Catherine
Giving up does not always mean you are weak. Sometimes it just means you are strong enough to let go.
Was that a quote or something? It sounded familiar. Wait… That was a line in one of Taylor Swift song. How did I think of that? I never listened to her songs.
That was true actually. I gave up because I thought that was the right thing to do. How was I supposed to compete with six years and an entire childhood?
I was a detective. It was part of our training to not give up until we resolve a case. I trained and compete and have a purple belt in karate until 11th grade. I learned not to give up until you put your opponent down.
So, I really could not say that I gave up because I was too weak for a competition or what not. That would be too shallow.
I let Vincent go because I wanted him to have a life. To have his life back with Alex where he believed he could be a doctor again. Don't get me wrong. I knew how it feels to have something or someone taken away from you. He loved helping people. He loved Alex. And since he had the hope to have those two important things again, he grabbed it. So, I understood. It was painful but yes, I understood. So, let us not blame him. Okay, maybe, a little.
Besides, we never even admitted we liked each other. For the past months that we hanged out, I somehow felt I was important to him though. I mean, he had been there for me for the past ten years. Even just in the shadows. You would not do that if the person means nothing to you, right? And the things he had done for me… He saved my life several times which I was endlessly thankful for. The times when we were together, helping me with my cases. The ballerina, Iris' sisters, Tommy Holt and even saved Evan. It was just for nothing then?
If he wanted to be with Alex, why just now? He could have done that right after he came back from Afghanistan. Okay. He was scared that she might not understand or she might not accept him. What was the difference after ten years? Would she understand and accept Vincent this time after she knew the truth?
I told you it was complicated. Or maybe I was the only one who liked him and he was not since he chose Alex. He already made his decision. He wanted to be with Alex. So… okay.
Did I sound like I was defending him? Defending what he had done to me?
I just did not want to feel anger anymore especially hatred. I was hurt, really hurt. Badly hurt. But that was different from anger and hatred, right?
I never had done this before. I used to be the one who got away. I always was. But this time, I was the one who was left behind.
It had been a week since I embarrassed myself. Since I told him I wanted him to be mine. It had been a week since the last time I saw him. But, no regrets. I took my chances. I let go. Let me move on.