"Are you mad at me?" Wonho asks, we've resumed our walk to the Louvre, the first stop on our list after the little 'love' debacle earlier.
"I'm just shy," I murmur in my small boy voice, my ears turning red as can be, my face down. I want to fall into a hole. I want to scream with joy. I want to hide under my blankets forever. I want to -
Wonho grasps my hands.
I want to keep holding your hand.
"Well, you should get used to it," he hums. I look over at him in surprise, noting his sharp jaw and his straight nose. "Because this is how I treat my boyfriends."
Boyfriends? I know it's childish, but I let out a squeak. Every part of his sentence is making me uwu. I knew he had said we were dating, but it never really had felt real until he first called me his boyfriend.
I wanna say it back to him but I don't know how to just insert it into his little name placeholder without it being weird.
Damn. How is he so good at flirting? Being smooth is really hard.
Wonho saves me though, in his usual nature, squeezing my hand.
"You were listening, right? Who am I now?"
Boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend. It wants to come out but I keep thinking of how much it belongs in a K-Drama somewhere and it's making me overthink it.
"I don't hear my boyfriend saying anything..." his voice is sing-songy and his flippant use of the word 'boyfriend' makes me trip over myself.
He catches me, laughing, my face blushing like a devil.
"It's okay, Hyungwon. It's probably weird, but you can't tell me you don't like it."
God. I am overthinking this, aren't I? This poor boy is waiting for shy me to say something.
"You're right," I finally shrug. "I am enjoying this way too much." I pause. "Boyfriend." I jab in.
He jumps when he hears it, his face slowly flushing scarlet. Ha. So it's blush-worthy to him too, huh.
He clears his throat, trying to wipe the doofy smile off of his face. I shove my head into his shoulder to hide, it jostling my head as we continue to walk. I know how we must look to people: deliriously in love. And I have to agree. And as time goes on, it feels more like things are moving from could be to will be. And it doesn't feel too bad.
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We made out way to the Louvre after a bit more walking, only lapsing into uncomfortable silence once when I offered to pay the entrance fee, and upon seeing it, realized I didn't have the money to pay for it on me. City of Love? Ha. More like City of Broke.
I felt like a real freeloader, sugar daddy kink at it's finest, but after he throws me a sheepish look and ruffles my hair, I stop caring so much that he is paying for it instead of me because I'm bordering homeless broke. If I'm going to feel guilty about something, I should guilty about him paying for this whole trip.
It's honestly easier to just not think about it.
The lobby is gigantic! Sophisticated and chic, but with a messy elegance to it.. Exactly what I imagine artists themselves to be.
I've never been a real appreciator of art because I find it generally hard to like things that I don't understand, but the air in the building smells like adventure, so I'm willing to give it a try.
I've got my arm linked in Wonho's as we survey the art. All kinds of art - blobs and shapes and people and eyes, oh my god, so many eyes!
Unshockingly, I don't understand a bit of it, but Wonho seems so entertained, hands clinging onto the strap of his camera case as if to keep him in reality, that I don't say anything. Anyways, it gives me an excuse to study him without noticing, so I'm not exactly complaining. I'm once again struck by the question of if he wears makeup as I peer at him sideways out of the corner of my eye.
His skin is unblemished, slightly blushed with the excitement of the art. His eyelashes are so dark, so full, it seems so impossible that they're only God-given.
I'm so focused ogling that I don't even notice that he's been talking to me and had asked a question until I catch the uplifted end that indicates the question and he looks at me, eyes expectant.
His eyes turn amused and the corner of his lips lift up into a smirk as he catches me. I finally realize what's going on, and catch my surroundings, blushing as I catch the situation.
God, Hyungwon. Could you look a little more stalker-like? Stop doing blush-inducing things and you'll hopefully stop embarrassing yourself.
I actually want to die when Wonho asks me if I'm enjoying the view of the 'art', placing heavy emphasis of the sarcasm on the last word.
Art. Ha. If only he knew that Wonho art was the only kind of art I'd ever be slightly interested into. I should patent it. Wonho-Art. I could make millions with the size of his ass.
"Yes, as a matter of fact," I say smugly. I've grown confident after the 'boyfriend' incident. It's finally starting to sink in that he's really mine to do something with. Not in a weird way, like an object or something, just... just like my own personal boyfriend.
Wonho laughs way too hard to be socially acceptable at the Louvre.
I cover his mouth with my hand, placing my other hand on his chest to silence him.
"I won't have my boyfriend acting a fool in such a public vicinity," I whisper.
When I move my hand, Wonho's mouth is curved into a devilish smile, like he thought of something really bad in a good way.
"Care to silence me? I can think of a few ways..." He says, voice deepened for some reason, like deep voices are a turn-on. He purses his lips extra hard and aims them my way.
While he is my boyfriend - boyfriend!!!- my first thought is just no no no on a loop. I don't want our first real kiss to be a corny one like this.
I gently smack his lips without even thinking about it, almost like a self-preservation reflex. What a dork. Though I can't say my heart isn't beating fast as a result, dumb as it was.
I keep thinking about the fact that I could have kissed him if I wanted to. It's a powerful feeling.
After a few more minutes of art gazing, Wonho notices my nose, crinkled up in confusion, at one of the most ambiguous piece yet.
"Not quite your forte?
I startle when I notice that he's looking at me and struggle to compose my face. I wanted him to enjoy it without having to not have to worry about if I was enjoying it too, but that's obviously not gonna happen.
"It's okay. It's not for everyone." He says with a shrug.
But as he turns back to the piece, sucked back into it again instantly, I grow curious.
"What do you like so much about it?" I really want to understand his point of view. He seems to see so much stuff that I miss.
"About the piece or the art itself?" He seems shocked, but happy that I ask.
"Um, the art itself."
We both look towards the art piece, an assortment of colors swirled together.
"To me," Wonho begins, "Art isn't just the act itself. It's the emotion that wields it. Those paints, developed in some far away country, were transformed into this thing, this puzzle, only decipherable to that person at that time."
He stares ahead at the piece, deep in thought. I find myself being sucked into his speech.
"I read one time that some artists don't even understand their own work sometimes because that piece of art was so reflective of the emotion they were feeling at that specific time and only reflective of that. They can encapsulate pictures and sounds and emotions all at once. It's really beautiful." He sounds so amazed that I find myself being amazed too. He's just so passionate about it. He's right. It is beautiful.
"I like to think that I'm an artist too, in a way," he grins, throwing a smug look my way. It's so... proud. I smile. But I agree. The way he does his photography... so involved and giving all he has. He puts his heart into it, and it shows.
As he goes on explaining, I realize that I've hit rock bottom and I want to cry in realization and happiness. While I knew I was falling, I didn't know how quick I was falling until I'd already fallen.
I realize looking at him, now unabashedly, uncaring of if he notices, that I've fallen for him. Completely.
"I love you, Wonho." Without realizing, I utter this out loud. I'm so filled up with it, the light of it filling me up to the brim.
Wonho coughs slightly, eyes bulging, then looks at me, his expression morphing into complete and utter soft.
I can barely see him now since my eyes have filled up with tears, but it's enough. My heart is beating so hard, pulsing in time with the love making its way through me.
Wonho takes a shaky step towards me.
"W- What did you just say?" he sounds shaken up and his eyes are wide. In happiness? I hope so.
I shuffle towards him, gently reaching for his fingers. He fondles my hand in his, looking as if he needs to something to keep him grounded. He glances at our hands, linked together, then back up at my eyes.
Quickly, without thinking, so overflowing with the massive surge of love for this amazing artist of a boy in front of me, I close my eyes and set my lips to his, hard and unflinching.