of a drinker. I'm more of the guy that dumps the alcohol out in the grass and asks for another beer. I'm the guy who plays pong, but there's actually water in my cup. I like to watch everyone else get wasted and puke their guts out. Not be the one puking my guts out.
Suddenly Booker climbs on top of me and straddles my waist. He bats his eyes and leans down close to me. My heart speeds up a little.
"Pleaseeee." He begs.
I wait a moment, considering his proposal. He leans further down and presses his forehead to mine. Warm cinnamon and vanilla slips into my nose and I panic slightly. Fearful of what he might do if I let him get any closer, I move my hands to his chest and attempt to push him away.
"Fine." I groan. "Now get off of me."
He rolls off to the side and part of me yearns to touch him again. To tell him to come back. His smell is overwhelming when he is so close to me, it makes me want to pull him closer.
But I stay quiet, doing my best to act as if the interaction hadn't effected me.
"Booker, Jason! Come downstairs and help set up tables please!" my mother calls upstairs.
"Coming!" I yell back and begin to stand.
Booker grabs my wrist before I can go and pulls me back on the bed.
"Hey!" I complain and he chuckles.
He crawls back on top of me and lays his head on my chest. I furrow my eyebrows unsure of what to do at first. After a few seconds I find myself combing my hand through his hair gently.
Then he looks at me with a soft smile.
"Just checking in to make sure it's still working." he says and pulls me up with him to walk downstairs.
My body feels a little empty without his against it.