"Look into my eyes, can't you see they're open wide?
Would I lie to you, baby, would I lie to you?"
Song: charles & eddie - Would I Lie To You?
*****
"Harry, can you just breathe? It's my Dad not an executioner" I frown at him, watching as he shuffles on his feet anxiously.
He's been acting like a nervous wreck since we got inside the airport. What the hell is up with him?
Harry blows out a breath, bouncing on his heels as he drums his hands against his thighs "What if he doesn't like me? What if he hates me? What am I gonna do?"
My face drops even more, as I scrunch it up in confusion "That's what's got you fidgeting like you have a fire cracker up your ass?"
Harry's shoulders slump as he pushes his hand through his hair "I'm being serious Joey, I really want him to like me, he's your Dad, he's important to you"
I thump him up the back of the head, and he scowls at me, rubbing his head with his mouth hung open "What the hell was that for!"
"For being stupid enough to think that anyone wouldn't love you as soon as they met you, I'm firm believer that stupidity should be painful" I throw back at him, raising my brows to prove my point.
He tilts his head at me, his brows creasing together until he realises what I was actually saying and his lips tug up at the corners "You have a real talent for making a compliment sound like an insult"
I shrug my shoulders, folding my arms over my chest as I make sure to look him in the eyes "I'm being serious Harry, you're always acting like you're this horrible person that no one could possibly like when you're the most amazing person I've ever met. I'm not going to keep lecturing you about it here, but seriously - you need to stop it, or you're going to end up with a concussion from me slapping that stupid out of you"
Harry sucks his lip under his teeth as he grins at me, throwing his arm around my shoulder as he pulls me into his side and presses a kiss to the side of my head and I grimace playfully "Only my Joey could make a violent threat sound so sweet, you always have such a way with words love"
My heart thumps in my chest, trying to regulate itself from the phrase 'My Joey', pushing the feelings to the back of my mind like I do with everything else.
I'm becoming more and more confused around Harry, and whilst all of these feelings are absolutely terrifying me, and I can't come to terms with them, I can't find it in me to run away from him like I would with anyone else.
Losing Harry would kill me more than trying to cope with this crisis inside of me, so I just have to deal with it.
I find myself becoming more and more exhausted from fighting the thoughts and emotions that rear their head inside my brain more and more frequently as the days go on, and I can't even escape them in my sleep, the dreams about Harry just become more vivid and drawn out each night, like my own loveable Freddy Kruger I can't escape.
I can't be having an identity crisis at thirty, over a twenty two year old none the less.
He's so young, and has so much ahead of him, he said he's never been in love, if I were to hypothetically even entertain the idea of anything between him and I, how could I throw away who I've been for most of my life for someone that might get bored in a few years?
He deserves so much more than someone like me, someone his own age that doesn't come with all of this baggage.
I'm damaged goods, and I know that which is why I guess I'm lucky Dylan puts up with me.
I love Harry way too much to play hide and seek with my sexuality, when I don't even think I could be with a man, again, he deserves more than that.
I just can't get what Finn said out of my head, and his incessant lectures about how sexuality can change and grow, it's fluid and moving, not rigid and in a box.
But I have put the people around me through so much with coming out, I nearly lost everything over it and if I just up and change my mind it means I did that to all of them, and myself for nothing, how can I just do that and think it's fine?
I've been getting migraines over this ever since Harry sung that song at the bar, and Finn planted that fucking weed in my brain.
And for god sake it would help if Harry stopped looking so fucking kissable with each day that goes past, it's driving me up the wall.
I can't want him.
I can't lose him.
And I can't ruin what we have.
Maybe I'm just starting menopause early or something, maybe my hormones are just all out of whack and that's what's sending me so nutty.
It has to be something like that because the other alternative scares the shit out of me.
He's the one thing that feels like home to me and I don't know what I'd do if that went away after feeling it again for the first time in so long, it would feel like losing mum all over again.
"Pooh Bear!"
The loud bellowing gruff voice grabs my attention as I see my Dad striding towards us through the crowd, with an excited grin on his scruffy face and his eyes crinkled from how happy his smile is, and I want to palm myself in the face - seriously dad? In the fucking airport?
Harry unwinds his arm from me, standing straight and becoming stiff as he walks to us and I grab his hand giving it a reassuring squeeze before Dad reaches us.
My dad drops his duffle bag from his shoulder as he gets to us, throwing large his arms out on his wide frame that's just as tall.
I probably should have warned Harry that my dad looks kind of intimidating with his large size and skin covered in tattoos, but he's always just been a big soft teddy bear to me.
"There's my girl! Come give me some sugar!" he muses, and I roll my eyes, grinning back at him as I close the distance and he damn near crushes me with a hug.
"Dad" I wheeze "Air....Breathing...Can't"
He laughs loudly, pulling back and grasping my face in his hands as he pats his hands against my cheeks "You get more beautiful everytime I see you, god you're lucky you got your looks from your old man"
I pull his hands from my face, shaking my head at him as I roll my eyes again, fighting my smile "How was your flight?"
"Bullshit" he scoffs, and I can tell he's about to rant "Fifteen hours of listening to the cockhead next to me complain about the Wi-Fi not working, saying it'll be a miracle if he ever flies with this airline again. Do you know what the miracle is mate?!"
He throws his hands in the air, shooting his brows up with a shocked expression, nearly shouting "That you're flying through the air like some cunty complaining bird you ungrateful dickhead!"
"Dad" I hiss at him, looking at the people staring at us "You're not back home, tone it down"
He cocks his brow at me, with a sly smile and my face pales knowing he's about to do something to embarrass me.
He throws his hands in the air, tilting his head back as he shouts "Cunty Mcunt Muffin!" at the top of his lungs and I slap my hands against my face.
He drops he head to look at me, grinning smugly "Is that what you meant?"
"How did they even let you past customs?" I mutter in disbelief against my hands.
Dad pulls my hands away, wiggling his brows "Can't say no to a fuckin' super model like me Pooh Bear"
I groan, looking to Harry to see him staring slack jawed at us.
I really should have warned him about my dad.
I swear I was adopted.
But I know he's exactly where I get my sense of humour from, dammit.
Dad looks to Harry, giving him a once over, and hooks his thumb towards him "He one of Finns boy toys?"
I burst out laughing as Harry chokes on a cough, and I shake my head, fanning my eyes to stop the tears from the laughing.
I can only imagine what Finn would have said to that and that's why I'm dying.
"No Dad" I choke "This is Harry, my friend. He lives with me and works at the bar"
Dads mouth forms an acknowledging 'oh', before he shrugs and extends he his hand towards Harry "Hey mate, I'm Charlie"
Harry nods at him, grasping his hand with a killawatt smile the just exudes warmth "I'm Harry, So happy to finally meet you"
I watch as Harry winces, and clamps his mouth shut to hide the sound I'm sure he wants to make as my Dad shakes his hand with a vice grip, while Harry tries to look unphased.
Dads not doing it purposely, he just doesn't know his own strength - but now Harry does, and I almost feel sorry for him.
Almost.
When dad let's his hand go and looks to me, I see Harry turn out of the corner of my eye shaking his hand and staring at it with wide eyes mouthing 'fucking hell' to himself.
And I hide my laugh with a cough.
"Alright" dad announces, clapping his hands together "Let's get the hell out of here, I'm dying for a beer"
------------------------
The car ride has been filled with nothing but my Dads boisterous voice, with his neverending stories and rants and my heart is swelling over how Harry is intently paying attention to every word, engaging and taking genuine interest in whatever he has to say.
I don't think I could love this boy and his beautiful soul more if I tried.
Although, I may have some competition because my Dad absolutely adores him.
My dad leans forward from the centre of the back seat, resting one arm on my drivers seat while he slaps his hand down on Harry's shoulder, and I see Harry jolt in his seat "So! Hazza! Mind if I call you Hazza?"
He doesn't give Harry time to reply before he gives his shoulder two more hard slaps with a grin "Nah, of course you don't mind, We're mates now"
I press my lips together, glancing towards Harry to see him staring at me with wide eyes and I can't help but feel sorry for him.
He's delicate dad, calm the hell down, you're gonna break him.
"So how long have you known my Pooh Bear?" he asks Harry, resting his elbows on the tops of our front seats.
"Would you stop that? My name is Joey" I mutter and my dad scoffs.
A car cuts in front of us and I hit my breaks to slow down, and Harry jumps again when my dad bellows "Nice fucking indicator dickhead!" and holds his arm out to flip off the car in front of us.
I rest my elbow on the car door, pressing my hand to my forehead as I continue to drive and wonder if Harry is still going to want to even talk to me after this car ride.
He puts his arm back on the front seat and looks back to Harry.
"Actually" Harry muses coyly "I think I prefer Pooh Bear"
I glare at him, taking my hand off the wheel to flip him off and Harry only grins "There you go flirting with me again love"
My dad bellows out a laugh, nodding towards Harry "Oh I like him, you should keep this one"
I notice Harrys cheeks tint as he looks down bashfully, and I roll my lips inside my mouth.
Well I was kind of planning on it dad, unless you break his fucking collar bone before we get home.
"We've only known each other a few months" I answer instead, and Dad nods in acknowledgement.
"Joeys actually been a complete angel since I met her" Harry pipes up fondly, and now it's my turn to look sheepish "Offered me a job the day she met me, because I was having a hard time finding one when I first moved here on my own, and then gave me a place to stay when I ended up not being able to live where I was anymore - she honestly had done more than I could ever repay her for, I'm so lucky I met her"
Dad looks to me with a warm smile squeezing my shoulder "That's my Pooh Bear, biggest heart I know"
My cheeks feel like they're on fire as my chest feels about read to collapse, and I point my finger between my dad and Harry shouting "That's it! One more sentimental thing comes out of either of you and I'm throwing myself out of this fucking car or driving us into oncoming traffic! Understood?"
Harry and my Dad both stare at me with raised brows, and Dad leans over to Harry, pretending to whisper but says it loud enough for me to hear "Has she eaten today? She gets cranky when she's hungry"
Harry nods, pretending to whisper back "Yeah, half her body weight in fries, she just gets like this sometimes - I usually just distract her with a movie or something"
My dad gasps, as they continue to talk like I'm not even in the car "I never thought of doing that! That's genius!"
Harry shrugs as he nods "Sometimes if she's really raging, I just cuddle the anger out of her"
Dad awe's, nudging Harry's jaw with his fist "Cranky Pooh Bear loves cuddles, wait till I tell her uncle"
We come to a stop light and I growl in the back of my throat, banging my head against the steering wheel.
I take it back.
I do not want Harry and my dad to get along, Christ fucking help me.
***
Joeys Dad Charlie:
Gerard Butler