MIA KAZZANDRA's POV
Standing at the general store entrance alone, people started to notice me. I could see how people whisper around with each other.
Maybe they think I'm crazy for going here with Joshua Hong. But I think I already lost my sanity the moment I made that deal with him.
Hell, I really don't care about their opinion of me. They don't even know the first thing about me, so why should I care? But for me, I have something I want to have from Joshua and that's what is important to me.
I took a basket from a pile, but I placed it back again when a saw a shopping cart. I grabbed one of those and followed Joshua inside.
I took a few moments to look around a little bit. On second glance, the mini mall resembled the Carat Malls I used to go to at Seoul. Everything that everyone needs is almost there.
There are clothes, shoes, toiletries, food, frozen meat, house equipment, farming tools and animal food, clearly all of equal importance to the people who lived here. And to my surprise, they even have books here.
I stopped to scan the book shelves. Novels, magazine, homemade recipes, and a couple of nonfiction on farming techniques were displayed inside. I grabbed one farming books and a recipe book that I think I need to read while staying with Joshua.
Then I saw Joshua at the very end of the alley. He's talking with a middle aged man who's few centimeters taller than him. But even with the size difference I could still see how the man was obviously intimidated by Joshua's presence.
They both saw e. I just waved at them and the man nodded, acknowledging my presence. Joshua just ignored mea and continued talking with the man.
Snob!
I left them there to buy everything I need. Everywhere I go, I see people looking at Joshua. I see the way their eyes would frown. Without even hearing properly what they have been whispering about, I know it's not something pleasant to the ears.
I saw Joshua leave. People would look away everytime he passes by. My forehead knotted at their behavior.
Surely, Joshua also notice the way they avoid him. But he continued walking as if there were no people around him. He seemed so oblivious around him and he acted as if he doesn't care. Like he's already used to that very situation.
I thought of what my Nana said about him. Is he really a good person? Did he really commit murder? Is that the reason why people seem to be afraid of him?
I looked away, frowning, when I felt that odd twinge inside my chest. And I realized I actually feel sad for him. For being judged by something, earning that stigma and bearing it all his life.
I sighed, shaking my head. It's unfair how a single accident or mistake can tarnish you and cause you a lifetime of pain and prejudice, of how people define you for that. How fast it masks the goodness in you, how it quickly snatches you of so many things, even your own light and happiness.
Nobody really deserves to be punished for something you didn't do.
But what do I know? I didn't really know what happened before.
But for some unexplainable reason, I wanted to believe in his innocence rather than what my eyes saw in those articles.
I have this inexplicable feeling that Joshua is as much as a victim here as that person who died that night on that operation; that there's a reason why he turned that way – reclusive, remote, and indifferent.
I see his innocence in his isolation and his desire to be left alone. And I wanted to believe it.
Nobody exactly wanted to live alone. No one ever wanted to live alone because if there's an emotion that can kill a person, it's the sense of feeling alone.
What if . . . No it can't be. Joshua Hong is not killing himself by isolation, is he?
I heard a grunt behind me. I turned and immediately saw Joshua. Tilting his hat on my head, I saw his face. He seemed a little bit confused while his staring at my feet. Then I moved my eyes to where he's staring at.
"I' not quite sure of your feet's size." He said with a doubtful look on his face and I almost smiled because for the first time, he looked so unsure of himself. It actually made him look cute.
"Seven." I answered without trying to hide away my smile. It just came out naturally.
He looked at me, particularly on my lips. "Ah." Just that and he walked away.
I watched his broad triangular back as he goes away. I don't know how long he can endure this trial he's facing now, but I hope he doesn't lose himself after this. I could see he can get through it. He's strong. But there's only so much a person can take. There's always a limit.
I stopped on tracks when I saw a certain brand of a light bulb and I didn't think twice of grabbing as any boxes as I can. If I will have to live inside his old castle, things will have to change. Darkness will have to go.
I grabbed almost thirty light bulbs and fill my shopping cart with it. I don't think ten will be enough to brighten Joshua Hong's entire castle. If it's not enough, I'll just come back here and buy another thirty. Joshua won't have to worry about the money. I don't know on how long I will stay. A day, a week . . . Who knows if it will be months . . . money won't be a problem with y stay. I will share with the bills.
But knowing Joshua, that might hurt his macho ego.
I was checking the product details of the box when I felt someone lifting my hat. I was about to catch it but Joshua stopped my hand.
"Stay still." He ordered me softly as he fit a smaller hat on my head.
He was tucking it so gently on me, taking my hair out of my face and I couldn't freaking concentrate, at all!
I wanted to pull his face and take a good look into those eyes, make him face me and look at me. Not the hat , or my hair, but me. I want to see what he feels right now. I want to know how he is.
His mouth tugged at the corner, looking satisfied at the way I looked, and released me. Then he wore his hat back again. His nose wrinkled all of a sudden as if he just smells something.
"My hat smells like flowers." He said flatly.
Oops! "Sorry, maybe that's because of my shampoo. It's lavender, by the way, if you want to know."
"Not interested." He then said. I just giggled.
"Fine. Whatever you say."
Joshua frowned. "Starting today, you will use this when you are outside the house." He said as he arranged the hat above my head again. "I also ordered a boots for you. They don't have your size so they have to contact Carat Mall branches if they have them. Maybe you'll get them tomorrow or the next day."
"Okay," I shrugged and tapped my hat. "So? Do I look like a cowgirl now?"
Instead of answering, he just looked at what's inside my push cart and his eyebrows immediately furrowed. He seemed like he was trying to figure out what I was thinking collecting light bulbs.
I break out a sheepish grin. "I thought we might need some of these." I explained. "Will it be fine if I put some lighting on your mansion? Or do you have problem with lights? Do you have some phobia with lights? You don't, right?"
Joshua sighed exasperatedly.
"You don't like lights? Does it concern money problem that's why you don't use electricity?"
Dumb question you got there, Kazzandra! He's a Carat Empire heir for Pete's sake! He doesn't have money problems!
"I just don't see the need to waste electricity when I live alone."
"And now?" He's not going to live alone now. I will be his new housemate.
His eyes narrowed on me, but I just giggled at him instead of being threatened. I like teasing him. He's fun to mess with. This way, I see different side of him.
"Fine." He growled like he's in pain and left me.
I was smiling from ear to ear as I watch him leave. I grabbed a few grocery items before going to the counter.
Joshua was already standing there alone. Some other costumers that looks like they finished shopping already maintained distance and continued doing such things as if they don't want to be near him.
I shook my head in dismay. What's wrong with this people? Joshua won't eat them alive when they are near him, much less notice them. Joshua doesn't even care. But I wouldn't be fooled. They should be afraid especially by just thinking of Joshua Hong doing planning something for them.
"Hi!" I greeted the teenage boy behind the counter and smiled when his face turned bright red even though Joshua was sending glares at him.
He didn't greet me immediately as he was staring blankly at me for quite some time, and that's okay. I enjoyed the appreciation in his eyes. Besides, I'm used to this kind of adolescent adoration. They're harmless.
I also greeted Joshua when I stood next to him but unlike the boy, he just spared e a glance and moved his eyes back to the boy in front of us. He looked more annoyed now that I'm here.
I started putting down the boxes of bulbs on the counter, but I stopped Joshua from putting them together with his things. His brows knotted.
"I want to buy something else." I said.
I didn't wait for him to ask me. I know he wouldn't say anything anyway, that's why I asked the cashier.
"Do you sell sour tapes here?"
"P-pardon, Ma'am?"
The boy seemed lost in my question. That's why I moved closer to the counter. Joshua scooted away, avoiding any physical contact from me as I continued to lean forward until I'm resting my elbows on the flat surface.
His eyes went wide when my face came face to face with him, and boy, was he working so hard to keep his eyes trained at the cash register as if a number could go wrong rather than letting them look at my face. He looks so cute.
"That long tape like candy?" I tried to explain. Don't they eat them there?
"Uhm . . . I'm not really sure, Ma'am. But, uh . . ." The boy's eyes roamed around the place trying to look for those sour tapes. But his eyes landed on the man beside me. He quickly looked at me and swallowed hard, reaching up to loosen the neck of his employee uniform. "I-I'll try to check at the food section."
"Wait." I stopped him before he was gone.
Then boy turned to me hesitantly. I wanted to pat his shoulder and tell him not to feel so threatened because of Joshua when I saw his face. He looked like he'd rather be anywhere else than be here, standing eye to eye with Joshua.
I moved away and looked at the man beside me who's trying to burn down the boy with his glares. I directly saw an irritated face.
I smiled up at Joshua while his face remained stoic. I slowly gripped on his arm and that's when his mask broke down.
"What are you doing?" He hissed and tried to shake me off. But I continued leaning on to him.
I had to grip his sleeves with both hands because of his strong biceps. When I had him steady, I tilted my hat to look at him properly. "Can you get those sour tapes for me? Hmm?"
"What?" He snapped.
I smiled saccharinely and tiptoed to whisper on his ear while trying not to look at the boy. I know people are watching our little show.
"Stop glaring, Joshua. You're kind of scaring the boy." I whispered.
My lips tingled when I grazed the soft spot of his earlobe as I stood back and he stiffened beside me like a rod. I felt his muscles pulled taut under my palms.
I could almost feel my embarrassment, but I softly pushed him before he could see it. He started protesting but I didn't let him.
"Bring as many as you can, hmm?" I said before facing the boy again. I thought I still heard him muttering words under his breath before he unwillingly left us.
My heart was still pounding and my skin felt sunburned and tingly. Joshua Hong had that effect on me, and I know it's not a good thing. I shouldn't be attracted to him.
I just watched the cashier boy doing his task. He tried to hide his face under his baseball cap as he started ringing my purchase. He's trying to steal glances on me but everytime our eye meets he immediately looks away. Then his face would turn into tomatoes.
Now that Joshua was not in front of him, he seemed a little more comfortable. But still shy.
"A-are you Sir Joshua's f-friend?" He suddenly asked me and looked around anxiously if Joshua was on ear shot.
Friend? Am I his friend? "Not really. I'm working for him."
The boy's eyes widened as if I just told him a math equation that he doesn't know the answer. "P-pardon? You work for Sir Joshua, Ma'am?"
I nodded laughing. "Yes. I'll be working under him starting tomorrow."
His face turned into wonder and amazement. Maybe he's just amazed of the thought that someone is really here to work for Joshua. But it's nice that he didn't think I'm crazy like what other people here might think, though.
I looked around the place and saw that people don't really care much now and that Joshua is not close on coming back. I don't know what's their issue, on why some costumer doesn't move into the line when Joshua's not already around, but it's convenient for me. I want to have a nice chat with this kiddo anyway.
"Neil." I read his name plate on his left breast pocket. "I just want to know something."
"W-what is it, M-ma'am?" He's shyly scratching the back of his head.
"Why does it seem like people here are afraid of Joshua Hong? Do you think he's a bad guy?"
The boy started shaking his head. "No, of course not, Ma'am. Sir Joshua is kind. Honestly, he's the one who aids our needs here. What he's giving us are all free."
"Really? Nothing in exchange? All for free?"
"Yes, Ma'am. Everyone also has their jobs because of him. If not for him, we won't have anything to eat and y father won't have any work at all."
This boy sure liked Joshua Hong a lot. He talked like Joshua was some hero.
Well, I never thought Dracula could be a hero. There's a movie called Dracula Untold. That's an epic movie for me. But it was only a fiction. Nothing true.
So maybe Vladimir Dracula isn't such a bad guy. And it's not impossible for him to be like Joshua Hong himself.
My curiosity piqued. "If you're saying that Joshua is kind, then why do you seem to be afraid of him?"
He went quiet again. "He just looks scary, especially the way he looks at people. And his appearance . . . Honestly Ma'am, this is my first time to see him personally. He doesn't really go out of his mansion. He's not also really into interacting with us. If he has something her needs, he just asks those workers on his mansion to get them for him."
Wow. Joshua Hong rarely goes out from his mansion but he's everywhere in the new in Seoul and attend royal and huge banquets together with his siblings. Okay . . . so why did he drag me all the way here if he's that antisocial? Or is he really? Just to buy me stuffs? Who am I kidding?
Someone behind me cleared a throat. I thought it's one of the customers, but I suddenly smelled a familiar scent and that's when Joshua stood next to me. His heady scent was beginning to stir my head, impaling my memory with him.
The boy's eyes slightly widened when Joshua met his eyes. He's scaring him again.
"Do you need anything else?" He asked me sarcastically as he put down some packs of sour tapes on the counter.
I gasped. I thought my eyes were wearing my heart. If I can't really control myself properly, I might just hug Joshua with what he just bought. With different flavors and sizes of sour tapes!
My brothers never bought me sour tapes before, even just one roll. When I was a kid, they said, those treats will destroy my teeth. That it would hurt so bad and they will fall off. I won't be pretty anymore.
But I just love sweet treat, especially when I'm too stressed. They're my comfort food. But my brothers who were obsessed with their works won't understand it.
Joshua may not know it, but right now, I want to kiss him and hug him, which is a very crazy idea. Maybe I am really going insane.
"We really need to cut your hair." I blurted out. I just thought of staring at his full uncovered face when the right time comes. My eyes will be blessed.
"Not gonna happen." He said flatly while eyeing Neil's every move.
I sighed. He really won't give that up, will he? And poor Neil. The kid can't concentrate on his task
Then later one Neil announce how much we need to pay, including the hat I'm wearing and Joshua immediately pulled out some cash. My brow slightly pricked up when he didn't bother asking me for my share and why is he paying when he practically owns the store. Well maybe it's a family rule.
"You sure you don't want me to pay for them?"
He shot me an admonishing look, warning me not to do anything and slapped a bill on the counter to prove his point.
But it looks like it was Neil who was surprised of what Joshua did. He took his money with a shaking hand, at and when Joshua asked him if he's already finished, he dropped coins all over the floor.
"I-I'm very sorry!" The boy said and hurriedly scooted to the floor to pick them up. We then heard a sound when he banged his head on the cash register as he tried to stand up hurriedly.
Worried, I reached for his head to see if he hit his head bad. "Are you okay?" I asked while checking his head if he has a bruise of what.
Not trusting himself to speak this time, he simply shook his head and handed Joshua his change with a shaky hand.
Joshua put then inside his pocket and picked up the two grocery bag. "But some cold compress on it so it won't bruise and next time, be careful."
Is he ad or he's just really concerned? He's telling him to do things in a scary manner.
Holding the two huge plastic bags Joshua walked out of Diamond Mall. Few eyes still trailed on us as we moved out of the store until we're nowhere in their sight. Maybe they were as shocked as Neil to see him walking around outside his house.
But instead of following Joshua right after, I looked for some ice packet and gave them to Neil before completely heading out. He hit his head pretty hard there, and I know that hurt. If only Joshua doesn't talk that way, he could've spared the poor boy some nerves.
When I was completely outside, I saw Joshua leaning against his truck with his phone on his ear and is talking to someone. He saw me and signaled me to ride now as he opened the door for me.
By the time I reached his truck, he was already tucking his phone inside his jeans pocket.
We both went in and he immediately started the driving. I then looked for the grocery bags and I saw then at the bed of his truck.
"Wait. I'll go down first."
"Where are you going?"
I hurriedly opened the door without answering him when he halted to a stop. Good thing that the door didn't get stuck.
I walked around the truck and rummaged through the grocery bags. I got two packs of sour tapes and went back inside the truck.
Joshua cringed disgustingly at my treats.
"You want?" I offered him mine.
He looked at it like it's some kind of a junk. "That thing screams diabetes."
"It's yummy. You should try it."
"Nah."
I pouted. If he doesn't want to then so be it. At least I have this all for myself.
I ate them all as we drove back to the mansion. I didn't talk to him, because I was busy chewing my sour tapes. But I can't forget what Neil told me before.
Joshua Hong surprised me yet again. I thought he's doing this farming job for his family's empire. He left his profession to tend to his land, after all. But why did this suddenly became a donation?
Personally, I don't think it's bad. It's nice, actually. He's helping the people here without anything in exchange. Honestly, he doesn't have any responsibility of doing this. He's not even a politician. Charity works? Maybe.
But isn't that supposed to earn people's respect? But why aren't they showing that to him? They fear him more than they respect him. Or to be exact, they respect him out of fear.
But why is Joshua doing all of these?
In that span of lengthy silent drive, those thoughts circulated my head. And it was the first that I didn't get to enjoy eating my treats. When we arrived at his mansion, we were greeted by my suitcase. My brows creased at the big black suitcase standing beside Zeus who was lying across the floor.
"I asked Nana to move your things here." Joshua said right before I had the chance to ask.
I looked at him. Maybe he was talking to Nana when he was on the phone before we left from the Diamond Mall. This guy sure works fast. But he didn't have to do it.
"You should've let me get these from the villa." I said.
I'm not mad, but I'm not pleased either. I want to get my thing by myself so that I could see Nana for a while and have a talk. I'm sure she's wondering what's going on. And I don't want her to worry. Besides, there are things I want to ask about Joshua.
I expect that she won't give me an easy answer, but I'll get my way through it. But now I don't have any reason to . . . Maybe, in another time.
I sighed disappointingly. Maybe Joshua noticed my change of mood and he threw me a confused stare . He obviously disapproves of my attitude. Well then, did he expect me to be grateful?
"You're starting early tomorrow morning, that's why it's better for you to start unpacking your things now." He said as he walked to the kitchen together with the things we bought. "Bring them to your room" He then ordered and his dog immediately tailed after him.
I frowned at the way he left me. What is this, punishment? Because I didn't thank him and I was disappointed that's why he's irritated and mad on me again? Is he that shallow?
My goodness! Was he really expecting me to drag all of my baggage upstairs on my own? Hello?! Can't he see how high and long his grand staircase is? Is that man crazy? What did he take me for? Can he see extra hands on my body that I don't even see?
So ungentlemanly!
Maybe Neil's just so wrong about him. He's not a hero material! He's a freaking saddist!
I just moved to my things then. I have two big strollers, a mini stroller, a duffel bag and a small overnight bag, and I don't know what to pull up first.
I looked at the huge staircase and thought of how I will suppose to reach the top without passing out. I couldn't help a groan. That man is trying to kill me this time.
I put the two bags above my stroller and pulled them; two stroller on the right, one on the left.
I moved my things upstairs alone. I brought the all at ones because I don't want to do thing all over again not when you'll go down into his flights of stair. My legs would give up on me, I'm sure of it. My leg muscles are not that strong and that's one of the reasons that's why I don't do jogging often. I have weak lower extremities.
I took the stairs one step at a time. I might as well reach midnight while still climbing the stairs. I'm starting to sweat on my 32nd step. My arms are starting to frail.
I wanted to buy my time, but everytime I see the remaining steps that I will be taking further, I just want to cry. I just want to curse Joshua Hong!
In annoyance I pulled the strollers forcefully. But the smaller got stuck under the wood of the stair case. I cursed multiple times indie my head. I was so frustrated.
I let go of what's on y right to pull the other, but the other wheel didn't reach the step that's why it lost its balance..
Oh no!
Instinct threw my body in motion. It was silly, diving to save my bag from falling, but that is what I did. I know it will hurt, my brain told me I will hurt myself, but it was too late to stop. Gravity was pulling me down.
I just close my eyes in fear thinking of how painful y fall would be. But it didn't happen.
I heard a growl of curse and then a strong arm caught my waist. My eyes immediately opened to see what the hell happened.
Joshua was heaving deep and his body was pressing into me while he held my waist. His eyes are so furious while looking at me, and even his breathing says so.
It was a little awkward with the way I'm leaning on him, but I can't think of it. Not when he was this close to me. Not when he held me like this.
My pounding heart picked its pace twice, and I know he can completely feel it. It's not that hard to feel while he had my chest pressing into him.
My mouth dried and I had to bite down the urge to lick them wet.
He suddenly growled inside his chest. "Goddammit woman! Now you're starting to feel like a burden."
{ An update right on the MidTerm week! I'm sorry for the irregular updates! I'll do better soon.}