Chapter 15: The Dangers of the Trail. And of Love.
The past couple of days have been brutal for me. Okay, not really brutal but I haven't spent any time with Sawyer recently so it was close enough to being brutal.
Since his friends were back in time, he had been spending basically all of his free time with them. I didn't blame him and I definitely wasn't mad about it. It wasn't like I expected him to only spend time with me. He hadn't seen them in months. Of course he would want to spend all of his time with him.
I just felt extremely bored and lonely since I didn't really have anyone to hang out with. Well, I did have Lulu and Beau but I wasn't too lazy to actually leave the plot of land to hang out with them and to be honest, I didn't want Lulu over here because she would probably end up talking about my feelings for Sawyer the whole time and the last thing I needed was for the Birch family to overhear.
Monica was the only one who knew I liked Sawyer and I intended to keep it that way.
One one particular day I was never looking forward to, Sawyer was home for once, unloading a bunch of hay bales from his truck. I walked over to him, resting my arms across the edge of the trunk, placing my chin on my arms. "What'cha doing?" I asked.
Sawyer looked at me amusingly. "I'm doing the polka. What does it look like I'm doing?"
"Certainly not doing the polka," I said. "So want to go on the trail today after you're done?"
I was really hoping he was free today. I just needed to go do something to take my mind off of today.
Sawyer sighed, his smile faltering, which in the end made my mood only worse as I awaited the answer I didn't want to hear. "I can't. I'm going to Zach's place after. Sorry."
"Don't be sorry," I said, trying to mask my disappointment. "You've got months of catching up to do. I'll just go on the trail. All alone. Nobody to talk to. Just me and my horse."
"You're making me feel guilty," Sawyer said.
"I'm only teasing you," I said. Though, admittedly, part of me was hoping I would be able to guilt Sawyer into coming with me.
I know that sounded horrible but I couldn't help it. I was feeling pretty miserable today and Sawyer was one of the few people who could brighten up my day just by spending time with me.
But unfortunately, I didn't think I could just tell Sawyer why I was feeling down today. I should but I couldn't.
So I had to just accept that I wouldn't be able to hang out with Sawyer today.
"Is there any day soon you're free to go on the trail?" I asked.
"Tomorrow, for sure," Sawyer said. "We can go there for lunch. Have another picnic there."
I smiled at him though I still felt a bit lousy. "Sounds good. I'm actually going to go there right now, though. I am extremely bored and would rather go on the trail alone than do nothing in the house."
"I really am sorry I can't go now," Sawyer said.
"It's okay," I said. "You already made plans. As long as we get to hang out tomorrow, it's a hundred percent fine."
"And we will," Sawyer said. "I don't break my promises."
"Technically, you didn't even promise that we will go on the trail tomorrow. All you said was 'tomorrow, for sure'. Nothing about promising."
"Are you wanting me to cancel the plans or something?"
"Nope. Just simply pointing out you didn't technically promise."
"Then Jamie Krukowski, I promise we will go on the trail tomorrow for lunch."
"You using my full name makes it sound like you were about to propose to me so now I am thoroughly disappointed you didn't propose to me."
"Why would I propose to you when we're not even dating?"
"Then ask me out."
"Not happening."
I sighed heavily. "Once again, my heart has been broken by a man who goes by the name of Sawyer Birch. I don't think I'll ever be able to move on from this feeling. Why must the world be so cruel?"
Sawyer chuckled. "You are a very interesting person at times."
"I know," I said before walking off and heading to the stables so I could prepare Paint to go on the trail. It probably wasn't the best day to go there with the gloomiest looking sky filled with dark grey clouds but I needed something to take my mind off of today and the trail was definitely what I needed at times to clear my mind.
Right now, my mind was racing with more thoughts than usual, mainly with thoughts about Sawyer. And how stressful school was being. And missing my dad. And how much I liked Sawyer. And missing my dad even more. And then Sawyer again. And then my dad.
Basically just alternating thoughts of me missing my dad a lot and me liking Sawyer a lot.
Once I got Paint ready, I got on the saddle and led him to the trail. I was hoping my mind would slowly forget the thoughts that were bothering me but that didn't happen. In fact, the further I went into the forest, the stronger the thoughts got and the more miserable I was feeling.
I really missed my dad.
I quickly wiped a tear away before holding onto the reins again. I'd be okay. I just needed to get used to this fresh air and the scenery.
Paint and I went to the pond but I didn't feel like getting off here. It would probably only make me feel worse since I always came here with Sawyer and he wasn't here for me right now so I just led Paint further down the forest.
Probably not the best idea right now because soon enough, a felt a few trickles of rainfall. I wanted to ignore it and just keeping going but I couldn't do that to Paint when he hated storms. I wasn't sure if a storm was going to come or if it was just rain but with my horse, it was better to be safe than sorry.
I tried turning Paint around to head back home but as quickly as the rain started, it began to complete pour down. Paint was starting to freak out, refusing to go into the direction I wanted him to.
"Paint, come on," I said. "Just turn around."
He still didn't listen. He just starting jerking around in all directions, making it a bit difficult for me hold onto the reins but I grasped them tightly.
"Paint, please," I said. "We have to get back. Just turn around."
He wasn't listening at all. He probably wasn't going to listen at all, especially because instead of just standing still as he jerked around, he started rushing through the forest in the complete opposite direction I didn't want him to.
I tried slowing him down but nothing was working which was only causing me to start panicking a bit. I had to calm Paint down all the time, sure, but not while I was on him and he was refusing to listen to me.
To make things worse, the rainfall was turning into a storm. As the rain got heavier, a flash of lightning appeared followed by a boom of thunder. That was all it took for Paint to completely lose it, bucking me off of him in the process.
Once I hit the ground, a sharp pain rang up my leg. I looked over at Paint, seeing him run away but he soon stopped, whinnying loudly. And his whine sounded like he was in pain. It wasn't his terrified or spooked whine. I knew what that sounded like.
This whinny was one that sounded identical to when Sawyer and I found him ten years ago.
I tried standing up but I couldn't put pressure on my left leg, immediately collapsing back onto the ground. I tried once again, determined to make it to Paint to see if he was okay but I couldn't stand at all.
I reached into my pocket for my cell phone but then I remembered I left it at home. I never kept it on me whenever I was near Paint because both the ringing and the vibrating always spooked him.
I looked at Paint but I couldn't see exactly what was hurting him. He was just standing still, constantly whinnying. I hoped I just got his whinny wrong and he was just spooked, not hurt at all.
The hope was small. I really did think he was hurt.
Even though I already tried and failed twice to stand, I had to give it one more attempt to make it to Paint. I was close to a tree so I gripped it to help me stand and keep my balance. I was able to stand with the support of the tree but I couldn't walk at all so I still couldn't make it to Paint.
Putting even the tiniest pressure on my hurt leg was enough to make the pain even worse. I had to sit back down so I didn't risk it otherwise I probably wouldn't ever be able to move.
I felt so useless and hopeless. I came here to get my mind of it being my dad's birthday and now, I hurt my leg and my horse was probably hurt too but I couldn't get to him.
This day couldn't get worse.
I rested my head against the tree, feeling a bunch of misery from having to hear Paint's painful whinny and not being able to do anything about it.
I didn't know how long I was sitting here for but it did feel like hours. The storm had lightened up a bit but the rain was still falling moderately heavily. Thankful, Paint's pained whinnies had subdued but I was still afraid he was extremely hurt.
If he was, I would never forgive myself for taking him out here even though the sky did show signs of an upcoming storm.
I was going to try standing and walking again, hoping that the resting I did would be just enough to get to Paint. However, right as I was about to stand, I heard Sawyer call out, "Jamie?!"
"Sawyer!" I called back. "I'm over here!"
He followed the sound of my voice and soon appeared in my view. He was on Raven with Monica sitting behind him, and Erica was following on her own horse.
Sawyer stopped Raven and hopped off before hurrying over, kneeling down beside me. "Are you okay?" he asked.
"I think Paint is hurt," I said. "I-I can't stand so I couldn't get to him."
"I'll go check," Monica said, getting off of Raven. She had to take careful steps towards Paint because although he was okay being near her at times, he still might be a bit spooked because of what happened.
While Monica was checking on Paint, I said to Sawyer, "I thought you were at Zach's."
"I was," Sawyer said. "But then Erica called. She said she saw you go on the trail but you didn't come back when the storm started."
"We know how Paint is with storms," Erica said. "We were afraid something bad happened and Sawyer knows this place like the back of his hand."
"Did you hurt your leg?" Sawyer asked. "You said you couldn't stand."
I nodded. "Paint bucked me off and when I landed, I hurt my left leg. I tried standing but I couldn't."
"I'll help," Sawyer said, gently pulling me up. He kept a strong grip around my waist to make sure I didn't topple over. I wrapped my arm around his waist so I could keep balance on my good leg.
"Is Paint okay?" I asked Monica. "Is he hurt?"
"A bit," Monica said. "He ran into some thorns but he didn't get too injured from it. Just a few scratches here and there. I'll call the vet when we're back at the farm to get a proper check up on him."
Hearing what happened to Paint made me feel horrible. I was extremely selfish coming here when a storm was on the verge of happening. I should have just moped in my room and not brought Paint out here.
Sawyer helped me get onto Raven before getting on himself. Monica kept Paint's reins in her hand as she got on Erica's horse so she could help Paint get home without riding him because she didn't want to risk infecting his wounds or anything.
As much as I loved Paint, I couldn't bear to look at him in this state. There were a few scratches like Monica said so it wasn't like he was immensely injured but I still caused it. I should have stayed home.
Once we got back to the farm and the horses were in the stable, Sawyer said, "We should get you to the hospital. Get your leg checked out."
"No," I said immediately. "No, I'm fine. I just need to rest."
"Jamie, you couldn't even stand," Sawyer said. "You need to go to the hospital."
"I don't want to go," I said. "I can't."
My voice ended up sounding broken when I told him I couldn't go. Sawyer immediately knew that there must have been a reason I really didn't want to go to the hospital so he didn't pressure me any longer.
"Okay," Sawyer said. "Okay, that's fine. We can call our family doctor. She does house visits so as long as she's not at another patients' home, she should be able to come."
I nodded as Sawyer led me into the house where Mom immediately wrapped her arms around me. "Oh, I was so worried when Erica said you didn't come back from the trail when the storm started. I'm so glad you're okay." Then she saw me putting all my weight on my right leg. "Did you hurt your leg?"
"Yeah," I said. "It's fine."
"It's not fine," Mom said. "Come on, I'll--"
I cut her off. "I'm not going to the hospital."
"Jamie..."
"Our family doctor does house visits," Sawyer said. "I'll call her so Jamie could stay here. She does live in Ruralburgh so if she's not with another patient, it would be faster than taking him to the hospital."
"Oh, okay, sure," Mom said. "As long as he gets his leg checked out."
"I'll call the doctor," Beth said to Sawyer. "You should help Jamie get to your room so he could rest his leg as soon as possible."
Sawyer helped me up the stairs which took quite some time but eventually, we got there. Once I was lying down in the bed, Sawyer sat down beside me. "Your mom said it's your dad's birthday," he said. "You should have told me. I would have spent the day with you."
"You already had plans."
"That doesn't matter. They would have understood if I told them you weren't feeling well and needed someone to spend time with. So... How are you feeling?"
"Just great. It's my dad's birthday so I'm just reminded about how much I miss him. I hurt my leg. And on top of that, Paint got hurt too because of me."
"I'm sure it wasn't your fault."
"It was. I saw what the clouds looked like. He got spooked because of the thunder and lightning. If I just stayed home, he wouldn't have gotten hurt."
"Jamie," Sawyer said softly as he gently grabbed my hand. "It's not your fault. I know you would never do anything to purposefully hurt Paint. You shouldn't blame yourself for this."
"What if he never trusts me again?" I asked. "What if he doesn't want to go near me because I led him into the forest when a storm happened? He hates storms. He was found hurt in that forest. He's never going to trust me."
"That isn't true," Sawyer said. "He still trusted you after you left for ten years. As soon as you came back, he was so happy to see you. He's still going to trust you."
I didn't believe him. I couldn't believe him. Paint didn't even freak out when I was leaving the stable after he was put in his stall.
I just rested my head back against the pillow. "Why does my life have to be so...miserable? Every good thing ends up coming to an end. I lost my dad. My boyfriend was a complete jerk so I dumped him. And now Paint might not want to come near me again. It's just bad thing after bad thing. My life is just one big mess."
"Hey..." Sawyer said softly, pulling me into a hug. "I know you're going to get through this because you don't let anything tear you down."
"It's a bit too late for that. I've been torn down."
"Look, I'm not going to lie. Life is horrible at times. I was so miserable when I felt like I lost everything because of my accident. But you know what go through it? Having people there for me. I know it's not easy to admit when you're struggling, even if you really want someone to talk to. But just keeping things bottled inside isn't going to help either."
"How do you do it?" I asked.
"Do what?" Sawyer asked.
I pulled away from the hug so I could look at him. "Make me feel better. Seriously, anything you say just makes me feel better."
"Well, I would do anything to make you feel better," Sawyer said. "Because you are the most amazing person I know. You're kind and strong and, I'm going to admit, hilarious."
"I'm not that amazing," I muttered.
"You are," Sawyer said. "It's... It's why I like you so much."
"As friends?"
"...No."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "What?"
"I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to ruin our friendship," Sawyer said. "And I'm a bit hesitant because of what happened with Kitty but... When Erica called me and said she thinks you're in trouble, I was terrified. I didn't know what I would do if something happened to you because I like you. So much. I've never liked anyone as much as I like you."
I couldn't help but smile. He actually liked me back. Hearing him admit to it made me forget about all the hesitation I had myself because Sawyer just made me so happy. "Really?" I asked.
"Really," Sawyer said.
"Good, because I like you too," I said. "A lot. A lot, a lot. You just make me so happy and I love teasing you and I especially love making those innu--"
I was cut off when Sawyer rolled his eyes before slightly pressing his lips on mine, my heart beginning to beat rapidly. In that moment, the rest of the hesitation I felt about pursuing something with Sawyer just flew out the window.
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oof
we all know the innuendos are going to come even more now lol
also i always feel like my characters get together too fast but of well. i can never help it. i once broke up a couple between their first and second book so we didn't see the break up. it was only stated that they weren't together anymore in the first chapter of the second book but they got back together that chapter when i meant to hold it off my bad.