lyssophobia ~ fear of going mad or insane.
✶
Outfit
We sat in the diner and ate as Jahil treated us to lunch. We watch our video someone recorded with us singing.
"We killed this." Star smiles and nodded before sitting the iPad down. I smirked and put another piece of fruit into my mouth
"I put my balls on the line for Y'all," Jahil says taking a bite out of his food. "Took a big chance, so now Y'all better start listening to me."
I gave him a look and rolled my eyes making Simone smirk at my face.
He wipes his face, "Cause' I'm gonna manage Y'all." I gave a small smile at him.
"You booked us at a house party, Jahil. It's not like you got us meeting some record executives." Alexandra says.
"Cold Blooded." Simone laughs at her.
I scoff, "Girl, you always got something to say. Just be thankful we're even getting somewhere." I take a sip of my water. "Let the man talk." Alex shrugs knowing my comment was right.
"There's a big music festival coming here to Atlanta, and it's got a Honda stage and it's the perfect venue for me to introduce you to the world." He smirks at us before sipping his drink.
"So book us." Star shrugs like it's the easiest thing in the world.
"It's steps to this, "He responds to her. "There's a radio contest, you have to submit a demo and the deadline is in two days." Jahil looks at Alex. "You ready for that little girl."
"Yes," Alex nods, "The question is do you have enough money?" I choke on my water when she says that. She petty as hell. "Better yet, do you know how expensive-"
I can tell Jahil was getting tired of her attitude. "Oh I know how much they cost, I already booked a studio. Why don't you just worry about the music."
"Faith, Ms. Atheist." Star jokes. "Faith."
Alex attitude was gonna be the death of me. I promise you.
"Child, Bye." Alex then gets up. "Look, I'm about to go see Derek."
I freeze and Simone looks at me. "You okay?" She mouths. The rest of the table was mainly focused on who Derek even was so I took a deep swallow and nod.
"I think I'm gonna go to." I hesitantly get up hurrying past Alex.
"Winter," I heard Simone call out but ignored her and continued down the street.
✶
I sat in my room once again writing music quietly. I got a bunch of text from Simone to check up on me. I wasn't really responding to no one. I was debating rather or not to go see Emmanuel. He told me he had a class at the dance studio we were in. I wanted to do a surprise visit to see how things are up there.
I needed something to spark some inspiration for my next songs. I started thinking about some of my past.
✶
I watched as the man continues to jump Demarcus. I screamed at the top my lungs to stop, then I started to think about something. I see Demarcus bag fell off, so I quickly ran over to pick it up. I grabbed the pistol and held it up. I let off two shots to see, I missed the first one but the second one pierced one of the boys' shoulders.
My heart was beating out my chest, the gun was still shaking in my hand. "That psycho bitch just shot me." The boy screamed falling against the fall. His friends were trying to calm him down, not even worried about Demarcus.
With the distraction, Demarcus jumped up and grabbed his book bag and my hand. He yanked us down the street running at the speed of light.
We then stop in an alley. "You saved me." He breathes down. I was still in shock, the gun was still glued to my hand.
"Gimme this," He says snatching it out of my hand and placing it back in his bag.
"I know you were trying to be the sweet and loving person you are, but DO NOT ever do nothing stupid like that again." Demarcus cups my face and looks at me sternly. He kisses me passionately and then pulls away. He moves my hair out of my face and then started to speak to me in a panicked voice.
"I can't lose you. These streets, you not built for it. I get it who yo momma is you used to it, but with you being you. You'll get fucked up out here, and I'll go crazy if I lose you." I wasn't even paying attention to Demarcus, I was just thinking about the fact if I'm crazy or nuts for shooting that man.
✶
I laugh and jump in the hotel room with Derek. He was leaning up against the wall.
"I graduate in a couple of days," I scream and smiled at him.
"I know, and I'm proud of you." He says and gets up from the wall and reaches into the mini fridge.
"WOOOO," I scream before falling down. "No more school for meeeeeee!"
"You're excited as fuck." He laughs at me being hyper.
I just laughed crazily "I'm out of my mind right now."
"You know you're the sweetest girl I know." Derek looks at me. "You know, getting Carlotta to buy this room and all that, but you can be bat shit crazy."
✶
I angrily rip at Derek's clothes. I saw him talking to some bitch and she was flirting with him at his little activist thing. "Dirty bitch," I mumbled ripping another jacket.
"Bro, what the fuck?" He screamed and snatched me. "Those my clothes man."
"Nah, fuck you and yo damn clothes," I screamed at him and smacked his chest.
"You need to chill out man." Derek shakes angrily me. "Is this over that girl? I told you I want you and only you."
✶
I quickly set everything up in my room for Valentine's Day. I had on some lingerie and a pink robe. I wanted to make today about Derek instead of me because of the fact I fucked his clothes up a couple weeks ago.
Derek knocked at my door. "Sparkle? You in there?"
"Yeah, come in." I quickly mentally prepared my self for the dick I'm about to get from Mr. Lightskin Lives Matter.
"You-" He started opening the door but froze when he saw me. "Cancel the reservation?" He mumbles looking me up and down.
"You think we're gonna have time?" I smirked and walked towards him. "Because we're making tonight all about you." I leaned up and kissed him.
"Didn't you just rip my clothes, literally a couple weeks ago." He smiles into our kiss.
"Yes, that doesn't matter right now, and you'll forget about all of it when I'm done with you." I smiled and shook off my robe and pulled off his suit jacket.
"You're sweet but still a psycho." He smirks at me. I shrug with a grin.
"I try."
✶
I quickly stop thinking about the past. I've been called crazy, mad, nuts, psycho, every name in the book. Especially what happened after me and my father, and my mother. She thought I was crazy because of the things I would say about him. Everybody thought I was, everyone but Ms. Carlotta. She said my mother knew as well what was going on, so I left her. I hate her for that, and I'll never forgive her.
I've always been a sweet girl, and after what happened I tried to keep up the act but I was truly fucked up. My two biggest fears right now was being broke and going crazy.
I looked up at my laptop to see Emmanuel sent me a beat his friend made. I listened to it and tapped my pen to the beat. Then I started to form some of my situations into a song.
✶
this wasn't really a chapter, it was kind of like a fill-in on some of Winter's past and a hint to something really important happening.
Who do y'all want Winter to be with?
Winter and Derek?
Or
Winter and Emmanuel?
Or maybe
Just maybe
Winter and Demarcus?