Dedicated to You reading
Paul
The car slows to a stop in front of my house, I cast another tentative glance at my phone and step out after paying for the trip. Last time I dialled her number, her phone was switched off. She is fine, the bodyguards confirmed that but I can't help that nagging feeling of dread. I frown and run my fingers through my scalp. The stunt Ifunaya pulled earlier comes to mind, I sigh, putting each foot forward until I walk through the gate.
A part of me knew she was joking but it didn't stop me from panicking, I chuckle, I hit that call button as soon as I saw the text. I don't remember saying those words to her but she was kind enough to remind me and I never want to hear them again. I love her, she loves me and that is all I care about.
The amusement laced in her voice when she eventually picked makes me wonder how long she has waited to get her revenge. At the thought of that word, my lips turn down in a frown and my heart beats out of rhythm. I am hopeful she will forgive me for returning later than I promised. What I need right now is a repeat of yesterday's experience, another moment of pure bliss.
I groan and run my hand through my face, a noncommittal greeting slips from my lips in response to the gateman's welcome. She spends time on her phone more than any woman I know, we have constant electricity too. Her phone has no reason to be off.
She must be upset with me is the only valid conclusion I can come up with, after all, I am late for our anniversary date. I told her I might be delayed but hours have passed since then and I don't feel up for it anymore. I am not up for anything other than cuddles after hearing those preposterous results.
My hand closes over the doorknob, I spare my wristwatch a glance and grimace, I am fucking late. The streetlights made me believe there was time but I will make it up to her. We can leave the house tomorrow, two of us, no guards. As much as she tries to hide it, I am aware she hates seeing those huge men around us and I have been trying to convince Mr Adams to take them back. They can return to protecting us from afar, I groan, I want a semblance of a normal life.
Our room is my first stop, my hand hangs from the door as my eyes scan the entire length of our bedroom, trying to process the odd emptiness. I retrace my steps back to the parlour, I must have missed her there. My finger connects with the switch, light floods the room and my heart threatens to jump out of my mouth at the sight of the empty parlour. Her phone is still switched off, I frown at the picture of her smiling at me as I redial her number. Switched off.
I squeeze my eyes shut and pinch the tip of my nose as scenarios swirl in my head, I have had a long, stressful day, I don't need this right now. A sigh escapes me, my tiredness is forgotten as I cover the distance to the guards' room in giant strides. None of them knows where she is and I have to clench and unclench my fists to keep from lashing out at them. Of what use are they if she will still go missing right under their noses? I level a glare at both of them, Jo averts his gaze but Erin matches my stare.
"She was in the room when we checked," Jo offers. I sigh, maybe but now she is missing.
"Find her."
The trip to the gateman proves futile, she did not leave the house. A sadistic chuckle slips past my lips as I lower myself onto the sofa with my hands laced behind my head. The tiles show a blurred reflection of my face, I sigh and pull out a strand of my beards. I can't handle another stupid prank.
My head lifts at the sound of approaching footsteps and my shoulders sag when the person comes into view. "Have you seen her?" I ask Jo who shakes his head. I dismiss him with a wave, my hands are shaky as I bring out my phone to call my sister. "Chi."
Chi manages to calm me, with her guidance, I take deep breaths to steady my quivering heart and list out the possible places in the compound she might be. If the gateman or guards didn't see her leave, she has to be here. Chi's voice pulls me out of my trance.
Upstairs. I nod, yes. She gets along with the neighbours but we prefer staying indoors. I prefer her in my arms all day, testing my meals or watching me cook. I start for the door when Ifunaya walks out of our room, a blanket draped on her shoulders as she sashays to stand a few feet away from me.
The blanket drops to the floor as her arms fold across her chest, bringing my attention to those pointed buds straining against her shirt. They send a message straight to my groin, I remind myself I am upset with her but the thought vanishes when she trains a deadly glare on me. She raises her chin in defiance when I arch a brow, I scoff. I love this woman but God help me, she will drive me insane with her guts and spontaneity.
"I'll call you back," I say into the phone and end the call amidst Chi's protest. Her stance refuels my anger, I take deep breaths and in a calm voice, I ask, "Where were you?"
She is the one in the wrong but the look she sends me after my question has me closing my eyes for the briefest moments. Mood swings come with periods, I know that, I try to remember that as I take a step towards her but she stops me with a crumpled sheet of paper aimed at my chest. I spare her a glance, she sticks her nose in the air and I scowl while crouching to pick the paper.
Rising to my feet, I remind myself how much I love this infuriating woman in front of me, I can't be mad at her. I think up all the excuses possible for her cold reception and let out a small sigh. Staying indoors with guards stationed outside can be maddening, coupled with her period. I offer her a small smile to mask my hurt at her behaviour and take another step forward.
"Stop walking. Don't come close to me," her eyes lower to my hands, "open it. Read it."
Her words sting, I give her a onceover and a sad smile flits to my lips. I looked forward to coming home to her. To her warm hugs, welcome back kisses and this is what I get. No hellos. Not even a careless remark or an insensitive joke about how my day went. My heart constricts to the point I have trouble breathing, I heave and redirect my gaze to the paper she so badly wants me to open.
THE FAMILIES OF
Governor & Mrs Sullivan Chime
OF ILU, AWGU LGA Of ENUGU STATE
&
Mr & Mrs Silas Nwaocha
OF EDE, ANINRI LGA OF ENUGU STATE
CORDIALLY INVITES YOU
to the traditional wedding ceremony of
Paul Udoka
and
Emmanuella Ifeoma
The words knock the wind out of me, I falter as a tide of bad memories crash over me and my eyes raise to locate hers which are watching me. "Where did you find this?"
"Why do you have it?"
My mouth part opens, I let out in a whisper, "Babe." This piece of paper I squeeze and toss aside is not worth the attitude she is giving me nor a single second of our time. "I don't know what's going through your mind but this is not what it looks like." She tilts her head to the side and nods, I sigh. "Babe."
The silence that meets my reply threatens to suffocate me, I look in her direction and gulp, waiting for her to speak, scream, lash out at me, anything but this calmness. The card is stupid and I am not stupid, I will never deliberately keep stuff like this in the house. I don't want to be associated with that evil woman, all she has ever done is bring me misery, even in her absence, she still manages to do that. My heart aches from seeing the woman I love regard me with so much disgust and I cast my head down in a bid to forget the look in her eyes.
"I found it in your bag," she whispers, "why do you have it?" Her eyes meet mine and my heart breaks into a million pieces at the hurt swimming in those brown orbs I love so much. "Why do you have your wedding invitation to a woman who is married to someone else?" She takes a step forward, I notice her eyes are puffy and I try to reach for her but she stops me. Her voice raises when she asks, "Do you have the ring too?"
God. I threw that shit away the moment we called things off, I burnt every memory that connected us. I have no fucking idea how this got into my bag, I must have missed it because I was in a hurry to get rid of every single thing. Why will I torture myself with a reminder of that demoness by keeping it?
"No," I throw my hands up in exasperation, "of course not, love. I didn't know I was still with this." She offers me a smile, I close my eyes briefly and my shoulders deflate, she doesn't believe me. "My love. Ifunaya." She looks away and the hand in my chest squeezes my heart until I can only identify the pain. But I continue, "I love you and I will never do anything to hurt you. Ify."
"Liar." My hands fall to my side with a sigh, maybe she should have remained silent, I can handle that better. She shakes her head and scoffs. "Every word that comes out of your mouth is a lie. A big, fat lie. From the moment we met, all you have done is lie, lie and tell more lies. You are a big liar." I close my eyes and exhale, she doesn't mean any of these things but it still stings like hell.
The words to counter her accusations die in my throat, my chest falls. She sniffs, I sigh. I am tired. My gaze lowers to her small feet, she didn't paint them. I run my fingers through my scalp and groan, I need a break.
"I'm not lying," I finally say, "I love you."
"Okay, you're not lying, right? So tell me," her tone is derisive, "why are her pictures all over your Instagram account? Answer me." Her feet disappear from my view, her voice becomes distant when she says, "She left you. Don't you get it? She is married, she doesn't want you, why are they still there?"
My fingernails dig into my scalp, I let out a strangled sigh. She wasn't listening. I don't use Instagram, I barely did, Ella must have been the one who posted those pictures, captioned it even, she had access to my phone. She had access to almost everything.
"Pauline, I don't use Instagram. I told you."
"Now you are calling me, Pauline? My name is not Pauline," she says in a deceitfully calm voice. Her finger pokes at my chest, she glares daggers at me. "My name is babe, love," her voice goes higher, "my name is Ifunaya or Ify, that is what you call me. Ify."
"Pauline," slips from my lips without notice and my head cocks to the side at the impact of her palm against my cheek. I swallow my apology, it was an honest mistake but I guess it doesn't matter now. I should have been careful, paid more attention to my words.
The ticking of the wall clock becomes more audible, I rub a hand on my cheek with my eyes centred on the floor. I don't know what hurts more, my heart, her words or action. This is not the happy woman I left at home, the woman who purchased tickets for me or picked out the outfit I am wearing. I sigh.
"You slapped me," I mutter. Our eyes meet, I wait for her apology but she offers none. I nod, a painful smile crawls up my lips. "I will sleep in the other room. Goodnight."
It hurts to walk away from her, to celebrate our one month anniversary this way but she hit me without remorse. I deserve a lot of terrible things for keeping my identity a secret from her, for being the reason she now sleeps with the lights on but not this.
Not today, not from her. I already had an awful day, I deserve a break too. The least she could have done is ask how I feel, the reason I came home late, if the meal I named after her won or not. She's supposed to be my safe place, even on my bad days.
"Paul. Don't you dare walk out on me," she cries out but I don't stop walking until I am at the door of Chi's room. I am done with the conversation. I hear a sob and because I fucking love this woman to the moon and back, I turn around so we might resolve this misunderstanding amicably. My mouth opens but she beats me to it, "You don't have to sleep anywhere that's not your room, I'm going." She scowls. "I'm going to my house."
There she goes again, breaking my heart yet I wait, giving her a chance to take back her words. But the stares she sends my way shows she has no intention of doing that.
"Okay." I retrieve my phone from the front pocket of my jean trouser to call Jo, she prefers him. "You don't have to leave," I manage to whisper and she glares me into silence. Feeling defeated, I sigh, my fingers hover above the call button, I stare at it for a few seconds. In the end, I send him a text and straighten up. "Jo will drop you off."
Ifunaya's mouth opens and closes, she blinks back tears and I have to dig my nails into my palm to stop myself from closing the distance between us to engulf her in a hug. I need a hug too, I don't care right now if she won't apologise for slapping me but I just want this to be over. She is hurting both of us and I have no fucking idea how she fails to see that. She doesn't have to leave, she knows that. I want her here with me.
"That's it?" She scoffs, I shove my hand into my pocket, her mood swing is unbelievable. "Jo will drop me off? I almost died because of you and the least you can do is ask your bodyguard to drop me off? Wow." Tears stream down her cheeks, I bridge the gap to pull her into an embrace but she pushes me away. "Don't touch me," she screams and I raise my hands. "Leave me alone. Go away."
Talking to her right now feels like a bad idea but I still want to try, we have come too far to let a silly argument like this tear us apart. Not Ella, she is not worth our time. She doesn't compare to my baby and she never will. Why is she refusing to see that?
In a broken voice, I say, "You didn't even ask about the show or how my day went. Babe." I stretch a hand to her, willing her to take it but she eyes that part of me with so much disdain, I am forced to let it drop to my side. "Don't you want to know if you, we won?"
"I don't care," she retorts and I heave a sigh.
Her words hurt, I take a step back to give her space. "You care." She shakes her head vehemently, I nod and swallow. It is harder to remind myself she doesn't mean any of the things she has said but I try, I love her too much. "I don't want to leave you alone, you don't have to go. Stay with me. Please."
"Fuck you."
"What do you want from me?" I snap. "What do you want from me?" I reiterate. How can only one person be this frustrating? Fuck.
"Nothing," she replies in that calm tone and I prepare for what is to come, "we are done. Emmanuella doesn't want you, I don't want you," she pauses, "no woman wants you."
The door to Chi's room closes behind me, I hop into her bed and pull the covers over my head. My phone starts ringing, I want to ignore it but I also want to be sure Ifunaya has gotten home safe. I groan when I see the caller, a fake smile plastered on my face as I clear my throat, it will be hard to fool her.
"Have you seen her?" Chi asks once I pick, I mutter a barely audible response. I saw her, then we broke up and now I want to be left alone. Love doesn't conquer all. "What's wrong with your voice? Where's she?"
"She's resting," I nod to what she says, "I am tired. I had a long day so I'll call you later."