As Jae and I walk side by side to school, I keep feeling his eyes. I feel it deep in my stomach that makes me feel like I can throw up or poop honestly. Oh my gosh, this is so bad it's making me clench my butt. Okay, I know that's too much information but it's true. Do you think he will notice that my booty cheeks are tight together? Should I unclench them?
OH MY GOSH YUNA! STOP ABOUT THE BUTTCHEEKS!
I need to like.. pop a pill or something. "So tell me." I whisper to her, trying to distract myself from my butt. "I can't because I want us to be alone." she looks at me, her eyes looking at me eagerly. "Okay." I smile. "But can you at least tell me if it's good?" I wiggle my eyebrows. "Yes." she shrieks in a whisper, I laugh and she wraps her arms around my forearm.
My mouth goes dry when I think about Jungkook again, I swiftly pretend I'm wiping my cheek on my shoulder. My eyes look at his feet then they run up his body, he's got that fucken Jell-O in his damn pants. That boy needs some more supportive underwear cause I can see that thing jiggling. That thing is like a jumping bean, why are the school slacks so thin?
You can see everything.
Oh my gosh Yuna, mop up your drool why don't you? My eyes shoot up to his face when I realize I have been looking at his snapper for too long. He has a lifted eyebrow and a smirk on his lips. Oh shit bitch, yup.. he knows I was looking at it. I was like staring that thing down and he knows. Well.. I can't help it he was putting on a little show.
Shut up Yuna! I need to seriously chill.
Then, his eyes drop and they look at my butt. I MIGHT FART! Oh my gosh, this is too much. I feel my face get so hot and I stare forward. So he was looking at my butt, right? It's so nonexistent.. okay I'm being a little mean to myself. There are some cheeks there but I wish it was a little bigger. But still, I don't know what he was looking at then.
Maybe my thighs, my thighs are pretty meaty. For the rest of the walk I try to think of other things that have nothing to do with Jungkook. When we finally get to school, Jungkook leaves to join his good looking friends. "Yuna, are you ready?" she asks me as we sit in the courtyard where everyone is hanging out until the bell rings. "Tell me." I face toward her.
She slaps her cheeks and kicks her feet. "Okay." I smile and wait for her to start. "Well, we've been talking a lot and I like him even more. He's actually very sweet and not a big douche at all." I try not to laugh, Jimin is still a douche, I don't really care what Jae says. He would have to physically show me that he's not and so far he hasn't showed me much.
He has just showed how he's sexually attracted to Jae with how he raised his hips while he was looking at her about a week ago. So he's still showing pretty slutty actions to me, and if he just wants a lil wiener time I'll punch him in the dick and really show him some wiener time. I'm just so aggressive about it because I know how he is.
"We even talked on the phone all night, it was so romantic. His voice kept giving me butterflies and I love his laugh so much it makes me toes curl." wow, I feel you. Wait, so when Jungkook and I were on the phone, so was Jimin and Jae. "That sounds pretty amazing, you talked to him all night?" She smiles wide at me, making me smile back.
I think I'm mostly smiling because I know exactly how she feels, I feel all the emotions that were in my body last night, resurface. "Have you told him how you feel?" I ask her, only to make her eyes widen. "Heavens no, he wouldn't feel the same way, obviously." I raise an eyebrow at her, "Really? If he didn't like you he would be wasting his time with you.. honestly Jae."
She slowly nods, "And if he doesn't like you, he doesn't deserve you." I tell her. "So do you think that he might?" I shrug at her question, "There can be a possibility." I think for a while, "I feel like we've had this conversation before." she purses her lips and then bites her lip, "Yes, sounds familiar." she looks down at her legs that are nicely shaved and moisturized.
"But we did talk about a lot of things when we were on the phone.", "Oh yeah? Like what?" I let her have the satisfaction of changing the subject. "Well, first he asked me if JK knows that we've been talking and I told him no. He seemed pretty happy that I didn't tell him, is that weird?" I blink at her and try to quickly process the situation.
Then I think about my own situation, "Maybe he does like you then." She looks at me confused. "What makes you think that?" she asks. "What if he thinks that if your brother knew he would get mad." She slowly nods. "That makes sense." She then smiles when I'm guessing she starts to think about something.
"You know, he told me that he likes talking to me on the phone. That he wants to talk to me more often, and that when he gets his iPhone he wants to Facetime with me." her face lights up to the idea of Jimin facetiming her. "That sounds like fun, I just hope that he doesn't try anything with you.", "Like?" She asks.
"Really Jae? I just hope that he doesn't want to see more of you if you know what I'm getting at." She wraps her arms around her chest, I can tell that she instantly feels insecure about the idea of Jimin wanting to do that. "He wouldn't." then her face looks sad. "I think he treasures his friendship with my brother way too much to ever do that to me."
I honestly pray that Jimin does, I hope he treasures Jungkook's friendship enough to not disrespect Jae in this way and treat her like a meaningless hookup.
"I hope not, just know that if he ever does anything like that to you.. I'm going to gut him like a fish." she laughs, "You care so much about me." I hug her, "Of course I do, you're like my sister." she hugs me back just as tight. When I turn my head, my eyes set on Jungkook who is staring right at me with his hands in his pockets.
He slowly grins to see my eyes on his, his hand raises and rubs the back of his neck. His head tilting to the side and his cheeks have color now. I feel my cheeks get a little hot. Jimin then slaps Jungkook's chest causing him to look away from me and I pull away from Jae. I wouldn't be able to tell her that her brother and I talked all night too, she'd hate me.
The bell rings and Jae attaches herself to my arm like a little lemur as I lead the way to the class, not wanting to get the chance to stare at Jungkook anymore. I don't want to get caught, though it's so hard not to look at him because he is like the forbidden fruit. Very tempting and probably tastes amazing.
"Do you think I'm crazy to say that I'd want him to deflower me?" I'm officially ready to dig myself a grave and bury myself right now. "What? Are you crazy?" I ask her in a harsh whisper, trying my best not to be so loud. Jungkook would kill Jimin where he- you know what.. Why don't I say it even louder?
One less fuck boy to worry about, but unfortunately my best friend likes this fuck boy so I have no choice but to spare his life. Skin me like a rabbit, tiddie fucking! She looks at me quite surprised, mad even. "Why are you so mad? I love him." My heart is officially dangling out of my ass. Like a stray hair that hides in between your cheeks in the shower. All girls get me.
"Jae.. you.. You don't actually mean that do you?" my eyebrows knit together tightly, I'm honestly concerned that she's jumped to this conclusion so quickly out of barely talking to him for a week. "I don't see why it's such a big deal.", "Because I don't want you to get hurt." we enter the class.
"It's nice that you want to take care of me but I can take care of myself, and you don't know him the way I know him." okay, I don't but I have a rough idea of the kind of guy that he is. "You both have been talking for a few days, there's still so much that you have to learn about him." her lips shut tight together, she knows I'm right.
"You're very special, and I don't want you to just give up something that is special. A moment that will be remembered for something good, not something you just hand over. He should earn it, what if he doesn't even care and he sees you as another girl he smashes during lunch?" She just stares at me, I shrug.
"If you just want to do that, then go ahead. I'm just telling you, and you don't have to listen to me." She stays quiet and the class starts. I hope she reconsiders her decision, but what I tell her can't really do much for her if she doesn't believe what I say.
**
After I had the conversation with Jae, she stayed very quiet for the rest of the day until I finally confront her at lunch. "Jae." I tell her as she takes her lunch out of her backpack. "Jae, please talk to me. I don't like this silence you're giving me for no reason. I was only truthful with you, because I want you to value yourself."
She finally looks at me, "I wouldn't hate you if you said that you wanted to let someone deflower you, I wouldn't judge you. No matter how short of a time you've talked to him, I wouldn't." She's got it all wrong. "I never judged you, I just told you what I felt about your decision. You don't even need to take my advice, you're my friend and I would never hate you."
I tell her truthfully. She licks her lips before she looks at me again and grins, "I was thinking a lot though, and you're right. I'm going to talk to him a lot more before I make an adult decision like that.", "Talk to who?" I'm sitting in my own shit. Jae and I look up at Jungkook, "No one." she says calmly somehow.
Probably because she just pissed all her fears away, he came out of nowhere.. Like herpes or crabs. Yuna.. shut the hell up. His eyebrows knit and he looks at her weird. "I uh.. Bought you both a tea since you left ours in the refrigerator at home, and I didn't want to be rude and not give Yuna one." she smiles and takes it from his hand, handing me mine.
"Thanks." Jae and I say together, which makes everything even more sus. She faces me and her skin turns red. He takes this chance to look at me with those eyes, my heart is throbbing in my throat and I don't really know whether to choke on it or swallow it.
Oop, that wasn't meant to sound dirty. Or maybe I'm the only one that thought it sounded dirty.
He then slowly smiles and walks away, "He's at his table." I lie to her even though he is half way there, flaunting his ass. Letting that thing bounce like ... pfffffft. He just walks too damn hard, okay I'll stop now. We all know he walks too hard, gravity just wants that ass on the floor. She sets her hand on her chest and lets out a breath.
"I hope he wasn't there long or I will be screwed like a nail in a wall." She looks really concerned, she should be. If Jungkook finds out, honestly both Jimin and Jae would be dead. "I'm sorry I wasn't keeping an eye out, I should've been." she shakes her head. "That's okay, we were having an important conversation and plus.. We can always tell him something else."
She tells me and I make sure that he's at his table, he is. "You're good, he's too distracted talking to his friends." NO, he's looking at me. "Okay, good. Maybe he's talking about that girl he's apparently obsessed with, and speaking of that." She opens up her tea and begins to eat her food, my mouth goes dry.
"I never told you in depth, he talked to her all night. And I only know because I was up talking to Jimin all night, but JK was super quiet, like he didn't want me to hear him. Which is okay because I didn't want him to hear me too." I force myself to open up my lunch and make it look like I'm hungry. I'm obviously not while talking about this.
"Oh?" I sip the tea that Jungkook bought. "Yeah, he seems to be getting what he wants. I guess he finally grabbed his balls and asked for her number." I clear my throat loudly and gulp down a mouthful of tea, it makes my stomach hurt. It honestly might just fall right through me. "You knew that he was going to ask her?" I set the tea on the table, gripping it a bit.
"Well, I had to force it out of him because he wouldn't tell me. I threatened to give his number to all the girls who are obsessed with him." she laughs, "Did he tell you who it was?" I bite my tongue right after.
"Nah, but he told me that he was going to tell her how he felt. I guess it went well because he stayed up so long talking to her, he must really like her if he would do that. He's a baby when it comes to going to sleep, he usually doesn't stay up late and he did for her." I feel the pit of my stomach fill with butterflies and I feel like I just want to run up to hug Jungkook.
"Wow, good for him. And it's the same thing for you because look at you with that damn mochi." she chuckles and blushes. "Yeah, I'm so happy that I can talk to him." I smile at her and she smiles back, we go back to eating. While I'm eating I look up a bit at Jungkook and he's eating his food, his damn jawline.
FUCK.
He looks up at his friends and laughs, I try my best not to smile at the sight of it. "You know, it would be really cool if one day when we have our boyfriends, we can all hang out together." she looks up at the ceiling, I can tell that she's up in daydream land. Then it's like something comes into her day dream and messed everything up, her expression changes so fast.
"Ewe." she mumbles. "But my brother can't be there, he'll ruin everything." I swallow my rice without chewing. But what if I wanted Jungkook to be my boyfriend? Now I know she won't accept him at all. She looks at me, "You wouldn't date my brother... would you?" she makes a disgusted expression.
I want to tell her that she's wrong, that she should never say that because I am the girl that Jungkook was talking to last night. That I'm the girl that Jungkook likes and I like him back, that my biggest hope is that I would be the girl under his arm. I want him to be my boyfriend, but my lips could not say the words. My mouth dares not to speak, instead I say..
"I know too much about him." I bite my tongue as I move my food around, "Good, because that would be so weird if you liked him. Like, you go over all the time. I'm pretty sure he sees you like he sees me, though he's nice to you because you didn't share a womb with us." is she sister zoning me for Jungkook?
Wow, I was right about her not wanting me to date Jungkook. It's very obvious now, and I'm happy that I followed my instincts. Bitch what instincts? I just knew this would happen, my instincts left me in the fucken dust man. "I never asked you why he was at your house." she finished up her lunch.
"My mother kind of invited him in even though I told her he should go." she chuckles. "Mothers are always like that." I nod. "And when my father got home, they both asked him so many questions before you texted him." she raises an eyebrow. "Questions?", "Yes, mostly about how he's doing in school and about your parents." she nods.
"They ought to meet up again, it's been awhile.", "yup, that's what my mother said." she smiles. "I'll have to tell my parents, I'm sure that they would love to have dinner with your parents."
"Yes, they would love it." we then both finish our lunches and she has to go to the bathroom, as always. I keep an eye out and I don't want Jungkook to show up, as if on cue he walks out by himself. I shake my head at him, but he doesn't stop. "Hey." he says coolly. "Hi." I try my best to loosen up my shoulders.
"I-", "I don't think this is a good idea." I whisper very low to him. His lips part and he freezes, his doe like eyes stare at me with a sad and confused gaze. I honestly just want to hug him and never let go, tell him we should run away together and then never look back. Only in a made up world that would be possible, I have to face reality.
"What? What? Why?" he looks sad, it honestly crushes my heart. I look at the girls bathroom and listen for Jae, I hear her washing her hands. "We just can't." I look at him as I walk closer to the bathroom, further away from him. I bite my lip, I hate that I have to hide myself and my feelings just to make my friend happy.
Just to keep her, I have to let the one thing I've always wanted in my life.. go. Jae walks out and we make our way to class, she didn't even notice Jungkook.
**
•In Last Class•
"It's finally here, the day after tomorrow is our annual trip, please make sure to have your things and passports with you. Take money and anything else that will benefit you on this trip." Mr Kim tells the class before we leave. The bell rings and we are all released, "I'm so excited! We can do our planning today." Jae tells me as she walks over to her locker on the other side of the hall.
"Yes! For sure! We should." I tell her as I turn to my locker and Jungkook he approaches my locker. I stop in my place, staring at him. He raises then drops his eyebrows, looking at my locker. I turn around and see Jae talking to Jimin, oh... I see. I then walk up to him, "Jungkook.." I whine. "Jimin is distracting her.. just.. talk to me." I look into his pretty eyes.
"I-" I look down at my hands before I try to catch my breath, he's taken it away from me. "Yuna, please.." I look up at him to the sound of my name on his lips. I guess it's a good thing we never kissed, because this would be ten million times harder to just push him away like I am. Which makes me so sad because I bet that he tastes so sweet.
"Don't let the possibility of us, be in my bratty sisters hands, I don't stand for her shit. For a long time I let her determine that, then I decided I don't have to let my life evolve around her. And that's when I told you that I like you." So he's in the position I am in right now, he's actually in the position where I want to be. Where I don't let Jae control my decisions. I'm too scared.
"Because I want you that bad, I stopped caring about what my sister wants." I feel all the blood in my face start boiling hot. "Just please don't give me up because of her." I look at his lips and my heart pounds. I can't be one of those girls that chooses a guy over her best friend, let alone her best friends brother.
But I've loved Jungkook all my life, and it's a sign that he's trying his hardest to keep me in his reach. He doesn't want me to give in to Jae's rules and wants, he wants me to go with my heart. My heart, which is him and my head which is Jae.
I don't get why I would even want to reject Jungkook when all I've ever wanted was him. Having Jungkook would make my heart feel full, but if having Jungkook means I lose my best friend.. I don't know what I can say.
The way I see it, a person can die from not having a heart but there are also heart implants so if I let Jungkook go.. I can still survive, maybe not emotionally but I can survive. And a person seriously can't survive without a brain, I mean.. I wonder how Jimin does it. Anyways, this whole conversation I'm having with myself right now doesn't make sense.
I'm just trying to help myself but I'm not doing a very good job, also this is just some fuckery. I'd go with my gut but it seems like it's not even helping me out, it wants me to seriously figure this out on my own. That it will work when I've got myself situated, which doesn't make my life any easier.
I need help. Mental and emotional help. Damn.
So badly I want to tell Jungkook that I choose him, I want him. But I don't even know what I want right now, I don't know if I can go on with this facade of hiding my feelings from my own best friend.. his sister.
"I need to get into my locker." I tell him instead and it hurts my throat to even say the blunt words that hold so much emotion. He stares at me and blinks before he moves aside. I bite my tongue as I unlock my locker and open it, from the side of my eye I see him walk away and I try my best not to cry.
As I'm looking through my jungle of a locker, I find a piece of paper that for sure isn't trash. It's nicely folded, I stare at it for a while. "Yuna! Are you ready to go??" Jae asks excitedly. "Y-Yes.. let me just grab my math book." I fold the paper a couple more times and hold it in between my fingers, I take the other textbooks I don't need out of my backpack before I grab my math book.
I close my locker and grip the note in my hand, I'm surprised to see that he is waiting for us outside. He's talking to Jimin, when we come into view Jimin looks right at me. I'm now realizing how boys are just like girls when it comes go telling their friends things. I keep my eyes forward, "Let's go.. Yuna and I have a lot to work on."
Jae pulls on Jungkook's arm. "Hold up, I'm talking to Jimin. Damn." Jungkook sounds very irritated, awe shit. This is all my fault. "Fine." she says. Jae looks at me, "Let's wait for him over here, he's all pissed about something clearly damn." she then pulls me and I don't look back at him.
"While you went to your locker, Jimin came up to me." she shrieks, so she thought it was real. But to Jimin, he probably took this opportunity to actually talk to her. He's the only distraction Jae needs, she would ignore a deadly earthquake just to look or talk to him. "I saw that." I smile at her, "What'd he say to you anyways?" I ask her.
"He told me that he's been thinking about me, and that he wants to call me tonight." she smiles. "Really? Sounds great." I wiggle my eyebrows at her. "He stood really close to me and I was praying that he would kiss me." she blushes. "That would make you the happiest wouldn't it?" she nods quickly. "A dream come true." she whispers.
Jimin and Jungkook walk over to us, "Jimin is coming over today, let's go." Jungkook only looks at Jae. Well then, he's ignoring me. He has every right to, and I don't blame him for one second. If he hates me, it's okay because I hate me too.
Forgive me Jungkook, it hurts me to not even know how to control my own feelings. I know that I want you, I know that this is what I want. But in a perfect world I can have both my friend and the boy, but I'm this world that's not possible. And that's a fact.
I hate my life, I'm so indecisive about something I shouldn't be.
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