AN-
Sorry about the wait. Seriously my life totally got swamped between saying goodbye, baptising my nephew and becoming a godmother. Baking for birthday parties, catering for other parties. and now I'm back at school and trying to breathe. Now I also have homework and tons of reading so I don't even know what's happening. Hope you enjoy.
Harry was still staring at the wall when Liam came back in the room fully dressed to ask if he was ready.
“Uh, Haz”
“Emm?”
You haven’t moved.”
“Yeah. Oh Shit. Fuck. Sorry. I won’t even look I’ll just throw something on, shit. Grab my shoes Li?” Harry said frantically, not even thinking about the fact that he was standing up almost completely naked in front of Liam. He jumped into a pair of pants and threw on a shirt when he turned to see Liam frozen with his converses in his hand.
“You alright mate?” Harry inquired, making Liam jump. He was in a trance from just having seen Harry get dressed and was pretty sure the only thing that could possibly be hotter was if the clothes were coming off instead of going on. Liam saw every muscle ripple as he tugged up the trousers and buckled them and saw how his abs became taunt as he pulled over his shirt.
“Oh, yeah. Ready?” Liam muttered, avoiding eye contact as he strutted out the door not even waiting for an answer.
Harry shook his head and followed after the older male; tossing himself beside him in the van as they went out to their first interview. He could feel Liam vigorously texting on his phone next to him while his feet were tapping the floor in a vicious rhythm. Harry knew of Liam’s ticks, he had spent so much time watching him that he’d be ashamed if he couldn’t, so he put his hand down on Liam’s knee and gave it a gentle squeeze.
When the familiar gaze met his, he just shrugged and said, ‘I’m sure whatever you’re worried about will be fine babe’ then flinched at the pet name he had just casually tossed in.
A pained expression must have crossed his face because Louis chuckled from the seat across from him and mouthed smooth.
“Thanks Harry” Liam said, smiling because he was surprised that Harry noticed and at the fact that a pat on his knee from the green eyed stunner was enough to calm him down.
“Anytime mate. Now what were you saying back at the hotel?” Harry asked smoothly, slipping it in with his acceptance.
“Alright boys, time to get out.” Paul yelled from the front. Harry was sure he saw Liam let out a breath of air he was holding and just threw his head into the head rest.
“We’re not done talking about this” Harry said with a tone of finality. Liam just smirked, which was a new thing for Harry. “Bloody hell! When did you start smirking Li?”
“Obvious Harry is being obvious” he heard from behind him, turning to see his fringe haired mate with stars in his eyes.
“Shut up Lou”
“What? I didn’t say anything!”
“Yes you did, you said ‘obvious Harry is being obvious’ I’m not deaf!”
“Are ye talking about yourself in third person mate?” Niall asked from behind, causing Harry to pinch his nose and squeeze his eyes shut.
“No Niall, let’s just go inside yeah?”
“Alright” Niall responded, shrugging and walking into the building behind Harry. They got to the dressing room and Liam was already in the chair getting his face fixed by Lou. Harry sucked in a breath as he saw that the lad had changed into a tight white shirt with a few buttons down the middle that were open to show his chest. He looked fit as hell and Harry was having a little trouble adjusting, in more ways than one.
“Harry, didn’t you say something about having to wee?” Louis asked, laughter dancing in his eyes at his friend’s obvious problem. Harry doesn’t bother to answer before turning on his heel and sprinting out the door. Louis knowing that Harry was going to be gone a while, interrogated Liam.
“So is this the interview then?”
“Yep”
“Have you told your mum then?”
“Mom has always known, so has my Dad and sisters.”
“What about Simon?”
“That’s a stupid question, Danielle is a beard Lou” Liam chided, chuckling into his hand.
“Right, I knew that.”
“Are you scared Li?” Zayn asked , sneaking up behind Lou and wrapping his arms around his shoulders.
“Not anymore no. I’m just worried about what Harry will think.”
“He’ll probably be mad you didn’t tell him mate.” Louis said tentatively, knowing that Harry would be furious and jealous.
“I tried, but you came barging in like the proper wanker you are.”
“Tell him when he gets back?”
“Can’t. I’m about to go on and then you guys come out and join me after I come out.”
“Wow, that’s dramatic.”
“We have to get rich somehow right?”
“This used to be about music” Niall complained from behind, stuffing his face with the food from the complimentary food basket.
“It hasn’t been about the music for a long time mate” Liam answered, a bit of melancholy coloring his tone.
“Right! What have I missed?” Harry inquired as he flew back in through the door having relieved himself of his problem. He wished he would feel guilty about wanking in a filthy bathroom stall, but the thoughts in his head totally made it worth it. He could imagine withering under Liam, hell, even Liam withering underneath him and just fucking until they couldn’t move anymore. Harry shook his head and kicked out his legs, both impressed by the fact that he had a semi already and unimpressed by the fact that Liam gave him boners like he had just started puberty and had no control.
“I have an interview by myself first and you might want to watch it so I would go get in the chair if I were you. Just don’t be mad alright? I couldn’t tell you.” Liam confessed, acting like a coward and sprinting out the door before Harry could open his mouth to speak.
“What the hell is going on?” Harry shouted, watching as Zayn jumped and looked up from his phone.
“You’ll see mate.” Louis answered, trying to avoid eye contact with his best mate as he walked out the door to the backstage area where Liam was practicing.
“What I wanted say was that it’s okay to be who you are. I mean um, fuck. Um. You can be whoever you want to be and that won’t change with who you love. Bloody hell!” Liam whispered to himself as Louis walked up. The younger lad didn’t hear him so he jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Oh, it’s just you.”
“Well, who would it be that would make you jump?”
“Who do you think?”
“Right, Hazza. Don’t you think it was kind of um”
“Shitty?”
“Yeah, sure. Why would you leave him like that?”
“What was I supposed to say? ‘Hey I love you, so I’m going to tell the world I’m gay in hope that you get the point.”
“Sounds good”
“Why am I friends with you?”
“Liam Payne?” a lady, dressed in an ill-fitting, beige dress asked.
“Yes?”
“Hi, I’m going to be your interviewer. I just wanted to say thank you for giving me this exclusive and I’m sure everyone will be proud of you. It’s the brave thing to do.”
“Umm, thanks” Liam stuttered, finally overwhelmed by the decision he was making.
“You ready to go on?” She asked, offering her elbow and a warm smile to the young man.
“Go on mate, you got it” Louis said, love shining in his eyes. When he turned to walk away he saw as Liam mouthed ‘tell him that it’s him’. Louis shook his head, suddenly worried about his band mate as he realized that this confession was going to be bigger than he thought it was.
Right when he got to the door of the dressing room his collided with Harry’s chest.
“What the hell mate?”
“You shouldn’t have been staring at your feet Lou”
“Where were you staring?”
“Over your head.” Harry deadpanned.
“Arse.”
“I try; do you know what’s happening?” Harry questioned, doing that thing with his eyes that always makes Louis feel like he’s peeking into his mind.
“Yes.”
“Are you going to tell me?”
“No.”
“Is it big?”
“Massive.”
“That’s what she said.”
“Nope, that’s what he said mate. Remember?”
“I hate you Lou.”
“Not for long you won’t.” Louis replied steadily and then the music for the show is starting and Harry sprinted past him to find his way to the side of the stage where he can see Liam. The lights turned on and he watched as the camera counted down from ten.
‘Good morning everyone! This is your host of Morning News Now, Lizzie Shelton, here with Liam Payne. So Liam how are you doing?”
“Pretty well actually.”
“You look good.”
“So do you.”
“So I suppose we should get to the point since we’re not here for niceties, what’s going on in your life?”
“Well as most people know, One Direction has become a bigger deal than we ever imagined we would be. Especially not in two years. There’s been so much growth and I love all the lads so much and I couldn’t be happier.”
“But could you be happier? Isn’t there something you’d like to let off your chest?”
“Well, yeah. Erm.”
“It’s alright Liam” the interviewer cooed and Harry tried not to vomit from both her voice and the nerves growing as he waited for Liam’s response.
“I’m gay.” Liam sputtered out, almost smacking himself on the forehead for the lack of finesse. “I had meant to say that in a more intelligent way, but it’s out there.”
“How long have you known?”
“Forever”
“Why did you wait so long?”
“I really didn’t want to ruin our careers, well not that I want to ruin it now, but I feel more secure with our fans. None of them knew until recently. I didn’t want them to hate me or resent me for ruining their careers so I went and asked what I could do and got Danielle.”
“Danielle is who everyone thinks of your girlfriend? The lovely, curly haired, dancer?”
“That is correct.”
“What is she to you actually then if not a beard?”
“She’s a great friend, if not my best friend. She helped me through this entire ordeal, she was the one person I could talk to.”
“Were you afraid that boys were homophobic?”
“No, never, I just didn’t want them to be uncomfortable. We change around each other and we sleep on the same bus and in the same rooms sometimes, I didn’t to inconvenience them”
“What happened when you told them?”
“They pretty much told me that I was stupid for thinking that they would see me as anything less than what I am.”
“Which is what exactly?”
“Their bandmate, their brother. We all love each other so much.”
“That’s adorable. Now down to the question everyone is going to want to know, is there somebody who has your heart Liam?”
Harry coughed backstage, trying not to die as he swallowed Liam’s words. Louis is at his back immediately pounding on it and rubbing circles.
“Try not to die mate? This is the good part” Louis whispered into his ear as Harry practiced controlling his breathing like a woman going into labor. Liam smiled at them both, making harry forget how to breathe again and making Lou grin right back at him.
“There is. There is this guy who is absolutely perfect for me but doesn’t know it. It’s one of those awful times when someone thinks you’re out of their reach, but they’re actually searching for you so high in the sky they don’t see you groveling at their feet.”
“So unrequited?”
“I guess you could say that. I don’t know how he feels. I don’t even know if he’s the type of guy that would want to settle down and I’m a settle down type of guy. He’s fast, I’m slow. He’s the sun and I’m the moon. I don’t know; I just know that I love everything about him and he has no idea how great he is. ”
“You’re a great guy Liam”
“Thank you.”
“Did you ever think about the massive asset you could become to the LGBTQ community?”
“No, never. I never thought I was worthy of even being an advocate really. There are so many younger people out there that are so much braver than me. I have so much respect for people who come out as soon as they realize it. The people who never runaway or hide. I got scared and I hid, that’s nothing to be proud of. You can love who you are even if other people don’t love what you are. You are more than your orientation and you are more than what society thinks of you. I just am so proud of all the support I’ve seen for other people. If my coming out means that more of our fan base will be safe or comfortable with their sexuality, I’m more than okay with the repercussions.”
“How are you going to deal with the hate?”
“I’m not going to acknowledge it. I know that’s easier said than done, but I’ve always been pretty good at keeping my head above water. I might not be able to spell, but I have some sense”
“Well good luck Liam, we wish you the best. Especially with your mystery lover, maybe he’s watching.”
“I know he is. Thank you, I think all the boys are ready now” Liam replied, wiping the sweat off his forehead. The boys walked in and he stood to give them all a hug. One by one they came, all whispering how proud they were, until Harry was right in front of him. Liam and Harry stared at each other, no movements or flinches.
“I’m sorry” Liam finally whimpered, only loud enough for Harry to hear.
“You did nothing wrong”
“I couldn’t tell you, you were out when I told them”
“I know; I’m such an idiot. Good luck with whoever he is.” Harry said, turning and throwing himself on the couch next to Lou. Liam raised an eyebrow and turned around to face him, paying attention to the countdown.
“You cannot be that dense mate” he whispered, with an incredulous look on his face.
“What?”
“Seriously Hazza?”, Louis groaned.
“What?!” Harry almost shouted this time and Liam heard the countdown get to ten. Time slowed as he waited for the last moment.
“It’s you” Liam exclaimed, tossing himself down next to Niall and covering his eyes with his palm. He hadn’t bothered to look over, but from the trembles he felt from Louis’ hearty laughter it had to be a sight.
The interview proceeded accordingly, basic questions asked, the controversial topic not mentioned again. When they got back in the car, harry sat next to Louis, still not making eye contact with Liam. The hotel came into view and before the car was in park Liam found himself unbuckling his seatbelt and flying out the door. He reached his room and threw his head back against the door once it was shut.
“Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. What did I expect? I don’t know what the hell is the matter with me. I never learn.”
“Li?” he heard whispered at the door. He nodded his head no like the visitor could see, but he couldn’t bring himself to care enough to answer.
“Liam open the door.”
“Liam please”
Liam rose from his spot and bolted the door before he threw himself on the bed. He drifted off to sleep thinking about everything that could have been with the only lad he’s ever loved. The boys outside just sunk to their butts against the wall nearest to his door; they wanted to give him support and Harry wanted to scream back ‘It’s you too!’ But since he went the child’s route and ignored the other curly haired lad, he was now on the floor in a five star hotel wondering how he managed to crash when the race hadn’t even started yet.