Kabanata 16
My eyes snapped open immediately when an abrupt thought woke me up to my senses. Instantly, pain hit my core. I winced when I lay on my back, staring the ceiling. I am alone on his bed. My body is missing his presence...that fast. Napakagat ako ng labi nang alalahanin ang nangyari. I had my very first with Richard. I had sex for the first time. With him. Flashes are killing me, remembering the way he moved above me, pushing inside me. The whispers of him not going to hurt me.
Blush crept across my cheeks. Napailing ako sa unan nang maisip ito! Sex is really painful at first. It is dangerously aching with Richard. The image of him will forever be imprinted inside my mind no matter what happened...or the way he was thrusting. I gulped big time. I sat quickly. Tinampal 'ko aking pisngi, magkabila upang magising. I am still stark naked...and body aching so strikingly bad.
My throat dried, thinking what should I do now this early in the morning. Nakita 'kong alas-kwatro lang ng umaga sa may dingding kung saan nakakabit ang isang orasan sa kanyang kuwarto. Madilim at ang tanging ilaw ay mula roon. Today...is Friday. And I have a work to do. Dalawang araw na ang niliban 'ko sa trabaho. Una dahil kaarawan 'ko, I took a vacation leave. And then a sick leave, a day after that. Not really SL, but this was yesterday. Hindi 'ko inaasahan ang pagtuloy 'ko sa bahay niya hanggang sa mangyari ito.
I don't wanna take another leave. Tama lamang na nagising ako ng maaga!
Whenever he is, if he's still in the house or not, I should send my regard.
Tumayo ako at binuksan ang ilaw ng kwarto. Shocked, I saw my things over the chair. It is organized, my clothes and even my panties and bra. Did he wash this...just right now? I mean, he should not! Mas lalo akong kinain ng kahihiyan sa kung ano-anong bagay na tumakbo sa aking isipan. Hindi niya dapat ginawa iyon kung ganoon? I should do it. I should be the one doing it.
I have no other way to protest thing. He really washed my clothes and undergarments. After having sex, I fell asleep immediately. Hindi siya tumabi sa aking pagkatapos dahil lumabas na siya ng kwarto. Hindi 'ko natanong kung siya paroroon dahil sa pagod. He really did this. He really did.
Wala na 'kong nagawa at sinuot na lamang ang damit 'ko. It was quick and I went to his room's bathroom after. I washed my face and I saw pink hue on my right thigh. Memories flooded my mind instantly. I still could feel his hand grasp my thighs when he went deeper inside me. A cry almost caught in my throat. Marahas akong umiling at nagmamadaling lumabas ng banyo. Nilikom 'ko ang aking gamit at lumabas na ng kanyang kwarto.
The first time you will see when you go outside the room is a hall on the way to his kitchen. A typical bachelor, singled-kitchen. Everything is arranged there. All of his equipment has dedicated room. Surrounded by gray and white hue. My eyes wandered around the area until it went down in one corner where workout equipment are laying down.
My small heels clicked on the tiled floor. I am stunned and a statue at the same when I saw Richard doing some push-ups on his floor, clothed with workout clothes. His head lifted as soon he felt my presence, still pushed down. His arms taut...and jaw hinged. I saw his dark eyes travelled on my legs up to my face. "Are you not sore, Zurie?" he asked seriously. He stood up swiftly.
Naramdaman 'ko ang pagpula ng aking pisngi. Napakagat ako ng loob nito. I am trying to come up with a good response. But my coherent thinking went down when I remembered even the minor details of what happened yesterday. A shuddering breath caught in my mouth. I restrained myself.
"S-sore?" nanginginig 'kong inulit ang salita niya.
"Yes," he breathed and strode toward my place. He cupped my face and instantly, I almost closed my eyes. Ngunit hindi 'ko iyong ginawa. "Don't you want to take a leave again? The soreness won't keep your mind busy." The multitude feelings I am sensing in my body...is shaking. His touch is really igniting me.
"I.." I trailed off. I kept my knees together. "I should really go to work. I will be fine." Matipid akong ngumiti. He's right. I could still pain slicing through me in my very core. Iniinda 'ko lamang sa bawat hakbang 'ko kanina. But I can't take a leave anymore and stay...here. I should be thinking alone. On what happened yesterday. "I'm okay, really." What should I say next? Thank you for the sex? I really feel good and uncomfortable at the same time? Say that! Of course, no!
But before opening my mouth again to speak, two familiar voice emerged on the living room. Voices getting louder as they are approaching the kitche. "You imbecile super idiot bastard." Wren screeched bloody murder. I could imagine her torture glare to Tobias. "What imbecile kaagad? Can it be like be deeper, Toby!" Kasama pa ang malakas na paghalakhak.
My head turned over them. Parehas silang napaawang ng bibig nang makita kaming dalawa ni Richard. Both of them, pasalit-salit ang tingin sa amin. And then, a grin stretched across their lips. Tobias, cupping his chin tremendously, keeping the grin. While Wren, really beaming so wide. It is malicious. May kung anong bumara sa aking lalamunan at hindi makaprotesta sa kanilang malisososyong pagtingin.
"Hmm..." Tobias started. "I have a question to you, Wren. Kapag ang dalawa tao, a man and woman, exactly and specifically, naiwan sa isang bahay. What do you think they will do? I could smell hard and rough sex though. I am not saying, it is sex." Ngumisi ito nang napakalaki. My cheeks redden. Really redden.
I just want someone to save me.
"Hmm..." si Wren. "Ang dumi ng utak mo!" Thank God, finally. I am about to close my eyes but it went wide more, like it is going to be out my socket. "Syempre, they would do gentle sex sa una. Slow and agonizingly sweet fucking." Malaki ang ngiti nito sa labi, pinapalo sa braso si Tobias sa sobrang pagkatuwa.
"Shut up, you two," Richard grunted, glaring hard to the both of them. The two zipped their mouth immediately, but the smirk can't wipe off that instant. I wish him to deny it, but I don't like it, too. I don't know really what to do. Gusto ko na lang siguro makaalis na lamang muna. "Why are you up this early?" tanong nito kasunod.
The two looked at each other, passing message that the three of them could only understand. Sabay na nilingon ni Wren at Tobias si Richard. Like he really forgot why they are here. Bakas ang gulat sa mukha ng dalawa. "Really?" it's Tobias, an obvious sarcastic laugh had escaped his mouth. "Meeting, mate. You forgot?" he added, eyeing me just a second. Tumuon ang atensyon niya sa binu-brew na coffee malapit sa banggerahan. Naglakad siya paroon at iniwan kaming tatlo.
"Yes, Bennett. Meeting first before going to Cebu, right?" Wren filling Richard's mind with details. She shrugged her shoulders then stared at me. Ngumiti siya at hinamas ang balikat ko ng sandali. "Z! You're still here! I'm glad!" baling niya sa akin.
"I remember," Richard answered first.
Wren hugged me tightly. Sumagot siya habang nakayakap sa akin. "I know you will not forget it. It's my fault, by the way. I set the alarm at 2. I didn't sleep actually." She pulled out from the hug.
"Hallelujah! We'd been arguing half-hour about her fucking alarm," sagot ni Tobias. "'Buti sinabi mong kasalanan mo na." Added by a half-hearted laugh.
So...these two are?
"You two are together, then," Richard sealed my curiosity.
Wren scoffed obviously. Tumalim kaagad ang tingin niya kay Tobias na nanatili ang kalokohan sa mukha. Nagpasahan muli sila ng tinginan na sila lamang ang nakakaalam. Wren rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. Ganoon din ang ginawa ni Tobias. "I really know the definition of defeat. Hindi 'ko maitatanggi iyon. I don't know about that woman, right there." Ngumuso siya kay Wren. "I just gave her the best night of her life." A promising grin is palpable on his gorgeous face.
"Fuck. It was the worst fucking night of my life. I wish to return immediately," Wren refuted.
Humalakhak ng malakas si Tobias. "Like you were screaming and begging my damn name-"
"Shut the fuck up, boy," hirit ni Wren. Her teeth gritted. Igting ang panga niya sa inis.
Nagtuloy ang sigaw ni Wren habang ang halakhak ni Tobias sa loob ng kuwarto. Nanatili lamang ako nakatayo kung nasaan man 'ko. I wish to interrupt to go home already. But I don't want to be rude. I need two hours pa naman to prepare for the work. Ang pasok 'ko pa naman ay alas-nuwebe ng umaga. I wish to go earlier. But how can I bid goodbye? Really?
"Breakfast, Zurie?" aya ni Richard. "Or it is more convenient if you will go now?"
"I need to go now..." sagot 'ko.
Richard nodded. "Alright. I know some fast food drive-thru." It is a slow process. Hawak-hawak na niya ang bag 'ko at ang kamay 'ko nang maproseso ang lahat. That he would drive me home and eat breakfast with me inside his car. I don't know but I think my heart is flattered and uncomfortable a little. That I wish to be alone with my own thought but Richard is going to be there again...in a million times again this day.
I breathed a sigh.
Wala na 'kong magagawa.
Gusto ko rin naman iyon. Maybe I could question him a little about his life if the destiny would give me a chance to.
**
Richard waited outside the house for almost 1 hour for my preparation to work. He insisted of going inside because he said he was waiting for a call from Wren or Tobias to cancel their flight to Cebu. Aniya pwede namang i-cancel ang naturang pagpupulong dahil ang legit meeting is on Saturday. They work in weekends. What a life!
Hindi 'ko alam kung pa'nong ayos ang ginawa 'ko sa sarili upang hindi siya gaanong maghintay ng matagal. It hurts, I don't need to deny it. My core pained. I tried to never mind the pain pero minsan kahit paghakbang napapangiwi na lamang ako. Is that...he's really. Oh, my God!
I pushed the thought immediately.
Kung anong makuha 'ko sa closet ay niwalang bahala 'ko na lamang. Even putting lipstick, I forgot. Right now, I am looking for any lipgloss or lipstick inside my bag. Wala. Hindi 'ko alam kung saan na napunta iyon. I got really frustrated. Hindi ako nakapag-ayos ng mukha sa pagmamadali! Not that I care but I am with him!
"What are you looking for?" he asked, brows furrowed. Features hard. As always.
Napatingin ako kay Richard, patuloy sa pagmamaneho. Lumagpas na kaming Magallanes. Siguro'y kalahating oras o wala pa'y makakarating na kaming MAAX. Napakagat ako ng labi at nag-iisip kung sasabihin ang totoo.
In the end, I mumbled, "forgot my lipstick. Hay." I sighed in disappointment.
"Is it required in your field of work?"
Umiling ako. I bit my lip hard. Namula na ng tuluyan ang pisngi 'ko. I just want to look nice.
"Your lips are already rosy," aniya, titig at atensyon pa rin sa pagmamaneho. "Attractive." Tinignan 'ko lamang siya sa pagsasalita. Unti-unti akong napapaawang. "And if you want I will buy you lipsticks. Do you have any prefer brand?"
"No...you don't need to do that. Mayroon ako, naiwan 'ko lang." My cheeks redden more.
"I don't want you to get upset because of a lipstick."
"I'm not...really upset." I wince, just a little pain on my core.
"Frustrated, then," he vented. "How could I make it better?" I blinked. Hard. Huminto ang sasakyan sa Macapagal. Tumingin si Richard sa akin, naghihintay nang isasagot 'ko. I am lost of words. Hindi 'ko alam kung anong isasagot 'ko.
"Wala...wala ka namang dapat gawin. I'm fine," ang tanging nasagot 'ko. "Don't worry about my frustration. I can handle it. I don't usually put lipstick, you know..." Oh, my God, I am over-sharing again. Like he doesn't need to know I want to wear make up to feel good. Because I am with him. "Just never mind me." Tipid akong ngumiti at nag-go na ang traffic light. Umandar na ang sasakyang papuntang Macapagal.
"I see," he mumbled lowly.
"Thank you pala sa paghatid," ani 'ko, pag-iiba ng hangin.
Richard only nodded. Huminto ang sasakyan sa tapat ng building na pinagtatrabahuhan 'ko. Okay, I don't know how to bid goodbye after this. Nagpa-panic na 'ko nang biglang may abutin siya sa akin.
Pain reliever.
Ibuprofen.
"I know it does hurt the way you are wincing, you should take this to ease some pain, Zurie." Kinuha 'ko ang pain reliever mula sa kanya. I mumbled a thank you. Richard nodded with a rough harden features again. Nakita 'ko ang pagmata niya sa paligid na tila inoobserbahan kung may panganib or kung ano man.
"Thank you ulit sa paghatid!" Inalis 'ko na ang seatbelt sa akin.
I don't know If I should kiss him goodbye, you know.
Walang nangyaring ganoon dahil tumango na lamang siya sa pagsalita 'ko. "Ingat sa Cebu!" ulit 'ko.
"You, too. Always remember what I told you about trust." His dark raven eyes remained imprinted. A shiver ran up to my shoulders when I hopped out the car. Pinagmasdan 'ko ang pag-alis ng kanyang sasakyan na dala-dala pa rin ang salita niya sa aking ulo.
**
Alas-nuwebe na 'ko nakauwi ng bahay. Hirap mag-book ng Grab dahil Friday. Naabutan 'kong patay na ang ilaw sa sala nang oras na ito. Sinalubong ako ni Nana Mitang, nag-aalok kung gusto 'ko raw kumain ng hapunan. I said no and thank you because I already ate. Hinanap 'ko sina Mommy at Daddy sa kanya ngunit ang nasabi lang ni Nana Mitang ay umalis sila ng, out of town business. Wala na 'kong natanong pagkatapos no'n. Tumuloy na 'ko sa aking kuwarto upang makapagpahinga.
The pain really subsided in the afternoon. Richard's right, nawala ang sakit ng husto nang uminom ako ng pain reliever. I should really...be prepared next time, you know. Namula ang pisngi 'ko sa naisip 'ko.
Next time, huh!
Umiling ako at tinampal ang aking pisngi. I opened my door. Bumungad ang kadiliman ng kwarto. My hand automatically found the switch to open the lights. My jaw dropped open, shocked and bothered with what my eyes are seeing now. Hindi 'ko alam kung bakit nanlamig na lamang ang buong katawan 'ko.
I must be...dreaming, right?
That,
Russel lying on my bed, hugging one of my white dresses. He was sleeping until his eyes snapped open because of the onslaught light. My lungs collapsing a bit. Dumiretso ang tingin niya sa akin hanggang sa napaupo sa aking kama. His face is mixed of deceive aura and tricky sense. "You're back! Finally, I miss you, my little sister!" Agaran siyang tumayo upang ako'y yakapin. Umatras ako ngunit walang takas sa kanyang bisig. Napalunok ako nang maramdaman ang halik niya sa aking pisngi. "I miss you, really. Where have you been?" I don't even recognize the bloody emotions he is displaying.
I never recognized the terror being with my brother.
Kumalas ako ng yakap kay Russ. "Uhm, I need to rest, Russ..." Hindi ako makatingin sa kanya.
"Of course," aniya sabay yakap pa muli sa akin. He pulled out from his very own hug. Hawak-hawak 'ko na ang gilid ng pintuan, handa na sa kanyang pag-alis. "Good night, Rosaleen. My beautiful..." he paused, "Rosaleen." He almost hummed my name.
Goosebumps occupied my whole being.
Russel must be drunk!
Buong gabing inisip 'ko na lamang na lasing ang kapatid 'ko!