Sarah’s POV
Day 1
Hindi ko na namalayan kung paano ako nakatulog.
Feeling ko kasi kagabi parang aatakihin ako sa puso habang nandoon ako sa kwarto ko at walng tigil sa pag-iyak.
Gusto kong sumigaw kagaya nung sa dati... Pero this time natatakot akong malaman nila Mommy.
Kung gaano ang takot ko dati na ipaalam sa kanila na boyfriend ko na si Matt, triple naman ang takot ko ngayong malaman nilang wala na kami... Nang lalaking ipinaglaban ko sa kanila.
Hindi ko alam kung paano nila iyon tatanggapin. Dahil kahit ako, hindi ko matanggap...
Alam ko naman yung sakripisyo niyang yun bilang lalake... hindi naman ako tanga.
Kaya nga ginagawa ko lahat para punan yun sa ibang bagay... ibang paraan.
Pero kulang pa rin pala...
Ang sakit-sakit na marinig sa kanya ang mga bagay na yun.
Gwapo ang boyfriend ko... ‘ex’ na nga pala...
Kaya hindi ko maiwasang isipin na maraming babae ang ipipilit pa rin ang sarili dito kahit alam na nang buong Pilipinas na may girlfriend na ito.
Laging nandoon yung insecurity ko na kayang ibigay ng mga babaeng yun, yung bagay na hindi ko pa kayang ibigay sa kanya.
Pero nilalabanan ko yung insecurity na yun dahil nagtitiwala ako sa kanya, nagtitiwala ako sa pagmamahal niya.
At nang marinig ko mismo sa bibig niya na totoo nga yung mga naiisip ko sa mga babaeng umaaligid pa rin sa kanya... Na sana raw ay pumatol siya... Na nagpapaka-baog na siya sa akin...
Sobrang sakit...
Na ipamukha sa’yo ng taong akala mong nakakaintindi... nagmamahal... yung kapintasan mong iyon na akala mo ay tinaggap na niya sa simula pa lang.
Nasaan na yung sinasabi niya na wala siyang paki sa kanila. Dahil hindi ‘ako’, ‘sila’. Dahil ako ang gusto niyang makasama, ako ang mahal niya. Nasaan na?!!
(Halos isang oras na ako dito sa tapat ng shower... Bahala na magkasipon... bahala na ang boses ko... Hindi ko lang talaga kaya yung sakit at pakiramdam ko mababawasan yun kahit papaano ng mga tubig na bumabagsak sa ulo ko... Then nakita ko yung gunting... Kung saktan ko kaya yung sarili ko? Baka sakaling mabawasan yung sakit dito sa dibdib ko... Mababaliw na mga ata ako.)
Maya-maya pa ay tinawag na ako ni Ate Charie para sa breakfast. Bumaba din ako dahil ayokong magtaka sila Mommy. May dala-dala akong tissue dahil sinipon na nga ako sa lagpas dalawang oras ko doon sa shower.
Mommy D: ’Nak, anong nangyari sa’yo? Bakit pulang-pula yang mata saka ilong mo?
Sarah: Runny nose My...
Mommy D: Mag-calamansi juice ka after breakfast, ‘wag ka na mag-coffee.
Sarah: Opo...
Habang kumakain...
Daddy D: Anong oras nga pala umuwi si Matt? Hindi na namin napansing nagpaalam.
Sarah: Ah...Nagmamadali po kasi, Dy... May urgent matter ata dun sa isang business niya (Pagsisinungaling ko).
Daddy D: Ah ganun ba? Oo nga pala... Nagtatanong si Ate Shine mo, kung matutuloy na sumama sa atin si Matt sa Paris this Christmas. Inaasikaso niya na raw yung reservation sa lodging, paubos na raw kasi...
Sarah: Ah... sige po... tanungin ko po muna ulit siya... Akyat muna ako, sumasakit po yung ulo ko ih.
Mommy D: Sige ‘Nak, ipapanik ko na lang yung juice.
Sarah: Thanks My...
Day 2
Rehearsal namin for ‘ASAP’ and all of us is busy congratulating Ms. ZsaZsa. She just came back from their honeymoon abroad; she and her 2 years boyfriend Conrad tied the knot last month.
Sarah: Congrats Ms. Zsa!
Ms. Zsazsa: Thanks Sars! (Sabay yapos nito sa akin) Kayo ba kailan, ha? (Panunukso nito)
I was stunned and I felt that hot fluid stroked my chest.
Sir Martin: Malapit na yan... But I still can’t imagine my baby Sars getting married. Pero okay na rin sa akin basta isa ako sa wedding singer ha?!
Sarah: Sir Martin talaga...
Sir Martin: Hindi pa rin ba nagpo-propose? Ang hina naman ni Matt.
Eric: Ilang beses na Kuya, kaso busted dito kay Sars, haha!
Sarah: Kuya Eric! Ano ba...
Habang patuloy ang tuksuhan, lalo lang lumalalim yung sakit... yung sugat.
Pagdating sa bahay, biglang tumunog ang message alert tone ng IPhone ko (Pasensiya na sa Cherry Mobile, IPhone po talaga ang gamit ko).
Para akong tanga sa lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko.
‘Pag check ko noon ay ang lecheng message mula sa Globe, saying I got some reward points that I can convert to some call freebies. Leche lang! (Sorry... Endorser nga pala ako ng Globe)
Hindi naman ako nag-e-expect na tumawag siya o magtext after naming mag-break.
Pero ang sakit-sakit lang na malamang wala talaga... kahit isang message man lang...
Day 3
Hindi ko na talaga kayang tiisin, I asked my driver to drive me to the South. It’s a 2 hours drive and when we’re just few meters from their subdivision, I asked my driver to drive me back home.
In the afternoon, I swim in our pool and almost an hour kong hinanap yung hinagis kong singsing dun.
I found it in the corner but I didn’t wear it again. Itinabi ko lang sa kwarto.
Bakit ko nga ba kinuha pa yun? Hindi naman siguro ako nanghihinayang sa halaga nun, I can buy a dozen of that, actually...
Day 4
Alam kong ramdam na nila Mommy na may problema pero hinahayaan lang nila ako. They’re not asking nor pushing me; they’re patiently waiting for me to open-up.
Today I locked myself inside my room and planning to have a movie marathon.
I watched ‘Catch me I’m in love’ in my room. And instead of laughing on my comedic scenes with Matt where he rap, my eyes started to swell and tears continuously flowing.
So I change the DVD and chose to watch one my favourite movie, ‘Titanic’. The scene where I’m always ‘kilig’ whenever I watch it, this is when they are running and playing around the ship. But this time, I was saddened by it. I remember his birthday surprise for me this year; it’s a 3 days cruise where his family and my family are included.
So I chose to turn it off na lang and sleep again...
Sleeping is a good escape, whenever I sleep... walang nang masakit.
Pero alam kong pagmulat ng mata ko, andun na naman...
Day 5
Someone close to me called me last night and told me that she incidentally saw Matt in Shang-rila 2 days ago. She said that it seems like Matt is meeting somebody... I felt how my heart twitched at what she told me and that little hope I have for us is slowly crashing down.
I decided to burn myself up in my morning run, I want to be numb.
I got physically active na rin kasi because of his influence... Siya na naman.
I run 12.46 kilometres based on my runner app I downloaded in my IPhone.
I started to run within the subdivision mga around 5:00AM, nakaramdam lang ako ng pagod nung almost 7:00AM na.
Ang sarap tumakbo sa ganitong pagkakataon, yung halos naliligo ka na sa pawis.
Yung hindi na ma-distinguish ng mga tao kung pawis pa ba o luha na yung tumutulo dun sa mukha mo.
Pagdating nang bandang hapon, naramdaman ko na yung pananakit ng katawan ko sa ginawa kong pagtakbo nung umaga.
Ang sarap sa pakiramdam nung sakit na yun, at least hindi na nag-iisang sumasakit yung dibdib ko...
Pero bakit ba ang hirap-hirap?
Bakit sobrang sakit? Na kahit na ako yung nakipaghiwalay but knowing na mukhang nagustuhan pa nga niya ang naging desisyon ko. Hindi ko na maintindihan... Matagal na ba niya akong niloloko?
Sana lang maging masaya siya... Magpakaligaya siya...
‘Wag na wag na siyang bumalik na hayop siya!
Matt’s POV
Day 1
Hindi ako nakasama sa grupo sa pagba-bike this morning, medyo wala kasi ako sa kondisyon.
Halos hindi kasi ako nakatulog kagabi... Andoong nagpa-ikot-ikot ako sa higaan, nag-midnight snack.
Naisipan ko pa ngang mag-drive pabalik sa kanila pero bumalik rin ako bago pa man ako makalabas ng subdivision.
I can’t even breathe normally... I have a high tolerance in pain, for I’m a triathlete. But this pain is just unbearable, it’s insane...
Then I saw that ring on my finger, I want to throw it away just like what she did... But I can’t... I just can’t. So I just took it off and store it somewhere in my room.
My Mom cooked a lot for Lunch. I didn’t have my breakfast pa pala.
But I despite that I only had 2 spoonfuls... And I’m done.
Mommy Glena: Matt, are you sick? You almost didn’t touch your food.
Matt: Yeah, I’m not well...
Mommy Glena: Do you want me to bring you in ‘Asian’s’? (She’s talking about Asian Hospital).
Matt: Not that bad, Ma... I just need to rest, I am too tired.
Am I really tired? Tired of what?
Tired of waiting? Tired of understanding? Maybe yes...
Day 2
I visited one of my Italian resto located in Bonifacio High Street (BHS) named ‘Amore Infinito’ (means infinite love)
I conceptualized this with her... I chose the word ‘infinite’ because I told her my love for her is like that... limitless... endless... That sudden pain came back rushing to me.
I felt sorry for the Store Manager and other employees I shouted to that day. I just can’t resist the pain and it converted to being hot-headed.
Day 3
May barkada already knew that she broke up with me. Screw that big mouth of Ivan!
So the troop arrived in our house early and brought some drinks...
Matt: You know guys... I actually don’t need this stuff... I’m not in the mood---
Vic: C’mon Bro! You need this... ‘Wag ka nang mag-arte diyan, hindi bagay sa’yo!
So we drank all day and all of them blamed me for what had happened.
They must really love Sarah. Sobrang mabait din kasi nito sa kanila and damn... wala na kong natirang kakampi...
All of them already went home by 6PM ‘cause we’re all drunk already.
And in my not so sober mind, I was about to call her but hold on to myself just in time when I’m about to push the ‘call’ button.
I dialled Trina’s number instead, one of my ‘playmates’ before who didn’t bother to flirt me no matter how much I told her I’m taken and I love my girl.
She answered in no time on her usual deep and sexy voice. We agreed to meet-up in Shang-rila to somehow play some chess piece...
When I get there, the receptionist told me that she has arrived few minutes before me.
When I entered the hotel room using the other card, I heard that she’s taking a shower so I just sit myself in the sofa. We’re use to this set-up, as we’re doing this several times before Sarah came into my life. You heard it right, we’re doing this even at Maja’s time. These girls are really into hook-up sex.
In a few minutes, I heard her walking towards me with just a towel on. And she removed the towel right in front of me.
She initiated a heated kiss between us, she’s really an expert.
She then sits her naked body on my lap, with me fully clothed.
She encircled her legs to my waist to feel my groin.
Trina: Aaahh..... Matt... You’re really big... I missed your stallion. (She said playfully while moving her thigh to scratch it to my groin)
I didn’t answer; I just caress her breast...
After few seconds, she gets off of me, pull my pants and brief down to my lower leg.
And when she saw my thing, she bowed down to her knees and excitedly grabs it.
Trina: I missed you... (She’s referring to my shaft).
Then she started to encircle her fingers and start to move it up and down.
I missed this feeling... I groaned.
When she is about to put it inside her mouth, I closed my eyes due to the sensation she’s giving me.
But flashes of Sarah got into me. My hand automatically stopped her.
Trina: What?!!
Matt: I can’t do this... (And I immediately pulled my pants on and stood up)
Trina: What is this Matt?!! (She’s confused and enraged).
Matt: I can’t do this to her. Sorry... (Then I headed the door)
Trina: Fuck you, Matt!!!
Matt: Fuck yourself, Trina! I’ll get the room paid. (I said before closing the door and leave)
When I’m already in my car, I pulled my hair in frustration.
Matt: What got into me?!!! Damn... that was close!
Alam ko kasing kung natuloy yun, wala nang balikan... Wala na akong mukhang maihaharap kay Sarah.
Ganito ko na pala siya kamahal. Kahit ano pang hilig ko doon, hindi ko na kayang gawin kung hindi lang din siya.
Day 4
I saw the IPad she gifted me on top of the table inside my room.
I opened it and without noticing, I’m starting to browse our pictures together...
That picture when I looked so surprise because she kissed me on my cheek just right when she clicked the camera of my phone.
That picture where I’m hugging her from the back while we’re on the cruise...
That one where she’s pulling my necktie as if telling me I’m hers.
I didn’t notice that my tears are streaming down already.
I then clicked one of the videos. Kinukulit ko siya dito, ayaw niya kasing magpakuha nang video and keep on pushing the camera away. This is the time when we take a walk in Tokyo, we visited her brother Gab. We are with her Dad on that trip, by the way.
I clicked another video; it’s one her surprise gift for me. She sent this video when I was abroad for almost 2 weeks for a ‘Kapamilya Tour’. She’s singing ‘Make me whole’ and tells me how much she missed me at the end of the video. I’m really touched by it.
I chose to turn off the gadget and not browse the other things we have there.
It’s just painful... I might have a heart attack in any moment now.
So I grab a beer in the ref inside my room... I emptied 6 bottles.
Despite the liquor inside me, the pain is still unbearable... Ganun na lang basta-bastang mawawala lahat.
Ganun lang kadali sa kanyang bitawan ako... Kung sabagay, kaliwa’t kanan naman ang may gusto sa kanya. Baka nga ‘no choice’ na lang siya sa akin dahil ako yung nagtiyaga, ako yung nanindigan sa kanya.
But if she could have another choice... It won’t be me. Pucha! Sobrang sakit...
Kaya siguro...
Kaya ganoon kadali sa kanyang magdesisyon.
Day 5
The gang was again arrived to our abode. But this time, they we’re invited by my Mom.
I’m not talking kasi to anyone and Mom is really disturbed on what is happening with me.
All throughout the kwentuhan, tahimik lang ako, inom lang nang inom sa isang tabi.
Vic: Bro! Don’t be like that, eh... We’re not used to it...
Job: You’ve been there, done that. You can get through it, don’t do that to yourself man!
Matt: You don’t know what you’re talking about, Bro... Just shut up! (I said before engulfing the drink in my glass)
Job: Woah...
Ivan: Will you stop this drama, Bro? Tapos na! Wala na... Move on like a grown-up man!
Matt: Will you shut that big mouth of yours, Bro?!
Ivan: Don’t cry over spilled milk, okay? As if babalikan ka pa nun...
Matt: Anong sabi mo?
Ivan: You’ll never know, she might be dating someone else now, so fucking move on---
Hindi niya natapos ang sasabihin niya dahil sinugod ko siya at kinuwelyuhan.
Matt: Gago ka! Bawiin mo yung sinabi mo!
Ivan: So ‘yan lang pala makakapaglabas niyang nararamdaman mo?!
Fuck other woman Dude! Not like this... Bro! She might not thinking about you in a bit---
Then my hand landed to his face, several times. Ivan also fought back and I got my fair share of bruise in my face.
Inawat kami nila Job pero hindi nila kami kinaya hanggang nagtatakbo sila Mama papunta sa amin.
Mommy Glenna: Stop it! (Pumagitna ito sa amin)
Naalala ko, nagsuntukan na rin kami ni Ivan dati nung grade school pa kami. Dahil yun doon sa crush niyang babae na sa akin pala may gusto.
Mommy Glenna: Could I ask you guys to leave na? (Pakiusap nito sa kanila na tinanguhan lang ng mga ito)
Ivan, sorry for what he did to you. Just understand, okay?
Matt: Ma!!! Why you’re even apologizing to that asshole?!!!
Mommy Glenna: Shut up, Matt.
Ivan: Okay lang Tita, I just want to him to release what’s inside him. I didn’t fail, Bro! Haha!
Matt: Fuck you, Ivan!
Mommy Glenna: Matt!
After few minutes after they left, I’m still sitting on the floor where they left me.
Mom also didn’t leave my side.
Matt: Ma, you can go inside, just leave me here...
But my Mom just hugged me tight and kissed me on the top of my head.
Matt: Ma! I’m not a baby anymore...
Mommy Glenna: You are still my baby, whether you like it or not.
Matt: Ma, naman...
She didn’t answered and just hugged me tighter. I saw that Dad is just watching us in my peripheral vision.
Then my shoulder started to shake, I can’t contain the pain anymore... And I cried it out to Mom.
Mommy Glenna: It’s okay... It’ll be okay (While caressing my back).
Matt: Sobrang sakit Ma...
Mommy Glenna: Sssshhh... (I can feel that she’s also crying)
Matt: Ma, hindi ko kayang mawala si Sarah... Hindi ko kaya...
Mommy Glenna: Kung hindi mo kaya, then win her back, Son...
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Author’s Note:
You will realize someone’s real worth on you, when they’re gone.
Matt realized her worth and wanted to give it another try.
But it seems like Sarah’s tone at this moment is what’s gone is gone.
Will he able to win back someone that is hurt and firmly decided?
Well I think, Sarah’s a tough one.
Leave a comment please... I want to know your thoughts on the flow of the story.
P.S.
Back to courtship stage tayo next chapter. The harder one, I think.