I wake up at the hotel, with a blinding headache and red ball of anger in my chest.
Stabbing daggers of pain erupt in my head as I open my eyes and see the lights that are on.
I sit up, closing my eyes again, but my stomach aches and I lay back down.
God, this is what was standing between me and that drink. I knew there had to be something.
I rub my head in thought. I have no idea how people can be so efficient at drinking when they have to deal with this every morning after doing it.
My brain hurts even more when I think of everything that happened.. And what must have happened, but I can't seem to remember.
I remember the smell of fun, of dark eyes and a dark smile.... I remember Evan, who listened to my stories... then it gets fuzzy.
I'm laying back, hands gripping my stomach, eyes closed, when someone touches my arm.
I squint my eyes in the general direction of the tap, and see the fizzy outline of Minhyuk, looking tired and slightly annoyed, bust still Minhyuk.
"Here you go, you big tiger," Minhyuk says quietly, moderating his voice when I flinch.
I sit up extra slowly and take the glass of something and pills he passes me.
I bring it to my mouth to take the pill, but the smell awakens something nasty in my stomach and I gag, eventually just opting to swallow the pills down dry.
"What happened last night?" I ask, kicking myself for sounding like the clique high school drunk with a hangover.
Minhyuk sighs deeply and looks at me with a strange expression.
"Well, after having only three drinks, you thought it would be a good idea to dance and be free!" Minhyuk pantomimes being me, swinging around an imaginary pole.
"God, no! Please say that I didn't!" I cover my face with my hands. This is clique as it gets. I can't believe I ever volunteered to be in this situation. What a stupid hoe I am.
Minhyuk nods at me in utter seriousness.
I throw my head back on the bed, hiding my face with my arms, weak and shaking.
"Please don't say there's more," I beg him, my voice muffled.
Minhyuk sighs. God, there is more. I know it. I bet I royally fucked things up this time.
Shit! What if I did? I lift my head up in panic, looking for Wonho, and not finding him.
My stomach drops in fear.
"Minhyuk..." I start. What did I do so bad to send him away? Did I admit my feelings? Worse?
Minhyuk takes at my face, my eyes slowly filling, and gets worried.
"What's wrong, Hyungwonnnie? Are you okay?" He moves towards me, resting a hand on my thigh.
I open my mouth to tell him what I'm feeling, the grief creeping up on me, when the front door opens and Wonho and Shownu walk in, a bag each in one of their hands.
Without thinking of the consequences or my stomach, I race over to him, enveloping him in a bone breaking hug.
He freezes, probably in shock, his body very tense. I squeeze him harder, just so happy that I didn't drive him away, linking my hands together around his wide back.
Eventually he gives in and returns the hug.
"How are you feeling?" I murmurs in my ear, rubbing my back methodically.
I realize I should let go, that I'm embarrassing myself by being so clingy, but at this point, I'm so shameless. But I'd embarrassed myself so much before that a little clingy behavior is nothing.
"I'm okay! Why wouldn't I be?"
As soon as I finish the sentence, a wave of nausea hits me and I know I'm going to puke.
Please don't let me puke on him, please God, I hope you at least love me enough to save me from that!
I push him away and race towards the bathroom, barely making it before the alcohol makes a grand reappearance.
I'm shaking and weak. There is no way that I will ever do something like this again.
I'm about to try to make it up to go get a cold towel, and the forgotten drink in the bedroom, when I feel someone pull my bangs back.
"Here," I hear Wonho say lightly, worming a cold ice pack in a headband around my forehead and ears.
Wow. What an angel. Already my headache is starting to feel better.
He helps to guide my butt back against he tub, gently pushing my head between my knees.
He seems so calm and dependable and knowing, I want to fall into his arms and never leave.
He passes me a warm glass of something resembling cider, and takes a seat next to me against the tub.
"You don't have to be here, you know," I mutter weakly. Being around him when I look like shit (literally) and feel like shit (because he still likes me, even after everything) isn't something I'd really like right now.
He doesn't respond, and for some reason it makes me mad. Am I pity case to him or something?
"Seriously, Wonho. Please go."
Again, he doesn't respond. By this point, I'm kind pissed for some reason, just one of those moods where you feel nasty and need to spew nasty too for literally no reason.
I open my mouth to say as much, but I'm overcome with another round of sickness.
His hands brush back my sweaty hair out off of my cheeks.
He's being undeniably sweet, but I can't seem to see that at that moment. All I'm filled with is rage, days worth of self worth being questioned bubbling to the surface.
Why did he invite me anyways? What are we? I'm so tired of all these ambiguous situations, which may not really be ambiguous, but just a result of me feeling too much. I'm angry. I want him out.
"Go! Please!" I stress, trying to keep my stomach calm as the anger builds.
He seems taken back at my response, pulling his hands back, his eyebrows drawn in in confusion.
"I want to help you." His voice is higher than normal with emotion. Concern? I don't care. I tell myself not to care.
"I don't want you to! I feel like garbage right now, so can't you just leave?! Seeing you is making me even more sick!" I know I'm saying too much and my mouth gets a nasty taste in it's mouth with the tang of insults, but I don't have the novelty to care because I have to turn back to the toilet.
I hear him shuffle back.
"Don't you think you're being a bit harsh? I should be the one who's mad..." he trails off quietly, monotone. He almost sounds hurt, but I don't allow myself to notice or feel bad.
"Why?" I yell in response. "Because I'm such a big embarrassment? I get it, Wonho! I've spent my whole life being one!"
I close my eyes trying to push away the nasty feeling of sick with pure brainpower.
I hear Wonho get to his feet angrily, and I think he's leaving until he screams back, "Yes, Hyungwon! I'm just glad that you know! How could you be so naive?! You let that guy all over you and you didn't even know him! Who knows what kind of diseases you should have gotten if I hadn't stepped in."
How easy for him to say! The hypocrite! Like he has any right to even say anything to me! His snappy response makes me even more mad.
"Says the one who has a new girl for each day of the week! You should be more worried about yourself!"
"But I can't!" He screams, hitting a crescendo of noise. "I can't seem to stop worrying about you, not matter what you're doing!" He breaths hard, dropping his head.
I freeze. This is not what I anticipated coming out of his mouth right now and I find myself taking a quick breather to decide where he's going with this.
"I'm always worrying about you." He continues in a quieter tone. "Whether you're uncomfortable or eating well, whether people treat you well or let you be yourself..."
His voice fades away.
What.. what's going on here? I have a quick urge to vomit, but I manage to stifle it. He's saying something important, I feel it.
He looks like he is struggling for words to express himself, and I feel myself calming, a tiny pinprick in the giant beach ball that is my anger.
I stare into him. When he doesn't say anything, I prompt an answer.
"What are you saying right now, Wonho?"
He looks up at me finally.
His eyes seem so conflicted that I'm worried. What is so hard for him to tell me? My mind scrambles to think of every little thing that could be wrong, what I could've done to make him so lost.
Does he want me to leave and doesn't know how to tell me? Should I just leave to spare him the trouble of figuring out how to tell me.
After making up my mind, I look at him.
"I'll just leave," I say quietly. "It's okay. I know what you're trying to say, so you don't have to make yourself uncomfortable and say it anyways. I'll just go."
I bow slightly at him, and make my way towards the bathroom door.
Suddenly, Wonho snakes his arm around my waist in typical K-Drama fashion, and pulls me against his chest.
I'm left reeling. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? WHY IS WONHO'S HEART BEATING SO FAST?
I want to run, I want to kiss him, I want to die...
He puts his nose to mine, and before I even understand what could possibly be going on, Wonho, the one and only Wonho, kisses me.
Holy shit.